Livid.

[blind_otter]

They should just automatically take a certain amount OFF his pay cheque every month. I'm sure the Courts will arrange this to happen and if not, suggest it. Talk to your lawyer.

 

They can do this - it's called garnishing his wages. If he does not get wages "on the books" then they can take is tax return money away. They can also garnish his bank account and take a percentage of his checking/savings away from him. The thing is, with bank account garnishing, he gets warning and can take all the $ out before he gets hit.

 

But this is all ONLY if there is a court order for child support.

[Never_Again]

Is he paying you what the courts mandated for child support?

 

Has his financial situation changed significantly since that child support was originally determined? (Is he making more money now than he did then?)

 

There is no mandated child support just yet. That is a work in progress.

 

His financial situation has not changed significantly since I have known him. But he does hide assets and makes his liabilities look like they are more than they really are.

[Mino]

I understand he continues to build his life with his family, and I respect that. But not when he makes such lavish purchases on something that is going to continue to cost him thousands of dollars a year (in addition to many other ridiculous purchases) when he gives my child NOTHING because he "can't afford to." He gives my son his leftovers, which is NOT right, I don't care WHAT the circumstances are.

 

I never said having a baby would increase the status of the OW and, actually, I am not sure what you meant by that.

Ok what did he buy???? curious now:confused: A boat comes to mind....

[Never_Again]

Actually, the wife's income is considered community property in most states, so if a judge looks at total assests and income, that would include whatever the wife's contribution is to that. So in theory, she is probably paying some portion of support for a child that she didn't ask for or consent to. Should he pay support, absolutely. Should the ow be pissed at what is purchased within the marriage, no way. There are responisibilities on both ends. Just as women who marry and have babies with low desirable jerks, have to take on the responsibility for their poor choices and raising children with little or no financial support, so do ow who make the same choices,IMO.

 

As far as I currently know, her income is not considered when it comes to child support. It is considered community property within their marriage, but not for my child. And I wouldn't like it to be anyway... I don't want her money.

 

And I believe I have every right to be pissed at such extravagant purchases that are made within his marriage when they LIE to me and tell me they have NO MONEY for anything extra and can barely pay their bills which is why they can only send me a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Um, I'm sorry, but a HUGE purchase that will only continue to cost thousands of dollars per year does not tell me that you are barely making it. Bullsh*t.

[whichwayisup]

They can do this - it's called garnishing his wages. If he does not get wages "on the books" then they can take is tax return money away. They can also garnish his bank account and take a percentage of his checking/savings away from him. The thing is, with bank account garnishing, he gets warning and can take all the $ out before he gets hit.

 

But this is all ONLY if there is a court order for child support.

 

Then this is what has happen.

 

I expect different because EVERY child, no matter how they were conceived, deserves equal financial support from both parents.

 

Sadly, due to the circumstances of your situation, he will pay whatever the courts decide is fair, based on his income, not his wife's. I know this sucks for you and you want more, but don't expect the "extra's" that he gives his own kids with his wife.

 

Think twice about having him in your child's life. This man is NOT a father figure, even if he is flesh and blood. Emotionally he isn't and won't be capable of giving love and affection, his actions have shown you this.

[whichwayisup]

And I believe I have every right to be pissed at such extravagant purchases that are made within his marriage when they LIE to me and tell me they have NO MONEY for anything extra and can barely pay their bills which is why they can only send me a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Um, I'm sorry, but a HUGE purchase that will only continue to cost thousands of dollars per year does not tell me that you are barely making it. Bullsh*t.

 

If those big purchases come out of her pocket, then unfortunately you're up the creek on this one.

[marlena]

My advice?

 

Stop being livid. Focus on your child and bringing him/her up to be a well-educated, responsible,confident, strong and happy individual. You will be rewarded manifold.

 

There is more at stake than the petty crumbs he may toss your way.

[Never_Again]

Then this is what has happen.

