30 Day Heartbreak

[SAD LADY]

I just joined the forum after ending a three year off and on relationship.

The details are irrelevant because I just want to get over it.

I have read NC is the best way to get yourself back, so that's my focus.

 

 

Things ended officially yesterday, after many attempts to make it work.

I tried my hardest.Only thing left to do is walk away.I am so sad

I know I need a plan, so I wanna start with doing 30 days NC. I think that's a good start.

 

Any support will be appreciated.

Thanks.

 

SL

[Walking away]

I'm on Day 10.

 

Some days are good and some days are bad.

 

Prepare for the bad days.

 

Hang tough...

 

WA

[SAD LADY]

Thanks WA...I appreciate it very much.

I am the one who ended it. Not sure if that means anything.

Like I said, I won't go into much detail but I ended it mostly

because he took me for granted a lot. I am ok right now,

but just gonna try to go day to day.

 

I am prepared for a rocky road. As I have always been

the "reliable" one in our relationship.Always there, no matter

what. So it should be interesting to see how my

perspective changes.

[Walking away]

I am the one who ended it too....

 

Don't know if it means much either, but I feel empowered knowing that I walked away instead of settling for his scraps.

 

Your situation sounds much like mine was.

 

I was the reliable one too.

 

Stay strong.

 

And I know it sucks.

 

But NC is the only way to heal. I am positive of this one thing....

[SAD LADY]

I'm trying to get my head around the fact that it's over. Once I accept that I will be ok.

I am glad you're doing so well...it must be hard for you.

I am writing out things I need to get done, to help me

through this.

I am numb right now, so kinda hard to think

[Walking away]

I'm trying to get my head around the fact that it's over. Once I accept that I will be ok.

I am glad you're doing so well...it must be hard for you.

I am writing out things I need to get done, to help me

through this.

I am numb right now, so kinda hard to think

 

But I'm not doing so hot myself.

 

I am just firm in my resolve, that's all.

 

I am having a hard time wrapping me head around this.

 

I mean, I have been told that I am the whole package. And I believe it.

 

But, for him, I was a gift that he wanted to throw away...

[SAD LADY]

But I'm not doing so hot myself.

 

I am just firm in my resolve, that's all.

 

I am having a hard time wrapping me head around this.

 

I mean, I have been told that I am the whole package. And I believe it.

 

But, for him, I was a gift that he wanted to throw away...

 

 

I am glad you're being strong WA..

I feel the same way. I always made the relationship about HIM..

now I am making this breakup about ME.

So here goes day 1...

[tealeafbud]

I'm currently going through NC. We've not had luck since we've admitted to still having feelings for each other. It is almost 24 hours of NC. I just hope she doesn't call or text me because I won't know what to do.

 

Can we all be strong and stay strong together for our own well being? Thanks so much:)

[Bobby.Roy]

I'm currently going through NC. We've not had luck since we've admitted to still having feelings for each other. It is almost 24 hours of NC. I just hope she doesn't call or text me because I won't know what to do.

 

Can we all be strong and stay strong together for our own well being? Thanks so much:)

Yes, we can be strong..My girl-friend dumped me after 8 years of being in a lovely relationship..She cheated on me, and since the past 15-20 days, it has been TOTAL NC from my side, though she keeps calling every 2-3 days, just once, probably to check on me, but i really do not care..As much as i love her, i have my self-respect and i respect her decision too and i just CANNOT be her "friend" afte such an intense relationship..

 

You can be strong as well, dont worry..

[SAD LADY]

Good luck Bobby and Tea.

 

I was wondering...from a guy's point of view...

how do you handle not talking to your ex?

Is it hard for you? I don't want to hurt my ex, but

I guess it would make me feel better knowing he this

is not so easy for him too...

 

How do guys handle these things the further it gets along?

 

Thx

[tealeafbud]

I'm sure it's different for everyone, but I'd say that from a guy's point of view, it's probably equally as difficult for us to not contact the other person.

 

How I handle not talking to her is pretty simple. Know that calling / contacting her is a sign of weakness. It won't do any good, and you'll regret it later.

 

personally, I know that it kills me every night knowing she's in the arms of another man, but I already recognize that it has nothing to do with me, and that there is nothing wrong with me. I'm valuing myself more, which I had not done previously. It helps a lot, try it out. Everyone has their own intrinsic value regardless of what the other person is doing, or thinks, or whatever.

