LDR.....problem.......

[Frieda]

Quick summary -

 

5+ years long distance relationship. She last came to be with me physically 8 months ago. 5-star hotel wonderful week. We are moving in together in 2 months. LDR stage of relationship will be over. Soul mates in love. Spend every single day together. Phone logs must be crazy. She is in CA, I'm in FL but we are finally moving in together in 2 months. We are 24 yrs old and have only been in 1 relationship - each other. Only one sexual partner - each other. We love each other very much. When we get home in afternoon, phone together (we hang up for breaks/personal time like showers, etc, but it's only 1-3 hours.) and sleep with phone unhooked. Never cheated. Engaged, married in essence (call each other husband/wife) but not legally yet.

 

Ok, now that you see what type of relationship I have.....now you will see my stupidity.

 

Problem : I am horny. Very very very horny. For the past month, I've been nuts. We don't phone sex much anymore, lost interest I guess. It doesn't help with this urge anyway. Lately, I dream sex, I wake up with a huge hard on for no apparent reason. I see beautiful women in daily activities, and I am tempted - bigtime. I've gone as far as to receive phone numbers in the past, but the emotional part of me would not allow me to call. Threw #'s away.

 

However I am seriously going through such a bad urge, I -need- an attractive woman for some reason. I don't care about romance, just primal and orgasmic animal sex. I am never looking into cheating on her, she is my one and only love - the end. However, this is physical. I don't know what's wrong.

 

I have talked to her about it, she says she doesn't know what to do. She says she doesn't like the idea of another woman physically pleasuring me, I don't blame her. So I'm stuck.

 

My body is calling me........but my heart doesn't want to. I only have 2 months to go and LDR is over, then I can have all the sex I want with my love..... but I'm going crazy right now!

 

I want to cheat. I also don't want to cheat.

 

What do I do.................... I know she will never find out but then in my heart I will always know what I did. Sure that's childish and idealistic, but it really does affect my happiness level and I won't be happy with myself in the future for doing it. I like who I see in the mirror everyday, yknow?

but this urge......... oh man, I need some 'physical pleasure' to put it in hedonistic terms.

 

and it just so happens there is a girl who i can go out with........yes, girl #2 .......

 

what do i do..

Edited April 3, 2008 by Frieda

[AAlike]

Quick summary -

 

what do i do..

 

If there were ever a situation that could illustrate the potential benefits of large quantities of porn, this is one of them!

[Frieda]

i tried that. how do you think i relieve myself? lol

 

sometimes i do it with her on the phone together so we orgasm together, other times alone with quick porn, but it's not working anymore. my body wants physical.

 

so that's not the solution. i'm a see-saw, no i dont want to cheat, yes just do it. no i dont want to cheat, ah just do it already. etc...... the opportunity presents itself again with another girl who wants to go out with me......and i'm sure i could get laid, then run like the wind and never tell anyone......but......ugh.

Edited April 3, 2008 by Frieda

[soulseeker]

Two months, come on. You can wait.

[Frieda]

if it was that easy, i wouldn't be wrestling with myself on the verge of falling off of the proverbial cheater's cliff.

 

you ever had a craving for chocolate ice cream or something like that? ok, well magnify that times 10 and have it last all day long, everyday. even in my damn dreams. i know i would physically love it.... and need it.........

 

i think i might be about to fall off. what do i do to quell it or what. i dont know

[soulseeker]

Does the image of your gf having hot, passionate sex with another man quell this urgent need you have to sleep with another woman? I'm not trying to be rude, if you want to do it, do it. Life is choice based. What will happen if you do? What will happen if you dont?

 

Why the sudden urge?

 

Can you not sexually exhaust yourself? Try masterbating more than you are.

[Kamille]

How long has your relationship been a LDR?

[gonetildecember]

I'm not a male so I can't really speak to male urges.. but think about how ashamed/unhappy/disappointed in yourself you'll be if you actually go thru with it. You know that you're going to regret it, and if you've gone 5 years can't you wait 2 more friggin months. And you say she won't find out, but KARMA"S a bitch lol, what if she were in the same position and she cheated.. wouldn't you be devastated. I'm sure you'll do what you feel you have to do.. but really try to curb that urge

 

Buy a blow up doll or OMG this might be a good idea lol

(not really but whatever)

get her to go to a sex shop and buy one of those rubber vagina moulding kits... and get her to make u a clone of hers.. and then mail it to you.. and then f*** the **** out of it. Sound good? lol

[Frieda]

How long has your relationship been a LDR?

 

5 1/2 years. LDR the whole time, however i did pay to bring her 8 months ago (cost me about 5 grand and i was saving for our house, but i just had to bring her.) and we got to be together for about 1 week. that is it. she's in CA and I'm in FL. we are moving in finally in 2 months, start life together. LDR will be over.

