onmyownagain Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 I have been separated from my STBXW for three months now and life isn't too bad. Found out that I am quite popular with woman and getting lots of chances to date and have been on a couple. The problem is, I don't want to date them!! Doesn't matter if the are really lovely and look great I just am still not interested. Real range of ages from 20's to early 40's and nobody is doing it for me. Link to post Share on other sites
sedona Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 If you don't want to date them, then don't date them. Nothing wrong with that. There's no rush. You sound like you're doing just fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 If you're a serial monogamist like I am, it takes awhile to break out of that mentality. You'll peer out of the cage, tentatively put a paw out, testing the waters, then, retreat back a few times, until you're finally able to exit the cage completely. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 The less you want them the more they want you. Link to post Share on other sites
grogster Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 Your lack of dating drive is not uncommon. I suspect many men trapped in bad relationships believe that a sexual candyland exists in singlesville. Well, it does and it doesn't. It's difficult getting back in the game immediately post-marriage. You need time to gain your bearings, redefine yourself and learn to live as a single. Plus, you don't want to end up in bed too soon with that "rebound" someone and discover that you've gone from the frying pan into the fire. They're some crazy women out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 They're some crazy women out there. Most definitely, crazy men... The best way to go about dating, post separation, is to date lightly, within your existing social circle/environment, so you're able to be upfront about it being nothing more than an opportunity to socialize. Post separation, I dated a couple of men at the same time, where this was fully understood. We enjoyed each others' company, with no stress about where it was going and no sex, to muddy the waters. Worked out fine. As it stands, both doors are still open and it's been about a year ago. Link to post Share on other sites
beta Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 3 months? take your time dude...time is not an enemy Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 (edited) Boy oh boy.. do I get it... I'm there too and it's been a year since the ex left me. Did date a few times but one was a woman I dated years ago so that was sorta simple.. The mind is a strange thing... somewhere back there part of me still thinks I'm married and it's wrong to persue others... I don't know if i more anxious about something not working out (rejection) or something actually going somewhere. Edited April 4, 2008 by sumdude Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad1 Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 Just go for it, you'll feel fine afterwards. For me it symbolically marked the end of a long chapter and the start of a new one. I have dated several women over the past 3 months. I have found one I have clicked with and stopped dating the others. I don't commit easily, but I am monogamous. I am just enjoying the new relationship, meals, conversations and intimacy.... Be brave! I know that you wouldn't contemplate going back with your ex, so what are you waiting for? Unleash the beast man! Nomad1 Link to post Share on other sites
jnerd68 Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 I had a hell of a time with my first big break up. I literally could not function for a year. I got out there too soon as well, and felt even worse after one night stands with hot strangers (I'm a guy. Every one said this would make me feel better) Break up pain and the need for a break is natural. I learned to honor what my gut is telling me about taking breaks. When you're ready to date again, have a blast and date three hotties per week if you have time. Just go for it, you'll feel fine afterwards. For me it symbolically marked the end of a long chapter and the start of a new one. I have dated several women over the past 3 months. I have found one I have clicked with and stopped dating the others. I don't commit easily, but I am monogamous. I am just enjoying the new relationship, meals, conversations and intimacy.... Be brave! I know that you wouldn't contemplate going back with your ex, so what are you waiting for? Unleash the beast man! Nomad1 THEBIGARC - I think you have the right idea. As many dates as possible. As far as meeting women online I do alright, but my best success has been meeting women in the same context you describe, out in fun public places. Bourbon street! The 1st one was a not good. I met the woman online. She was nice enough, but we had nothing in common and she was boring. I talked about both my ex wives. I wanted to leave when the salads came out. The 2nd one was better. She was really nice and real funny. I met her out on a drunk Bourbon Street night(That is in New Orleans, LA). The date was a few nights later. I was not drinking and she was cute, but did not really knock my socks off. I know I should not be so shallow, but I feel like the women I date must look better than the ex. Anyway, I am just going to go on as many dates as possible until I find the one for me. So, have fun and enjoy the freedom of meeting new women!