Livid.

[PinkKittyKat]

The man has a say, WEAR A CONDOM. And if even that fails maybe this will teach men not to sleep around so much with anyone and anything that crosses their path, in terms of all the one night stands that men have. If people charished sex for more than just drunken one night stands, far less people would be born out of sheer stupidity and mistake.

 

A man always has a say, if you are going to sleep with a woman you barely know and on top of it you are not going to protect yourself UNDERSTAND that pregnancy is a very possible option. If you don't understand that you are clearly not mature enough to be having sex.

Also understand that if you get a woman pregnant you pretty much have no say in terms of whether she gets to keep it or not because ultimately it is her choice.

 

why are these concepts so darn hard for people to understand? Instead of all the whining about how unfair it all is, why not accept that this is the reality of how things ARE so what are you going to do to protect yourself?

 

It's like a woman complaining about how men get to have all the sex they want and never have to worry about getting pregnant but women can't. Whining about that will get you nowhere, it is how nature designed it either accept it or go back to get your diaper changed because clearly a person who can't accept that has not fully entered adulthood yet.

 

From, your response, I get the feeling you thought I was male..... and whining about the way males "have it"...

 

I may be wrong.

 

Earlier, I was just pointing out how I agreed with Lakeside in this thread, despite the fact I was a woman, since she assumed with a view like his, Lakeside "MUST be a man"... and then I mentioned that Never_Again's thread was no place for a huge debate on the logistics/ethics of child support, cause she needs our support....

 

 

I had a feeling this thread was gonna get emotionally charged.......

[vanilla chai]

I think everyone here knows how I feel about A, but she is in school. That means she isn't sitting around eating bon bons all day.

 

Nobody sid she was sitting at home eating bon bons. The point is she has to get a full time job and do her fair share just like she expects her mm to do his fair share.

 

The judge isn't going to give her more child support cause she chose to have a part-time job and is going to school full time.

[child_of_isis]

I think what the OP is freaked about is whereas once OW & mm schemed & planned behind W's back, now mm & W are scheming & planning behind OW's back.

 

The tables are turned and it doesn't feel so hot.

 

Or maybe she thought MM would turn into a honest human being after the baby.

 

These are the very reasons why she is not getting support. He is a lying cheat who schemes & plans behind women's backs. For his own selfish reasons, of course.

 

Just as the A was 'all about him', this is also.

[Lishy]

She cannot expect anything but deceit from this guy

 

She chose to have his baby so she will have to chose to do it by herself. He wont support her, he is not a man he is scum!

[bentnotbroken]

Nobody sid she was sitting at home eating bon bons. The point is she has to get a full time job and do her fair share just like she expects her mm to do his fair share.

 

The judge isn't going to give her more child support cause she chose to have a part-time job and is going to school full time.

 

 

 

She is trying to better herself so that she can take full responsibility. And I really don't know how I feel about this issue. I see both sides, and I am honestly torn. Thank God it isn't my situation and I don't have to agree or disagree. Which ever way God sees fit for it to go, it will.

[InLimbo2]

of course taking him to court requires...money!

 

good luck!

 

no it doesn't - every state in the US has an office of child support enforcement. You can go to any clerk of the court and ask for the paperwork and do it yourself (it's a legal right to represent yourself). Many family courts have lists of attorneys that will work pro bono (free) on child support/custody cases. And as a last resort, office of child support enforcement will do it for you and get the order, then garnish the wages.

 

In my state - the non-custodial parents' bills don't factor into it - their first and primary obligation is to the child. And in my state, the other spouse's income can't be factored into it. However, the first person to file for child support gets the biggest slice - sooo - make haste to the court!

[InLimbo2]

there are actually very few community property states in the US. and - if the wife keeps her money completely separate - ie she has her own accounts - not mingled with his - that isn't even marital asset.

 

His CS will be based soley on his income and his obligations to other CHILDREN - NOT what his bills are.

 

Yes, the husband will have less income to contribute to the household - but that is the choice the wife opted to remain with.

 

 

Actually, the wife's income is considered community property in most states, so if a judge looks at total assests and income, that would include whatever the wife's contribution is to that. So in theory, she is probably paying some portion of support for a child that she didn't ask for or consent to. Should he pay support, absolutely. Should the ow be pissed at what is purchased within the marriage, no way. There are responisibilities on both ends. Just as women who marry and have babies with low desirable jerks, have to take on the responsibility for their poor choices and raising children with little or no financial support, so do ow who make the same choices,IMO.

[InLimbo2]

you are unlikely to get attorneys fees - so don't bother running up a huge bill

 

see my other post about how to get child support without getting an attorney. the clock on it starts ticking the minute you file - so even if it takes 6 months to get before it gets to a judge - he still owes his CS for those 6 months.

 

 

Let me reiterate that I do not want his wife's income. I want nothing to do with her income. He cannot afford to give his wife and kids extra if he doesn't even pay for ANYTHING for our son!!!! He WILL PAY what the courts order. And I think I am just going to have to get a high-powered attorney and charge it and then make him pay for my attorney's fees later on down the road if they are going to keep playing these games with me.

 

And I know, he is an awful father figure. I am sure he has screwed up his children within the marriage.

 

I am still figuring things out...

[InLimbo2]

The income and liability within their marriage is NONE of your business - it's between them.

 

Your only business is a court ordered child support figure and garnishment.

 

 

No. Because she should have been contributing more to their bills rather than those purchases. Since they are married, they have an equal responsibility to pay for the mortgage and bills. If she is spending her money on lavish purchases then she is not holding up her end of what she should be contributing to bills.

 

I don't care. All I know is my child will get what he deserves and I will MAKE SURE OF IT.

[InLimbo2]

You are wrong.

 

They will consider combined gross monthly income (you and him only) and number of children - it's a grid. They will take into account he has other children to provide for most likely (sometimes they don't and it's a matter of who files for CS first).

 

They won't care about his bills or your bills - or your financial situation. In fact - they may impute a higher income to you because you could be working full time and making more money but you are voluntarily impoverished (legal term).

 

I know you are livid - but before you start making plans and seeing $$ signs - you really should know what you are talking about.

 

http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+20-108.2

 

 

You are correct.

 

However, they will take into account the fact that their household has two financial providers whereas my household only has one, me, and I am in school full-time living off of my credit cards.

[InLimbo2]

You really do have an odd sense of reality. Not sure what tv show you are getting your info from, but you are wrong.

 

Your child will be awarded a certain amount of child support. it will be garnished from his pay. If he quits or moves - and decides to hide - you're screwed and will be chasing him forever. Now doesn't sound like he's the sort so it's unlikely.

 

But the belief that if he misses a payment he goes to jail is just dreaming. Many many many non-custodial parents are hundreds, thousands, hundreds of thousands of $$ in debt of back child support payments. One of my closest friends has a court order for an arrearage of almost $10k - he ain't goin to jail - they'll make him pay it back $50 at a shot. They don't even care about it until they are about $10,000 in the hole.

 

All I know is that if he doesn't pay the child support that is ordered during the hearing on time every month, he will go to jail.

 

Alright, I'm out for the night. Thanks for letting me vent! I feel better now.

[InLimbo2]

Dreaming honey - it just don't work that way. You are in VA it says in your profile. Even if he were $5k in the hole - they *might* pick him up if he really pisses off the judge - he pays a percentage of it and he's out again.

 

My sis is a lawyer, my bro has a paralegal degree and was accepted to law school, I was 2 classes away from law school - and I've been separated/divorced and doin the custody/child support dance for the last 12 years - I know what I'm talkin about.

 

 

He will go to jail if he is consistently delinquent. Trust me. I know the law very well. Not going to go into detail here. But he will if he is ordered and consistently delinquent.

[InLimbo2]

People made that claim when they clamped down on child support scofflaws - when they'd take drivers' licenses, professional licenses, boot cars etc.

 

The reality is - the deadbeat parents (not just men) WILL find the money to get outta jail - they manage - when THEIR comfort and life is on the line. Happens all the time.

 

 

TBH I never understood the whole jailing men who don't pay child support thing. I mean, that way you'll never get your money.

[InLimbo2]

-Men have ZERO rights after a child is concieved. The man in todays society must have a vasectomy to be sure he won't be financially burdoned for 18 years for 20 minutes of sexual pleasure. There is no shared resoponsibility. Men have no "say" in the process leading up to the birth of a child. There are many, many cases where men (and women) didn't know each others names, or even where the woman was a prostiture, the child was concieved, identified by DNA, and the man was levied to pay until the childs adulthood.-

 

Well, that's a matter of biology - when you can change that, then we'll talk Men know going in that they cant' force a woman to have an abortion, or even use birth control - so it's up to them to protect themselves. Just like it's not exactly fair that only women have to go through carrying and delivering the child - but that's biology - and we're solely responsible for protecting ourselves from that.

