why so eager to get married?

[Woggle]

Just because a person is okay on their own doesn't mean they want to be an island unto themselves. Being okay on your own gives you the strength to walk out of a bad marriage or bad relationship when you are not being treated right but it doesn't mean you can't appreciate the positives of a good marriage.

[OpenBook]

Just because a person is okay on their own doesn't mean they want to be an island unto themselves. Being okay on your own gives you the strength to walk out of a bad marriage or bad relationship when you are not being treated right but it doesn't mean you can't appreciate the positives of a good marriage.

 

It also doesn't mean you can't appreciate the positives of that island.:D

 

I think it is true that our "society" puts pressure on people to couple up. If you're single they look at you like they're wondering what's wrong with you that you can't find somebody to love you.

 

You're always going to encounter headwind when you choose a different path from what most others choose. And the strongest wind will come from those who think they have the right and the all-knowing wisdom to tell you how you should live your life.

[LAA]

Uhh, actually, having children is a NECESSARY responsibility. If no one had children, the human race would cease to exist. I'm glad some men actually mature...or clearly we'd all be screwed.

 

If you don't want to have kids, that's quite alright....but why are you pondering why other men want children? can you name any other animal in the world where males don't procreate???

 

You sould like the laziest acehole i've ever heard...i guess it's a good thing you are raising children or putting some poor woman through a living hell.

[PinkKittyKat]

Uhh, actually, having children is a NECESSARY responsibility. If no one had children, the human race would cease to exist. I'm glad some men actually mature...or clearly we'd all be screwed.

 

If you don't want to have kids, that's quite alright....but why are you pondering why other men want children? can you name any other animal in the world where males don't procreate???

 

You sould like the laziest acehole i've ever heard...i guess it's a good thing you are raising children or putting some poor woman through a living hell.

 

Well, it's not NECESSARY for EVERYONE though. We're already overpopulated as it is.... if a few people decide they don't need to procreate we're not all going to die out!

 

When MOST people decide not to have kids, then you can start panicking.... as it is now, it's a minority...

[Trialbyfire]

There's no right or wrong about getting married or not, having children or not. If you're the type to not want marriage and/or children, for the love of God, don't do it! There are enough statistics in this world, including myself.

 

I've never been in a hurry to get married. I've been proposed to 5 times and only accepted one, where it took him several years to even get me to date him, nvm marriage. Big mistake accepting that proposal.

 

Anyways, with all this in mind, I'm in no rush to do it all over again...but...if the right guy comes along, I'm also willing to try it again. I do believe in the institution of marriage, in that it's a legal, binding commitment between two people who care deeply for each other, with the possibilities of a family, in the future. Of course, if the right guy doesn't happen along, I'm more than willing to remain unmarried. There are definite advantages to a hedonistic lifestyle.

[barefoot880]

Uhh, actually, having children is a NECESSARY responsibility. If no one had children, the human race would cease to exist. I'm glad some men actually mature...or clearly we'd all be screwed.

 

If you don't want to have kids, that's quite alright....but why are you pondering why other men want children? can you name any other animal in the world where males don't procreate???

 

You sould like the laziest acehole i've ever heard...i guess it's a good thing you are raising children or putting some poor woman through a living hell.

 

So what is it to you if the human race ceases to exist? We're all going to die anyway. How does it effect you whether or not the human race goes on?

[barefoot880]

I would agree that society tries to force feed their ideaology on singles like myself by sending the strong message "you should want to get married and start a family."

 

It's bad enough when pressure comes from family members. Just recently my mom talked about how she wants to be a grandmother. I'm going to have to sit down with her one day and respectfully tell her that is out of the question.

[Krisa]

Okay...I'll start out by saying I'm 27 never married and have no children. I can rememeber from the time I was a little girl I said I would never get married or have children... and until a few months ago that's how I felt. Last April I ended a almost 6 year relationship... when I was with my ex (or any man i ever dated) the thought of having children or getting married never entered my mind... My ex really wanted children...but I told him NEVER.

 

In October I met a man that changed all of that...something changed in me and now I'm getting married in Aug...(no arm twisting occured either, LOL)

 

I really thought I would never get married...It was last on my list...actually it wasnt even on my list. I was happy just being alone (supporting myself, living in my cottage, and going out with my friends) ... but now I'm even happier with someone to share my life with. I will say I don't think we need to get married to be happy...

[Marin]

I think it is easy to say you won't want marriage, but you haven't met a woman who made you feel that marriage would be wonderful.

things change when you meet that right person.

[sugarsoul]

Another point is this. Most people here preach that I have to be happy with myself and be content being single before I should get into a relationship with someone else let alone marriage.

 

If I have gotten to the point in my life of being content with myself then what would be the incentive for getting married? If it's true that the reasons people get married isn't because they are trying to feel complete then what is the incentive?

 

Yes I hear posters saying that they don't need to be married in order to be happy. So why get married then? If I'm suppose to be happy living alone then why get married?

 

The truth is I have not reached a point where I'm happy being alone. That's why I pursue friendships and relationships. If it is true that everyone is suppose to be content by themselves then what incentive is there to pursue even friendships? Why bother socializing with other people?

 

If I was content with myself then I would not even bother talking to anybody. So is human companionship and/or human interaction necessary for the human soul or are we suppose to just be emotionally sufficient on our own?

 

I guess some people have an opposite attitude towards that.

 

For example, if you were happy and content alone, wouldn't you want to seek a relationship to make you even more happier? think of it like a promotion even if you were happy and content with your salary, and you had an opportunity to earn even more, wouldn't you pursue it?

 

I know relationships and money are totally different things, but it's the only metaphor i can come up with right now.

 

as for myself, i never enter into a relationship to make me whole. I would say it's kind of risky (i am very sensitive and bruise emotionally like a peach) to expect a relationship to make me whole.

 

because, what if it doesn't?

 

and as for your question on:

If I was content with myself then I would not even bother talking to anybody. So is human companionship and/or human interaction necessary for the human soul or are we suppose to just be emotionally sufficient on our own?

 

check out the theory on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs on google (I use to be a psychology major hehe).

 

sorry for being totally out of topic to your original post, just thought I would share my two cents your post is very interesting and it gets a lot of people thinking!

Edited April 7, 2008 by sugarsoul

[Trialbyfire]

A promotion? That's a cute way of putting it!

 

I don't know if that's how I see it, more like a different way to live your life. It's nice to have someone who you care for deeply and who cares for you deeply, be willing to make the commitment to always be there, not because they have to, but because they want to. It's almost a primal feeling of mutual belonging.

[barefoot880]

I think it is easy to say you won't want marriage, but you haven't met a woman who made you feel that marriage would be wonderful.

things change when you meet that right person.

 

 

Not necessarily. I can meet the right woman and still talk myself into letting her get away. Actually one of my uncles did that 25 years ago. It's called commitment-phobia. I'm not sure if meeting the right person alone would cure my commitment-phobia.

 

Anyway my uncle told me this story last year about this girl he dated for a long time back in the early 80s.

 

One of my uncles was in a long term relationship with this girl for like 5 years I think. She wanted to get married and he said that he wasn't ready because he wanted to pursue a p.h.d degree to become a professor. So she broke up with him.

 

So he thought about it for awhile & then 6 months later he regret letting her get away. He tracked her down to propose to her but it was too late. She had already gotten married to someone else. To this day he still regrets letting her get away. He's still single.

 

So I suspect he let the right woman get away from him. I mean for him to still regret it 25 years later says a lot. If she wasn't the one for him then I think he would have gotten over it after 6 months.

Edited April 7, 2008 by barefoot880

[barefoot880]

I guess some people have an opposite attitude towards that.

 

For example, if you were happy and content alone, wouldn't you want to seek a relationship to make you even more happier? think of it like a promotion even if you were happy and content with your salary, and you had an opportunity to earn even more, wouldn't you pursue it?

 

I know relationships and money are totally different things, but it's the only metaphor i can come up with right now.

 

as for myself, i never enter into a relationship to make me whole. I would say it's kind of risky (i am very sensitive and bruise emotionally like a peach) to expect a relationship to make me whole.

 

because, what if it doesn't?

 

and as for your question on:

If I was content with myself then I would not even bother talking to anybody. So is human companionship and/or human interaction necessary for the human soul or are we suppose to just be emotionally sufficient on our own?

 

check out the theory on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs on google (I use to be a psychology major hehe).

 

sorry for being totally out of topic to your original post, just thought I would share my two cents your post is very interesting and it gets a lot of people thinking!

 

 

But there is a catch to getting promoted. There is more responsibility for me to take on. So if I was content with my current salary and I was offered a promotion then I would turn it down if I felt that the extra responsibility was not worth the extra pay. It just depends on my current living circumstances.

 

If I'm already living comfortably and well within my means then it's not necessary for me to accept that promotion. Why should I accept that promotion unless I'm poor? So being offered a promotion or marriage for that matter is not necessarily a blessing.

[milvushina]

My husband was single for over 5 years before we met. He was really happy. He wasn't that lonely single guy always whining about not being able to meet someone. Just because he was happy the way things were, didn't mean he was opposed to shaking things up a little. People rarely like stagnation, we wonder whether even though things are good maybe they could be better. But, it's fine to have a place of contentment and stay there, too.

 

We had a lot of fun together. That's the main reason we moved in together, we liked each other's company. I could have taken or left marriage but the level of commitment was the same to me, living together. He is more religious and traditional minded I guess. As for a child, of course it's a big responsibility but there is also a payoff. Kids are fun and cute. It is a gamble but often they grow into really neat people and friends. We both had good home lives as kids and look forward to living that again, in a way.

 

I don't know why moms always want you to get married and have babies, it's annoying.

[sugarsoul]

But there is a catch to getting promoted. There is more responsibility for me to take on. So if I was content with my current salary and I was offered a promotion then I would turn it down if I felt that the extra responsibility was not worth the extra pay. It just depends on my current living circumstances.

 

If I'm already living comfortably and well within my means then it's not necessary for me to accept that promotion. Why should I accept that promotion unless I'm poor? So being offered a promotion or marriage for that matter is not necessarily a blessing.

 

that's very true, every 'promotion' has extra responsibility, it all depends on if you believe the responsibility is worth the 'promotion'.

 

it really depends on who you meet as well. if you meet so many woman who give you extra responsibilities, heart break and burden, and the costs outweigh the benefits, you would feel there's no point in marriage. but then again, it all depends on who you meet and the experiences you have been through because not all woman cause burden and grief it's all about cost-benefit analysis on each individual (just like a promotion). hehe

 

but then again, it's really hard to find someone you feel worth your time and sacrifices. so it's understandable you feel that way.

 

like you said, even if you met the right woman, it makes you question if it's worth marriage still. so you have to be with that person for a substantial amount of time before realizing the benefits of marrying this person out weigh the costs, then marriage would be more of a consideration.

 

i feel bad being so technical about something like marriage, but instead of saying how magical it would be or how it's the natural thing to do if you are in love, why not look at it in a different perspective?

[barefoot880]

Most things in life are not black or white. There are usually gray areas. So for someone to say "If you really love the girl I'm with or if I meet the right person you can't help but want to marry them" is not necessarily true.

 

Kudos to all the men who didn't need to have their arm twisted or be threatened with ultimatiums but some of us do need that kind of motivation unfortunately.

 

Also not everyone is happy by pursuing the best of everything in life. Some of us are content with settling for what we have. There's nothing wrong with either one. I am happy with a stagnant mediocre lifestyle. I plan to live this way for the next 60 years. Others might see it as a "go nowhere" existence but I'm comfortable with it.

Edited April 8, 2008 by barefoot880

[monkey5]

Here's my opinion...

 

Ever since I was a little girl, I have always known I never want to get married or have children.

 

I believe that there are several men out there for me, however, it takes a very special one to understand my opinions on pro-creation and marriage. I would consider marrying the guy after a long engagement-why? Because I can. If he can't wait, then he isn't the right one for me.

 

A lot of my friends are getting married young, and it's really wigging me out. I may only be 20, but I have to get my kicks...I don't think I am capable of settling down...I want to travel, finish a Ph.D, live in different cities, and work a demanding job-that's just the way I am. I think getting married young and popping out kids, just because that's what society expects, is complete bull****. This is a free country, everyone is entitled to live life the way they want to.

 

Somebody mentioned that people should procreate to keep the human race from dying out...PA-LEASE...it's not going to happen for a long time. Everyone uses that excuse....and it's always the people who shouldn't be contaminating the gene pool in the first place. -I didn't intend to offend whoever wrote that, I was being hypothetical.

 

If I meet a guy who treats me right, without pressuring me to do things I have been completely upfront about in the first place...fine...I may marry him, but only after we have discussed our wants and needs.

 

my parents pull the "one day, you will have kids too" card...and it's just not happening. I doubt I will ever regret not having kids. I'm not cut out to be a parent...(not unless you count my animals)

 

that's just my 2 cents.

[Gunny376]

Most of the posters that post here I believe are under the age of thirty?

 

Me? I'm fifty, and I've been married, and lived with another for six and half years?

 

There were some good times, some good laughs, some hard times, sad times, etc?

 

But, I can tell you and I'm here to testify that its not the "Norman Rockwell" painting nor the Hallmark card its prtrayed to be in the popular media either?

 

To be honest, looking back on it all? If I'd known then what I know now? I would never have ever gotten married?

 

True as much as 50% of all first time mariage end in divorce? But what of the other 50%?

 

They vast majority of them (2/3rds ~ 37 %) stay together because of the status quo, children, finances, fears of being single again? Only 13% said they were "happliy married"

 

I'm the only single guy at where I work at? Most of the guys that I work with are in their 40's, 50's? One is married (25) and the other twenty someting is getting married next month?

 

Most of them say their not having sex, and the ones that do? Its less than 10 times a year?

 

Most of them are stressed out about money, finances, bills, in-laws. raising their grandchildren, taking care of elderly parents?

 

In my own honest personal opinion? Women generally speaking? Have less to lose from marriage than men?

[Trialbyfire]

No Gunny, I'm also over 30, 33 to be exact and also am one of the statistics. Truth be told, there's no benefit for me getting married, if you only look at it from a financial and hedonistic aspect. On the otherhand, maybe I still have a bit of impractical romance in my soul. Ah well, that will go soon too.

[Gunny376]

The simple truth of the matter is TBT? Is that men and women don't need one another as they once did? On many levels, but just to keep it simple?

 

Women once needed men as protectors ~ but now they've got the courts, the judicial system, law enforcement, and the military to protect them, (In Western civilizations)

 

Men? We've got fast food, take out, maid service, automatic washers and dryers, wrinkle free clothings and of course? Microwave Overs!

 

 

As the most recent thread of Garfield would say?

 

"We're bachelors Baby!"

[Trialbyfire]

"We're bachelors Baby!"

So true!

 

I'm all set for it because friends of mine say my place looks like a bach pad, all black, cream, white, chrome and marble.