wonderinwhatsup Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 I find it really hard to believe that if you truly love someone that you can ever stop loving them. Sure, things may happen and you may no longer be with that person, but I feel that if the love was real then it doesn't really die. My first love and I have been separated for a while and she has a new boyfriend. I just wonder if she ever loved me I guess. We had talked about marriage (I was 19 she was 18 at the time). I know we are young, but I can't stop feeling that this girl was my true love. Even after she got a new bf she had been trying to contact me, but I saw no point in responding as long as she has a boyfriend. So i don't know if maybe deep down she does still love me or if she ever did at all. She hasn't initiated contact in over 2 weeks so I guess she doesn't really think about me at all anymore. So what do you guys think, did she ever love me? Does she still love me a little? Link to post Share on other sites
breakup Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 I can easily relate to your situation and here is what I have learn in the past few month on this board. I often think if the words that she said really was what her heart was saying. Such as how I was her first true love and that she want to marry me, etc. The thing I have learn is that people live in the present and they say things during the moment. I believe that your ex as well as my ex meant what they say at that time but right now they heart has change. My heart has change and I no longer love her as I once did even though in some way I am still in love with her. Is kind of complicated but is like a love that will never resurface, such as if your close friend was to die. You will always love them, retain all those memories, but they won't come back. Just live your life as if she's dead. I living like that and is getting better. My g/f has move on as well with another guy so my only advice for you is to move on as well. It has been real tough but stick to NC and you'll be fine. GL. Link to post Share on other sites
motive2002 Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 I wonder about this too. Real love doesn't come with any sort of expectations or obligations... Is it possible to have real love with someone that is unconditional (outside of your family)? I'm really starting to have my doubts. Link to post Share on other sites
Chanke4252 Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 (edited) ^^Love certainly comes with expectations and obligations, those are the conditions that we are talking about. I don't know how you say you don't believe in unconditional love but then turn around and contradict that by saying that love doesn't come with expectations or obligations. Unconditional love is a pretty ridiculous idea. Even familial love has conditions. I've gotten about as close to unconditional love as I could ever imagine being, and I am definitely not in love with her anymore. People put on different faces and personalities around different people. You may be in love with one of them, but some people will frequently turn around and show you another side of themselves that you didn't know about, sometimes completely destroying the image of the person that you have loved for many years. Not a ton of fun. Love is not some mysterious magical force, it just isn't. Edited April 1, 2008 by Chanke4252 Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 The problem you're missing is time. Real love exists in a specific time, place and between two people at those moments. Time moves forwards... and things change. People change and their feelings change. Does that mean that the previous 'true' love doesn't exist...? No. It simply means that things have changed those exact points where it existed. One thing we're lucky to be blessed with as human beings is a memory... so we don't forget. When things have moved on, initially... those memories are painful and make us hurt... gradually they change, and mostly they're fond memories. Over time they dim and images and sounds are lost, and gradually only a simple 'feeling' may be left. Does it mean that true love never existed...? Or has died...? No. It simply means we moved on - as long as that person has a memory inside you some place, 'true' love doesn't die (of course, it depends on the circumstances in which it ends). Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 I wonder about this too. Real love doesn't come with any sort of expectations or obligations... Is it possible to have real love with someone that is unconditional (outside of your family)? I'm really starting to have my doubts. Absolutely. I never had it before, but I did with the ex who recently dumped me. I love him totally, unconditionally, forever. But he dumped me because I'm not a musician. I love him for exactly who he is, but he can't love me because I don't have the exact same career as his. Now that'll make ya feel worthless, lemme tell ya! Link to post Share on other sites
MalachiX Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 I think the only 100% unconditional love is that a parent simply HAS to have for a child. It's built into their DNA. All other family relationships I'm not so sure. I certainly would have a hard time continuing to love members of my family if they became KKK members and where lynching blacks and gays (extreme example but you get my point). I think Chinook hit the nail on the head in that your unconditional love existed at a certain point in time. People do change. And there was probably a point where, the person your love was, made you willing to overlook ANYTHING for them. But if they changed. If they weren't quite the same person you loved before. Then the love changes. It doesn't cheapen what you had. It just means it didn't last forever. Also, consider one more thing. You may not be ready for unconditional love. I don't know how old you are but I realize I'm not at 24 and, deep down, I knew that even when I was with my EX and very in love. I knew that, at my age and with only 2.5 years with this girl, I wasn't ready at as a person to give up everything in my life just for her. I know I'm more selfish as a person than most, but I think there's nothing wrong with deciding you can't give love that's 100% unconditional even if you really love the person you're with. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 Real love comes, real love goes, it's a reality. I know this, I have truly and deeply loved a couple of women, and they are gone now. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
loveralone Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Unconditional love is a pretty ridiculous idea. Even familial love has conditions. I've gotten about as close to unconditional love as I could ever imagine being, and I am definitely not in love with her anymore. People put on different faces and personalities around different people. Unconditional Love is a simple kind of love....way more simple than we make it out to be. I don't think that "unconditional love" means that you will never be angry with the person you love, or that you will always "like" everything about that person. True "Unconditional Love" doesn't even mean that you will always be close with, or BE with, the person you love. (Example: I get angry at my nephew when he runs in the middle of the street without looking, and I yell at him and put him on time out, but that doesn't mean that I don't LOVE him - his action and my reaction are not a "condition" of my love for him....) I believe that TRUE Unconditional Love is to love FREELY, without asking for anything in return, without limitations or restrictions, without fear of rejection or expectation of an end result (be it 'good' or 'bad' )... I know that I love my ex "unconditionally". I know it because I accept that, in order for him to be happy, he needs to move on in life. I accept that he is doing things that I wouldn't do, and that he has hurt my feelings. That doesn't mean I don't get angry about it, because TRUST, I get ANGRY! But I know I can't make him love me in a way that he doesn't, and he can't make me stop loving him in the way that I do. I have given him my love for free, there are no conditions or limitations - even if it's not always a "romantic" love. I will continue to love him as long as my heart allows me to! Unconditional love happens when you can step back and say "I will love you, even if you do not and will not love me." If you don't have that kind of love, then you are putting your own conditions on that love...that doesn't make you bad, or the love you felt at the time bad, it just means that your heart was not ready to love someone else unconditionally. Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Does Real Love Ever Die? No, it doesn't. When love 'dies', writer Anaïs Nin has a thing or two to say about how love's death can come about. I bring her up because her statement made a pretty big impression on me and I carry it around with me. Link to post Share on other sites
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