Where to begin

[ojosverdes72]

I guess the past leading up to the present. New to the board and wanted to say hi first.

Six years ago husband and I lived in a apartment with our 2 kids and his 2 cousins, 2 brothers, and 1 best friend. there was alot of drinking going on, they are hispanic. A few times I would catch the friend looking at me, then one day he started talking to me about my relationship with hubby, how things were ect. Why do I let him treat me the way he does, like not showing affection, not spending alone time ect. Well I told him its hard when we are living with the rest of you guys. He said that it was a bad excuse, did I ever think that maybe he didnt really love me and didnt want to be with me anymore. I started seeing the things he pointed out that my husband and I had come to a point where our relationship wasnt great and I missing more. He then told me that my husband had told him that he no longer loved me anymore that he only stayed with me because we had 2 kids n he felt responsible for me. So I believed him, thinking that this was his best friend that what he was saying was true. As time went on we became closer talking, hanging out when my husband wasnt home, going to lunch ect. And I decided I no longer wanted to be with my husband so I told him I wanted a divorce that I wasnt happy anymore more and couldnt do it anymore. Then one day his friend kissed me and it wasnt just a peck, I let myself kiss him back, I had feelings for him. The next time he kissed me my daughter happened to walk in and see him kiss me. I didnt know she had seen us. Then one day my husband asked her who kisses mommy and she said his friends name. He came home and found me to ask me what my daughter ment when he asked her who kisses mommy. I denied it at first, I said it was nothing that she was just playing around and was wrong. Then he over heard his friend and I talking. He confronted us and we admitted that we had kissed and both had feelings for one another. The next day after work his friend never came home, for 2 days he never showed up, my husband mocked him what kind of a man says he loves a person but never shows up to talk about things. I realized that I had made a huge mistake and it wasnt love it was the fact that he had showed me what I had needed and he had used me. He called 3 days later to tell me it had been a joke to get back at my husband for something that happened between them in the past. I was so hurt and pissed. I decided that if my husband would be ok with it, that we would move out of this house full of people and move to our own home, and see if our marriage could be worked out. He agreed and his ex-friend moved away. i never spoke to him again. My husband and I moved on and never talked about anything that had happened again. We worked it out, and a year and a half later we had another baby. We bought a house and things were going really good. The when my son was 3 my husband was acting odd, he was always grouchy after work, and short with me. I was babysitting from 6 am till 4 pm everyday, and we were both tired at the end of a long day. One day he came to me and said he needed some space, so he moved out and moved in with a friend. We talked everyday on the phone he talked to the kids and on the weekends he came home to see us. 2 months later he moved back in, but things were never the same after that. One year ago things were rough and we were fighting all the time, I thought he was cheating on me, but he said he wasnt. He told me one day that we should separate and move on with our lives, that he couldnt get past the past. I was shocked 4 years later and now he is having a problem with the past. Wth was going on? That day I saw on his phone he had gotten a text message from a girl she told him that she would always be there for him no matter what ect. I was furious, I asked him what the heck was going on. He said that her and him had been talking for a couple of months, and seeing each other after he got off work. I realized why he was always mad when he came home and being a big jerk to me. So I agreed we would separate that we would move on. We sat and talked that night about the past and stuff. 2 days later he told me that she no longer lived in the city and had moved away with out telling him, but he still wanted to be separated from me, but wanted to live in the house he lived here for 8 months, then he told me it would be best if he moved out. I told him fine if thats what he wanted go ahead. He told me he would continue paying the bills house payments ect. I was working but I dont get paid a whole lot. He came over everyday after work to see the kids and stayed here till bout 10:30 each night. In december we went to Iowa to visit his family for the holidays. while there I over heard him talking to this girl on the phone and he said she was just a friend. yea I still loved him and yea he knew it. that night he got really drunk with his family, and passed out before passing out asking me if he could be with me that night. I couldnt stop my self I looked at his cell phone. On his phone was 50 text messages from this girl she told him to be careful with me(WTH is that about) and about 15 pictures of he in a bra and panties. Yea I was pissed. I asked him about the next day, he said he had decided to start dating her, and she worked with him at work. I asked him how he could keep pictures on his phone of her like that what if his daughter had seen them? I was really ticked off. We went back home, and yea I was mad the whole way. When I was working he would take my 2 youngest kids to his apartment to see her, she wanted to spend time with them, what right does she have to say she wants to spend time with my kids they are not her kids or even related to her. My oldest son then got to me her, he wasnt impressed and didnt want to be seen around her. My husband is 38 this girl is 27. She dresses like a tease Ive seen pictures. My children say they dont like her, Im not sure if its cause they know mom is hurt by it or what. husband has taken my 2 youngest ones on a trip to see family, and I found out she went and my daughter had to sleep with her in a bed, yea I was mad how could he do that to his own daughter having her sleep with a person she barely knew. What is his problem why isnt he thinking. For a month he never took them around her cause I didnt allow it. Am I wrong, should I allow it? I want them to spend time with him, but not her. What do I do? Then lately he has been short with me, what have I done, nothing he will bite my head off when I want to talk to him about bills ect things that need to be taken care of. He is still paying everything. I even got the information he asked for on the cost of a divorce and what needed to be done. Then he decided he wanted his citizenship papers so he claimed me as a spouse on them. So is this why he hasnt talked about the divorce. Of course I want him to have his citizenship, he is now only a resident. Everyone tells me I am to nice that I need to kick him to the curb, file for the divorce cause he is holding me back, possibly to see if it will work with he and her or whatever. I dont know, sometimes he complains he is old, that he is going no where in his life, that he needs a girl to be in his life to be happy. What is his deal? I guess I am just looking for some advice, or support or just someone to talk to that is going through a separation. It hurts when he yells at me, even though he says he hasnt yelled at me, if feels that way. I feel like he is rubbing his relationship with her in my face when he shows up with hickies all on his neck. Its just all furstrating. Will i ever find someone and he says that he wants me to find someone but then asks tons of questions and tell me that when i do found someone else he will no longer pay for the house payments. Is this a threat, am I suppose to stay single forever just so my kids and I have a place to live? I am so confused half the time, and stressed out I cant think straight. And yea I worry bout what everyone will think of me and the past. But I have asked for forgivness from God and my husband he says he has forgiven me. And no I found out today that his citzenship could last a year just to get in to be seen. I wonder if we filed for divorce would it hurt his chances?

