Fun2BMe Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Should the wife be informed that her husband was cheating on her? I am not friends with the wife, but I'm wondering if I have a moral obligation to inform her that her husband has been unfaithful with her for the past year. Do you agree it's best for her to know instead of staying in the dark while he cheated and might cheat again? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 As a bs, I feel that ever bs should know in order to make an informed decision. Not knowing about cheating, doesn't give a person all the facts to examine all the options available to us. If they choose to stay after they have been informed then so be it. But to live a lie, not only puts their lives in danger(std's, bunny boilers, psycho stalkers) it compounds the devistation when it is found out. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 ah non... not another one of those threads.. NO... DO NOT TELL THE W... geezz.. why is it OK now to tell and it wasn't when you had the A.. 'Kiss and tell' people are miserable losers.. Link to post Share on other sites
american-woman Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Should the wife be informed that her husband was cheating on her? I am not friends with the wife, but I'm wondering if I have a moral obligation to inform her that her husband has been unfaithful with her for the past year. Do you agree it's best for her to know instead of staying in the dark while he cheated and might cheat again? If you had cancer wouldnt you want to be told? Link to post Share on other sites
81West Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 No, no, no. It's simply not your place. Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 I am in the "tell" camp. Just because I would want someone to tell me. I would consider them doing me a huge favor. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Fun, your situation is different if it's the one I'm thinking of. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted April 5, 2008 Author Share Posted April 5, 2008 I just feel like it's hard for me to live with myself knowing something so crucial yet keeping it away from a woman. True I wasn't thinking of her at the time thigns went down, but now that my head is clear, isn't it the moral thing to do? I'm surprised to be told it isn't considering how hard it would be to tell her to begin with. This is all for HER benefit since it would make ME look bad. And yes, it's the one you're thinking of WWIU. I'm thinking it will be part of the closure process so I won't feel so guilty about it. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 OP, what is your relation? Do you have credibility with the W? If I considered myself an otherwise disinterested party, I would hold my council. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 I'm wondering if I have a moral obligation to inform her that her husband has been unfaithful with her for the past year. NOW all of a sudden you are worried about your moral obligation to a woman who you conived against???? My guess would be if you had any personal moral obligations they would be not to have sex with other women's husbands. SERIOUSLY, now you are worried about morals????? LEAVE her alone. Good GOD, have you not done enough???? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 And yes, it's the one you're thinking of WWIU. I'm thinking it will be part of the closure process so I won't feel so guilty about it. Legally speaking, you don't contact his wife. You talk to a lawyer. There could be more out there too. Speaking to his wife will only make him go under cover. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fun2BMe Posted April 5, 2008 Author Share Posted April 5, 2008 OP, what is your relation? Do you have credibility with the W? If I considered myself an otherwise disinterested party, I would hold my council. I was the single one with the husband. Now that that chapter has finally finished, I'm trying to make some repairs. I'm thinking it will be part of the closure process so I won't feel so guilty about it (even though HE was the married one, but to those who think I as the single person am also guilty, at least this will right some of the wrong done, I'm thinking). Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 I just feel like it's hard for me to live with myself knowing something so crucial yet keeping it away from a woman. True I wasn't thinking of her at the time thigns went down, but now that my head is clear, isn't it the moral thing to do? I'm surprised to be told it isn't considering how hard it would be to tell her to begin with. This is all for HER benefit since it would make ME look bad. And yes, it's the one you're thinking of WWIU. I'm thinking it will be part of the closure process so I won't feel so guilty about it. I don't know the specifics of your situation, but I can only go from my belief system. God says we should go to the person we have offended and ask for forgiveness. With that said, you have to ask yourself will it hurt them more to go now(instead of at the beginning)or would it help in anyway. If it will cause the person more pain, grief and anguish, it is better not to speak with her. Maybe writing a letter and not mailing it. Link to post Share on other sites
