Livid.

[Never_Again]

I don't think a W is 'legally required' by law to pay half the marital bills. Or, we wouldn't have any SAHM's in this world.

 

Maybe MM & his family have made a choice. That W is to get & keep any & all monies that she works for. I have heard of that before. I think this would be a decision between H & W, & I don't see the courts interfering in that.

 

I don't think they will be contacting you, (or asking your permission) about their family decisions...whether it effects you or not.

 

That's just the way it is. I am sorry you had to find out the hard way.....but like I said before....OW gets crumbs. She gets crumbs during the A, why should it change after the A? Because of a baby? It doesn't change anything...that's what I meant when I said that having a baby doesn't change the status of the OW.

 

I understand that you think MM owes you & the baby...but I don't think MM see it this way. Most likely he sees that he owes his family.

 

Even more so after he put them through an A and an OC.

 

The man has to pay a certain percentage of money for child support based on his income. All I want is for my child to get that percentage and not be cheated out like he has thus far. Call it "crumbs," call it whatever you want. But he WILL get that percentage that will be determined by the courts.

[twice_shy]

Well it is harsh. Because it is my business if she isn't contributing to their household when she makes almost as much money as him and yet he is paying all of the bills so he "doesn't have" any money to send to our son.

 

That is ridiculous.

 

no, what is ridiculous is that you think you are entitled to the money SHE makes too.

 

Sorry, it doesn't work that way. The court will take into account HIS income. Not hers.

 

Its amazing, you f##k his wife, and now you want to add insult to injury by implying you are entitled to her income too?

 

Thats freakin' pathetic.

[whichwayisup]

no, what is ridiculous is that you think you are entitled to the money SHE makes too.

 

No she isn't saying that. She didn't say anywhere in her post that MM's wife must give her money...What is upsetting her is the fact that MM tells her they have NO money yet his wife spends like a drunken sailer...Yet it is HER money, her own income. He has no 'extra' money to give because most of his $$ is going towards the house, the bills and the kids. Right or wrong, no court will tell MM's wife how to spend her money though..

[blind_otter]

The man has to pay a certain percentage of money for child support based on his income. All I want is for my child to get that percentage and not be cheated out like he has thus far. Call it "crumbs," call it whatever you want. But he WILL get that percentage that will be determined by the courts.

 

Did you not ask for child support when the child was born?

[Never_Again]

no, what is ridiculous is that you think you are entitled to the money SHE makes too.

 

Sorry, it doesn't work that way. The court will take into account HIS income. Not hers.

 

Its amazing, you f##k his wife, and now you want to add insult to injury by implying you are entitled to her income too?

 

Thats freakin' pathetic.

 

You are pathetic for not comprehending what I am saying.

 

I do not WANT any of her money. None of it!!

 

All I want is for my son to be provided with a certain percentage of his father's income every month like he SHOULD be getting!

 

This thread keeps going in circles.

[Never_Again]

Did you not ask for child support when the child was born?

 

He scared me away from pursuing it legally. But I grew wise and strong and now I know my and my child's rights.

[Never_Again]

Right or wrong, no court will tell MM's wife how to spend her money though..

 

You are correct.

 

However, they will take into account the fact that their household has two financial providers whereas my household only has one, me, and I am in school full-time living off of my credit cards.

[whichwayisup]

However, they will take into account the fact that their household has two financial providers whereas my household only has one, me, and I am in school full-time living off of my credit cards.

 

And then it's up to him and his wife to decide how to deal with their spending habits so you can get your child support.

[Never_Again]

And then it's up to him and his wife to decide how to deal with their spending habits so you can get your child support.

 

All I know is that if he doesn't pay the child support that is ordered during the hearing on time every month, he will go to jail.

 

Alright, I'm out for the night. Thanks for letting me vent! I feel better now.

[whichwayisup]

All I know is that if he doesn't pay the child support that is ordered during the hearing on time every month, he will go to jail.

 

Not sure if it works that way like if he misses payments he goes directly to jail. More than likely he'll get a letter and a visit from his lawyer first.

