I messed up and i need adviseon how to get her love back,PLESE HELP!

[Jeremy]

we started our relationship off very good and we new that we were ment for each other and we were only going out for 1 month.we had said that we loved each other and know that i love her with all my heart and will love her forever unconditionally.my problem is that i am a manic-deppresive and i have a problem controlling my anger.about two weeks ago she started acting wierd on the phone and i noticed it and i asked what was wrong ,she said that notihng was wrong that she still loved me so much and that she still wanted to spend of her life with me.well she was lying about thatcaus ei got one of her friends to three way her on the phone not saying that i was on it so i could secretly listen in on there conversation.well i found out that she started liking these other guys and well then i confronted her about it and she almost broke up with me.but when i looked at myself ifound out that that i had drove her away almost by being an a** hole,i had been getting mad at her for things that she could not help.and that hurt her really bad.well we talked about it for a while and i found out that she still loved me but it had changed,well i had a week to get her love back up to where it was and to we were very happy.it has been half of that week and she says her love for me is rising back up,happy for me,but on the other hand i really cant trust her now cause of her lieinng to me for that week.should i trust her?do you really think you can get someone to love you again?one other thing,right before that we have been having phone sex for a while and that started off good but then for some reason she was getting a little insecure and that led me to thinking all that.could it of been the phone sex also?please help me on this matter,give me some advise.sorrry so long.but please load me up on advice.

[Totally Confused]

First of all, you better warn your girlfriend that that friend of hers isn't a friend. Her friend's loyalty should have been to your girlfriend, not to you.

 

Anyway, you have to stop being so insecure. So what if she has an interest in other men. She's not married and she's human. You two have only been dating for a little over a month. That's too soon to commit. I thinks she's normal. The thing is, she really likes you and I believe her when she tells you that. I think she had a weak moment, where she questioned her feelings for you and wondered if she was doing the right thing committing to you so soon. We all question that. When I date a guy and it's new, I'm still looking at other men. I ask myself, wow, he's really hot. Do I really want to committ to this new guy, when I could maybe be with this guy? Then when you see or talk to the person you are dating, you realize, naw, I like this one. It think I'll stay with him.

 

Now stop trying to play detective and leave it alone. Trust is important and you two have been dating for a short period of time. It's too soon for you to be playing detective with her and questioning what she does.

 

Now in a couple of months, when you two get to know each other and you develop stronger feelings for each other, then you'll be able to have more say in the relationship. For now relax, enjoy and get to know her. Also, let her get to know and love you. Don't accuse her, until you've been given solid reason to believe she's with other men, and only after you two have gotten serious with each other. Then instead of yelling at her, talk to her and ask you why? You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. So CONTROL YOUR TEMPER...whatever it takes to do so, find out info about your manic depression and what you can do to stabalize it, if possible, because you can't go around freaking out on people - no matter what the reason. It's not right and it's not fair, even though I know it's something you may not have total control over.

 

And don't worry about the phone sex thing. She may have had her own reasons for starting to feel insecure about it. Don't assume it's always about you.

 

So like I said, you're going to have to trust and believe everything she says, until you've been given solid proof to believe otherwise (and don't go looking for it).

 

Good luck and take care.

[Shirley]

we started our relationship off very good and we new that we were ment for each other and we were only going out for 1 month.we had said that we loved each other and know that i love her with all my heart and will love her forever unconditionally.my problem is that i am a manic-deppresive and i have a problem controlling my anger.about two weeks ago she started acting wierd on the phone and i noticed it and i asked what was wrong ,she said that notihng was wrong that she still loved me so much and that she still wanted to spend of her life with me.well she was lying about thatcaus ei got one of her friends to three way her on the phone not saying that i was on it so i could secretly listen in on there conversation.well i found out that she started liking these other guys and well then i confronted her about it and she almost broke up with me.but when i looked at myself ifound out that that i had drove her away almost by being an a** hole,i had been getting mad at her for things that she could not help.and that hurt her really bad.well we talked about it for a while and i found out that she still loved me but it had changed,well i had a week to get her love back up to where it was and to we were very happy.it has been half of that week and she says her love for me is rising back up,happy for me,but on the other hand i really cant trust her now cause of her lieinng to me for that week.should i trust her?do you really think you can get someone to love you again?one other thing,right before that we have been having phone sex for a while and that started off good but then for some reason she was getting a little insecure and that led me to thinking all that.could it of been the phone sex also?please help me on this matter,give me some advise.sorrry so long.but please load me up on advice.

 

Hi

 

First, I'd like to say that it's not possible to get someone to love you. Love is a feeling that happens all by itself. And once it happens, it never goes away. You not trusting her has to do with your own feelings. You want control of her emotions and it's not working. She may love you, but that doesn't mean that it will be easy for her to deal with your mood swings. Her love won't change, but her actions may. The best thing that you can do right now is get help with your depression. And make sure that you don't lash out at your girlfriend when you get angry or are feeling insecure. And noone deserves to be spied on. If you truly love her, then you want her to be happy too.