 

 

 

Sadly, due to the circumstances of your situation, he will pay whatever the courts decide is fair, based on his income, not his wife's. I know this sucks for you and you want more, but don't expect the "extra's" that he gives his own kids with his wife.

 

Think twice about having him in your child's life. This man is NOT a father figure, even if he is flesh and blood. Emotionally he isn't and won't be capable of giving love and affection, his actions have shown you this.

 

Let me reiterate that I do not want his wife's income. I want nothing to do with her income. He cannot afford to give his wife and kids extra if he doesn't even pay for ANYTHING for our son!!!! He WILL PAY what the courts order. And I think I am just going to have to get a high-powered attorney and charge it and then make him pay for my attorney's fees later on down the road if they are going to keep playing these games with me.

 

And I know, he is an awful father figure. I am sure he has screwed up his children within the marriage.

 

I am still figuring things out...

[Never_Again]

If those big purchases come out of her pocket, then unfortunately you're up the creek on this one.

 

No. Because she should have been contributing more to their bills rather than those purchases. Since they are married, they have an equal responsibility to pay for the mortgage and bills. If she is spending her money on lavish purchases then she is not holding up her end of what she should be contributing to bills.

 

I don't care. All I know is my child will get what he deserves and I will MAKE SURE OF IT.

[mistresswchildren]

Actually, the wife's income is considered community property in most states, so if a judge looks at total assests and income, that would include whatever the wife's contribution is to that. So in theory, she is probably paying some portion of support for a child that she didn't ask for or consent to. Should he pay support, absolutely. Should the ow be pissed at what is purchased within the marriage, no way. There are responisibilities on both ends. Just as women who marry and have babies with low desirable jerks, have to take on the responsibility for their poor choices and raising children with little or no financial support, so do ow who make the same choices,IMO.

 

Agreed about the fact that you don't really have a right to get mad about what your ex has or has not spent his money on, however, I know from experience that they do not take into context the W income. In my specific case, she could make three million a year and I would not see one penny of it. They only time it matters is when someone is in arrears and they take it from his tax return. At that point, if she filed jointly with him, THEIR money is taken into context, but that is the only time.

 

OW absolutely have to take their own responsibility for the child they created. I am not arguing that in any way. I do however feel that the MM is just as responsible for the child. It would be no different if both parties were single. The guy would still be responsible for his child (at least from a financial standpoint).

[Never_Again]

My advice?

 

Stop being livid. Focus on your child and bringing him/her up to be a well-educated, responsible,confident, strong and happy individual. You will be rewarded manifold.

 

There is more at stake than the petty crumbs he may toss your way.

 

My child is extremely intelligent and I am raising him to have those qualities you just mentioned. Just because I get on here and rant and rave about my frustrations with xmm doesn't mean anyone IRL knows that I feel this angry. Especially not my child.

 

I just tend to let it ALL out on this website...

 

Sorry, Loveshack, you are my punching bag.

[whichwayisup]

He WILL PAY what the courts order. And I think I am just going to have to get a high-powered attorney and charge it and then make him pay for my attorney's fees later on down the road if they are going to keep playing these games with me.

 

Are you sure they're playing games? I mean, how do you know about their expenses and what they're doing? Are you emailing or calling you to let you know this stuff? Just wondering...

 

This doesn't have to turn into a war. If you stay calm and cool, and rise above it, it will be easier for you and your child in the future.

 

The thing is, how are they playing games if she is the one who is encouraging him to be more involved with his child? Sorry, I don't know all the in's and out's of your situation...

[whichwayisup]

No. Because she should have been contributing more to their bills rather than those purchases. Since they are married, they have an equal responsibility to pay for the mortgage and bills. If she is spending her money on lavish purchases then she is not holding up her end of what she should be contributing to bills.

 

But that isn't any of your business...What she should and shouldn't be doing...You have no say in how she decides to spend her money. I don't mean to come off as harsh..

[Never_Again]

 

OW absolutely have to take their own responsibility for the child they created. I am not arguing that in any way. I do however feel that the MM is just as responsible for the child. It would be no different if both parties were single. The guy would still be responsible for his child (at least from a financial standpoint).