[Never_Again]

Not sure if it works that way like if he misses payments he goes directly to jail. More than likely he'll get a letter and a visit from his lawyer first.

 

He will go to jail if he is consistently delinquent. Trust me. I know the law very well. Not going to go into detail here. But he will if he is ordered and consistently delinquent.

[LakesideDream]

He will go to jail if he is consistently delinquent. Trust me. I know the law very well. Not going to go into detail here. But he will if he is ordered and consistently delinquent.

 

 

So back to my question. How much money do you believe it will take to be fair? Please don't say "that depends". You have a figure in my that will satisfy you, what is it?

[child_of_isis]

Me? I don't have a clue.

 

I never went after child support.

 

It was My body, my decision, my pregnancy, my child.

 

Now, if I had been forced to have my child, oh yeah...someone would have paid out the butt! But I wasn't. It was my decision.

 

 

 

Isis, I'm curious, what would you consider a "fair" amount to be? I have never been in a situation where the court ordered a settlement or child support as my children were adults before the divorce.

 

I was lucky enough to be able to support my daughter, to the tune of about 1k a month while she went to college, and eventually got her masters. I have no idea (and don't want to think about) how much I contributed to my son's continuous and ongoing problems .. he has more problems than wheel of fortune.

 

What "should" it be? 1K, 2K, 3K a month? I'm curious.

[blind_otter]

He will go to jail if he is consistently delinquent. Trust me. I know the law very well. Not going to go into detail here. But he will if he is ordered and consistently delinquent.

 

TBH I never understood the whole jailing men who don't pay child support thing. I mean, that way you'll never get your money.

[LakesideDream]

Me? I don't have a clue.

 

I never went after child support.

 

It was My body, my decision, my pregnancy, my child.

 

Now, if I had been forced to have my child, oh yeah...someone would have paid out the butt! But I wasn't. It was my decision.

 

 

I was pretty sure you would dodge the question. You do have a figure in mind that would end the legal process if he agreed to it out of court.

 

You are angry because you are supporting your kid on your "credit cards" while "going to school", who's paying for school? I have an idea that my tax dollars are at work here.

 

Men have ZERO rights after a child is concieved. The man in todays society must have a vasectomy to be sure he won't be financially burdoned for 18 years for 20 minutes of sexual pleasure. There is no shared resoponsibility. Men have no "say" in the process leading up to the birth of a child. There are many, many cases where men (and women) didn't know each others names, or even where the woman was a prostiture, the child was concieved, identified by DNA, and the man was levied to pay until the childs adulthood.

 

Is this "fair" ? The law clearly says it's a womans right to "choose" to become pregnant, a womans right not to become pregnant, a womans exclusive right to end a pregnancy with the morning after pill, to terminate the pregnancy with abortion until the last day of pregnancy.. Whether they know who the father is, know his name, or have been married to the father for 15 years. It does not matter what agreements were made, who made or didn't make a mistake, who lied or didn't lie. Is that "fair"?

 

How much is it worth to you Isis? I understand fully that other than laying down for 20 minutes you have no responsibility in the matter. Choosing to have sex with a married man was your choice, and your constitutional right. Baring the child ditto. As written in your post, you aren't interested in your ex-MM co parenting your child, thus your MM's rights begin and end with financial contribution.

 

How would you feel about your ex-MM having primary custody of the child, in his stable and established home, at least until you are grown up and out of school, how much child support would you be willing to pay?

 

All questions you may find it inconvient to address.

[Lookingforward]

Irregardless of whether or not the W pays directly towards ex marital child support, she is impacted by it as the amount which goes to pay child support is less money coming into THEIR household.

 

I fail to understand why this is such a difficult concept to get your head around.

 

the W did NOTHING yet she indeed has to pay along with her errant spouse

[Never_Again]

I was pretty sure you would dodge the question. You do have a figure in mind that would end the legal process if he agreed to it out of court.

 

You are angry because you are supporting your kid on your "credit cards" while "going to school", who's paying for school? I have an idea that my tax dollars are at work here.