sorry its so long btw we have been married for 14 years

Edited April 5, 2008 by ojosverdes72

[Gunny376]

First welcome to LS

 

When you post? It would help us a lot if you broke things up when you type. Typing in on solid block like that makes it hard for us to read?

 

There aren't any "grammar police" that I know of here at LS, (if there were I'd be serving "life without parole )

 

I'm sorry you're going through these hard times right now? But they too will past?

 

Most people? They're about as happy as they make their minds up to be? And I realize that your lost,dazed, and confused? And that its hard not to worry?

 

I'm 50 years old, and I made my mind up many a year ago to quit worrying? And being 50 only serves the point more so, that worrying isn't worth a damn?

 

Through all my bad times, hard times, struggles, trials and tribulions of my life? I somehow ~ always found a way to get through them?

 

And you will to!

 

Something that helped me? Was telling myself over and over?

 

"One day? Your going to look back upon all of this? And, just laugh!

[OldEurope]

Dear Ojos

 

Hola.

 

 

You would do well to take the advice of Gunny here. He's had some hard knocks and he has the most incredibly positive inner spirit, even if it is only emanating from cyberspace.

 

He is so right about worry. It is the most petty, twisted, time-wasting, life-wasting, emotionally-draining, spiritually-sapping activity of the human mind, aside from watching most American television (Ha ha ha--just a joke there).

 

Worry does nothing for you but make you a small snit of a person, but action--looking "problems", issues, square in their beady little eyes and attacking them--always gets you somewhere. Of course, it is natural to have certain anxieties, to feel the "red light" going off in your mind. This is your mind telling you time for action, and not sucking down twenty cigarrettes in one sitting, emptying a bottle of Kentucky bourbon in your intestines, or eating off your fingernails. It means doing, not dwelling.

 

A relationship that is more pleasure than pain is a relationship that should end. Or, at least, separate for some time.

 

Good luck. You know instinctively what to do.

 

OE

[Gunny376]

Per Ole Euorpe?!

 

Never!

 

Ever!

 

Beg someome's permission to?

 

Love them?

 

 

Think about it?