Can you tell the difference between a "genuinely good guy" and a "player"?

[Trialbyfire]

If they were inherently different, how do you explain the 'player' that found that ONE girl and settled down, or the 'nice guy' that slipped up? I'm not saying that the person that gets cheated on is at fault, but I'm trying to shed these imaginary groupings of nice guy and player.

Players rarely settle down. They either pretend to, or fool themselves into believing they can. Most often, they will fail unless they make a serious choice to change themselves by changing the strong "NEED" for external validation of who they are. In essence, they learn how to self-validate.

 

Good guys don't 'slip up'. Cheating is a conscious action. Once you make the choice, you've crossed the line of 'good guy'. If you decide to change from a cheater back to a 'good guy', you will also make that conscious choice, to do so.

[BareGoddess]

Players rarely settle down. They either pretend to, or fool themselves into believing they can. Most often, they will fail unless they make a serious choice to change themselves by changing the strong "NEED" for external validation of who they are. In essence, they learn how to self-validate.

 

Good guys don't 'slip up'. Cheating is a conscious action. Once you make the choice, you've crossed the line of 'good guy'. If you decide to change from a cheater back to a 'good guy', you will also make that conscious choice, to do so.

 

Truer words were never spoken.

[DanielMadr]

The best and quickest way to diffrentiate between the two is to see how confident he is when you first meet. Most genuinely good guys are a little shy and awkward when they first meet you. Players have no shame so they come across with lots of confidence but don't mistake that for arrogance.

 

Reason why Players are so good with women is that they are not awkward and shy. They are confident, thats what sparks attraction. Guys who are awkward and shy go home alone.

 

I repeat...only difference between a Player and other guys is: Player will bed women waiting for the One. Ordinary guy will masturbate waiting for the One.

[DanielMadr]

Players rarely settle down. They either pretend to, or fool themselves into believing they can. Most often, they will fail unless they make a serious choice to change themselves by changing the strong "NEED" for external validation of who they are. In essence, they learn how to self-validate.

 

Good guys don't 'slip up'. Cheating is a conscious action. Once you make the choice, you've crossed the line of 'good guy'. If you decide to change from a cheater back to a 'good guy', you will also make that conscious choice, to do so.

 

I agree. But Im not sure they NEED that strong validation. Some of the Players I know, dont brag and dont go for girls who adore them the most. Jerks do that.

 

I think they are just more picky than normal guys. Most of the guys settle for the first half decent girl who give them her vagina to disposal. They dont.

 

And I think a girl has to offer more to them for them to settle down.

[Trialbyfire]

I agree. But Im not sure they NEED that strong validation. Some of the Players I know, dont brag and dont go for girls who adore them the most. Jerks do that.

 

I think they are just more picky than normal guys. Most of the guys settle for the first half decent girl who give them her vagina to disposal. They dont.

 

And I think a girl has to offer more to them for them to settle down.

No girl can offer enough to a real player. Playing women is a game, which provides a player with a fix, to alleviate his neediness.

 

Player = emotional and physical vampire.

[TheFonz]

The real reason why players are successful with women and therefore continue to be players is because many women like players and don't like genuine guys. Otherwise a player couldn't exist. There's nothing worng with giving the people what they want. If there's something worng with it then that emans there's something wrong with the people.

[DanielMadr]

No girl can offer enough to a real player. Playing women is a game, which provides a player with a fix, to alleviate his neediness.

 

Player = emotional and physical vampire.

 

I agree that to be a real player takes some time and devoution which signifies he really needs it. Picking up girls is not a hobby worthy for healthy male.

 

On the other hand, I find every guy who is good in dealing with women called Player, unless he is positively castrated or gay. Only because some girl got rejected(ejected herself for the fear of being rejected) or dumped(cause she was demanding bitch) by a guy who is good with women.

[Trialbyfire]

I agree that to be a real player takes some time and devoution which signifies he really needs it. Picking up girls is not a hobby worthy for healthy male.

 

On the other hand, I find every guy who is good in dealing with women called Player, unless he is positively castrated or gay. Only because some girl got rejected(ejected herself for the fear of being rejected) or dumped(cause she was demanding bitch) by a guy who is good with women.

I won't disagree with you on the bolded phrase. The title is overused and abused.

[TheFonz]

I won't disagree with you on the bolded phrase. The title is overused and abused.

 

 

When I get accused of being a player, that's a good thing. It means the girl is interested in me.

[Trialbyfire]

When I get accused of being a player, that's a good thing. It means the girl is interested in me.

That's because you believe you are one and are flattered by the title.

[TheFonz]

I have a question for all of you.

 

Can you tell the difference between a "genuinely good guy" and a "player"?

 

Obviously the main difference is that the player goes after every girl that walks his way.

 

But I wanted to ask a hypothetical question.

 

Maybe this is mostly to the women.

 

If you never saw a "player" flirting with any other girls other than you, how can you tell if he's a "genuinely good guy" or a "player"?

 

Because I feel that the "player" emulates certain characteristics that make him seem like the perfect guy.....and it's hard to tell the difference between the 2.

 

What are your thoughts?

 

 

Back to the topic, I think this is the same dilemma that men have in spotting the female player and I posted about in the thread. How do you tell the difference between a girl being hard to get, playing hard to get, and just interested in attention and hooking you in?

[TheFonz]

That's because you believe you are one and are flattered by the title.

 

 

No it's because every time they say this, I end up getting with them. but if they say I'm a nice guy, it rarely happends, but when it does happen I don't.

