Borderline Personality Disorder

[Lishy]

Kbah, firstly I would like to say congratulations on the fact that you saw the signs in yourself and did something about it! That is great!

 

Secondly, can you tell me what it was like to have a BPD parent? Can you give some examples as my sons dad has this disorder and I can keep him away from him at this age but when he is older I know he will seek him out and be in his life again

 

Thank you

[kbah]

Sure!

Some examples or symptoms are:

-my mom would only validate my feelings when SHE felt the issue was important (no matter how emotionally draining, or crucial the issue may be) This was one of the toughest for me to deal with, because I never developed a strong sense of trust in my own beliefs and feelings, because I was always told what I felt or experienced was wrong.

This is a very common symptom and I can truly say this is a common occurence on a daily basis with my mom.

For example, about 3 years ago I was lying on the couch and watching a movie with my mom (this is when I still lived with my mom and dad) and I was feeling very sad and could not express my feelings or even recognize at the time what was bothering me. I was crying to myself on and off for a couple hours (I KNEW I couldn't turn to my mom for support so I just kinda tried to tough it out). Finally, when the movie was over, I told my mom that I was really upset and that I had been crying for a couple hours. Most NORMAL parents would ask "Why are you upset? WHat is bothering you?" But here is how our conversation went.

M:"You weren't crying."

Me: "Yes I was. I was crying quietly to myself for a couple hours. I really don't feel well."

Mom:(her tone now showing anger) "You WEREN'T crying. I was sitting here the whole time. You weren't crying."

Me: "Yes, I was. Why won't you believe me?!?! I was crying!"

Mom: (now yelling) "Stop lying. You weren't crying!"

---She was feeling emotionally depressed and was unable to tend to her child's needs, so instead of trying or at least slightly sympathizing, she argued and pushed me away.

 

 

-her reactions were very unexpected...I NEVER knew what I was going to hear or see....Example: One time I was home alone (surprise surprise) and my mom and dad came home. I had on a couple extra lights because I was alone and kind of scared and she just started SCREAMING at me about wasting electricity and "I could pay the bills...." blah blah...meanwhile I'm 17-years-old. She was upset because she dug the family a financial hole by excessive gambling and wasting our money (another symptom of BPD)

As a result of never knowing what to expect, I have developed pretty serious anxiety...almost to a manic level. Alot of times my head does not stop spinning, unless I have an outlet for the anxiety.

 

 

There are two of the MANY symptoms. I could go on for hours. it feels so good to get it out! Please take care of this child with as much love and validation as you can. If the father makes an inappropriate comment or does something hurtful, please be sure to explain to the child the truth and even say that the father is wrong. You never want your child thinking that this erratic pattern of behavior and invalidating thoughts are right. They absolutely are not.

 

Please let me know if there is any other tips or advice I can offer.

[mehtaz]

I told her mother and even her. Things got out of control as i had expected. None believed, they all thing i am some crazy freak who can't get over his little crush.

 

I talked to her mother, told her everything about her. She knew about the cuts, about her depression, sexual abuse as a child yet she just talked like she had no heart. She has BPD too from what i observed. Its how it moves right? negligence on the mothers side causes BPD in daughter and so and so forth.

 

So now i have been asked/forced to stay away from their lives. They didn't listen to a single thing i had to say.

 

Is the guilt on me now? that she will get worse and worse, get in drug and sex abuse, end up with a suicide. Maybe i failed to get her to a doctor?

 

I really have no idea what to do. I could still push on but it will only end in her parents sending police at my place. I have no idea what to do.

[borelandkaren]

I told her mother and even her. Things got out of control as i had expected. None believed, they all thing i am some crazy freak who can't get over his little crush.

 

I talked to her mother, told her everything about her. She knew about the cuts, about her depression, sexual abuse as a child yet she just talked like she had no heart. She has BPD too from what i observed. Its how it moves right? negligence on the mothers side causes BPD in daughter and so and so forth.

 

So now i have been asked/forced to stay away from their lives. They didn't listen to a single thing i had to say.

 

Is the guilt on me now? that she will get worse and worse, get in drug and sex abuse, end up with a suicide. Maybe i failed to get her to a doctor?

 

I really have no idea what to do. I could still push on but it will only end in her parents sending police at my place. I have no idea what to do.

 

 

You need to walk away from this now. Anything else is just bad for you. Concentrate on getting your own life back together. The aftermath from these people is quite devastating, if this is who she is. Walk away and don't look back. Good luck to you. Take care.

[mehtaz]

but i just have this feeling that its my fault that i wasn't able to convince her. The last thing she said to me was that if i had just talked to her, instead of her mother she would have listened. Maybe i screwed this up?

[kbah]

Don't fall victim! That is what the borderline does...makes you feel like YOU are at fault. Of course they don't see it your way. You did not screw anything up. Stay strong and confident in what you feel and believe. Get out of there.