 

Exactly. I have taken full responsibility for my son. I have been providing his needs 100% except for a few small checks from xmm that helped me pay a minimum payment on my credit card that is maxed out from paying for ALL of our son's expenses!

 

Our son deserves equal financial support from both parents. In my eyes and in the court's eyes.

[Never_Again]

But that isn't any of your business...What she should and shouldn't be doing...You have no say in how she decides to spend her money. I don't mean to come off as harsh..

 

Well it is harsh. Because it is my business if she isn't contributing to their household when she makes almost as much money as him and yet he is paying all of the bills so he "doesn't have" any money to send to our son.

 

That is ridiculous.

[whichwayisup]

No. Because she should have been contributing more to their bills rather than those purchases. Since they are married, they have an equal responsibility to pay for the mortgage and bills. If she is spending her money on lavish purchases then she is not holding up her end of what she should be contributing to bills

 

But how do you know that part of her $$ isn't going into the house and their bills? Unless you are in their house, knowing for sure what the money is being spent on, I don't undestand how you can know so much. Maybe they have extra $$ from another source, inheritance or something.

[Never_Again]

But how do you know that part of her $$ isn't going into the house and their bills? Unless you are in their house, knowing for sure what the money is being spent on, I don't undestand how you can know so much. Maybe they have extra $$ from another source, inheritance or something.

 

Because she told me.

[whichwayisup]

Well it is harsh. Because it is my business if she isn't contributing to their household when she makes almost as much money as him and yet he is paying all of the bills so he "doesn't have" any money to send to our son.

 

Sorry, but how his wife spends her money is not your business. Legally standing that won't hold up in court. I understand your frustration though and you have every right to be upset...Just do this the proper way, let the lawyers hack it out and let the court decide the payment.

[mistresswchildren]

Exactly. I have taken full responsibility for my son. I have been providing his needs 100% except for a few small checks from xmm that helped me pay a minimum payment on my credit card that is maxed out from paying for ALL of our son's expenses!

 

Our son deserves equal financial support from both parents. In my eyes and in the court's eyes.

 

Trust me, it will happen. Most states do not let men get away with being deadbeat dads. Do you know if your state has a child support enforcement agency? In Illinois that is free. I had a high powered attorney at first, but the bills added up too much in the end. The State of Illinois didn't screw around though. They told him to pay up or be prepared to go to jail. If a guy is more than five grand in debt, they will have a warrant for his arrest.

 

Also, most states do place a hold on tax returns. That is what happened for me. The MM was thousands of dollars in debt, and they took it right out of his return. He wasn't happy, but it made me laugh. The only issue with that is if they file jointly you will have to wait six months for that money. It gives his W to file an injured spouse return so they cannot take her money.

[Never_Again]

Sorry, but how his wife spends her money is not your business. Legally standing that won't hold up in court. I understand your frustration though and you have every right to be upset...Just do this the proper way, let the lawyers hack it out and let the court decide the payment.

 

Oh yes it will hold up in court. Because they EACH have an equal responsibility to pay for their mortgage and bills. They will take HER income into account for what he should be paying towards their mortgage and bills.

 

Like I said, again and again, it IS my business when she is not helping with marital expenses thus making him pay for everything which makes him "unable" to give my child what is owed to him

 

When it comes to my child, he will be entitled to a percentage of what xMM makes. And xMM's liabilities will be half of his mortgage, etc.

 

I AM doing it the proper way, WWIU. I AM NOT saying I want to determine the payment. THEY will do it all for me. Trust me, I WANT them to!

[Owl]

Well, hopefully all this drama will teach him not to sleep with anyone else out side of his marriage.

[twice_shy]

I am absolutely freaking LIVID again with him right now.

 

I just found out something that tells me that things are going absolutely fanf*ckingtastic over there and I just can't stand it.

 

I know I should be happy for them... but I am NOT.

