The Other Woman

[UnusuallyUnusual]

"luring" you got to be kidding me? I think mm do the luring, not the other way around.

Yeah, I didn't do any luring here. This was all new to me and I went into it completely blind. He definetely lured me before I knew what hit me!

[Mino]

Yeah, I didn't do any luring here. This was all new to me and I went into it completely blind. He definetely lured me before I knew what hit me!

my mm just left 10 min ago, after trying to " lure me back, since implied NC 4 days ago. I dont think I ever "lured " him, ever,.....

[child_of_isis]

He has already proven that his little head can out think his big head.

 

The e-mail itself is proof. I'm mean, that letter is in a "sent" box somewhere, ya know? That letter in itself is enough to hang him.

 

Plus the emotional aspect he is trying to evoke in you..I have a connection to you, but I'm married. I'm scum...blah blah blah.(please pat me on the head & tell me I'm a good boy)

 

In return, he gets from you... "you are a good man". See how that works? Emotional manipulation. I call them psyche vampires. They need to feed.

 

If you stay on LS long enough you will start seeing the same story over & over & over again when it comes to MM/OW. It's like everybody gets the same script. That's why most of us know what is going to happen next.

Can I ask though... why are you so convinced that he'll be back?

 

 

[child_of_isis]

This is crap.

 

But it is exactly what he wants you to think. You better hang with us until you know the score.

 

You are going to be easy pickings for this MM.

He had the strength to walk away from something totally new and exciting. All because he loves his wife. I think that takes guts.

[child_of_isis]

More crap. But it is what he wants you to think.

 

He wants you to think he is doing you a favor. The only person benefiting from him not telling W is himself.

 

A car salesman indeed ;-)

 

Well, he said "My lips are sealed". So you're right... he's doing us BOTH a favor, NOT ratting himself out. wow, you are really smart. I'm so happy I added myself to this forum. It's all making perfect sense.

[Mino]

He has already proven that his little head can out think his big head.

 

The e-mail itself is proof. I'm mean, that letter is in a "sent" box somewhere, ya know? That letter in itself is enough to hang him.

 

Plus the emotional aspect he is trying to evoke in you..I have a connection to you, but I'm married. I'm scum...blah blah blah.(please pat me on the head & tell me I'm a good boy)

 

In return, he gets from you... "you are a good man". See how that works? Emotional manipulation. I call them psyche vampires. They need to feed.

 

If you stay on LS long enough you will start seeing the same story over & over & over again when it comes to MM/OW. It's like everybody gets the same script. That's why most of us know what is going to happen next.

Hey you must have read the book' vanpires among us" its an excellent book about how these people suck energy out of others. very interesting, are all mm vampires??? I think you onto something:eek:

[LadyDi]

Call me an optimist......I think he means it and won't be back. I'll have the frying pan ready for any crow I have to eat if he does......

[child_of_isis]

You ever notice how confused some of the OW's are? Depletion of energy will do that to a person.

 

 

 

 

 

Hey you must have read the book' vanpires among us" its an excellent book about how these people suck energy out of others. very interesting, are all mm vampires??? I think you onto something:eek:

[smartgirl]

"luring" you got to be kidding me? I think mm do the luring, not the other way around.

 

What are you talking about? Where do I say anything about luring?

 

And I disagree that it is mostly MM doing the luring. I don't think there is a mostly anymore. I think men and women go after what they want in equal numbers regardless of ethics, moral, promises or what makes sense. People in general have a sense of entitlement with regard to their "happiness" regardless of how much unhappiness they may be causing others.

 

And in the case of my H's OW, she is a predator and has a history of pursuing only MM. Not like Lizzie, but with a total intention of busting up the M. She has a troubling need to be wanted enough for a man to dump his wife and family. Head case.

 

I have to say Mino, that you have a tendency to take one person's specific story and accuse them of generalizing about all people. If I am describing my specific story, I happen to know the particulars of it and you do not. So don't start swinging your bat in my direction.

[UnusuallyUnusual]

This is crap.

 

But it is exactly what he wants you to think. You better hang with us until you know the score.

 

You are going to be easy pickings for this MM.

I really am an "easy" pick. I am (or WAS before coming on here) totally naive to the whole MM/OW situation. Of course I knew it happened, but for some reason I never thought it would happen to ME! I'm young (30), attractive, physically fit. I have guys practically knocking down my door, yet I have somehow been roped into this situation with a MM. I am not really interested in dating because I am a full-time college student and full-time single mom. My xH doesn't spend much time with our daughter so I have her 99% of the time. I just don't have time for any sort of committment nor the desire to answer to someone.

 

It was truly just excitement. From the first innocent flirt to being pinned up against the wall of an elevator in an elementary school to having wild and passionate sex. It was ALL just stupid. I don't know what I was thinking but I do know I am happy it ended when it did.

 

Let's just hope I'm not tempted again...

