Do most men like bubbly women?

[shadowplay]

In my observation most smart guys, especially shy ones, are drawn to bubbly women. All the guys I've been involved with have had idealized this type of girl.

 

It bothers me because I'm far from bubbly. The fact that I'm depressed doesn't help, but even when I'm happy and confident I'm not bubbly. That's just not me. I can be energetic and passionate, but I still don't see the world in shades of pink. Bubby women seem fake, unreflective and disconnected from reality. They act that way because they get a lot of reinforcement for being cute, and because they're afraid of not being liked if they express a negative sentiment.

 

I'm talking about women who are cloyingly positive and chipper, to the point of denying reality. People like that strike me as depth-less. Why do guys fall all over them? Do they think being around a woman like that will fill their world with sugarplums and fairies, distracting them from the emptiness of their lives? It sounds silly, but bubbliness is almost the antithesis of everything I stand for. I'm drawn to nuance, shades of gray. Being around someone who's bubbly can be as depressing as being around someone who's constantly negative. Sometimes they seem like the saddest people in the world.

 

I find myself resenting these chipper, chatty girls and the guys who kiss their feet. Must I put on a facade of bubbliness to be appreciated by the opposite sex? Is that the way most men think women should be?

 

Even if I grow more confident and outgoing, I still won't be that bubbly girl. And, frankly, I don't want to be. I wish I could just find a guy who appreciated me for me, for better or worse.

 

Guess I'm in a bitter mood...

Edited April 6, 2008 by shadowplay

[carhill]

I like a woman who's emotionally aware, quick-witted and can engage in intellectual banter. The size of her "girls" is irrelevant

 

I love a woman who notices nuances, all the shades of existence. That's very sexy.

 

Don't know if that helps, but there ya go

 

Remember, the right man will appreciate your strengths and personality type. Yes, I've read your threads....

 

Do you get the feeling that guys blow right past you to get at these bubbly, outgoing ladies? If so, yeah, I know exactly how that feels. Men deal with the same issues, just in a different way.

 

Hope you feel better!

[shadowplay]

 

Do you get the feeling that guys blow right past you to get at these bubbly, outgoing ladies? If so, yeah, I know exactly how that feels. Men deal with the same issues, just in a different way.

 

Hope you feel better!

 

Yes. Thanks!

 

It's good to know there are guys out there who appreciate more complex women.

 

I just wish I understood why so many men are drawn to that type. Or maybe I just hang out in the wrong circles.

[my body is a cage]

I concur wholeheartedly!

 

 

(sorry, not helpful i know)

[TheFonz]

I think most everyone is attracted to bubbly or outgoing people. Women are usually attracted to bubbly guys even if they're not bubbly themselves. I think most guys want a girl to be bubbly with him and not every Tom, Dick, and Harry that comes along. A lot of guys distrust and resent those girls. And like you resent the fakeness of those girls, some guys resent guys they see as being full of thmselves and who get a lot of women.

 

As you pointed out, sometimes opposites attract. But sometimes they do not. Do you find yourself attracted to non-bubbly guys? If so, maybe you should find more guys similar to you.

[my body is a cage]

 

It's good to know there are guys out there who appreciate more complex women.

 

 

I feel like even the guys who say they would rather have a complex than bubbly female dont in actuality. Sort of like women who say they dont like bad boys...

 

Its kind of like in White Oleander, where the guy leaves the mom for a much less interesting and attractive woman and she cries and tells her daughter that she is too complicated for men.

[Trialbyfire]

Grrrr...why is the assumption that bubbly women, aren't complex, deep or real? I beg to differ...

[Marin]

You are very negative and judgmental. That is what is keeping guy's away from you, hon.

[shadowplay]

I think most everyone is attracted to bubbly or outgoing people. Women are usually attracted to bubbly guys even if they're not bubbly themselves. I think most guys want a girl to be bubbly with him and not every Tom, Dick, and Harry that comes along. A lot of guys distrust and resent those girls. And like you resent the fakeness of those girls, some guys resent guys they see as being full of thmselves and who get a lot of women.

 

As you pointed out, sometimes opposites attract. But sometimes they do not. Do you find yourself attracted to non-bubbly guys? If so, maybe you should find more guys similar to you.

