Hurting again

[littletoes]

HI there. I'm back with more bad news....... Since My boyfriend is working with that old boss of his he's working with him this weekend and he decided to get a hotel so he would'nt have to drive home because hes working again today. Well I tried calling him last night and he wouldnt answer phone. Hes done this too me before. Well I called him this morning and hes still not answering the phone again.

 

Im starting to assume the worst. I've posted some posts in terms of whats going on.. He lied andf I have no strnegth to confront him post. Please read it and please give me some more feed back

[InLimbo2]

I don't mean to be harsh when you are hurting - but - you're kidding right?

 

You find your boyfriend of 2.5 years on dating sites. You catch him in a lie about having to work at the boss's house on a weekend - he turns white as a sheet - and says it's an OLD boss he's workin for on weekends. He won't see you because he's too tired so you can't talk to him about it. He then tells you he has to work the next weekend for a boss (old or new). He then says he's staying in a hotel - and won't answer his phone.

 

Are you really that blind - or that much in denial? He found a chick at the online dating site and is dating her on the weekends.

 

HI there. I'm back with more bad news....... Since My boyfriend is working with that old boss of his he's working with him this weekend and he decided to get a hotel so he would'nt have to drive home because hes working again today. Well I tried calling him last night and he wouldnt answer phone. Hes done this too me before. Well I called him this morning and hes still not answering the phone again.

 

Im starting to assume the worst. I've posted some posts in terms of whats going on.. He lied andf I have no strnegth to confront him post. Please read it and please give me some more feed back

[littletoes]

I really must be in denial.

 

He's not answering any of his calls from me ( Hes done this in the past when hes away on business. I've tried calling him so many times ans not an answer. I called his mom to see if shes spoken to him today she tolkd me that hes not answering the phone as well.

 

Hes avoiding me again last time he did this he broke up with so I'm getting really scared yes I'm blind blind by the crazy thing they call love

[InLimbo2]

Stop calling him and stop calling his mother. Have some dignity dear. I read somewhere you are in your 30's - start acting it - this is like a teen aged drama.

 

He did this before? And you took him back? And you're scared he's going to break up with YOU?

 

RUN RUN RUN away from this man. This is NOT love. Nobody is perfect, but love does NOT make you feel bad about yourself.

 

Listen - I'm 46, been married and divorced, and had a lotta bad relationships since the divorce. Been where you've been to an extent - it sucks, it hurts, and you really do think the guy is "The One" - you KNOW it - and he treats you like crap and you hang on - and analyze every little thing - just *knowing* you are the right woman for him - if you just said X and did Y and he would realize what he has and have an epiphany and straighten up. Guess what? They don't - cuz they just aren't that into you - and they never will be. It hurts - good lord do I know it hurts - but you DO get past it - one day at a time. And you one day have a clear vision of just what you were doing - and how crazy it all was.

 

And then - when you least expect it - you meet the right man - and he loves you - he cherishes you - and he treats you with respect. And you look back and realize how much happier and stronger you are with this new person - and wonder how you ever put up with such nonsense and went through all this emotional turmoil.

 

RUN RUN RUN from this man. Stop all this nonsense about needing to see him and talk to him in person - deep down - you and I both know exactly what that's all about - you are desperate to see him - so you can analyze every look, word, so you can convince yourself (or allow him to convince you) that it was all a misunderstanding. STOP My former bf used to do the same - won't give me my stuff back until I saw him in person blah blah blah. Finally told him to just keep it - I wasn't giving him that chance again.

 

Just so you know - I've been with a fantastic man for 2 years come May - he's healed ALL the wounds the prior boyfriend inflicted. I feel SOOO much better about myself and I feel strong, loved, respected - and I feel good about ME - he encourages me to be MY best every single day - and he doesn't impede that by causing tons of drama in MY life or doubt in myself. That my dear is LOVE.

 

 

I really must be in denial.

 

He's not answering any of his calls from me ( Hes done this in the past when hes away on business. I've tried calling him so many times ans not an answer. I called his mom to see if shes spoken to him today she tolkd me that hes not answering the phone as well.

 

Hes avoiding me again last time he did this he broke up with so I'm getting really scared yes I'm blind blind by the crazy thing they call love

[littletoes]

I'm so happy for you.