 

from 19-24 yrs old, i never once had physical contact with her. pictures, phone, email, online, everything. hours and hours everyday, but we had to wait to be together physically until 8 months ago. so about 4+ years of LDR, not 1 physical encounter. yup, you might think it's crazy, but soulmates. worth it. rest of life type of thing.

 

 

after she flew back to CA, i was perfectly fine and calm for about 6-7 months. then the urge showed up ....

[Frieda]

I'm not a male so I can't really speak to male urges.. but think about how ashamed/unhappy/disappointed in yourself you'll be if you actually go thru with it. You know that you're going to regret it, and if you've gone 5 years can't you wait 2 more friggin months. And you say she won't find out, but KARMA"S a bitch lol, what if she were in the same position and she cheated.. wouldn't you be devastated. I'm sure you'll do what you feel you have to do.. but really try to curb that urge

 

Buy a blow up doll or OMG this might be a good idea lol

(not really but whatever)

get her to go to a sex shop and buy one of those rubber vagina moulding kits... and get her to make u a clone of hers.. and then mail it to you.. and then f*** the **** out of it. Sound good? lol

 

the end of your post has me cracking up, my stomach hurts haha ;P nice one. but no way, that wouldn't work either. i want real thing and the 'personal time' isnt working anymore

[gonetildecember]

REALLY?

Like you're really thinking of just going out and fu**ing someone and throwing away 5 years of good behaviour, cheating on ur fiancee, lying to her, sleeping with someone else when you managed to just sleep with her your whole life.

 

FOR one night of glory.. u wanna give all that up?

(im trying to make u feel really ****ty so it deters u lol)

[Frieda]

yeah forget it, damn i know i am going to involuntarily get horny again and say 'damn why did i throw the number away'

 

yeah let me throw it away. i dont know how to handle this urge though. what do i do? its driving me crazy. never had it this bad

[gonetildecember]

Honestly just burn it!

I promise it might not seem like it now, but it will make you feel like **** if you cheat on her. It's like last week I was on a diet, and I was doing so good for two days .. then i saw this pack of pringles and i was like i was good for two days, it won't hurt... well there went my diet. (great metaphor eh) lol .. I was just trying to show you that one moment of glory (or a couple minutes in ur case lol) isn't worth a days/years of effort.

 

Just hang in there.. 2 months isnt death. Go to boysfood.com and find some hot porn...or im telling you go get the doll or something lol

[audrey_1]

Are you sure the urge isn't coming from the very fact that the LDR is about to be over?

 

Subconsciously, you know your "freedom" is coming to an end, and you've got one last chance to get your rocks off with someone else?

 

I'm just guessing.

 

But seriously, it's two months. I was in an LDR for ten years; I was in Alabama; he was in Australia.

 

Yeah....urges.

[SeraBella]

yeah forget it, damn i know i am going to involuntarily get horny again and say 'damn why did i throw the number away'

 

yeah let me throw it away. i dont know how to handle this urge though. what do i do? its driving me crazy. never had it this bad

 

"involuntarily horny" HA!

 

Everyone experiences that. It's about willpower and commitment right now.

 

It's not an excuse to cheat.

Edited April 4, 2008 by SeraBella

[j_hunt_12]

Yeah I think it is some subconscious thing. You see that you are at the end stretch and life is about to become very nice so your body just wants to make it hard for some reason. It's always like this for some reason. I also thing the fact that she is the only one makes you subconsciously want to explore more before the big day... like that other person said.

 

I'm in a exclusive LDR too. All I can say is that the right hand is man's best friend... peace

[SueBee3490]

Let me give you my advice...

My current H and I were in an LDR for 2 1/2 yrs. We would see each other maybe every 2 - 3 weeks for a weekend at a time. I thought he was faithful - he sure acted the part. I married him only to find out he cheated on me repeatedly while we were dating. He also gave me the excuse about being very horny all the time even though while we were together every other week or so we did have sex. He claimed he wasn't this horny when he was younger and at that time we were both early 40's. He also claimed he only loved me and not those other women.

Now for the bad part.....

I can't forgive him for cheating. So please don't do it - it will break your gf's heart. Even though he says they meant nothing, I can't get past the betrayal, etc. After all, I was faithful to him so I figured he could be faithful to me if he really loved me. We are divorcing as a result of him cheating while we were dating. I haven't found evidence of him cheating now, but I can't get the image of someone I loved with all my heart having sex with someone else. Who he dated before me doesn't matter but your gf may never get over the betrayal, I know I can't.

Take some of the other posters suggestions, I sure wish my H would have.

[Frieda]

Let me give you my advice...

My current H and I were in an LDR for 2 1/2 yrs. We would see each other maybe every 2 - 3 weeks for a weekend at a time. I thought he was faithful - he sure acted the part. I married him only to find out he cheated on me repeatedly while we were dating. He also gave me the excuse about being very horny all the time even though while we were together every other week or so we did have sex. He claimed he wasn't this horny when he was younger and at that time we were both early 40's. He also claimed he only loved me and not those other women.