 

Men have ZERO rights after a child is concieved. The man in todays society must have a vasectomy to be sure he won't be financially burdoned for 18 years for 20 minutes of sexual pleasure. There is no shared resoponsibility. Men have no "say" in the process leading up to the birth of a child. There are many, many cases where men (and women) didn't know each others names, or even where the woman was a prostiture, the child was concieved, identified by DNA, and the man was levied to pay until the childs adulthood.

 

Is this "fair" ? The law clearly says it's a womans right to "choose" to become pregnant, a womans right not to become pregnant, a womans exclusive right to end a pregnancy with the morning after pill, to terminate the pregnancy with abortion until the last day of pregnancy.. Whether they know who the father is, know his name, or have been married to the father for 15 years. It does not matter what agreements were made, who made or didn't make a mistake, who lied or didn't lie. Is that "fair"?

 

How much is it worth to you Isis? I understand fully that other than laying down for 20 minutes you have no responsibility in the matter. Choosing to have sex with a married man was your choice, and your constitutional right. Baring the child ditto. As written in your post, you aren't interested in your ex-MM co parenting your child, thus your MM's rights begin and end with financial contribution.

 

How would you feel about your ex-MM having primary custody of the child, in his stable and established home, at least until you are grown up and out of school, how much child support would you be willing to pay?

 

All questions you may find it inconvient to address.

 

Hahaha, um, I think this is directed towards me, not Isis. I don't even think Isis is or ever was an ow. I believe she is on "your side," in this matter.

 

As for myself, how I pay for school is none of your business. And my child is in a very stable home environment and very happy/healthy. There is no way in HELL a judge would order him to be in their home. "They" being the MM and his W who have been up and down in their marriage the last several years, have put their children through hell, and who are anything but stable. There is absolutely no way a judge would order him primary custody. Absolutely NO way.

 

P.S. I can tell you are a man.

[Never_Again]

Irregardless of whether or not the W pays directly towards ex marital child support, she is impacted by it as the amount which goes to pay child support is less money coming into THEIR household.

 

I fail to understand why this is such a difficult concept to get your head around.

 

the W did NOTHING yet she indeed has to pay along with her errant spouse

 

And I am sure she weighed all of her options and knew this was coming when she chose to stay with him.

 

Just because I was an OW and my child was conceived by lies and deception does not mean the financial burden should weigh completely on me.

 

I completely understand that they have a life and their own family to take care of. But I have a child that I am taking care of on my own 100%, and he needs to be held partially responsible. That's all I am saying.

[PinkKittyKat]

P.S. I can tell you are a man.

 

Whether LakesideDream is a man or not, I am a woman, and I agree with him. I think the childcare/benefits thing is weighted too heavy on the woman's side in this day and age. That snarky "I can tell you are a man" was pretty dismissive of you to say to him...

[whichwayisup]

Just because I was an OW and my child was conceived by lies and deception does not mean the financial burden should weigh completely on me.

 

It does if he decides to cut all ties and give up his right to be your child's father. This is why you have to deal with lawyers and don't speak to him. Let the lawyers deal with this...

[Never_Again]

Whether LakesideDream is a man or not, I am a woman, and I agree with him. I think the childcare/benefits thing is weighted too heavy on the woman's side in this day and age. That snarky "I can tell you are a man" was pretty dismissive of you to say to him...

 

Yeah, well I bet you wouldn't agree with him if you were a single mother who didn't purposely get pregnant and had to do everything on your own. I don't mind raising her on my own, but I need (and legally deserve) some help from him. More than a few dollars every now and then.

[Never_Again]

It does if he decides to cut all ties and give up his right to be your child's father. This is why you have to deal with lawyers and don't speak to him. Let the lawyers deal with this...

 

wwiu, are you serious? He can't just "decide" to cut all ties and give up his rights to be my child's father. There are only extreme cases where that is even possible. There is absolutely no way he could just "decide" to "give up" his right to be my child's father.