 

Question for you: why do you think you'll hurt your ex? You need to move on with your life just like everyone else in our situation. It's very difficult, but know that it's probably equally if not more difficult for him to deal with. We all need to move on because dwelling on it won't do anyone else any good.

 

How will I handle it the further we get along? I can't tell you that right now. in time.

[SAD LADY]

Thank you Tea. I have heard men handle breakups on a different time frame than women. That women have it harder at first...get over it..but it doesn't seem to sink in for men till later. I am not generalizing..I know everyone is different.Just wondering there is any truth to it.

 

Thx

[SAD LADY]

I found this article on Google:

 

Who Handles Break-Ups Better? Posted Mon, Apr 09, 2007, 11:50 am PDT

 

89% of users found this article helpful.

Post a Comment View All 4091 Comments

 

Some relationships end with fighting. Some end with crying. Some end with sex. Some end with verbal insults (or dishes) being thrown at sound-barrier-breaking speeds. Whatever the case, break-ups can be uglier than some Dancing with the Stars performances. Let's face it: some relationships aren't meant to be, so a break-up averts a bigger disaster. So when the Love Boat hits the iceberg, who handles it better? My answer: Women. Several studies show that men experience more depression, distress, and anxiety after break-ups than women do. Men might like to come across as being tougher than overcooked steak after a breakup, but the truth is that they're actually more the consistency of jelly. Believe me-I see the letters of hundreds of men desperate for advice on how to win their ex back. Here's why some men come undone during a breakup:

 

Men Mask Their Pain

When a guy is dumped, his first reaction is: I'll show her. How he sometimes does it: With a couple pitchers and a night out with the guys. In fact, 26 percent of men say that the dumped party should get drunk with the guys after a break-up, according to a Men's Health online survey. But those beer swillers are actually in the minority: 36 percent say a guy should look at his new ex, smile, and thank her. The thing is, both of those reactions are exactly the same thing-masks for their true feelings. They can't deal with being hurt, or angry, or bummed. It's not until after they get past their initial reaction that men actually mourn the loss of the relationship. Women are more likely to cry soon after the breakup, and they're also more likely to use straight talk when ending a relationship, studies find. So women face their relationship blues head on, and get them out of their systems earlier. Many men tend to repress their reaction, so it lingers like basement mold.

 

Men Have Fewer Friends

One of the reasons why women can get over sour relationships faster than the guys they breaks up with is that women have an amazing network of people to latch on to. Research indicates that men depend on romantic relationships for emotional intimacy and social support, whereas women are more likely to turn to family and female friends to satisfy those needs. Mothers, sisters, friends, hairdressers, cabbies, whoever-the more times she tells the story about what a jerk he was, the better she's going to feel. A man, on the other hand, stays corked. Often he shrugs off a break-up with a shoulder shrug, shoots a Jager shot, and tries to convince himself that he's not upset. That is, until about six months later, at 1AM after the fourth pitcher, when he confesses to his buds that all he ever wanted is for Janelle to take him back.

 

Men Hate Starting Over

After the break-up, a man may feel an initial surge of excitement of future prospects-the women he's yet to meet. But after three, four, or two dozen dates, he realizes that it's going to take a long time to reach the level of comfort he had with his ex. Research conducted at Carnegie Mellon University suggests that women adjust better to the end of a relationship because they've already given consideration to the possibility of a break-up, whereas men are typically unprepared for it. While that sense of emotional security can't be the only reason to stay together, it also makes him realize that he was very lucky to have a woman like her. Meanwhile, she's already moved on. And perhaps the only time he lets his guard down enough to admit the emotional truth is when he's drunk dialing her. And that's too little, way too late.

 

Men Idealize the Dating Game

Many breakups are a knee-jerk reaction to what men perceive as stagnation: He's bored with the same restaurants, the same petty arguments, the repetitive sex. Once he's back on the prowl, he thinks, he'll be bedding 10s and living the high life. After the break-up, however, he quickly realizes that the singles scene isn't all champagne and half-naked strangers--it's work. Instead of the exciting bar scene, he finds that he misses the intimacy of his past relationship. Studies show that women consistently outscore men on measures of social, sexual, and intellectual intimacy--and women are often quicker than men to realize that intimacy provides the foundation of a lasting relationship, not the sexual thrills.

[Walking away]

Thank you!

 

I needed to read that!