Now for the bad part.....

I can't forgive him for cheating. So please don't do it - it will break your gf's heart. Even though he says they meant nothing, I can't get past the betrayal, etc. After all, I was faithful to him so I figured he could be faithful to me if he really loved me. We are divorcing as a result of him cheating while we were dating. I haven't found evidence of him cheating now, but I can't get the image of someone I loved with all my heart having sex with someone else. Who he dated before me doesn't matter but your gf may never get over the betrayal, I know I can't.

Take some of the other posters suggestions, I sure wish my H would have.

 

after reading through all this advice, i have to say I was really helped. my head is back in it's socket (both of them lol). willpower the final stretch.

 

also, i didn't realize it but after reading through posters here in this thread, i think it has something to do with the LDR about to be over, the big day is coming and all that.

[theycallmeprincess]

You are a 24 year old adult. Being an adult means you make decisions using the head on your shoulders and not the one in your pants. Please act accordingly or you risk causing a lot of hurt and pain to not only your girlfriend, but to you as well, for you will have to deal with any negative consequence.

[shanny]

after reading through all this advice, i have to say I was really helped. my head is back in it's socket (both of them lol). willpower the final stretch.

 

also, i didn't realize it but after reading through posters here in this thread, i think it has something to do with the LDR about to be over, the big day is coming and all that.

 

I'm glad you came to your senses. I know sexual urges can be really strong, but you can make it through two months. It's either two months of being miserable, or guilt for the rest of your life.

 

Is there ANY way that you can see her, even if just for a weekend before the two months is up? That would be a great way to solve the problem, but if you haven't by now my guess is that you are not able to.

 

The way I see it is that if you cheat on her, then you must not really love her. If you loved her the thought of causing her pain would just eat you up inside and you would not be able to bear it. I believe you love her. Now stay true to all the advice given to you and act like it. Good luck and congratulations on finding the love of your life!

[Frieda]

well, i'm about to buy a house for us so i don't want to spend more money because then i have to make it up. i brought her 8 months ago and spent around 5 grand for the 5 day trip.

 

i dont know what was in my brain really. i think the biological urge can be very dangerous in men, thought about doing something i know i will regret.

[InLimbo2]

Read the thread. Don't cheat. Get the cheapest plane ticket you can and go get some to 'gentle you down' until you move in together. Couple hundred bucks to keep you faithful vs couple hundred bucks towards a down payment - no brainer -gotta have your priorities straight! Five years of no-sex relationship - you're a better man than anyone I know - could never survive that!

 

 

Quick summary -

 

5+ years long distance relationship. She last came to be with me physically 8 months ago. 5-star hotel wonderful week. We are moving in together in 2 months. LDR stage of relationship will be over. Soul mates in love. Spend every single day together. Phone logs must be crazy. She is in CA, I'm in FL but we are finally moving in together in 2 months. We are 24 yrs old and have only been in 1 relationship - each other. Only one sexual partner - each other. We love each other very much. When we get home in afternoon, phone together (we hang up for breaks/personal time like showers, etc, but it's only 1-3 hours.) and sleep with phone unhooked. Never cheated. Engaged, married in essence (call each other husband/wife) but not legally yet.

 

Ok, now that you see what type of relationship I have.....now you will see my stupidity.

 

Problem : I am horny. Very very very horny. For the past month, I've been nuts. We don't phone sex much anymore, lost interest I guess. It doesn't help with this urge anyway. Lately, I dream sex, I wake up with a huge hard on for no apparent reason. I see beautiful women in daily activities, and I am tempted - bigtime. I've gone as far as to receive phone numbers in the past, but the emotional part of me would not allow me to call. Threw #'s away.

 

However I am seriously going through such a bad urge, I -need- an attractive woman for some reason. I don't care about romance, just primal and orgasmic animal sex. I am never looking into cheating on her, she is my one and only love - the end. However, this is physical. I don't know what's wrong.

 

I have talked to her about it, she says she doesn't know what to do. She says she doesn't like the idea of another woman physically pleasuring me, I don't blame her. So I'm stuck.

 

My body is calling me........but my heart doesn't want to. I only have 2 months to go and LDR is over, then I can have all the sex I want with my love..... but I'm going crazy right now!

 

I want to cheat. I also don't want to cheat.

 

What do I do.................... I know she will never find out but then in my heart I will always know what I did. Sure that's childish and idealistic, but it really does affect my happiness level and I won't be happy with myself in the future for doing it. I like who I see in the mirror everyday, yknow?

but this urge......... oh man, I need some 'physical pleasure' to put it in hedonistic terms.

 

and it just so happens there is a girl who i can go out with........yes, girl #2 .......

 

what do i do..