 

Well, I'm not attracted to bubbly people. I like people who are balanced -- not too negative or positive. And I disagree that women are attracted to bubbly guys. In fact the only guys I've met who could be termed "bubbly" are usually gay. There's a difference between outgoing and bubbly. One can be outgoing and not bubbly.

[shadowplay]

Grrrr...why is the assumption that bubbly women, aren't complex, deep or real? I beg to differ...

 

Maybe we have a different definition of bubbly. I'm talking about women who are NOT complex, deep or reflective, and deny negativity to the point of delusion. Somebody can be passionate, energetic and outgoing but not "bubbly."

[carhill]

Yes. Thanks!

 

It's good to know there are guys out there who appreciate more complex women.

 

I just wish I understood why so many men are drawn to that type. Or maybe I just hang out in the wrong circles.

Yes, there are men who honestly appreciate and are attracted to the complexity of such a woman as you say you are. Like you, they aren't obvious. The trick is, just as for the man, you have to take notice of the males you're blowing by to get to that charismatic, good-looking, somewhat aloof man you're naturally attracted to (I'm assuming a generality here, not specific to you). The important aspect is noticing what and who is around you. I practice this at airports (I love to travel). I got over my shyness by traveling alone and talking to all sorts of people. It helps me be more aware.

 

My main problem is getting women to bring up all that stuff past the socialization, conditioning and prior relationship baggage. I am hopeful, even for having friends (as I'm married)

[Cov]

Bubbly women aren't always bubbly and the same goes for women who walk around like they a corspe, however I'd much rather be around someone who is upbeat and cheerful than someone who is negative, cliched and down right tiresome.

 

Excessive amounts of chipperness and an excessive amount of negativity annoys the heck out of me, but I'd sooner be around a jolly, laid back and positive person than a person who feels sorry for themselves and wants to gain draw attention to themselves.

[Trialbyfire]

Maybe we have a different definition of bubbly. I'm talking about women who are NOT complex, deep or reflective, and deny negativity to the point of delusion. Somebody can be passionate, energetic and outgoing but not "bubbly."

Since I've been told by multiple people IRL, that I do come across as bubbly, we must have a different definition...

[shadowplay]

Bubbly women aren't always bubbly and the same goes for women who walk around like they a corspe, however I'd much rather be around someone who is upbeat and cheerful than someone who is negative, cliched and down right tiresome.

 

Excessive amounts of chipperness and an excessive amount of negativity annoys the heck out of me, but I'd sooner be around a jolly, laid back and positive person than a person who feels sorry for themselves and wants to gain draw attention to themselves.

 

What I'm trying to get at is there's a happy inbetween. Of course somebody who's depressed is no fun to be around. But I find men are usually attracted to one extreme. Most don't seek out reflective, complex women. They may go for women who are smart but superficial.

[Cov]

Maybe we have a different definition of bubbly. I'm talking about women who are NOT complex, deep or reflective, and deny negativity to the point of delusion. Somebody can be passionate, energetic and outgoing but not "bubbly."

 

 

You're just bitter against these women for some reason, then again I have been unhappy a few times and almost became resentful of people who always seemed happy.

 

And it's actually harder to be happy and content then it is to be miserable and depressing. It's easy to fall into the trap of wallowing in one's negative emotions, it's harder to pick yourself up, and dust yourself up and keep on walking with a hopeful heart and a cute smile.

 

Bitterness, depression and misery has no depth, in fact it's a complete waste of our time.

[Marin]

Eh, it's a matter of semantics. Some people are just more animated or expressive than others.

Overall a guy wants a woman who makes him feel good, and if a so-called "bubbly" woman makes him feel better and happier than a judgmental over-analyzing, yet still outgoing woman, then he's going for the "bubbly" woman over the judmental over-analyzing, yet still outgoing woman.

 

I will tell you that men really hate when women judge other women; they hate cattiness. Your thread comes off as extremely judgmental and catty of women who are not exactly like yourself, so you're going to come off that way to men. Think about it.

[shadowplay]

Since I've been told by multiple people IRL, that I do come across as bubbly, we must have a different definition...

 

I don't know what you're like in real life, but you don't come off as bubbly on here.