 

I am bothered because, yes, this shows that things are hunky dory over there... but I am LIVIDbecause it takes money away from what MY CHILD SHOULD BE GETTING.

 

They are obviously spending hundreds of dollars on things that they shouldn't be. They apparently can't send more than a measly few dollars to my child, yet they can purchase other things that will end up costing them THOUSANDS of dollars over the span of a few years?????!??!??!??!?

 

HOW can he DARE to spend money on THAT and say to me they can barely afford to make ends meet?!?!?! If you could barely afford to keep your f*cking house then you wouldn't make THAT KIND OF A PURCHASE!!!!

 

F*CKING LIAR!!! LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR!!!

 

Sorry, but you f#cked someone elses husband. You knew he was a liar because he is a cheater.

 

He was a liar and you didn't care.

 

 

I need to speak with an attorney immediately. This is unacceptable.

 

I agree you need to speak to an attorney because your child needs support. Your child is innocent in all this and this crap MM needs to pay for his f#ck up.

 

Having said that, it is also unacceptable for you to be playing victim here.

 

The only victims here are your child and the wife of this jerk.

 

 

Sorry for the rant. I have already spoken to a few of my friends/family members about this. I needed to get it out a little more, though. I can't lose my composure in front of anyone in the "real world."

 

Oh I am so livid.

 

HE WILL PAY.

 

And what should be your punishment in your role of screwing someone elses husband? How do you think this man's wife should do to make him AND YOU pay?

[child_of_isis]

I don't think a W is 'legally required' by law to pay half the marital bills. Or, we wouldn't have any SAHM's in this world.

 

Maybe MM & his family have made a choice. That W is to get & keep any & all monies that she works for. I have heard of that before. I think this would be a decision between H & W, & I don't see the courts interfering in that.

 

I don't think they will be contacting you, (or asking your permission) about their family decisions...whether it effects you or not.

 

That's just the way it is. I am sorry you had to find out the hard way.....but like I said before....OW gets crumbs. She gets crumbs during the A, why should it change after the A? Because of a baby? It doesn't change anything...that's what I meant when I said that having a baby doesn't change the status of the OW.

 

I understand that you think MM owes you & the baby...but I don't think MM see it this way. Most likely he sees that he owes his family.

 

Even more so after he put them through an A and an OC.

 

Oh yes it will hold up in court. Because they EACH have an equal responsibility to pay for their mortgage and bills. They will take HER income into account for what he should be paying towards their mortgage and bills.

 

Like I said, again and again, it IS my business when she is not helping with marital expenses thus making him pay for everything which makes him "unable" to give my child what is owed to him

 

When it comes to my child, he will be entitled to a percentage of what xMM makes. And xMM's liabilities will be half of his mortgage, etc.

 

I AM doing it the proper way, WWIU. I AM NOT saying I want to determine the payment. THEY will do it all for me. Trust me, I WANT them to!

[Never_Again]

Sorry, but you f#cked someone elses husband. You knew he was a liar because he is a cheater.

 

He was a liar and you didn't care.

 

 

 

 

I agree you need to speak to an attorney because your child needs support. Your child is innocent in all this and this crap MM needs to pay for his f#ck up.

 

Having said that, it is also unacceptable for you to be playing victim here.

 

The only victims here are your child and the wife of this jerk.

 

 

 

 

And what should be your punishment in your role of screwing someone elses husband? How do you think this man's wife should do to make him AND YOU pay?

 

I think I have "paid" enough, trust me.

 

I never said I was a victim. I am saying that my CHILD is a victim because he is not getting support from his father, which he should be.

[LakesideDream]

Isis, I'm curious, what would you consider a "fair" amount to be? I have never been in a situation where the court ordered a settlement or child support as my children were adults before the divorce.

 

I was lucky enough to be able to support my daughter, to the tune of about 1k a month while she went to college, and eventually got her masters. I have no idea (and don't want to think about) how much I contributed to my son's continuous and ongoing problems .. he has more problems than wheel of fortune.

 

What "should" it be? 1K, 2K, 3K a month? I'm curious.