child_of_isis Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Yes. He ended it. For now. He is scared. He wants to go home & snuggle with W where it is safe & warm. His little pea brain has not had enough time to convince himself that W is a frigid nag...give it a few months. Do you guys work together? I am not trying to get you to hook up with guy...I am trying to tell you how their reality warps after feeling a connection w/someone else. So you can be prepared. For a really good laugh later on, please keep the e-mail. Yes I read the next one and it is soooo typical. I actually did that when I was married but NOT to have an A but just to get out of the damn house!!! lol. I used to pick fights and then get out and have an excuse to go shopping. So even after reading that whole email, you STILL think he will come back for more??? I really don't think he will! Didn't he end it quite obviously??? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 You need to be the strong one and walk away now. The choice is yours. Who cares if he contacts you again, the point is, it will go nowhere UNLESS you want to settle to be the OW and help him betray his wife. You will always be second fiddle if you choose to contact him or reply to him if he contacts you. Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Actually, he sounds like a pro. Like this is pretty normal stuff except for the 'connection'. The connection has him a bit freaked, but I'm thinking this is not his first time. Not by a long shot. "Look...there just seems to be to much of a connection here. We finish....we cuddle...talk ....get to know each other....there seems to be emotion getting into this on both sides and that is bad. I can't let that happen.! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 So Lizzie, you think he means what he wrote? Or is he feeling the situation out? And I have decided not to write back at all. I can't say "thanks it was fun", it's just not my style. Thanks though!!! Yes I really think he means it.. but if you have decided not to reply.. it's even better.. just move on.. don't look back. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 I'll bet he's a good salesperson I agree with child_of_isis....he'll be back... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 I'll never be unfaithful to her again If he contacts you, email him back his own letter and hilite afew parts, including this one. Nothing else, just his own email back to him. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 I think he's probably ending it first, because he thinks YOU are going to and he wanted to beat you to the punch...He probably will be back... But if he says he loves his W, he'll never leave her and if you want him to, it'll just be heartache for you... Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Oh yeah....did you pick up on the "I'm a worthless piece of scum" vibe?...that had me rolling. How about the.."you & my wife are so much better than I am"..."you deserve soo much better, Ima Piece 0 sheet"...:lmao::lmao: I'll bet he's a good salesperson I agree with child_of_isis....he'll be back... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 I hear that bravo sierra, different verse, every time a vendor salesperson walks through my shop door. It's like sport now I'll never forget the waste service hottie who sold me a dumpster. She had a set of girls that wouldn't quit. Knocked me outta my chair Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Look, I found something else funny.... he is going to do both you & W a favor & not rat his silly self out. :rolleyes: I'll never tell her and I'll never be unfaithful to her again. You both deserve that. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 If the man is any kind of decent person whatsoever (plenty of decent people cheat) he will find it hard not to become emotionally connected to a woman he has become infatuated with and then started having sex with. I think, when it comes to validation, most humans are really crack-addicted rats. We know that pushing the button will eventually lead to our ultimate demise, but we love the euphoria so much, that we deny to ourselves the known outcome and keep pushing the button anyway. Ah, the human condition... Here's the email I got this afternoon. Please help me decode this and tell me what I might expect from this point. Thanks guys!!! "Look...there just seems to be to much of a connection here...there seems to be emotion getting into this on both sides and that is bad. I can't let that happen...because I love my wife...I really do. And to love her and betray her is tearing me up... She is a far better person than I ever hope to be and she should never know that kind of pain. And your wrong...I'm not a good man. I'm the worst kind of man....Please do better than me..." I do not know ANY men who truly feel this way about themselves. This guy sounds like on some level he ENJOYS playing on the emotions of others. I cannot imagine what he's done to his W in their M (apart from the A). I think he's the type of guy who gets off on manipulating women into validating him (thru commitment to him, as his W is doing -- and thru sex, which he got from you) and then watching them suffer for it. I also think the point of his letter is not to flagellate himself, but to convince you to leave him alone. He got what he wanted from you, and now he doesn't want any complications. That would be the best scenario for HIM. It's all about HIM. Even if this man was single, I would advise you to stay away from him. I've seen guys like him before. I know the type. They're like that Charlie Brown character, the little boy who's always dirty and wherever he goes he's got that cloud of dirt swirling around him. I think he's bad news, for you and for his W and for any woman who has the unfortunate luck to encounter him. Run for your life!! Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Or to let her know right straight off that he is not leaving his W. "..I have a connection to you (we hug & cuddle afterward) but my W is a good person, & I can't hurt her." He is not finished. He is just laying the ground work. I also think the point of his letter is not to flagellate himself, but to convince you to leave him alone. He got what he wanted from you, and now he doesn't want any complications. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Yeah, and I wonder what the Bcc list looks like This guy sounds practiced. He's done this before. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UnusuallyUnusual Posted April 5, 2008 Author Share Posted April 5, 2008 I'll bet he's a good salesperson ... Funny you say that... he sells cars for a living. hehe... Link to post Share on other sites
Author UnusuallyUnusual Posted April 5, 2008 Author Share Posted April 5, 2008 Oh yeah....did you pick up on the "I'm a worthless piece of scum" vibe?...that had me rolling. How about the.."you & my wife are so much better than I am"..."you deserve soo much better, Ima Piece 0 sheet"...:lmao::lmao: I did pick up on that... that is probably because after he ended it I text him with "You are a good man" because I know myself it was hard to walk away. He had the strength to walk away from something totally new and exciting. All because he loves his wife. I think that takes guts. We'll see if he tries to come back... Link to post Share on other sites
Author UnusuallyUnusual Posted April 5, 2008 Author Share Posted April 5, 2008 I hear that bravo sierra, different verse, every time a vendor salesperson walks through my shop door. It's like sport now I'll never forget the waste service hottie who sold me a dumpster. She had a set of girls that wouldn't quit. Knocked me outta my chair I'm getting the hang of this, LOOK, i'm multi-quoting already. lol... anyway... it's true... I have been sold a married man. Unfortunately, mine was a lemon. Look, I found something else funny.... he is going to do both you & W a favor & not rat his silly self out. :rolleyes: I actually asked him if he was going to tell her. I figured he may come clean because he did seem to feel sooo guilty. I know myself that when I do something deceiptful I have to come clean to live with myself (I may have come to my one exception). Well, he said "My lips are sealed". So you're right... he's doing us BOTH a favor, NOT ratting himself out. wow, you are really smart. I'm so happy I added myself to this forum. It's all making perfect sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UnusuallyUnusual Posted April 5, 2008 Author Share Posted April 5, 2008 I do not know ANY men who truly feel this way about themselves. This guy sounds like on some level he ENJOYS playing on the emotions of others. I cannot imagine what he's done to his W in their M (apart from the A). I think he's the type of guy who gets off on manipulating women into validating him (thru commitment to him, as his W is doing -- and thru sex, which he got from you) and then watching them suffer for it. I also think the point of his letter is not to flagellate himself, but to convince you to leave him alone. He got what he wanted from you, and now he doesn't want any complications. That would be the best scenario for HIM. It's all about HIM. Even if this man was single, I would advise you to stay away from him. I've seen guys like him before. I know the type. They're like that Charlie Brown character, the little boy who's always dirty and wherever he goes he's got that cloud of dirt swirling around him. I think he's bad news, for you and for his W and for any woman who has the unfortunate luck to encounter him. Run for your life!! I think you have made valid points. He DOES make it seem like it's all about ME, and protecting ME, and in reality, it's all about HIM and not getting caught. I'm such a dumbass. heh. And as for him playing with my emotions, he sure has. No way did I have ANY intentions of any of this happening and here I am, trying to figure out what the heck happened!!! Or to let her know right straight off that he is not leaving his W. "..I have a connection to you (we hug & cuddle afterward) but my W is a good person, & I can't hurt her." He is not finished. He is just laying the ground work. Now that you say that, I think you may be right. I have a feeling it will take a LOT for him to NOT come back. I just have to try to be strong enough not to let him. Can I ask though... why are you so convinced that he'll be back? Yeah, and I wonder what the Bcc list looks like This guy sounds practiced. He's done this before. Call me inexperienced, but what is the "Bcc"? I have been able to figure out most of the initials, but that one got me!!! (Newbie status shows through!!!) Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Just remember, men are idiots, especially men who write e-mails like that Yes, I'm a man. I'm much more convincing Seriously, the best advice I've heard on this forum is to watch for actions to match the words. Such is a great indicator of character. I know we've had a bit of fun with this, but it's serious stuff. Guard your emotions when it comes to these types of men. I hope you'll stick around and keep us updated. Bcc = Blind carbon copy (it's a way of e-mailing many people the same document without the primary recipient knowing) Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 know the type. They're like that Charlie Brown character, the little boy who's always dirty and wherever he goes he's got that cloud of dirt swirling around him. Pigpen is his name. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 I think this is pretty accurate. With so many women in the workforce now, opportunity for friendships between sexes is common and many of those will lead to affairs. Some people are more focused on the opportunity for sex. If the man is any kind of decent person whatsoever (plenty of decent people cheat) he will find it hard not to become emotionally connected to a woman he has become infatuated with and then started having sex with. As he becomes closer yet to this woman through physical and emotional intimacy he may have increasing difficulty feeling intimate or emotionally connected to his wife. Now he is in between and not sure which way to go. The man may begin to feel he is in love. There are different types of love though. If the A goes on long enough, the MM may come to realize that he is actually more compatible with his W and doesn't really want to leave. It doesn't mean he doesn't care for his OW, but he realizes that he might have been swept up in the high heat and emotion of the A and thought there was more potential to the A relationship than there really was. Statistically? Based on studies I have read about, a relatively small percentage of MM actually leave their wives/families for OW. Of those, the majority (not all, so don't everyone jump) will leave in the first three months. The percentage who leave after that is estimated at less than 1%. Of affair partners who ultimately marry, 75% of those marriages fail. I have seen these study results reported in many books and articles so I don't think it is made up. "luring" you got to be kidding me? I think mm do the luring, not the other way around. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Look, I found something else funny.... he is going to do both you & W a favor & not rat his silly self out. :rolleyes: Your on a roll today child of isis!! are you still standing or have you fallen down with laughter? Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Ah, the human condition... I do not know ANY men who truly feel this way about themselves. This guy sounds like on some level he ENJOYS playing on the emotions of others. I cannot imagine what he's done to his W in their M (apart from the A). I think he's the type of guy who gets off on manipulating women into validating him (thru commitment to him, as his W is doing -- and thru sex, which he got from you) and then watching them suffer for it. I also think the point of his letter is not to flagellate himself, but to convince you to leave him alone. He got what he wanted from you, and now he doesn't want any complications. That would be the best scenario for HIM. It's all about HIM. Even if this man was single, I would advise you to stay away from him. I've seen guys like him before. I know the type. They're like that Charlie Brown character, the little boy who's always dirty and wherever he goes he's got that cloud of dirt swirling around him. I think he's bad news, for you and for his W and for any woman who has the unfortunate luck to encounter him. Run for your life!! Open book, I think you hit the nail on the head!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Or to let her know right straight off that he is not leaving his W. "..I have a connection to you (we hug & cuddle afterward) but my W is a good person, & I can't hurt her." He is not finished. He is just laying the ground work. you are so right, not his first Rodeo, He is planting his seeds. He sounds like a pro Link to post Share on other sites
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 I feel guilty but at the same time I feel like I want it more and more. What do I have to lose???LOL...you mean, besides your pride, self respect, and dignity? Link to post Share on other sites
Author UnusuallyUnusual Posted April 5, 2008 Author Share Posted April 5, 2008 LOL...you mean, besides your pride, self respect, and dignity? Yes, thank you. I have a lot to lose, and I am happy I found this forum so you could all slap some sense into me! I knew what was right and what was wrong, I just needed to hear it from someone else. Thanks guys, and I will keep you updated!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts