all4love Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 (edited) The New Relationship- My present bf was my ex's classmate but they werent friends.I started chatting with him about an year ago when both of us were committed to our partners.I was really impressed by him since the very start as he was funny,cute and kind of very different.He always showered his gf with a lot of surprises even though she is studying in a different country and they hardly used to meet but I could see how much he was giving in their relationship and all those qualities in him really made an impact. Our break-ups- It was in July when he told me that his gf had dumped him and whenever we talked we felt how similar our situations were,how similarly we were treated by our partners and its kind of funny that after few days I also got dumped for no reason at all.My ex was always looking for other girls to date on all the sites that he could and that was happening from past 4-5months but I never took it that seriously. How we got close-Well both of us were sailing through the same boat and that really brought us very close.I dont know why but I could not see him in such pain,it felt like I could feel it in me since it was the same pain I had been experiencing and at times we spoke the same words at the same time.... Then there was a time when I was too much occupied in trying and trying to work on things and making my broken relationship work...there was nobody I wished to talk to and slowly I also stopped talking to this friend of mine. He proposed to me-In feb he used to send me offlines while I was away and would keep waiting for me to come..that was surprising but I never felt he was feeling that way for me and I always suppressed the lil crush I had on him.He told me how much he wanted to propose to me during nov when I stopped all contact with him.Those three days we spent in March were awesome! So much that he missed his flight and called me back to the airport.. Now there are few things that are hard for me to accept: 1. He tells me we shoulnt get too serious for each other.Few days ago he asked me if i was gettin very serious about him.I said no it was ok,nothing to worry about but he said that his gut feeling was telling him that I was.It kind of pinched me though I wasnt too senti on him.It sounded like I have to stay within a boundary and still tell him those 3 words every day.I do not get this thing. 2. one thing more is that though my heart was broken like anything in the past I still believe in love and cannot accept any conditions like that.I told him that one cannot control his feelings and I could get too serious for him in the future and blah blah.He told me whatever will happen ,will happen for good and said that we should just go with the flow. 3. Another thing is that I would never want my relationship or myself to value any lesser...and if we should restrict something because of some fear then I feel both of us should take some time healing,really getting over with our past and then think of something. Edited April 3, 2008 by all4love Link to post Share on other sites
Author all4love Posted April 3, 2008 Author Share Posted April 3, 2008 Please help me out guys!! I dont know what I actually want and if its the right thing to ib in a relationship at this moment. Link to post Share on other sites
bamagrl75 Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 You had replied to my post with a lil more info about what is going on with you and sweetie... I honestly feel for you. I wish I could give you advice, but I honestly don't think that's a good idea right now It's always easier to be on the outside looking in and understand, rather than being on the inside looking out. I don't quite understand everything that is going on with you guys and why he told you he wanted to ask you to marry him... why didn't he?? Was this during a conversation or was he really thinking about doing it? I can tell you that you do NOT need to accept if you are having any kind of doubts about him at all. If you want... write me back and fill me in a lil more. I can't promise that I'll give you the advice that your heart longs for... but I can be a friend. Hold your chin up Sweetie After 4 years of being with the same man who is quite unsure of himself (which unfortunately I've slso heard from his ex from 10 yrs ago... who sent me ugly text)... I can tell you that you do not want to be 4 years down the road feeling the same feelings your feeling right now. It's not good for you and it only hurts you. Walk away if you can... stay if you want to... just make sure you are doing what YOU feel is right in your heart. Don't just try to please him, because if you do and don't think of yourself... you will lose all site of yourself... take it from someone who knows. Smile... someone is thinking of you and hoping you feel better Link to post Share on other sites
Author all4love Posted April 3, 2008 Author Share Posted April 3, 2008 I feel you didnt get my situation.He didnt want to propose for marriage in novemeber but he had begun to like me and I just disappeared.During novemeber,I was struggling for my life,I sooo wanted my broken relationship to work and could not forget my ex.All my friends had given up on me and I was so depressed that I had stopped coming online and so for about 1month me and this friend(now bf) had no contact with each other.I had hurt him and didnt even wish him on the New Year.One New year,I heard about my ex's new gf and I cut off all contact with my ex.I tried to get my mind,life back on the track and again started to talk to my friend(present bf). Now that we are in a relationship he tells me we shouldnt get too serious and just let things go with the stride.He sometimes misses his ex gf like I miss my ex.I dont know why it can never feel like '1st love' but also with this set boundary that I shouldnt be too emotional for him and stuff,I somehow feel like giving up and question myself what 'it' is actually.Why we are together and why not jus try to get over with our pasts completely...because for me 'love' is something pure,natural and there shouldnt be any limits or judgements.Why would I be with someone who loves me but cant erase his past gf's memories... Link to post Share on other sites
bamagrl75 Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 because for me 'love' is something pure,natural and there shouldnt be any limits or judgements.Why would I be with someone who loves me but cant erase his past gf's memories... Sweetie... No one can erase their past... period. However... it should not affect the future he has with you. I completely agree with what you said about "love"!! It should be pure... natural... and NO there shouldn't be limits or judgements... not if it is real true love. But honestly... some people just don't know how to love Not in an honest way anyway. Hold on to your sanity... God knows I'm trying to hold onto mine!! Just know that there are others going through similar situations and like all my girl friends have been telling me... ONLY TIME WILL TELL Link to post Share on other sites
Author all4love Posted April 4, 2008 Author Share Posted April 4, 2008 good news!! Last night he told me the same things,same doubts and we decided to break up.lol though it could hardly be called a relationship.Iam glad our opinions are sooo similar. Link to post Share on other sites
bamagrl75 Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 good news!! Last night he told me the same things,same doubts and we decided to break up.lol though it could hardly be called a relationship.Iam glad our opinions are sooo similar. I'm not sure whether to send my condolences or my congrats Either way... I hope you are happy Lord knows.... it's what we are all searching for!! Good luck Sweetie!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author all4love Posted April 7, 2008 Author Share Posted April 7, 2008 lol..thnx but i realised I kind of love him.Two days ago he was too hurt by something which his ex had said about him to a common friend and his hatred for her grew like anything...so much that he wanted to slap her,insult her in public whenever he'd get the chance in life.I know she didnt love him the way he did also she's had too many relationships before.But for him she was the centre of his life and even after their break-up,he never stopped loving her.I really care for him but also dont wanna act like his mom or just an emotional support. So now Iam on NC and this is the 2nd day when we havent talked over phone.He asks me frequently to get a cell as my cell isnt working for many weeks(so im the one who calls often,he depends on me to hear my voice;) )and Iam gonna buy a new one as soon as I get time.I've told him Iam at my cousins' place for few days and can only call when Iam back home.I hope it works and he realises my importance big time not as a best friend but as a lover. Link to post Share on other sites
LearningToFly Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 Just be careful, it sounds like your relationship is very codependant. I hope it works out for the best! Link to post Share on other sites
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