d1410 Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 Well, lots of people on this forum have brought this topic up but I still don't have the answer to my question. Here goes: I have been friends with a guy for just over a year and in the past few months have seen him in a different light. It sort of crept up on me one day. I mean, I've always enjoyed his company, we share similar interests and values...but it just never occured to me (until now) that it could be more. He dates around some but hasn't had a serious girlfriend in awhile. In the past few months, we've spent more & more time together. We always hug hello and goodbye but nothing more. we've gone to movies, dinner, concerts, etc but nothing has happened. Of course, I value his friendship very much and telling him how I feel would be a big step for me...it's starting to really affect everything in my life....mostly my concentration. Just the other night when we were out with other friends, he told me he was seeing someone else. He has mentioned this person before but she is on vacation and I suspect they haven't even gone for coffee yet. I think he told me this because he sees me getting closer to him and he doesn't want more than friendship. What should I do? is it safe to express my feelings for him now that he's "seeing" someone else...or is it in poor taste. any advice would be very helpful..thanks! d1410 Link to post Share on other sites
MercyRose Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 Well, there are only two solutions aren't there. 1. You tell him how you feel and be prepared for the consequences, i.e of being rejected. 2. You don't tell him and be prepared for the consequences, i.e of feeling hurt by his new relationships and lack of romantic interest in you. Personally I think when a man wants you he will say so. If he doesn't he either doesn't want you enough or doesn't want you at all, both of which is just not good enough. If you do tell him you have the added bonus that he may want you after all. Either way you have to resolve this so this relationship stops bringing you pain and frustration. You either need to move on together or move on alone. If you stay in this relationship as it is, it will be as though you have decided to trap yourself in misery. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 rather than telling him straight out, try to be more subtle - be more touchy, more flirty, and see how he responds. Let him make the first move, anyway, but try to provoke it. Because if you've been friends for a long time, he may simply not view you as a potential gf anymore - so a lil reminder, like sexier clothes, may turn his head a bit. good luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author d1410 Posted July 16, 2003 Author Share Posted July 16, 2003 thank you both for your suggestions, they really help! I think we are just both kinda lonely right now and we are providing each other with friendship and companionship. It doesn't always have to be sexual. Funny how I've been more intimate with him, telling him about my fears and such, without the sex. I guess it can work. I think once I meet someone else, it won't bother me that he's with another girl. I'd rather deal than lose him as a friend. I guess I'm also attracted to him because he treats me better than ANY other guy I've dated or have been friends with. Not sure if I would be missing out if I kept my lips sealed.... yes, I did try to be more flirty and touchy but we're often with other people when that happens. I guess I should just get him alone and then if nothing happens, give up. :-) thanks again, d1410 Link to post Share on other sites
Sar Posted July 18, 2003 Share Posted July 18, 2003 I deff step up how flirty you are with him and be a little more touchy feely, not just friend touchy feeling, a little more if you like. Don't take it too far as you don't wanna freak him out but just try it and see how it goes. He'll sense that things between you have changed and maybe he'll respond! Hope this helps, good luck! :-) xx Link to post Share on other sites
Patty Posted July 18, 2003 Share Posted July 18, 2003 Well,if he really wanted to be more then friends,I think he would of told you.If he doesnt then you can try asking him or telling him how you feel.Or you can wait for him to tell you,himself.I think if you waited and he told you himself, then you will treasure that moment forever.The waiting is hard,but the nice guys are worth waiting for. Good luck. Patty Link to post Share on other sites
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