HGP Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 (edited) Why Are You Single? Lyra Pappin http://lifestyle.sympatico.msn.ca/Why+Are+You+Single/Relationships/NEWContentPosting_TheSoko.aspx?isfa=1&newsitemid=thesoko-1815&feedname=THESOKO_V2&show=False&number=3&showbyline=True&subtitle=&detect=&abc=abc&date=False Are you imagining your love life instead of doing something about it? Everyone needs to collectively relax. Dating shouldn’t be such a big deal. I can imagine people jumping all over me saying it’s easier said than done, but why? Why can’t we try to put things in perspective sometimes? Relationships, dating, single life – it all needs some kind of makeover. Or a make-under. Everyone is way too uptight about it. And way too intense. Dream Date Every new person you meet isn’t a potential soulmate. Let’s get that out of the way. I have friends that have a witty exchange at a party, or hell, at a Starbucks, and think love is in the air. How about taking it down a notch and not pinning all potential hopes for everlasting love and singular happiness on this person and simply ask them out? The singles community seems flooded with people who aren’t content being single, but aren’t willing to do anything to change it. If you are single and you meet someone you might like, do something about it. I suppose it sounds scary to ask out a total stranger, and maybe it isn’t always appropriate, but neither is obsessing about a romantic possibility with someone you don’t even know. It wouldn’t be so intimidating to ask someone out if you didn’t view them as the sudden be all and end all of your euphoric existence. I can’t say that I was the boldest single girl ever, but even when I met Henry, I sucked it up and asked him for contact information. It wasn’t the best experience of my life, but still. Generally, people aren’t offended when someone expresses a remote trace of interest in them. Also, like they say, what’s the worst that can happen? If they say no, whatever. Move on. Yes or No That’s what these perma-singles don’t seem to want to give up. I don’t even think it’s that asking someone out is so intimidating; it’s what happens after interest is expressed. If the person says yes, you have to confront the reality that you don’t really know this person, he or she may not be so perfect and you might not like them at all. Then you are back to square one. If it turns out that things go well, then great! What’s the problem? The other side of asking someone out is the perennial fear of rejection. Why can’t we get over this? Because we build these strangers up to be something they aren’t. Forget about it. How hard should it be to get over a random guy or girl saying no to you? Maybe he or she is just a jerk. Maybe they just broke up with someone, or have a Star Wars bed set, and who cares anyway? Shockingly, there are more people in the world. Mind Traps Some single people get into the trap of preferring imagined relationships to the ones they could have in real life. If you ask out your crush and he says no, it’s not him, the real person, you have to get over, it’s him, the idealized perfect man, you are suddenly crushed by. So many people write to me asking how to get someone to like them, or how to get their attention, or why they are single. The answer is the same for all: just do it. Yes, thank you Nike slogan. Originally, Nike was the goddess of victory, doesn’t that tell you something? ____________________ I wasn't sure which section to put this in, it could be better in Dating, but the self-improvement one seemed appropriate. Plus this section needs some more upbeat content (no offence to anyone here of course). I posted this because it highlights an area I've always had trouble with - approaching strangers. I've rarely had the guts to do it. But really, it's as simple as walking up to an attractive stranger and saying something like "I noticed you over here and thought I'd say hi". No excuses, no lame lines, just an unapologetic approach. Easy! Of course I always find some way to psych myself out. Edited April 5, 2008 by HGP Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 I don't get it.. what's wrong with people? Why do we still feel sorry for someone being single? Being single can be the most exciting lifestyle.. and the one with the most benefits.. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 I don't have to be single but right now, I don't have enough personal energy to give a crap about changing my status. Link to post Share on other sites
Stockalone Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Why Are You Single? I am an introvert, and a loner by preference. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HGP Posted April 5, 2008 Author Share Posted April 5, 2008 I don't get it.. what's wrong with people? Why do we still feel sorry for someone being single? Being single can be the most exciting lifestyle.. and the one with the most benefits.. What if you don't want to be single? What if single people want to meet people but have a hard time with it? Being single can be great, but not when it's involuntary. Link to post Share on other sites
Portage Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 I'm single. I've been separated for over two years. Sometimes being alone is much more rewarding than working on a relationship. You have to be in the right mindset. I'm quite satisfied at the moment flying solo. It works. Link to post Share on other sites
Pacman Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 I am single because i need to love myself first. Working really hard on it . Once i learn how to love myself, watch out market Link to post Share on other sites
MoonlightLover Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 I don't get it.. what's wrong with people? Why do we still feel sorry for someone being single? Being single can be the most exciting lifestyle.. and the one with the most benefits.. Yeah that's true, i deal with the same hundred and odd people at work and day after day every week they ask me questions about my love life and when i tell them its non existant they act as though it must be the most terrible thing for me ever and give out sympathy....wheras its quite the opposite i do better on my own, dont miss having relationships. I enjoy my freedom far too much...even if i decide to be boring with it or exciting with it...still my freedom still my choice! Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 I don't get it.. what's wrong with people? Why do we still feel sorry for someone being single? Being single can be the most exciting lifestyle.. and the one with the most benefits.. I don't feel sorry for single people. If they are single by choice, so be it. I do have empathy for people who are single and don't want to be. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship if you are single. Just don't let it own your thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 I'd love to not be single but I simply don't develop interest in the men I meet- some are great, but there's no chemistry, or connection. And there is nothing worse than trying to force that. Frankly, though, it doesn't seem to matter much. I have single friends who date casually, get involved frequently, "have fun", but end up broken hearted and single anyways. I now believe it's mostly luck to find someone, if that's what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
MoonlightLover Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 There's nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship if you are single. Just don't let it own your thoughts. True, very much agree with that dear. A couple of years ago before i met my ex, i let it own my thoughts and my god did my self esteem take a tumble until i met him....sadly took an even worse tumble after getting with him too....but thats a different story! Now the thought of being in a relationship doesnt enter my mind. Hearing about all the relationships going on around me...the pro's and con's combined bores me and suffocates me. They're all extremely happy, but...hmm i dunno...maybe i've got more important things going on than to miss having a member of the opposite sex there for me....haha just realised i've dated men who have never been there for me...thats why i dont miss it...i've never had it! Solving my own problems here lol Link to post Share on other sites
grogster Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 I'm happily single. I much prefer being single to an unhappy marriage. And I've seen both sides. As long as you're capable of connecting with other people, who cares that you're single. Marriage is much overrated in certain circles. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 As a financially secure single woman, I must admit I do enjoy the freedom and hedonistic lifestyle of being single. No doubt being in a relationship has its perks, as well. I don't think either is better. It's reliant on personality type and more importantly, stage in life and emotional status. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 Marriage is much overrated in certain circles. Yes, it is. Anybody who has escaped an unhappy marriage knows this. Being single does necessarily equate being alone. Being single is much more interesting and rewarding, IMO. Or maybe I just haven't found the right person (if indeed such an animal exists). Link to post Share on other sites
sandflea Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 Based on recent statistics more and more of us are deciding to live the single lifestyle. Personally, I like it. Marriage is fine for the movies, but in my experience everyone I know who currently is feels like they're either missing out on something, or suffocating. I think people take relationships for granted when they marry. Dating is MUCH more fun! Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 Being single does necessarily equate being alone. edit: Being single does not necessarily equate being alone. I dislike editing. Link to post Share on other sites
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