rockchick87 Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 My boyfriend of a year and 3 months lied to my face the other night at his house. I was checking my email on his computer, and went into his files to play some music he had downloaded. but instead of music...i found porn. my boyfriend...is i guess what you would call...a sex addict. just not a major one. he used to look at porn all the time...watch videos...etc. this really upsetted me. it made me feel like i was not good enough for him, and that he needed more than me. i couldnt understand how i wasnt enough for him. he understood where i wuz coming from...so he agreed/promised to stop. he didnt want me to be thinkin the way i was. thinking that i wasnt good enough for him. obviously, he hadnt kept his promise. he recently got cable...so now his downloads are faster. i had a bad feeling about him getting it, because i knew that if he could download things faster, he would no longer only be downloading music. so, back to the other night (when i found out that he had been lying to me) he came downstairs a few minutes later, and i questioned him. i asked if he had been downloading all that stuff again..and he looked at me and said no. i said that i had found some on his computer, and that he should be able to at least tell me the truth...he owed me that much. but again he said it wuz his computer. he said with cable, those things tended to download themselves. well i knew this wuz bull****. he kept lying to me while even staring into my eyes. in some way...he turned the whole thing around and started yellin at me.... saying how he couldnt believe that i could not believe him and wuz calling him a liar. well he finally admitted that he did download them and that he had been doing it for the past 2 weeks. i dont know wat to do. i feel like everythin i ask about...he lies about. i dont kno if i can stay with some1 who has lied right to my face. will he change? if he can lie to my face...does that mean he does it all the time?! idk. i need some advice. im going insane.... thanks!!!! ~ Rockchick87 Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 This is a very sticky subject. Since you have been together for a while now, is this the first time he has lied? or one of the many. Use the phrase "hurt me once, shame on you. hurt me twice, shame on me" I think if this is the first time he has lied, make sure he knows where you stand, that you hate what he just did and so on.the next time he makes a big lie like this- hes gone, kick him to the curb. if this is one of the many times hes lied, cut his ass loose. i just finished dating a compulsive liar. i took way too many lies before i cut him loose. dont do what i did, respect yourself and be strong. whats his damn deal with porn?!?! jjeezzzz...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author rockchick87 Posted July 16, 2003 Author Share Posted July 16, 2003 he has lied about this before. i have caught him looking at porn twice now...and both time hes lied about it. he said he lied so that i would still love him. is that not sad? idk. i really love him. we have been together so long...i feel like hes a part of me. but can i trust him anymore?! ---rockchick87 Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 its up to you to decide if you can still trust him. you might need to show him whos boss in this situation. tell him you need a break. find if you really want him in your life, this porn obsessed dude. Link to post Share on other sites
longlegzs80 Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 But I don't deal with liars very well. I don't understand why someone can't be upfront with you instead of thinking he can get away with lying. It is good that you confronted him. I can see if he says, "yes I have been looking at porn and downloading it from the net", but he can't even do that. I would tell him what the deal is, and even ask is there something wrong with our relationship that you have to do this and bring porn into it. You need to talk to him about this. Maybe too he has fantases that he has gotten from porn stuff and wants to use them on you. If he watches porn on tv and is a definite addict, then watch it with him. It could enhance your sex life and see how things go. It too can bring up alot of questions that are listed above. If I were you and this issue goes on, you need to sit him down and talk to him. Another thing is, I don't know if you would be up to it, but making a suggestion of going to a strip club. The both of you of course, and maybe you can get pointers there, and maybe this could be enough to cut the porn crap out. I used to be a dancer, and I always admire women who can go into those kinds of clubs with their men and see what it is like. They are not bad, but there too is alot of shady stuff goign on in places like that too. What you really need to do is talk to him, maybe make suggestions that would please him, and he can do the same with you. Well, good luck to you. Keep intouch with the forum about this topic. Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 longlegs- can you inform us whats shady that goes on in strip clubs?? you have me interested now Link to post Share on other sites
Author rockchick87 Posted July 16, 2003 Author Share Posted July 16, 2003 THANKS SO MUCH!!! both of yall...we'll see how it goes. and strip clubs? this is getting interesting i'll keep yall updated on wats happening!!! thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
longlegzs80 Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 I am not very proud with what I did and knowing that I used to be a stripper. But I only did it for a month and it is done and over with. I really don't know what made me stoop so low. If anyone sees a picture of me, you would be shocked that someone who is supposedly shy could ever do that. Anyways about your quesiton, the club I worked at was very gross. I have to say I was the only women who did not look or act like white trash. But there was alot of stuff going on. Many girls did drugs, took advantage of perverted men and did stuff in the back room(VIP ROOMS), that was mentioned to me at the being as being not appropriate. I really hate myself for doing something stupid, but at college, I was wanting money. So, there you have it. Depending on the club, some clubs don't do a thing about the messed up girls that they have, but the classier places do. If I picked a better club, I would not have been surrounded by a bunch of drug addicted lossers. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 Your boyfriend has an addiction and he's not likely to change unless...a) He wants to and b) He gets professional help in doing so. I don't think that's going to happen soon. He clearly understands that continuing this practice is going to seriously jeopardize his relationship with you yet he continues. You can no longer trust him to tell you the truth. I kind of think your relationship with him is on the way out. Don't take what he is doing personally. It has nothing to do with your attractiveness. It has only to do with a serious addiction he has...an illness that needs professional treatment. What you have to decide is whether or not you want to wait for him to realize he needs help, for him to decide to get help, and for the time he takes to recover...if indeed he is able to do so. I think electing to hang around is a very big gamble of your time. Link to post Share on other sites
EmBabe23 Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 Ok sweetie first of all if you were born in 87 you are what 15 or 16, so I really dont think you need to be getting so serious with this guy i mean it is high school and you need to experience as much stuff as you can before its to late! and dont even say you are in love b/c you are not nobody can say they are in love at 15 or 16 whatever you are b/c that is just lame! Guys look at porn it is a natural thing and you sound like an old married couple which is pretty sad and pitiful it seems like you two need tiem apart like ALOT of time go date other people live a little b/c if your biggest worry is your boyfriend looking at porn than to me it seems you have NO LIFE! get one! Link to post Share on other sites
BIGdawg69 Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 yo girl, every guy looks at porn occasionally no matter if he has a gf or not. i mean a guy just sittin at his computer with nothing to do just gets a little idea of what he can do on his computer and it never goes away it pries at u until u do it. its not that ur not good enough he just has the same problem every other guy has. and he lied 2 u bcuz he wants 2 keep u and he doesnt want u to think less of him. its not really anything to worry about he still likes you just the same but he has to have that extra something, especially when its so easy to get. Link to post Share on other sites
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