Livid.

[Never_Again]

I am absolutely freaking LIVID again with him right now.

 

I just found out something that tells me that things are going absolutely fanf*ckingtastic over there and I just can't stand it.

 

I know I should be happy for them... but I am NOT.

 

I am bothered because, yes, this shows that things are hunky dory over there... but I am LIVIDbecause it takes money away from what MY CHILD SHOULD BE GETTING.

 

They are obviously spending hundreds of dollars on things that they shouldn't be. They apparently can't send more than a measly few dollars to my child, yet they can purchase other things that will end up costing them THOUSANDS of dollars over the span of a few years?????!??!??!??!?

 

HOW can he DARE to spend money on THAT and say to me they can barely afford to make ends meet?!?!?! If you could barely afford to keep your f*cking house then you wouldn't make THAT KIND OF A PURCHASE!!!!

 

F*CKING LIAR!!! LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR!!!

 

I need to speak with an attorney immediately. This is unacceptable.

 

Sorry for the rant. I have already spoken to a few of my friends/family members about this. I needed to get it out a little more, though. I can't lose my composure in front of anyone in the "real world."

 

Oh I am so livid.

 

HE WILL PAY.

[Never_Again]

Not just thousands over a few years. Let me re-phrase that.

 

Thousands of dollars PER YEAR.

 

MONEY THAT SHOULD BE GOING TO MY/HIS CHILD!!!

 

UGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

[whichwayisup]

Talk to your lawyer and hopefully the Courts will decide a fair amount he should pay you monthly for child support.

[Mino]

Hi, when you choose the path of a single parent, you also decide on raising the child from your money only. I have been a single mother for 20 years, never gotten one penny from the father. I even put my child through college, total bill for that was over 80.000, with no loans or grants. When I had my child, I didnt make all that much. But I knew I needed to make more to provide nothing but the best for her. So That was my focus. I bettered myself and went after another career. I dropped out of highschool, but got a GED, today I make around 200,000. My point is to you, focus on yourself. Any dollar you get think of it as a gift. You choose to have this child, just like I did. when they are grown like mine, your child will know, and he at the end cannot take any compliments, cause he had no part in it. Be strong, not bitter. focus on what YOU can do for the two of you. Remember, failure is not part of a single moms vocabulary:). Good Luck to you !

[Never_Again]

Hi, when you choose the path of a single parent, you also decide on raising the child from your money only. I have been a single mother for 20 years, never gotten one penny from the father. I even put my child through college, total bill for that was over 80.000, with no loans or grants. When I had my child, I didnt make all that much. But I knew I needed to make more to provide nothing but the best for her. So That was my focus. I bettered myself and went after another career. I dropped out of highschool, but got a GED, today I make around 200,000. My point is to you, focus on yourself. Any dollar you get think of it as a gift. You choose to have this child, just like I did. when they are grown like mine, your child will know, and he at the end cannot take any compliments, cause he had no part in it. Be strong, not bitter. focus on what YOU can do for the two of you. Remember, failure is not part of a single moms vocabulary:). Good Luck to you !

 

Thank you. I know, I know... I do need to let go of the bitterness. It's really hard, though, when I find out things like this.

 

I am definitely trying as hard as I can to get my degree. I am even thinking about switching what I will get my degree in so I can make more money. We'll see.

 

Thanks, again.

[Never_Again]

Talk to your lawyer and hopefully the Courts will decide a fair amount he should pay you monthly for child support.

 

That they will. It's only a matter of time.

 

It's a bit of a sticky/tricky situation, though. Might take a little longer than I would like.

[whichwayisup]

Has he told you if he wants to see his child? Be a part of your child's life?

[Never_Again]

Has he told you if he wants to see his child? Be a part of your child's life?

 

Apparently he does. But I just think his wife is pushing him. I don't think those are the true desires of his heart.

 

He will do whatever she tells him to do. He will think whatever she tells him to think. He will say whatever she tells him to say.

[bentnotbroken]

Apparently, that hasn't always been the case. I doubt she told him to have an affair and get another woman pregnant. So it is clear he is capable of thinking on his own, with one head or the other. And if she is telling him to have a relationship with his child....again you are blessed that she has that level of maturity.

[Never_Again]

Apparently, that hasn't always been the case. I doubt she told him to have an affair and get another woman pregnant. So it is clear he is capable of thinking on his own, with one head or the other. And if she is telling him to have a relationship with his child....again you are blessed that she has that level of maturity.

 

Well, she wasn't always controlling of him, I'll give you that. Or maybe she thought she was, but really wasn't.

 

And, yes, I am blessed (or, rather, my child is blessed) in that she encourages him to have a relationship with his child. I just think it's disgusting that he doesn't want to out of his own free will.

[bentnotbroken]

Well, she wasn't always controlling of him, I'll give you that. Or maybe she thought she was, but really wasn't.

 

And, yes, I am blessed (or, rather, my child is blessed) in that she encourages him to have a relationship with his child. I just think it's disgusting that he doesn't want to out of his own free will.

 

 

He has shown a digusting lack of character thus far. He might change, but I don't think you can create character, where there is none.