[tealeafbud]

Thank you for that article Sad Lady. it is definitely interesting to think about. What you said earlier about how it doesn't sink in for men right away, that is very accurate in my case. It took several months to realize how much i missed her, and cared about her, even when it was I who left her.

 

Masking the pain - yes that true in my case

Fewer friends - yes, that's true in my case..she always had a good support system

 

Men Hate Starting over - not entirely. I was always pretty independent and find the journey more worthwhile than the destination. Plus I don't drink, so I could never call her in a drunken stuper LOL

 

Men Idealize the dating game - I might not be a normal guy because I have not once thought about future prospects. Right now, it's all about me and my healing process. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever meet someone who will love me as much as my ex. I'm pretty optimistic about it, but time will tell.

[SAD LADY]

Thank you so much for your honesty Tea...I hope we can help each other.

I will be here ..at least for the next 29 days..LOL.

[tealeafbud]

Thanks. Right now I am feeling really anxious. I've actually thought about calling her, but I'm trying to be strong and think about what I know I is right.

 

At this moment I desperately want to call her if only for a few minutes, to hear her voice, maybe feel something, feel feelings, but I know it won't be good. IF I do crack, I'd definitely post it, and admit it. It will just be another learning experience, but I'm going to be strong.

 

I wrote this whole list of things how I could benefit from the NC, and they're all reasonable. But just the feelings are so overwhelming that all those reasons get thrown out the window. It's pretty sad really, but I think if I can make it through these minor struggles, it will only be easier later on. Maybe we could think about it that way.

 

Hope you're doing being strong.

[Meaplus3]

I just joined the forum after ending a three year off and on relationship.

The details are irrelevant because I just want to get over it.

I have read NC is the best way to get yourself back, so that's my focus.

 

 

Things ended officially yesterday, after many attempts to make it work.

I tried my hardest.Only thing left to do is walk away.I am so sad

I know I need a plan, so I wanna start with doing 30 days NC. I think that's a good start.

 

Any support will be appreciated.

Thanks.

 

SL

 

 

Sounds like you've made a good plan. It's a major step in the right direction, so be proud of that. You can do it. Stay Strong.

 

AP:)

[sedona]

I'm trying to get my head around the fact that it's over. Once I accept that I will be ok.

Today is Day 13 of NC for me.

 

Here is what I do: I work out a lot, take a dance class, talk to my friends, post on LS, see a therapist, take melantonin to help me sleep, do the work I can and try not to feel guilty for not being able to concentrate on my research, plan some home improvement, watch "sex and the city" reruns, take care of my kids, and make plans to get away from home for a week to do some volunteer work.

 

I also cry a lot, think about why it went wrong and how it came to this, miss him terribly, wonder if he misses me and how he could just drop me like he did, hope he'll call, and hope he won't call.

 

 

Things I don't do: get in touch with him in any way, find pleasure in much of anything, try to find another man until I've gotten over this one (when will that be?!?!), truly accept that the relationship is over, experience any peace or joy.

 

I hope and expect that some of the things in both lists will change over time.

 

This is really difficult.

[SAD LADY]

Thanks for sharing Sedona....I hope things work out for you and you stay

strong...

 

I read AshBash's thread, and like her, something snapped in me one day. I just ended it in my mind. I couldn't take it any more.I gave and gave and gave..he took and took and took. So I reached my limit. After so many fights..and arguments....it took its toll on me. I just asked myself..WHY am I putting up with this crap??? We have NO kids together, we are NOT married.....I am free to date someone who can and WILL treat me the way I deserve..........so that ended it for me. I have the belief that things will get better. Just because he didn't value me, does not mean I can't value myself. I am trying to keep those thoughts in my head when I start missing him.

 

Today I feel strong.....

[tealeafbud]

I find it wonderful that you feel strong today Sad Lady. I too realized only recently that we need to value ourselves. It's so easy to tell ourselves that something is wrong with us, and blame ourselves for what went wrong. Nothing could be farther from the truth!

 

For the past few weeks, me and my ex have been struggling with the NC. What is different today is that I wanted to separate peacefully, and not like before we would either be emotional, or frustrated with the NC.

 

Today's NC, I was very peaceful and told her it was best for both of us to NC. She pretty much hung up on me, and has since tried calling me, and texting me. I am ignoring her. I'm so glad that one of us is strong.

 

Take care