[UnusuallyUnusual]

He has already proven that his little head can out think his big head.

 

The e-mail itself is proof. I'm mean, that letter is in a "sent" box somewhere, ya know? That letter in itself is enough to hang him.

 

Plus the emotional aspect he is trying to evoke in you..I have a connection to you, but I'm married. I'm scum...blah blah blah.(please pat me on the head & tell me I'm a good boy)

 

In return, he gets from you... "you are a good man". See how that works? Emotional manipulation. I call them psyche vampires. They need to feed.

 

If you stay on LS long enough you will start seeing the same story over & over & over again when it comes to MM/OW. It's like everybody gets the same script. That's why most of us know what is going to happen next.

 

Not to mention... the email is in an INBOX on my computer. He is NOT very smart now is he?!?! This is another reason I think he's new to this, but I could be wrong. I'd like to think this isn't a normal occurance. He was not smart about ANY of it. We live in the same town, he would come park at my apartment, come upstairs in broad daylight, leave a few hours later. Send emails from his work email account and text/call me from his personal cell phone. Even wanted to meet me at the local drug store one day (the day we ended up at the school at the same time). I just don't get it.

 

Call me an optimist......I think he means it and won't be back. I'll have the frying pan ready for any crow I have to eat if he does......

 

I am hoping so. I will need a swift kick in my ass if he comes back, because I'm not so sure that even after all this I will be able to say no. (That seems to be a common thought for me, unfortunately)

[GreenEyedLady]

And I disagree that it is mostly MM doing the luring.

 

Of course you would think this.

 

BS's need to think that their H was seduced and led by someone unwillilngly.

 

The fact is, men out there don't wear their rings, lie about their status and will do anything to keep the A going. Call it what you want, but apples are apples.

[OpenBook]

The fact is, men out there don't wear their rings, lie about their status and will do anything to keep the A going. Call it what you want, but apples are apples.

 

I agree. I think most BS's would be shocked at how different their H's act when they're not around their W's. It's like they're a totally different person.

[child_of_isis]

I am not having much faith in you saying no either. <---

 

Read the OW threads a lot. That may help some. Because you know exactly where this is going. Nowhere.

 

He'll go home to his comfy life & you will be devastated. Hell, you may even end up twisted. Some of the OW's have major trust issues afterward.

 

Right now you are able to think. Maybe later you won't be able to. It's about like being in quicksand. The more you struggle to get out, the faster you sink.

 

 

 

 

I am hoping so. I will need a swift kick in my ass if he comes back, because I'm not so sure that even after all this I will be able to say no. (That seems to be a common thought for me, unfortunately)

[nymphetgrown]

The e-mail itself is proof. I'm mean, that letter is in a "sent" box somewhere, ya know? That letter in itself is enough to hang him.

 

That's my comfort, anyway. *kicks feet up and smiles* Never try to play a woman who grew up around computers. She'll figure out how to win.

 

-- a nymph laughing at your script reference (oh, how apt...)

[nymphetgrown]

Call me an optimist......I think he means it and won't be back. I'll have the frying pan ready for any crow I have to eat if he does......

 

If it's cast-iron, you can give him a good wallop 'round the head first.

[UnusuallyUnusual]

If it's cast-iron, you can give him a good wallop 'round the head first.

I think I may be the one that needs the wallop... I'm already wondering if I'm going to get the normal early-morning "I'm going to work early today, honey" (to W) then gets in the car and calls me (OW) stuff tomorrow.

 

UGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The tangled webs I weave...

[nadiaj2727]

Of course you would think this.

 

BS's need to think that their H was seduced and led by someone unwillilngly.

 

The fact is, men out there don't wear their rings, lie about their status and will do anything to keep the A going. Call it what you want, but apples are apples.

 

That is true but there are also OW out there who fall for those MM and stay with him for some time after being lied to and deceived by him (and knowing he is obviously lying to and deceiving the W.) At least the W *thinks* he's a good guy. The OW knows differently yet stays anyway. It makes me wonder why some women are attracted to liars and cheaters... do they think they can change him, that they were the exception, or do they like him that way?

 

I think my xMM did the "luring" in the beginning and definitely misrepresented the status of his marriage/ divorce to me. But as soon as I figured out he was lying, lying, lying (or even twisting the fact so as not to "hurt my feelings" etc.), I was out of there. To me it doesn't matter how much my heart is involved if my head is saying "wait, there's another huge whopper, and didn't this all start off on the totally wrong foot anyway?"

 

I also think that *some* OW do the luring. There are definitely women out there (and on this forum) that like the fact that a MM likes them. Other times, it's more of a balanced "luring"... MM lures OW to be with him although he's married and she tries to "lure" him out of the marriage so that they can be together.

 

I definitely agree that most women who are married to cheating MM have no idea what their husbands tell other women when they aren't around. Very sad.

