SERIOUS Family Issues

[temp_clipped_wings]

Hello everyone, this is a horrible situation but thankfully it is without any sexual abuse or anything of that nature. I will start off by giving a family profile.

 

Me: 20 year old college student, part-time job in I.T., full time job importing and reselling clothing and accessories.

Mother: 48 year old manager, previous housewife

Father: 56 year old Attorney

Sister: 16 years old

There has never been a time when our family is not in a rift and there is not some amount of arguement in the house. NEVER. We live in an upscale neighbourhood and sad to say we are THE NOISIEST. Our neighbors constantly talk about us and we are the disgrace of the neighbourhood. Yes it is that bad.

 

What do we bicker about? EVERYTHING

 

Money, clothes, chores ANYTHING.

 

Now since last week a series of events have unfolded which has forced me to join and create this thread in hopes of getting your advice.

 

My father has the habit of dipping into the money of others and replacing it when necessary. He does it with clients and with family members. Often when it concerns family members he claims that the figure he was given is less and dispute arise. He and my mother frequently argue about the fact that for example she had given him for example $2000 to deposit and when he hands her the book he only deposited $1500 saying that all she had given him. OR he will say she didn't give him any money at all.

 

Okay, so my father is the only one on my bank account and since I do not drive and really have no time to do deposits etc. he usually handles these things for me. I gave my father my bank book and asked him to withdraw $2500 and then gave him an additional $1000 in cash to convert to British pounds to buy some items to resell. I gave him this money the beginning of last month. I asked him several times if he had converted the money and he said he was too busy, hadn't gotten the time etc. He took so long that I took back the $1000 to buy something sold the item and returned it to him.

 

He told me about two weeks ago that he had not gotten all the money changed because the bank did not have that much pounds available. Now this week when im ready for the pounds he presents me with only $2500 usd worth of pounds saying that I did not give him any more money. He then changed his story to say that I gave him but took it back.

 

After a huge argument which spanned two days between him, me and my mother over the "missing" $1000 which im sure the neighbors enjoyed I was presented with my money yesterday.

 

Ok so yesterday I was to meet with someone who has a great deal of clothing and accessories for sale. I know other people who have bought from him with no issues. However, this person is located in a seedy area and my father refused to carry me. The person then said they would come to an area close to me at 11:00 am yesterday and im to meet them there. The person then texts me and says that they want to meet at 10:00 am instead. I tell my father who immediately erupts in a rage and starts telling me all kinds of things like I'm a "..money loving bitch!" that the person is a thief and wants to kill me and its a setup. He insists that im going to get robbed and says that I should go to meet the person with our driver so that if anything happens the driver and I will die and he will still have his life.

 

Upon hearing this im shocked and immediately angered but I dont say anything. He then after reflection says that he and his electrician who was at home at the time will follow me. I told him no way and that ill go myself. This is when WWIII erupts. He hits my laptop cover and the screen immediately goes grey with lines running through it. Thankfully a reboot brought it back normally.

 

Anyway, aside from the fact that he said that he didnt want to go and that me and the driver can die. I also wasnt interested in him following me because to be frank my father looks depressing. At 55 he looks like 65 he dresses shabbily although he has several good clothes. He constantly coughs, sneezes and spits. The only time he look half presentable is when he is going to work which is maybe once per week, court or a meeting (rarely). Then the electrician looks dirty and haggard. Frankly, our driver has a more rugged and presentable look and im sure would be able to offer me more protection if a robbery were to take place.

 

He goes on and on about how I love money so im willing to deal with and do business with people who may be potential thieves just for an extra buck etc. Which is a lie and he says this only because he is upset at the fact that he has to pay be back the $1000 he claims he never got/I took back.

He screams that im willing to go into ghettos to make money and I don’t value my life and that im going to lie young and quickly. He goes on to say that I deserve to die etc. In the past he has said that I can die because since he has lost a mother, father and sister I can die too.

 

Reaching my breaking point, I told him that as we have heard (from 2 psychics) he will actually be the first to die from our household not me and he is to concern himself with his own death rather than the death of others. This causes him to further berate me and tells me that I have until December to get out of his house and that I am making enough money to deserve to be out of his sight. I went on to tell him that he had no problem going into a ghetto to meet with a woman he was having an extramarital affair with so I wonder why he is having a problem now. I told him if he didn’t think that ghetto trash woman would more likely set up someone to rob and kill him more than this individual that im going to buy clothes from?[/FONT]

After the whole thing I was so hurt and upset I just cried and cried.

