Dieburning Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 This is going to be a little long, so please, bear with me. I am in DIRE need of some i-slapping and advice. We met when I was in the eleventh grade. We met through Greatestjournal.com We were in the same blog community. I noticed he was from Belgium (and I being a culture whore) immediately wanted this boy on my MSN messenger buddy list. I added him. The connection was instantaneous. We discussed everything. He stayed up late chatting with me. I guess you could say it was love at first word? We started chatting in October and by April, he "asked me out." I accepted. We would talk on the phone and chat on MSN daily. Then in May (yes an entire month later, woo-hoo!) he broke up with me. He told me that he couldn't handle it; he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend and didn't want me getting too attached to him. Needless to say, we got back together two weeks later. He came to visit me in June. I knew the moment his big ole' arms wrapped around me, this was the boy I would have to have for the rest of my life. Well, we have been through a lot of stuff. Intercontinental relationships are difficult. I only get to see him a few months out of the year. When I see him, it is only for a month...usually less. When we're together, things are amazing. When we're not together, I'm a mess. I want to TALK about marriage, about the future, but he refuses. We're too young for that he says. We're both twenty, I don't want to get married tomorrow, but jeez, can't I have the engagement ring and a promise and a date for a wedding three or four years away? April 22nd is our three year mark. I've ruined everything. I had a friend who had nowhere to go on Thanksgiving. My mom told me to invite him over. I did. He and my best friend and I hung out. There was a connection made immediately. We're both southern, love fried chicken, similar backgrounds...something about him just interested me. That's when I should have backed off. I told him I had a boyfriend...I did. I told him I planned on traveling to Belgium in January if I had the money saved up. Then I did something stupid: I fell for him AND I moved in with him. I don't have any bills other than my cell. He gave me his spare car. He pays for anything I need. I feel so taken care of. I've told my Belgian. He knows about everything. Now he is offering to buy my ticket. "Forget money," he says. "Just come to me." I'm so in love with my Belgian. However, I'm so scared of a future with him. I'm afraid of dropping everything in my life to go to Belgium...and not have a more concrete sense of commitment in our relationship. I need stability. But, I also need him.... Am I complete idiot? Please someone, give me better advice than my biased mother/friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Eilonwy Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 What...? How could you move in with this friend when you're "so in love with your Belgian"? Cannot comprehend... I feel really sorry for him. It seems to me like he really loves you (because he'd buy you the ticket and that after you moved in with another guy... anyone else would have said "bye"). And you are young. I don't think you can rightfully be mad at him for not wanting to commit yet. It's probably really scary for him! Yes, I know it would be wonderful if he made you a promise and all; I sort of wish for the same thing. But one should be realistic. I think the fact that he's willing to stay together should be reassuring enough. But seriously... don't understand why you moved in with that other guy. You mentioned stability and money. Is it just that, then? Is your situation really dire without that guy's money, or what? Link to post Share on other sites
SeraBella Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 Are you sleeping with your "friend"? What is he getting out of all of this beside the chance to support you? What you need to do is focus on what you're going to do with your life try to gain some independence. Are you in school? Do you work? Grow up. I wouldn't want to commit to marry someone who is living with someone else, either! Come on! Link to post Share on other sites
Miad's Princess Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 How can you say you LOVE your Belgian guy, but fall for and move in with someone else? I don't get it either. Do you really think you are in LOVE with any of them, to me you seem really confused. What does both guys make of this mixed up situation? To be honest I think they deserve better, especially your Belgian guy. Sorry ! Link to post Share on other sites
j_hunt_12 Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 (edited) Again, like someone else asked, are you having sex etc. with your southerner?... I will assume you are and that you two are not in an open relationship and I will be really mean to you: Yes you are a complete idiot, and so is that poor silly Belgian. I feel bad for him. But anyways, I'm guy from the south and know how charming we can be so I understand how it could happen... But I dont understand Belgium-I would break up with my foreign girl in a heartbeat if she was living with someone else... (well actually a guy friend will be living with my GF and her family for two months but that is a different and long story). I honestly don't know what Belgium is waiting for, he sounds like a sucker to me for keeping you. Anyways, that sounds like a really stupid situation you are in and what you did was really really ****y. But seriously you can only choose one guy and I think they are both suckers for sharing a lady with someone else. Ohh and as for what you should do... Choose one and stick to it. I would say Southerner, but Belgium has given you another chance for some strange reason I don't know. It's your choice. If all else fails, flip a coin and stop being so silly and selfish AND YES you are acting in a manner that is completely selfish, childish, etc. etc... Belgium has devoted three years to you... you don't love him.... If the marriage thing was really that big a problem you should have just told him and/or broken up with him....peace Southern girls just aren't what they used to be .... there is an i-slap to the face Edited April 1, 2008 by j_hunt_12 I wasn't mean enough and thought of something else to say Link to post Share on other sites
IHeartYou4ever Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 (edited) I'm loving j_hunt_12 right about now. Exactly how people should be, straightforward to the point of meanness, and straight to the point. I would take that over nice and fake any day. Edited April 1, 2008 by IHeartYou4ever Link to post Share on other sites
j_hunt_12 Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Thanks Iheartyou4ever it is fun to be a little mean sometimes... Anyways, to the OP or whatever we call them: this is the guys version of what you are doing - "well I have one girl here who I like to **** but don't want to be with although I really "love" her, and then this other girl here is the one I want to marry but I don't really love her or anything... she is just a good cook and mother and a virgin of course." There are a bunch of guys like that in the country I'm in and it makes me incredibly pissed off... it is nothing but selfish... you remind me of that but like the weird southern girl version... that is why I was so mean... peace again Link to post Share on other sites
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