[DanielMadr]

Back to the topic, I think this is the same dilemma that men have in spotting the female player and I posted about in the thread. How do you tell the difference between a girl being hard to get, playing hard to get, and just interested in attention and hooking you in?

 

...when you get over yourself - your false expectations, ego, dreams etc. And look at it like it is.

 

Good point FonZ.

 

The "wait to know for sure" is too time demanding. Put down your pink glasses - it can be done in a second.

 

Now, I can tell just watching her eyes.

[DanielMadr]

No it's because every time they say this, I end up getting with them. but if they say I'm a nice guy, it rarely happends, but when it does happen I don't.

 

When girl tells me that I know it ends. Nothing serious from her side. If she was interested she wouldnt jeopardize it with this silly question.

 

Most of the time I hear it from girls that loath guys in general.

[DanielMadr]

No it's because every time they say this, I end up getting with them. but if they say I'm a nice guy, it rarely happends, but when it does happen I don't.

 

I mean, would you ask a girl "Are you Attention Whore?" in a serious way?

[TheFonz]

I mean, would you ask a girl "Are you Attention Whore?" in a serious way?

 

 

Not usually but I find that women feel it's acceptable to accuse a guy of being a player, then hook up with him anyway. Just one of those pesky double standards.

[BareGoddess]

Back to the topic, I think this is the same dilemma that men have in spotting the female player and I posted about in the thread. How do you tell the difference between a girl being hard to get, playing hard to get, and just interested in attention and hooking you in?

 

Great question.

 

Being hard to get: Won't have sex with you right away but will be there as far as calls and emails.

 

Playing hard to get: Won't respond for awhile. Will be "busy."

 

Interested in attention only and hooking you in: Will be all over you right away, sex or no sex...could go either way...flaky, flirty with others when with you...flakes out a lot.

[DanielMadr]

Not usually but I find that women feel it's acceptable to accuse a guy of being a player, then hook up with him anyway. Just one of those pesky double standards.

 

I get disapponited by that question most of the time. I think it is rude to ask it and therefore it means I was trying to pick up rude person with no manners all that time. I probably need to change my standards. Girls are pretty cheeky this time of a year.

[TheFonz]

Great question.

 

Being hard to get: Won't have sex with you right away but will be there as far as calls and emails.

 

Playing hard to get: Won't respond for awhile. Will be "busy."

 

this sounds like eevry woman. But I think this is all pretty true. If a girl is really hard to get she wouldn't have to always be unavailable should could just rebuff an advance and change the subject.

 

Interested in attention only and hooking you in: Will be all over you right away, sex or no sex...could go either way...flaky, flirty with others when with you...flakes out a lot.

 

I think usually they never have sex or even really hang out when all they want is attention. But the flaky and flirty with others definitely applies.

[mortensorchid]

Hard to say. Time will tell whether he is a "nice guy" or a "player". Once you have recognized the difference then you act accordingly.

 

A few years ago, I met someone who I really liked. The day after we had "done the deed", he emails me and tells me he's confused and went to see his old gf that night. I was insulted beyond belief that this guy was so rude and cowardly that he would tell me something like this over email. So I walked away. He tried communicating with me later (via email and text message, NEVER A PHONE CALL!) how I could be so cold and unfeeling towards him, but he should have been a little more considerate to be less of a player and more of a nice guy. What an a-----.

[TheFonz]

PM me, mortensorchid, I wanted to tell you something secret. I don't know if I get PM's or not. I know I don't get PMS though j/k .

[FormerNiceGuy]

Back to the topic, I think this is the same dilemma that men have in spotting the female player and I posted about in the thread. How do you tell the difference between a girl being hard to get, playing hard to get, and just interested in attention and hooking you in?

 

 

 

When I think of a "player", I'm thinking of a person that will choose to sleep with as many people as he can with "game".

 

So with that in mind...

 

There's no such thing as a "female player".

 

You call them something else.

[FormerNiceGuy]

There's some really good responses here...

 

It seems the underlying theme I'm reading here...is that the player "acts" like the genuinely good man.

 

In other words, the player is not a jerk. He is affectionate to women.

But the player is not a "doormat". He is confident.

 

But the player puts a mask over his face and this mask shatters when a woman discovers his true intentions.

[Trialbyfire]

There's some really good responses here...

 

It seems the underlying theme I'm reading here...is that the player "acts" like the genuinely good man.

 

In other words, the player is not a jerk. He is affectionate to women.

But the player is not a "doormat". He is confident.

 

But the player puts a mask over his face and this mask shatters when a woman discovers his true intentions.

You're not reading the posts made by female members, if this is your synopsis of the discussion.

 

A player is a jerk because he lies and manipulates, to attain his end goal, which is usually getting into the girl's pants but also, most players, want the emotional high of being adored but in reality, won't be returning it. If anything, many players juggle multiple women, since one is insufficient validation to fuel an outsized ego and low self-esteem.

[FormerNiceGuy]

You're not reading the posts made by female members, if this is your synopsis of the discussion.

 

A player is a jerk because he lies and manipulates, to attain his end goal, which is usually getting into the girl's pants but also, most players, want the emotional high of being adored but in reality, won't be returning it. If anything, many players juggle multiple women, since one is insufficient validation to fuel an outsized ego and low self-esteem.

 

I'm saying that the player doesn't appear to be like the typical jerk or the typical nice guy.

 

for example...the constant posts about "bad boys" and "nice guys"...the player isn't exactly a "nice guy" or a "bad boy"....he seems to be the guy in between..the genuinely "good guy"...but it's a front.