[mistresswchildren]

Thank you. I know, I know... I do need to let go of the bitterness. It's really hard, though, when I find out things like this.

 

I am definitely trying as hard as I can to get my degree. I am even thinking about switching what I will get my degree in so I can make more money. We'll see.

 

Thanks, again.

 

NA

I just have to give you a little support. I am in your exact situation with two kids instead of one. Give yourself some credit. I am going to school as well. It will happen for you! You will make this work. I truly believe that we are dealt only what we can handle. This is the hardest thing in the world that you will have to go through, but think of the strength that you have inside you. Many women just give up and accept the status quo. You will pull through, and there are people for you even if we aren't in "the real world.":)

[Mino]

I know its tough, I remember about 19 years ago, I had barely enough money to feed us both. He bought himself a little expensive sports car:sick: I had 3-4 jobs to make ends meet., and no car. I always wondered how he could even take his first bite to eat in the morning knowing he had not contributed one penny to his baby's food. I always said his first bite should get stuck in his throat for that !!! Today, it kinda of funny. The tables have turned. I am pretty well off, and he is pretty broke, and works just to make ends meet. funny how life works out....

[GreenEyedLady]

Garnish, garnish, garnish...

 

Drag him to court and get what's your child's fair share...

[NoIDidn't]

As a person that grew up receiving child support from my father, I understand your rant.

 

As a W and mother that could have done to me what your MM did to his W and family, I understand but wonder why what they do with their money is any of your business.

 

It could be that his W is bringing in more money and as a result they can afford more. And in that case, the court isn't going to make her pay for your child.

 

Be careful what you ask for. My mom took my dad to court so much, the CS was reduced because he was able to think of new lies and "obligations" that he had that were different from the previous time he had a pay increase.

 

I know, it sucks. I know you are venting, too. Vent away. Just wanted to share my convoluted two cents.

[Never_Again]

As a person that grew up receiving child support from my father, I understand your rant.

 

As a W and mother that could have done to me what your MM did to his W and family, I understand but wonder why what they do with their money is any of your business.

 

It could be that his W is bringing in more money and as a result they can afford more. And in that case, the court isn't going to make her pay for your child.

 

Be careful what you ask for. My mom took my dad to court so much, the CS was reduced because he was able to think of new lies and "obligations" that he had that were different from the previous time he had a pay increase.

 

I know, it sucks. I know you are venting, too. Vent away. Just wanted to share my convoluted two cents.

 

I understand what you are saying and I thank you for your opinion (and value it).

 

It is my business because he is not giving my child what is owed to him. A few sporadic dollars here and there while they go out and get things that cost thousands of dollars a year to upkeep does NOT fly with me.

 

No, I don't expect, nor want, her money. Of course not. BUT, she should be paying some of their bills, too. He shouldn't be the only one paying bills. She should be contributing to the bills and my child should get a certain percentage of HIS income, regardless of what his mortgage and bills are. She has a job and works just as much as him. He needs to be giving a percentage of his money to my son.

 

I will make sure of it. It might be later rather than sooner..... but I will make sure of it.

 

"boo hoo, we can barely afford to pay our mortage. booo hooo!" Well then maybe you should have thought about that before you made such a LARGE purchase that is going to continue to cost you thousands of dollars EVERY YEAR. Yeah, boo-f*cking-hoo.

[child_of_isis]

That's the way it goes when having a baby with a MM. They continue to build their lives with their families. Making purchases to increase their own comfort/fun/security...whatever.

 

You get the leftovers, the crumbs....if anything is left over.

 

Actually, it is kind of like the A...crumbs. So really, having MM's baby doesn't increase the status of the OW.

 

Evidently, this man is always going to put his own family first. It will be up to you to care for your child.

 

I hop OW's will read about your experience & learn from it.

[Lishy]

Do you not think you should be considering if you can deal with this until your child is 18?

 

I am not being mean here, but you have made a choice to have a baby with a perpetual liar and a cheat AND he is married to boot!

 

Can I ask why you expect any different? Why should his wife suffer and go without just because you decided to dip into her awful husband and get pregnant?

 

You and your baby will not be important in their life - They like it how it is and you will have no choice but to accept it I am afraid!

[mistresswchildren]

Do you not think you should be considering if you can deal with this until your child is 18?

 

I am not being mean here, but you have made a choice to have a baby with a perpetual liar and a cheat AND he is married to boot!

 

Can I ask why you expect any different? Why should his wife suffer and go without just because you decided to dip into her awful husband and get pregnant?

 

You and your baby will not be important in their life - They like it how it is and you will have no choice but to accept it I am afraid!

 

Did you really ask "Why should his wife suffer and go without just because..." That is possibly the most ridiculous statement I have ever read. Child support has NOTHING to do with the W. The W's income is not affected and if she has a problem with the fact that there is less money, then she can get a divorce and probably get more in the settlement.

 

Are you seriously asking NA to give up her son for adoption so that the MM's W lives more comfortably? That is INSANE. He made the choice to sleep with her and no HE has to take responsibility from at least a financial stand point if he can give nothing else. His W also made her choice. She chose to stay with a lying cheating SOB. That is on her. After the A is over, it is not the OW/OM's responsibility to make sure the W does what any sane person should. Come on now. You have to take responsibility for your actions.

