xpaperxcutx Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 I sound really stupid now, but even though the guy in question stood me up after one date, I still like him... I don't know why, I thought I could get over him, but it seems like no matter how much time passes, my mind always wanders back to him. I've been trying to move on, and seriously I've tried, I never really see him anyways, we've met online. But he still talks to me when I im him, but that was a while back. I've stopped contacting him because I didn't want to lead myself on that there was anything more going on between us. I feel like I have two people battling inside of me. One side wants to talk to him again, knowing how much it'd hurt, but another side is reprimanding me for being so gullible.... I feel like I want to cry.... Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 I sound really stupid now, but even though the guy in question stood me up after one date, I still like him... I don't know why, I thought I could get over him, but it seems like no matter how much time passes, my mind always wanders back to him. I've been trying to move on, and seriously I've tried, I never really see him anyways, we've met online. But he still talks to me when I im him, but that was a while back. I've stopped contacting him because I didn't want to lead myself on that there was anything more going on between us. I feel like I have two people battling inside of me. One side wants to talk to him again, knowing how much it'd hurt, but another side is reprimanding me for being so gullible.... I feel like I want to cry.... There isn't much to say. I've been looking up some of your threads, but I don't know if you ever mentionned this guy before. It took me 9 months once to get over a guy I had dated for a week, who left me for his ex. Yet I never pined for another ex, and we were together for 3 years and madly in love. Some stories feel like they have an ending, some stories like they never truly begun. I think it's really hard to get over something when you feel you haven't been given a fair chance. But of course, the moral of the story is: he has known all along how to get in touch with you. Contacting him right now would only keep you hanging on longer. I think you should encourage a third voice in your head, one that says that those two other voices will shut up in time. These feelings are perhaps acute right now, but they soon will pass. And come back again. And pass again. Link to post Share on other sites
MoonlightLover Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Sounds as though you've built him up in your mind, idealistic what if expectations...maybe it could have been something beautiful...the way he's treated you could also seem mysterious, drawing you to him...maybe you feel the need to show him that you can be what he's looking for..prove you're good enough for him. Been there myself...too many times. Truth is, if he was good for you..he'd be at your door wanting to be with you..not standing you up and hurting you. x Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted April 3, 2008 Author Share Posted April 3, 2008 Actually Kamille, I did post something back in Feb on the dating forum. I met the guy back in Feb, we used to text everyday for two weeks, and then the week before V-day, we went on a date. Afterwards, he just got distant. I took it as a sign that he was losing interest, and alot of people told me that I should just move on. And I did. But it's gotten really hard, because I didn't even feel this way about my ex, whom I got over fairly easy since breaking up in January, and now I feel so messed up because I let a stranger get to me this hard. The worst is that I feel so useless because I let him validate me. And I've been having so many self doubts about myself in general to validate why he was so cold. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted April 3, 2008 Author Share Posted April 3, 2008 Sounds as though you've built him up in your mind, idealistic what if expectations...maybe it could have been something beautiful...the way he's treated you could also seem mysterious, drawing you to him...maybe you feel the need to show him that you can be what he's looking for..prove you're good enough for him. Been there myself...too many times. Truth is, if he was good for you..he'd be at your door wanting to be with you..not standing you up and hurting you. x I didn't really built him up, it just that I started liking him after our date, and I thought that maybe we could be something more.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted April 4, 2008 Author Share Posted April 4, 2008 I don't know whether this warrant an update or not but I just feel like ranting. So I just checked my myspace account, and I found out that he shaved his head. I wasn't stalking him, it was just that he's still on my friends list and he had posted a bulletin for all to read. So now I'm all confused about my feelings (again), because I'm kind of shocked but at the same time not appalled whatsoever, because I don't care about how he looks. I like him as a person. Worst still was I thought I was truly over him yesterday, but now there's this deep suffocation in my chest, and I know I'm reacting irrationally again. I hate being me. Link to post Share on other sites