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted May 29, 2008 Author Share Posted May 29, 2008 Okay, think I am almost ready to date now and starting to look around. Where did they all go? :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 I have been separated from my STBXW for three months now and life isn't too bad. Found out that I am quite popular with woman and getting lots of chances to date and have been on a couple. The problem is, I don't want to date them!! Doesn't matter if the are really lovely and look great I just am still not interested. Real range of ages from 20's to early 40's and nobody is doing it for me. If you dont want to date, just slay them out and let them know what your going through. It takes time to build an emotional connection with another woman, your stepping out back into the dating pool, it's not gonna be easy. But check it. With each step you take you get better. But hey if you aint ready to date, then you dont have to. The next woman will come along when you meet her. If I was you I just go and get some coochie forget hardcore dating, just get coochie to get your feet wet. get a feel for it, then build an emotional connection with a woman. Yeah there's a few women out there that just want sex. Believe it. lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Billy Bob Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 I was nervous at first.. hadn't dated in 15 years, since I was 20.. The last two years have been wild though. Some great dating sites out there on the net; http://www.plentyoffish.com (This one is 100% FREE!) http://www.match.com (Best results) http://www.craigslist.org (Personals work pretty good) If you feel really nasty; http://www.adultfriendfinder.com I'd just make yourself go on a date once in awhile, sooner or later you will get back into the swing of things Lots of wild women in their late 30's.. Pretty common to get some on the first or 2nd date, one gal I was with held out for 5 dates.. Had one GF that was bi and got a 3-some out of the deal I've settled down now, into an LTR, but the ride was fun, albeit shallow, while it lasted! Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 Dayum CTA it sounds like you had a good time!!! 3-some? lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 Dating isn't the problem, nor is finding a date, nor is finding someone else. Taking the time to get you life in order, and where you want and need it to be ~ mentally, pyschologically, professionally, emotoinally, financially ~to find that "place" ~ that takes time. To become the person you want and need to be? That takes time ~ and more than not that means being alone! Dating, relationships? Easy! Easy to get into, but can be difficult to manage, and sometimes even harder get out of! Learning how to be single and alone, comfortable in your own skin, your own soul, with and by yourself, to sleep alone, that's been the challenge. To create your own personal environment! That to me was the challendge! But I wanted to improvise, learn and adapt to being comfortable with "me, myself and I" ~ Single and alone" I never wanted to place myself to be mentally, phyiscally, emotionally vulnerable upon another person's existeance again. I view this "Love" business as a personal weakness to be over-come. I personally view "Love" and "Marriage" as a weakness to overcome! Link to post Share on other sites
ilmw Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 Dating isn't the problem, nor is finding a date, nor is finding someone else. Taking the time to get you life in order, and where you want and need it to be ~ mentally, pyschologically, professionally, emotoinally, financially ~to find that "place" ~ that takes time. To become the person you want and need to be? That takes time ~ and more than not that means being alone! Dating, relationships? Easy! Easy to get into, but can be difficult to manage, and sometimes even harder get out of! Learning how to be single and alone, comfortable in your own skin, your own soul, with and by yourself, to sleep alone, that's been the challenge. To create your own personal environment! That to me was the challendge! But I wanted to improvise, learn and adapt to being comfortable with "me, myself and I" ~ Single and alone" I never wanted to place myself to be mentally, phyiscally, emotionally vulnerable upon another person's existeance again. I view this "Love" business as a personal weakness to be over-come. I personally view "Love" and "Marriage" as a weakness to overcome! Well... now I am really glad I am back.... just read this thread... and I can so relate. Been on several dates... done it all... and lost interest either during the date.... or shortly thereafter... Too soon... I know this... it was kinda fun... but... eeecchhh can't be bothered.... Like gunny said... get your sh$t together... get a life (your own life).. and move on from there.. Link to post Share on other sites
base618 Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 If you're a serial monogamist like I am, it takes awhile to break out of that mentality. You'll peer out of the cage, tentatively put a paw out, testing the waters, then, retreat back a few times, until you're finally able to exit the cage completely. Paws, cages? It's not Garfield. I think the correct term is "cougar" (especially when your pic is a killer pair of heels) Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Paws, cages? It's not Garfield. I think the correct term is "cougar" (especially when your pic is a killer pair of heels) I don't know if you follow the series Garfield as I do ~ I read him most every day in the daily newspaper. But its very much like Garfiled! If your not up to snuff on Garfield ~ Jon finally has a steady girlfriend ~ Garfiled Vet ~ a women. She's been Jon grief about how he, Odie and Garfield live. "Twenty-five pizza boxes stacked in the corner of the living room is not art deco Jon!" To which Garfiedl responds with a thumbs up "We're Bachelor's Baby!" :p Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 The hard part seems to be.. for me at least. You want what you're used to. A can of "Instant Deep Relationship" mix, add water (or Vodka lol), stir and voila.. Really it's called "The Rebound Recipe." Which for some people may work while for others it's just more pain on top. It just don't work that way. Get a taste of something and it doesn't live up to your expectations, leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Then suddenly looking back again and even contemplating contact with the ex. Which I know is a bad idea. Never been comfortable with the one night stands... every time the next day I'm like.. why? Too many risks in the modern world, no matter how much you try to protect yourself. I've had some women give me thier numbers without my trying. I never followed through, can't explain in words why. Just didn't want to deal with it. Maybe because subscionsciously I know I still need to get right with being me and sort out my internal and external life first. IOW... I still have some of that baggage left to unpack. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 I love me some cougar!!!! lol. They be some freaks. It definitely gets better OMOA. Link to post Share on other sites
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