 

-Is this "fair" ? The law clearly says it's a womans right to "choose" to become pregnant, a womans right not to become pregnant, a womans exclusive right to end a pregnancy with the morning after pill, to terminate the pregnancy with abortion until the last day of pregnancy.. Whether they know who the father is, know his name, or have been married to the father for 15 years. It does not matter what agreements were made, who made or didn't make a mistake, who lied or didn't lie. Is that "fair"? -

 

It's biology - no law can change or equalize biology.

 

As far as your questions about 'how much' - I doubt she really knows. She has a twisted perception about the law in these matters. The idea of child support is to provide the child with the same standard of living they'd have if the parents were together. It's not about how much it costs to raise the child with the essentials. IE - if Bill Gates divorced, his wife could move the kids to Appalachia and make do on mac n cheese etc - but the court would award the children enough to live in the standard they'd have if the parents were together.

[InLimbo2]

You are quite correct. However, that is the gamble you take when you marry - that your spouse could create a child support - or any other debt (boat, sports car, vacation home) - that you had nothing to do with. It's then your choice whether to live with the financial consequences of that - or leave.

 

 

Irregardless of whether or not the W pays directly towards ex marital child support, she is impacted by it as the amount which goes to pay child support is less money coming into THEIR household.

 

I fail to understand why this is such a difficult concept to get your head around.

 

the W did NOTHING yet she indeed has to pay along with her errant spouse

[InLimbo2]

You are wrong. My ex makes 3x what I make and I've never been awarded legal fees. I'm in Maryland. I know people in VA (where your profile says you are) and same thing. Especially because you can file for and receive child support without a lawyer.

 

 

First of all, let me state that I do NOT WANT their lifestyle. I think my life is much more rich and fulfilling than theirs. The only thing I want is for my son to get what is due to him. That's it. Period. Should I say it one more time?

 

And, actually, he would be required to pay for my lawyer if HE has a lawyer since he makes more than me. I am sure I know more about the law than you, trust me on this one.

[InLimbo2]

Exactly - legally she's 'voluntarily impoverished' - the judge might impute a higher income to her because she's not employed to her full earning potential.

 

 

Nobody sid she was sitting at home eating bon bons. The point is she has to get a full time job and do her fair share just like she expects her mm to do his fair share.

 

The judge isn't going to give her more child support cause she chose to have a part-time job and is going to school full time.

[InLimbo2]

The reality is - public policy is the child comes first - putting food in their mouths today takes priority over a better education/higher income later. This poster is lucky she can live on credit. For many women, they can't do that and have to work to put food on the table. As to how this relates to this poster - the judge very well may say "she's got a bachelors, she can work full time and go to school part time to earn her Masters" (that's an example, don't really know what the posters situation is)

 

 

Nobody sid she was sitting at home eating bon bons. The point is she has to get a full time job and do her fair share just like she expects her mm to do his fair share.

 

The judge isn't going to give her more child support cause she chose to have a part-time job and is going to school full time.

[child_of_isis]

I think I see what you are saying...the fact that she is working part time & schooling full time instead of visa versa, may hurt her?

 

If so, I think this is something that she should know.

 

My understanding is that MM got inside her head & convinced her not to file yet.

 

Which makes me think they are up to no good. What is this about filing first for child support? Can MM or W file?

 

The reality is - public policy is the child comes first - putting food in their mouths today takes priority over a better education/higher income later. This poster is lucky she can live on credit. For many women, they can't do that and have to work to put food on the table. As to how this relates to this poster - the judge very well may say "she's got a bachelors, she can work full time and go to school part time to earn her Masters" (that's an example, don't really know what the posters situation is)

[InLimbo2]

Yes - the judge could impute to her a reasonable income based on her earning CAPABILITY. They started that cuz deadbeats would just quit their jobs, therefore no ability to pay child support. The laws closed that loophole.

 

Having a hard time remembering what it is with married people and this situation - but if that wife was smart, she'd go and get a spousal and child support order - even if she doesn't intend to divorce him (yes I knew people who actually did this).

 

As for general information - using made up figures for simplicity sake. Say a guy has 3 children by 3 different mommas - none have a child support order. Guy makes $100,000/year

 

Momma #1 goes to CSE and files - she gets 10%/$10,000 awarded to her child based on a $100,000 income.