Cov Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 Time is a great healer and in time you'll get over him and move on to someone else. I guess a lot of people have felt like you have in the past and will do in the future. Have you tried to take your mind off it by hanging out with your friends and doing the things you enjoy doing? I find that helps me when I have something on my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted April 4, 2008 Author Share Posted April 4, 2008 Thanks Cov, it's just I wished I hadn't let him get to me like he did. Hopefully I can get him out of my mind this weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 Thanks Cov, it's just I wished I hadn't let him get to me like he did. Hopefully I can get him out of my mind this weekend. I think you should stop giving yourself deadlines for being over him. Accept that this guy really got to you, but that you will get over him when you get over him. *Cue cheesy music*: getting over someone is like a waves rolling onto the beach when the tide is falling: the restlessness comes and goes, comes and goes until one day you realize you are sitting on dry sand. And please don't be so hard on yourself. Next time, instead of berating yourself, try to laugh at the situation and your emotions (gently and respectfully of course). Link to post Share on other sites
Cov Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 I wouldn't worry as it has happened to us all, and you can't help how you feel, but you can try and minimize the affects of this feelings. A good weekend out with friends to take your mind of off things. Do you have a personal journal of any kind? I have found at times that's a great way to get things off of your mind, transfering something in the mind onto paper form or interactive form is one way I deal with weight of thoughts. Even talking to someone close to you can be useful, at times I have found talking about my problems lifts weight off of my shoulder's, this won't work for everyone, but it's another tried and tested method worth utilising if you choose to. Good luck, Cov. Link to post Share on other sites
beta Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 I sound really stupid now, but even though the guy in question stood me up after one date, I still like him... I don't know why, I thought I could get over him, but it seems like no matter how much time passes, my mind always wanders back to him. I've been trying to move on, and seriously I've tried, I never really see him anyways, we've met online. But he still talks to me when I im him, but that was a while back. I've stopped contacting him because I didn't want to lead myself on that there was anything more going on between us. I feel like I have two people battling inside of me. One side wants to talk to him again, knowing how much it'd hurt, but another side is reprimanding me for being so gullible.... I feel like I want to cry.... but after one date could you really think you know him enough to want him? Maybe it's the fact that HE decided? just a suggestions... Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted April 4, 2008 Author Share Posted April 4, 2008 I think you should stop giving yourself deadlines for being over him. Accept that this guy really got to you, but that you will get over him when you get over him. *Cue cheesy music*: getting over someone is like a waves rolling onto the beach when the tide is falling: the restlessness comes and goes, comes and goes until one day you realize you are sitting on dry sand. And please don't be so hard on yourself. Next time, instead of berating yourself, try to laugh at the situation and your emotions (gently and respectfully of course). Lol thanks Kamille, you sure know how to cheer me up. I'm just really guarded about my emotions at times, but lately my outlook in life is just to have fun without emotional attachment. But having had this happen to me, I wasn't really prepared for it, so I was really upset more so than anything else. I have really huge abandonment issues, and that I tend to be the one to break off things first. Like with my ex. But having liked this guy and feeling like a backburner made me reevaluate whether anyone would really want me... Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted April 4, 2008 Author Share Posted April 4, 2008 I wouldn't worry as it has happened to us all, and you can't help how you feel, but you can try and minimize the affects of this feelings. A good weekend out with friends to take your mind of off things. Do you have a personal journal of any kind? I have found at times that's a great way to get things off of your mind, transfering something in the mind onto paper form or interactive form is one way I deal with weight of thoughts. Even talking to someone close to you can be useful, at times I have found talking about my problems lifts weight off of my shoulder's, this won't work for everyone, but it's another tried and tested method worth utilising if you choose to. Good luck, Cov. Thanks again Cov. Yes I keep a journal. Sometimes when I read back my old entries to myself, I thought about what a complete different person I am. Usually I laugh it off for my immaturity but more often than not I get sad that I was like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted April 4, 2008 Author Share Posted April 4, 2008 but after one date could you really think you know him enough to want him? Maybe it's the fact that HE decided? just a suggestions... Well at the beginning, I never really thought anything more on whether I had wanted him or not. I was just looking forward to meeting new people in general. He was really open to me and I, to him so it kind of became a mutual feeling I guess. It wasn't anything deep but I thought I really might start to like him. Before the date, I tried not to built up on too much expectation because I have a tendency to fall in love too fast. But with him, I was very timid with my feelings, I had a bit too much restraint with him. I was playful and flirty but not overly so that made it seem I came on too strong. He was the one who was a bit more hands on. Link to post Share on other sites
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