[child_of_isis]

Here's the thing...and I know you won't take this the wrong way..but the board has seen how easily he manipulated you emotionally & how you fell for his lines...if we can see it, so can he.

 

There is a possibility he will keep to the same routine...I can't stay away from you but I am such a dog for doing what I do....

 

Can you see the manipulation here? He has already told you that he isn't leaving his W. He will first see if you will accept these terms. If you don't, his little head will go to plan B...which is laid out in my previous posts about turning W into a frigid nag.

 

Let's just see what his next move is.

 

Oh, and another thing...you say he just parks at your apartment & such. To you, this may seem like a man who doesn't know what he is doing.

 

To me, it says this man is very comfortable with cheating. He is also very confident in that he has his W duped.

 

I think I may be the one that needs the wallop... I'm already wondering if I'm going to get the normal early-morning "I'm going to work early today, honey" (to W) then gets in the car and calls me (OW) stuff tomorrow.

 

UGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The tangled webs I weave...

[smartgirl]

Of course you would think this.

 

BS's need to think that their H was seduced and led by someone unwillilngly.

 

The fact is, men out there don't wear their rings, lie about their status and will do anything to keep the A going. Call it what you want, but apples are apples.

 

You are being personal and insulting and it is not called for. I have as much right to my opinion as you do to yours and unless you have undertaken a scientific study on this subject I don't know that your opinion is any more valid than mine.

 

So you personally didn't "lure." Good for you. That doesn't mean there aren't other OW out there who don't. What I meant by my statement was that you can't automatically say that most affairs are started by the man because there is plenty of evidence all over LS that it is a mixed bag.

[GreenEyedLady]

You are being personal and insulting and it is not called for. I have as much right to my opinion as you do to yours and unless you have undertaken a scientific study on this subject I don't know that your opinion is any more valid than mine.

 

So you personally didn't "lure." Good for you. That doesn't mean there aren't other OW out there who don't. What I meant by my statement was that you can't automatically say that most affairs are started by the man because there is plenty of evidence all over LS that it is a mixed bag.

 

I didn't say you don't have a right to your opinion...

 

However, I do believe that BS's need to believe that your H's did not want an A, but were tempted and strayed against their will, in order to R their M's...

 

I don't need to conduct a scientific study. I know many OW, I've been on LS and other forums and the common thread is that MM decide they want to have an A and will go to almost any length to keep it alive. I'm sorry if that upsets you.

 

But most OW don't "lure" the MM. He is usually the active pursuer. That's not true in every case, but in the vast majority of the time it is true and it's not a mixed bag.

 

Sometimes the reality is hard to accept. But it doesn't make it any less the reality.

[Lookingforward]

But most OW don't "lure" the MM. He is usually the active pursuer. That's not true in every case, but in the vast majority of the time it is true and it's not a mixed bag.

 

Sometimes the reality is hard to accept. But it doesn't make it any less the reality.

 

True in my case at least, initially he was definitely more invested in "us" than I was at the time.

[OWoman]

But most OW don't "lure" the MM. He is usually the active pursuer. That's not true in every case, but in the vast majority of the time it is true and it's not a mixed bag.

 

I've never been interested in any man who pursued me. I'm not some kind of accessory to complete his outfit. I'LL do the choosing, TYVM, and not wait on the sidelines for some dude to decide that "I'm the one". I'm not some product on a supermarket shelf, competing with all the other brands for the customer's attention, "pick me! pick me!" I'm quite capable of doing my own shopping, and picking the product I like.

[UnusuallyUnusual]

Here's the thing...and I know you won't take this the wrong way..but the board has seen how easily he manipulated you emotionally & how you fell for his lines...if we can see it, so can he.

 

There is a possibility he will keep to the same routine...I can't stay away from you but I am such a dog for doing what I do....

 

Can you see the manipulation here? He has already told you that he isn't leaving his W. He will first see if you will accept these terms. If you don't, his little head will go to plan B...which is laid out in my previous posts about turning W into a frigid nag.

 

Let's just see what his next move is.

 

Oh, and another thing...you say he just parks at your apartment & such. To you, this may seem like a man who doesn't know what he is doing.

 

To me, it says this man is very comfortable with cheating. He is also very confident in that he has his W duped.

I didn't take offense to this, in fact, you are sooo right, again. I don't know what I am/was thinking. I have enough going on in my life, I don't need a man that is happily married with children.

 

Another thing I have realized is that he was purely in this for sex. After reading some of the posts on this forum, men were in the A for other reasons in addition to the sex. Once my MM found a "connection", he bounced!!! I am convinced that he will continue doing this for years to come, but not with me! Thank you all for the support and advice. I will keep reading and posting, as now I am addicted to finding out what happens next in some of these threads.

[child_of_isis]

Now you are thinking!!!!!!

 

But the connection is dangerous. It could activate plan B .

 

So, don't let your guard down.

Once my MM found a "connection", he bounced!!!