 

And for the millionth time, I am dealing with lawyers. I feel like I keep repeating myself and like this thread is becoming redundant.

 

I don't mean to sound rude or anything, wwiu, sorry if I seem like I am.

[LakesideDream]

Hahaha, um, I think this is directed towards me, not Isis. I don't even think Isis is or ever was an ow. I believe she is on "your side," in this matter.

 

As for myself, how I pay for school is none of your business. And my child is in a very stable home environment and very happy/healthy. There is no way in HELL a judge would order him to be in their home. "They" being the MM and his W who have been up and down in their marriage the last several years, have put their children through hell, and who are anything but stable. There is absolutely no way a judge would order him primary custody. Absolutely NO way.

 

P.S. I can tell you are a man.

 

Actually Never, none of this was any of our business (other than those of us who are taxpayers, and then only tangentially) until you made it our business with your self described "rants".

 

I find it interesting that you state that "your child" (yours except in responsibility to support) is in a "very stable home environment and is happy/healthy". I assume this means to you that a natural relationship with a genetic father as a role model is superfullous, of no value.

 

What is "your" child doing when you are away at school and thus not able to be a full time Mom? Who is taking care of him? Who is paying to take care of him? A government program? Who is feeding him? WIC, Welfare? School Loans? Grants? How many of my tax dollars are being spent to pay for your miniscule responsibility in his birth?

 

Of course I am a man. As a man I knew that when two children were born into the Union between my then wife and I that they would be my legal and financial responsibility as long as they lived. I knew that I would never ask others, people outside my family, or the government to contribute to their support. I worked every day for many years, later six plus days a week to accomplish this, in addition I was pleased to spend hours a day as a parent, sharing time with my children, being their father.

 

It sounds like you are still a "girl" Never Again. A girl that expects, and allows others to make the contributions you should be making but are not able to due to your "schooling" and other committments. I would be willing to bet real money that you have time for recreation with your other "friends", (presumably no other MM). Allowing to escape "for a time" from the responsibilities of Student and Mom... I wonder what's that's like... As a full time dad, living with a full time mom, taking care of two full time kids, it took years to be able to afford a luxury like that, both financially and emotionally. Hmmmm.

[child_of_isis]

Nooooooooo........I am not the OP. You are confusing the two of us.

 

 

I was pretty sure you would dodge the question. You do have a figure in mind that would end the legal process if he agreed to it out of court.

 

You are angry because you are supporting your kid on your "credit cards" while "going to school", who's paying for school? I have an idea that my tax dollars are at work here.

 

Men have ZERO rights after a child is concieved. The man in todays society must have a vasectomy to be sure he won't be financially burdoned for 18 years for 20 minutes of sexual pleasure. There is no shared resoponsibility. Men have no "say" in the process leading up to the birth of a child. There are many, many cases where men (and women) didn't know each others names, or even where the woman was a prostiture, the child was concieved, identified by DNA, and the man was levied to pay until the childs adulthood.

 

Is this "fair" ? The law clearly says it's a womans right to "choose" to become pregnant, a womans right not to become pregnant, a womans exclusive right to end a pregnancy with the morning after pill, to terminate the pregnancy with abortion until the last day of pregnancy.. Whether they know who the father is, know his name, or have been married to the father for 15 years. It does not matter what agreements were made, who made or didn't make a mistake, who lied or didn't lie. Is that "fair"?

 

How much is it worth to you Isis? I understand fully that other than laying down for 20 minutes you have no responsibility in the matter. Choosing to have sex with a married man was your choice, and your constitutional right. Baring the child ditto. As written in your post, you aren't interested in your ex-MM co parenting your child, thus your MM's rights begin and end with financial contribution.

 

How would you feel about your ex-MM having primary custody of the child, in his stable and established home, at least until you are grown up and out of school, how much child support would you be willing to pay?

 

All questions you may find it inconvient to address.

[LakesideDream]

Nooooooooo........I am not the OP. You are confusing the two of us.

 

Sorry, I had just read your reply. I knew the OP was never again, just had a "senior moment" while typing. I apologise.