 

Yes I think I must run. Run for the hills. One time he starting igoreing my calls out of the blue and he wouldnt say I love you to me all week. I was the one calling him and speaking with him then he started ignoring my telephone calls. Would'nt aswer my calls he igored me completely then I knew in my heart that something is not right then I remember I calle dhim back and he said that hes breaking up with me. After about a month he called me back then I took him back. This behaviour about the boss and his co worker starting about lat month If u look at my posts it explains every little detail. HE mentioned that he wouldnt igore me again and look hes doing it again. ******** Keep in my this is the first Lie that he has got caught it. Hes never lied to me before he told me that he never lied to me as per our face to face on Friday. Still no phone call to let me know whats going on. I'm starting to get scared and I'm concerd if hes ok.

[InLimbo2]

Yes, I've seen every little detail - you are analyzing it to death because you hope it won't show exactly what it is showing you.

 

Let's see - he's been on dating sites, he lied about working with his boss, now he's MIA and no contact, all you know is he's in a hotel somewhere - and you are taking his word on anything!?!? Girl - ignore the man's words and pay attention to his actions! And this is not the first time he's played this game.

 

Stop with the "is he ok? he might be in an accident he might be in the hospital" stuff. You just want there to be a logical rational answer for his disrespecting and ignoring you. He's FINE. He's been in a hotel room all night with another woman - period.

 

Hotel checkouts are usually around 11-12 (don't know what time zone you are in) - you'll get a call sometime after with "I was so tired from work I didn't call. Lost cellphone. Battery died etc etc" He told you he was going to be in a hotel in case you saw the bill somehow. Why didn't he give you the name/number of the hotel? Because he didn't want you to call and interrupt his romantic liaison.

 

STOP - he's a liar and a cheat.

 

 

I'm so happy for you.

 

Yes I think I must run. Run for the hills. One time he starting igoreing my calls out of the blue and he wouldnt say I love you to me all week. I was the one calling him and speaking with him then he started ignoring my telephone calls. Would'nt aswer my calls he igored me completely then I knew in my heart that something is not right then I remember I calle dhim back and he said that hes breaking up with me. After about a month he called me back then I took him back. This behaviour about the boss and his co worker starting about lat month If u look at my posts it explains every little detail. HE mentioned that he wouldnt igore me again and look hes doing it again. ******** Keep in my this is the first Lie that he has got caught it. Hes never lied to me before he told me that he never lied to me as per our face to face on Friday. Still no phone call to let me know whats going on. I'm starting to get scared and I'm concerd if hes ok.

[littletoes]

Hey there. Wow thanks for making me see the god dam light. I'm the most worlds stupidest women on the planet!@!!!!!!!!!!!!! Perioe!!!!! Your are so right thats ezactly what Im doing Im listening to the idiots words instead of looking at the actions. He has played this ignore my phone calls game and now hes up to it again. I'm so upset. I can't get a hold of him hes mail box is now full therefore I cant leave him a message.

 

 

Anyhoe Im so angry with myself because I belived him that he wouldnt do this again and hes doing it and hes probabbly laughing at me.

 

I'm such a freaking loser. Big loser. I fell for another idiot and Im trying to convince myself that everything is fine boy was I wrong! He told me that he wouldnt ever ignore my calls I cant believe I fell for it. WOW. He took me for a fool dont I feel reallys smart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[InLimbo2]

You're emotionally beating up the wrong person.

 

You loved, you trusted - that doesn't make you a loser - just makes you a genuine person who loved and trusted the wrong man.

 

Trust me - been there, done that myself. The great thing tho is this - you've learned - don't give anyone your love and trust until they've earned it - and once it's broken - it's broken.

 

You've filled his voicemail with desperate messages - that IS pathetic - I would know - I myself have done that before

 

Stop everything, just stop. End the relationship - go no contact - get yourself together. You feel weak, you will get stronger. You have NO reason to ever speak to him again - you owe him nothing - not even after 2.5 years. He will do everything possible to manipulate you into seeing him/talking to him again - don't fall for it - don't get sucked back into this.

 

Tell your parents and friends what happened (not every detail, just that he lied and cheated and it's over) and enlist their help to keep you strong in your resolve to end this painful chapter in your life. I did that and it helped tremendously.