 

Okay now since that huge blowup tensions have been high. Now exams are approaching and as always I stock up on red bulls to keep me up. My sister is always drinking my stock which sometimes pisses me off and causes arguments. Now I bought a half dozen a few weeks ago and one remained in the fridge. I go to spot in the fridge and take up the red bull and my sister shouts out “Its mine dad bought it for me!!” I ask her where is the one I put in this very same spot? She proceeds to scream on the top of her lungs that its hers and goes upstairs SCREAMING to my parents that im drinking her red bull and that they are to intervene. She also goes outside as if inviting the neighbours in screaming. My mother then comes to me shouting that im to put down her things and my sister is still screaming uncontrollably.

 

When the screaming then gets too loud I just pour the drink down the drain and toss the can near my sister and walk away. All of them then began arguing over various things and past incidents and their arguments just concluded at 10:16 having been in progress since 8:45. This is a disgrace to say the least.

 

Our family doesn’t have a shred of unity. We argue about everything, say unkind things to each other, wish ill to each other etc. My sister is also a huge problem in that she believes if she shouts and bullies she will get her way and has broken things all over the house in the past and sometimes acts like she is on the brink of suicide when she has tests and exams at school. In addition, she has had numerous problems with classmates fights etc. My parents have had to come to her school around four times because of disagreements etc. she has had with other students.

 

Another problem is that my father hides his money and is very tight with his money and although he doesn’t make that much as he has very little clients (it seems as the years go by he has fewer and fewer clients) when he makes a lot from one case etc. he doesn’t share or spend the money in the household. My mother has been doing most of the spending recently. He watches all our earnings etc.

 

I could go on and on but right now I just need advice as to what you guys things. Im trying to be less vocal even when im told awful things im going to stop replying with awful things etc[/FONT]

 

The real solution to me is for us to go our separate ways. My personal life is shot to hell I don’t have a boyfriend and my last one was in 2006. I don’t have enough money for my own place im going on to do my MBA soon so thankfully ill land a good job and get out of here soon.

 

Trust me the arguments and the horrible things that are said when the arguments take place are unbelievable.

 

Right now im working towards getting a car, getting accepted into the MBA programme so im trying to rack up as many As as possible this semester and get a good job and get out of here.

 

 

 

I work tremendously hard, importing and buying locally and selling clothes and accessories is a lot of work. Coupled with my demanding regular job and school. I was actually kind of forced into selling something to get more money as my father would just give us enough money for the basics and my mother was a housewife basically all through my years in high school.

 

Sometimes I feel that I am working so hard and no one is really here to help me and support me. I feel kind of alone. I mean no one is encouraging, the continue to be surprised by my earnings from sales though. However, no one says anything encouraging. The most my father will do is give me a ride here and there.

 

 

Do you guys have any advice? It would be GREATLY appreciated.

Edited April 6, 2008 by temp_clipped_wings

[Ssheena]

Move out and get a flat mate.

You all have a chauffeur?

 

Your dad has a problem with money. You're 20 years old. Take his name of your bank book.

[sb129]

Oh my god your family is dysfunctional.

 

Is your Dad abusing drugs? His behaviour about money, the drop in his work output, and his lack of personal attention to himself could be signs of that. He could also be reluctant to go into the "ghetto" in case any of the dealers recognised him...

 

I guess that is quite a big assumption to make.

 

There seems to be ALOT of anger in your household. Everyone is out for themselves, and will walk over anyone to get it. (esp your sister) You are desperate for someone to give you their approval.

 

Arguing with your sister over red bulls is ridiculous at your age.

If you have your own money (and it sounds like you do) you should be able to afford to move out into a house with roommates or whatever- if you move in with other students they will have exams too and will appreciate the need for quiet during these times.

[temp_clipped_wings]

LOL sb129, he is definitely not using drugs; that made me laugh.

 

I totally agree its ridiculous that we are arguing over Red Bulls indeed.

 

Thanks for replies sb129 and Ssheena.

[sb129]

Ok well stranger things have happened..... glad to hear that though. Sorry if you thought that was a little way out there!

 

What about moving out- is that an option?