UnusuallyUnusual Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 I was the wife and my husband was having the A... actually several As... I WISH someone would had told me far before I had found out, I may not have gotten married to him, I may not have bought my house with him, and I may have a higher self-esteem now. I don't regret having my daughter of course, but had I been told earlier then I wouldn't have had to raise her alone. I think she has the right to know. Just my own opinion of course. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 If you want to do the morally correct thing, I would suggest a lawyer and pressing charges so he doesn't do this to another patient of his. I'm sure you aren't the first (his wife was, wasn't she?), and you won't be the last if he is allowed to practice. His wife will then also know. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 I was the single one with the husband. Now that that chapter has finally finished, I'm trying to make some repairs. I'm thinking it will be part of the closure process so I won't feel so guilty about it (even though HE was the married one, but to those who think I as the single person am also guilty, at least this will right some of the wrong done, I'm thinking). I find it extraordinarily selfish and mean to tell a W after the A is over... To do HER a favour.. puhhhlleeezze... spare your good intention.. methink it's only for REVENGE ... it has nothing to do with doing HER a favour.. You're trying to make some repairs.. now.. LOL.. you mean you are trying to make them feel more miserable... It's all about you.. you want some closure.. you don't want to feel so guilty.. this 'kiss and tell' thing is just soooo :sick: Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 If you want to do the morally correct thing, I would suggest a lawyer and pressing charges so he doesn't do this to another patient of his. I'm sure you aren't the first (his wife was, wasn't she?), and you won't be the last if he is allowed to practice. His wife will then also know. Exactly. This isn't just about you, it's about him being unprofessional and taking advantage of you. He was in a power of position and used your vunerablities against you. To do HER a favour.. puhhhlleeezze... spare your good intention.. methink it's only for REVENGE ... it has nothing to do with doing HER a favour.. You need to go back and read some of her past history to understand what is going on here..This isn't a usual OW/MM situation at all. Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Oh yeah....take him down. Exactly. This isn't just about you, it's about him being unprofessional and taking advantage of you. He was in a power of position and used your vunerablities against you. Link to post Share on other sites
81West Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 You cannot predict what effect this will have on a life (lives if there are children) that has nothing to do with you. If you had a crystal ball you might be able to know if in the end your telling would be an ultimately positive or a utimately destructive force in her life, but as it is you have no such knowlege. Unless she asks you outright, doing the right thing here is getting out of her life and staying out of it. I believe you are well intentioned, but not being completely realistic about the practical realities of dropping bombs on people's lives. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Lizzie not everyone has the same thought patterns that you do. Some people actually do feel guilt and look for ways to make amends. There are courses of action for living one's life. Even though yours suits you, it may not suit everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Exactly. This isn't just about you, it's about him being unprofessional and taking advantage of you. He was in a power of position and used your vunerablities against you. You need to go back and read some of her past history to understand what is going on here..This isn't a usual OW/MM situation at all. I don't care what situation it was.. 'kiss and tell' is what it is.. and it is wrong to 'tell' after the A is over.. why wasn't it right to tell when the A was going on.. it's still Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Lizzie, go click on her username and read up. This isn't just about kiss and tell, this is about a Therapist ABUSING his client and manipulating her, using her vunerablities/insecurities against her so HE could take her $$ and have an affair with her. This so - called T needs to have a lawsuit against him and not practice therapy anymore. I'm sure there are many other women he's done this to as well. She can't be the only one. Link to post Share on other sites
81West Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 I'm sorry...I don't know the OP's story. What was the professional relationship between her and the MM? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Lizzie, go click on her username and read up. This isn't just about kiss and tell, this is about a Therapist ABUSING his client and manipulating her, using her vunerablities/insecurities against her so HE could take her $$ and have an affair with her. This so - called T needs to have a lawsuit against him and not practice therapy anymore. I'm sure there are many other women he's done this to as well. She can't be the only one. I don't know her story.. but if that's the case.. then she doesn't need to tell HIS wife.. but to call the police and have him charged.. simple.. The 'telling his wife' won't do anything IMO.. if he was in fact the therapist, abusing his client.. it's definitely not the W that needs to know this.. but the authority.. If she is mordicus to tell his W.. then it's solely for revenge.. IMO Link to post Share on other sites
american-woman Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 The wife may already have some red flags but may be in denial. The OW doesnt have to say who she is only that she is someone that is concerned. And she doesnt really need to say her WH is cheating or has. All she needs to do is send an email ect signs of cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
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