 

Hey there. Wow thanks for making me see the god dam light. I'm the most worlds stupidest women on the planet!@!!!!!!!!!!!!! Perioe!!!!! Your are so right thats ezactly what Im doing Im listening to the idiots words instead of looking at the actions. He has played this ignore my phone calls game and now hes up to it again. I'm so upset. I can't get a hold of him hes mail box is now full therefore I cant leave him a message.

 

 

Anyhoe Im so angry with myself because I belived him that he wouldnt do this again and hes doing it and hes probabbly laughing at me.

 

I'm such a freaking loser. Big loser. I fell for another idiot and Im trying to convince myself that everything is fine boy was I wrong! He told me that he wouldnt ever ignore my calls I cant believe I fell for it. WOW. He took me for a fool dont I feel reallys smart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Teresa55]

Your situation is so similar to mine that it sort of took my breath away. I finally got the guts to end it, been 2 months into no contact, and I feel soooooooo much better now. But it took me about 6 weeks to stop agonizing over whether I did the right thing. Now that time and distance has gone by, I can clearly see what I couldn't see then. Like you I was so far into denial and making excuses for my ex and his obviously neglecteful, blatantly tomcatting around behavior, it wasn't funny. I took alot of crap, and he dished it out, and even when I did try to confront him, he'd just try to minimize and make excuses for his behavior, straighten up for a few weeks, and then when he got me back in the comfort zone, revert right back to the bad behavior. And why shouldn't he have, he knew what "I" was up to---sitting around worrying about what "he" was up to. He didn't have to worry about losing me, because I was always there at his conveniece and he knew I would always take him back, or suck it up and try to convince myself I believed his lies. I hope you don't answer your phone when he calls, now or ever. Just let it go to voicemail. But if you are like I was, it may take awhile longer of being his convenience girl, or backup girl, a few more times of getting the wind knocked out of you, so to speak, before you finally get it, so please don't be embarrassed to keep posting for support if you don't get no contact exactly right the first time around. Let us know how it goes, and good luck. You sound like a really nice caring person, and you deserve to be treated with respect.

[littletoes]

Hey there thanks for the last reply. Well I feel really lost and confused I cant believe I fell for this. I honestly thought that he wouldnt be up to his old tricks and now look at me I'm back to square one wondering why hes not calling me etc. Ill be honest I contacted his mom and she told me that he still hasnt called her back.

 

Gosh I fell so dumb and embaressed I hope he does call me so I can break up with the jerk unfortunately I cant leave a message because his mail box is full.

its's 3 pm Est and no calls no emails no nothing.

[InLimbo2]

STOP

 

you don't need to leave him a message

 

he'll call eventually

 

and when he does - all you have to say is "we're over" *CLICK*

 

 

 

 

 

Hey there thanks for the last reply. Well I feel really lost and confused I cant believe I fell for this. I honestly thought that he wouldnt be up to his old tricks and now look at me I'm back to square one wondering why hes not calling me etc. Ill be honest I contacted his mom and she told me that he still hasnt called her back.

 

Gosh I fell so dumb and embaressed I hope he does call me so I can break up with the jerk unfortunately I cant leave a message because his mail box is full.

its's 3 pm Est and no calls no emails no nothing.

[Miad's Princess]

look at me I'm back to square one wondering why hes not calling me etc.

 

I feel for you hunni, but you know why he isn't calling etc!

[shanny]

You are letting him put you through a total emotional roller coaster... One post on here and your strong and ready to confront him, the next you confronted him and believed him and the next you realize that you've been played for a fool and you're devasted. Stop the cycle now!

 

I know what you are going through and if you read my posts on here then you probably wouldn't even know why I'm giving you advice because I'm going through the same thing and handling it the same way you are. I'm being lied to and made a fool of and I stay with him because I feel that I love him. It can be very easy to give advice, but taking it yourself is very different, especially when love is involved. You need to get to the same point that I'm trying to get to, which i realizing that he is not the last guy you'll ever love and you will find someone who will treat you better. I am trying to realize that and you need to as well.

 

You also seem to share the same trait as me in that you are too trusting. You've probably never been treated like this before and it's hard to believe that it's happening to you. You probably (like me) can't believe that someone can be so rotten and lie so much, especially to someone that they are supposed to love. Well wake up call to both of us... it's happening. We both need to handle it. I'll be thinking of you. Keep us all posted.