[shadowplay]

Eh, it's a matter of semantics. Some people are just more animated or expressive than others.

Overall a guy wants a woman who makes him feel good, and if a so-called "bubbly" woman makes him feel better and happier than a judgmental over-analyzing, yet still outgoing woman, then he's going for the "bubbly" woman over the judmental over-analyzing, yet still outgoing woman.

 

I will tell you that men really hate when women judge other women; they hate cattiness. Your thread comes off as extremely judgmental and catty of women who are not exactly like yourself, so you're going to come off that way to men. Think about it.

 

I'm no more judgmental than other women. I hate cattiness and gossiping.

 

Btw, those bubbly women can be just as gossipy and catty behind closed doors. I know because I've been friends with them. Maybe guys don't see that side.

[Trialbyfire]

I don't know what you're like in real life, but you don't come off as bubbly on here.

In all situations, social or work, I'm usually a high energy person, who speaks quickly. In social situations, I love to tease and joke, which tends to make me smile and laugh a lot.

[shadowplay]

In all situations, social or work, I'm usually a high energy person, who speaks quickly. In social situations, I love to tease and joke, which tends to make me smile and laugh a lot.

 

I like high energy and jokiness in people. I wouln't consider that bubbly. I'm thinking of women who are overly positive all the time and deny the complexity in the world. My ex had a crush on this girl who was like that. An example is once she claimed India doesn't have an overpopulation problem. She couldn't be critical of anything.

[Trialbyfire]

I like high energy and jokiness in people. I wouln't consider that bubbly. I'm thinking of women who are overly positive all the time and deny the complexity in the world. My ex had a crush on this girl who was like that. An example is once she claimed India doesn't have an overpopulation problem. She couldn't be critical of anything.

Only if you include the square footage of the Bay of Bengal, as living space...

[Cov]

What I'm trying to get at is there's a happy inbetween. Of course somebody who's depressed is no fun to be around. But I find men are usually attracted to one extreme. Most don't seek out reflective, complex women. They may go for women who are smart but superficial.

 

Is it superficial to be happy for a majority of one's life? I can count on one occasion where I've been deeply unhappy. I have a tremendous gift of hiding my discontent around a lot of people and those who know me truly can tell when I'm hiding something. Is it superficial? Yeah, it is, but I'd rather be the life and soul of an evening than a wallflower who camoflagues into whatever setting he's in.

 

Men are simple creatures, men want an easy life, we don't like complexity, and more often than not happiness is a simplisticity; which is in contrast to a more downbeat person, per say.

 

I personally like women who are not superficial, but a man won't know a woman is superficial until he gets to know her well enough. As an 'emo', I tend to attract girls who are so negative, depressed and morbid, because 'it's cool' and that to me is superficial, which is why I'm glad I've found a woman in her twenties who is content with her life.

[Marin]

Your original post is very judgmental and catty. You stated that bubbly women have no depth. So bubbly women keep the judgment and cattiness behind closed doors because they don't like to be a bitch in public or be bitchy and judgmental in front of guys they are interested in?

 

 

 

I'm no more judgmental than other women. I hate cattiness and gossiping.

 

Btw, those bubbly women can be just as gossipy and catty behind closed doors. I know because I've been friends with them. Maybe guys don't see that side.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

I'm jolly, laid back and positive. I smile a lot and I'm very outgoing. I'm sure that many people would describe me as bubbly. I'm also quite complex. I would say this describes most of my friends. Bubbly does not equal ignorant. I think what you are describing are just different personality traits. Maybe bubbly women meet more men initially, but that does not mean these initial meetings translate into more meaningful relationships. Jeez, I can attest to that. I'm sure that the guy you want, the one who will be most interesting to you, is not the type who will necessarily go for the bubbly types. The right man will find you and you will be glad you didn't have to put on show for him.

[shadowplay]

Your original post is very judgmental and catty. You stated that bubbly women have no depth. So bubbly women keep the judgment and cattiness behind closed doors because they don't like to be a bitch in public or be bitchy and judgmental in front of guys they are interested in?

 

Bubbly women by my definition have no depth. That is what I mean by bubbly. I get the sense we're talking about two different types of people.