 

We take responsibility for ours, it is time that the MM takes responsibility for his. The idea that he should not be held responsible for a child financially because it might strain his M more is HIS issue. He chose to strain the M in the first place knowing full well that there is ALWAYS a chance of pregnancy when people have sex. I'm just astonished. I guess anyone with an unexpected pregnancy should just give up the child for adoption and hold no one else responsible for an action that takes two people to complete. If you are not sleeping with the W's husband any longer, then you have ended the affair. That is all that the OW/OM can do. We cannot take back what happened (and believe me a lot of us wish that we could).

 

What would have us do? Take the blame for EVERYTHING? I'm sorry but we are not responsible for EVERYTHING. Unless we drugged the person to make them sleep with us, it was not just our choice. He was VERY involved here.

[Owl]

It is my business because he is not giving my child what is owed to him. A few sporadic dollars here and there while they go out and get things that cost thousands of dollars a year to upkeep does NOT fly with me.

 

Is he paying you what the courts mandated for child support?

 

Has his financial situation changed significantly since that child support was originally determined? (Is he making more money now than he did then?)

[bentnotbroken]

Did you really ask "Why should his wife suffer and go without just because..." That is possibly the most ridiculous statement I have ever read. Child support has NOTHING to do with the W. The W's income is not affected and if she has a problem with the fact that there is less money, then she can get a divorce and probably get more in the settlement.

 

Are you seriously asking NA to give up her son for adoption so that the MM's W lives more comfortably? That is INSANE. He made the choice to sleep with her and no HE has to take responsibility from at least a financial stand point if he can give nothing else. His W also made her choice. She chose to stay with a lying cheating SOB. That is on her. After the A is over, it is not the OW/OM's responsibility to make sure the W does what any sane person should. Come on now. You have to take responsibility for your actions.

 

We take responsibility for ours, it is time that the MM takes responsibility for his. The idea that he should not be held responsible for a child financially because it might strain his M more is HIS issue. He chose to strain the M in the first place knowing full well that there is ALWAYS a chance of pregnancy when people have sex. I'm just astonished. I guess anyone with an unexpected pregnancy should just give up the child for adoption and hold no one else responsible for an action that takes two people to complete. If you are not sleeping with the W's husband any longer, then you have ended the affair. That is all that the OW/OM can do. We cannot take back what happened (and believe me a lot of us wish that we could).

 

What would have us do? Take the blame for EVERYTHING? I'm sorry but we are not responsible for EVERYTHING. Unless we drugged the person to make them sleep with us, it was not just our choice. He was VERY involved here.

 

 

 

Actually, the wife's income is considered community property in most states, so if a judge looks at total assests and income, that would include whatever the wife's contribution is to that. So in theory, she is probably paying some portion of support for a child that she didn't ask for or consent to. Should he pay support, absolutely. Should the ow be pissed at what is purchased within the marriage, no way. There are responisibilities on both ends. Just as women who marry and have babies with low desirable jerks, have to take on the responsibility for their poor choices and raising children with little or no financial support, so do ow who make the same choices,IMO.

[beta]

of course taking him to court requires...money!

 

good luck!

[whichwayisup]

They should just automatically take a certain amount OFF his pay cheque every month. I'm sure the Courts will arrange this to happen and if not, suggest it. Talk to your lawyer.

[Never_Again]

That's the way it goes when having a baby with a MM. They continue to build their lives with their families. Making purchases to increase their own comfort/fun/security...whatever.

 

You get the leftovers, the crumbs....if anything is left over.

 

Actually, it is kind of like the A...crumbs. So really, having MM's baby doesn't increase the status of the OW.

 

Evidently, this man is always going to put his own family first. It will be up to you to care for your child.

 

I hop OW's will read about your experience & learn from it.

 

I understand he continues to build his life with his family, and I respect that. But not when he makes such lavish purchases on something that is going to continue to cost him thousands of dollars a year (in addition to many other ridiculous purchases) when he gives my child NOTHING because he "can't afford to." He gives my son his leftovers, which is NOT right, I don't care WHAT the circumstances are.

 

I never said having a baby would increase the status of the OW and, actually, I am not sure what you meant by that.

[Never_Again]

Do you not think you should be considering if you can deal with this until your child is 18?

 

I am not being mean here, but you have made a choice to have a baby with a perpetual liar and a cheat AND he is married to boot!

 

Can I ask why you expect any different? Why should his wife suffer and go without just because you decided to dip into her awful husband and get pregnant?

 

You and your baby will not be important in their life - They like it how it is and you will have no choice but to accept it I am afraid!

 

I expect different because EVERY child, no matter how they were conceived, deserves equal financial support from both parents.

 

And by saying I just have to "accept it" just adds fuel to my fire. I REFUSE TO ACCEPT A FEW DOLLARS HERE AND THERE WHILE HE GETS OFF SCOTT FREE!!!!!! He played and now he will pay... just as I have been doing since I became pregnant. He should have been paying from the START.