 

Momma #2 sees what #1 did and files - she gets 9%/$8,100 based on his now adjusted for existing CS obligations $90,000 salary. (yes - the percentage also adjusts based on income).

 

Momma #3 sees what #1 & #2 got and files - she gets 8%/$6,550 of his now adjusted for existing CS obligations $81,900 salary. (there's that percentage adjustment again)

 

And - I have heard federal law forbids CS orders totaled to be more than 50% of a non-custodial parents salary.

 

So - you see - pays to be the first one at the courthouse if you are in this situation. Birth ages have no impact - it's about who files first.

 

Just ran it through a VA State calculator - it will adjust his income for: existing spousal support orders, children living with him (his 2 with wife), existing child support orders for any other kids, health insurance, daycare etc.

 

 

 

 

I think I see what you are saying...the fact that she is working part time & schooling full time instead of visa versa, may hurt her?

 

If so, I think this is something that she should know.

 

My understanding is that MM got inside her head & convinced her not to file yet.

 

Which makes me think they are up to no good. What is this about filing first for child support? Can MM or W file?

[mistresswchildren]

Well, WHOSE choice was it to continue the pregnancy? I'm SURE it wasn't his. And he didn't really GET to be a part of that decision, now did he?

 

So yes, the one who OPTS to continue the pregnancy has bought her ticket.

 

The fact that the cheating slimeball should have kept his pants zipped goes without saying.

 

But it's the WOMAN who makes the final choice.

 

And the original poster CHOSE to be a single mother and now she's crying that MM and his wife aren't living in the poor house so she can get as much money from him as she can?

 

Jesus.

 

Okay, I'm not sure about NA's situation on the whole choice thing, but I gave my MM a choice. I told him that he could tell me to have an abortion (and I wouldn't have) and I would never ask for anything from him. I believe that men should have that choice as well. I wanted him to make that choice, and he did. He told me that he never wanted a child until I got pregnant and it was the happiest day of his life. Some MM are just that screwed up. I didn't choose to be a single mom. I chose to give all of this a shot. It didn't work out and so now he is just as responsible as I am.

[twice_shy]

I think I have "paid" enough, trust me.

 

I never said I was a victim. I am saying that my CHILD is a victim because he is not getting support from his father, which he should be.

 

Yes he should be, but from the FATHER. For you to try to get support based on his wife's income is absolutely absurd, and the courst will NOT factor that in, I guarantee.

 

If he has someone to share expenses, that is irrelevent.

[twice_shy]

No she isn't saying that. She didn't say anywhere in her post that MM's wife must give her money...What is upsetting her is the fact that MM tells her they have NO money yet his wife spends like a drunken sailer...Yet it is HER money, her own income. He has no 'extra' money to give because most of his $$ is going towards the house, the bills and the kids. Right or wrong, no court will tell MM's wife how to spend her money though..

 

Well I can see that, but she is tying all of this in to the fact that she makes money too.

 

It doesn't matter what she makes to contribute to his household bills and if he is saying he has no money left. The courts will tell him that he owes X% of his net income. No ifs ands or buts.

 

This guy can cry til the cows come home about what he has coming in and what he is paying out. He still will be owing a flat percentage based on the laws of the state.

[twice_shy]

You are pathetic for not comprehending what I am saying.

 

I do not WANT any of her money. None of it!!

 

All I want is for my son to be provided with a certain percentage of his father's income every month like he SHOULD be getting!

 

This thread keeps going in circles.

 

 

And a court WILL rule that he will pay a percentage. All the crying in the world from him won't make a bit of difference. In the end he owes what the law says he owes.

[MimiMe]

Hi, when you choose the path of a single parent, you also decide on raising the child from your money only. I have been a single mother for 20 years, never gotten one penny from the father. I even put my child through college, total bill for that was over 80.000, with no loans or grants. When I had my child, I didnt make all that much. But I knew I needed to make more to provide nothing but the best for her. So That was my focus. I bettered myself and went after another career. I dropped out of highschool, but got a GED, today I make around 200,000. My point is to you, focus on yourself. Any dollar you get think of it as a gift. You choose to have this child, just like I did. when they are grown like mine, your child will know, and he at the end cannot take any compliments, cause he had no part in it. Be strong, not bitter. focus on what YOU can do for the two of you. Remember, failure is not part of a single moms vocabulary:). Good Luck to you !

 

 

Mistresswithchildren... this is what I was talking about! Living proof right here!