Defending the OW with babies

[child_of_isis]

Yup...perception. And about truth. Some will fight with their last dying breath to avoid the truth.

 

Plus LS is known for it's tough love. It's not going to change just because someone was offended.

 

"attacks" are more often than not dependant on the perception rather than the reality too. Just my opinion.

[Event Horizon]

I'm not sure there was ever a right time to do it. Unless he still hadn't come through on the child support, there was no reason to do it.

 

I think I would feel like it was vengeance, like I wanted to hurt him as bad as he hurt me. I think that being that vengeful would make it impossible for me to move on. It would obviously show that I had never gotten over it. I don't want to be that way. If I'm going to make sure that this is over, that means that I get out of his life.

 

The military is aware of the situation though. The MPs have a whole file on it because he took off on me right before Christmas of 2006. At that point, I had no money and no way to get home. He had brought me to post because he had to "move some of his stuff out." I didn't even have a car. I had no choice but to go to the MPs so that I could get out of there. They know what happened. His chain of command just never did anything. That was enough of an experience for me. After that one encounter, I didn't want to go through the military any more.

 

Luckily, I got the lease voided, so it all turned out. I am now far away from where he lives when he isn't deployed. I have turned my life around. I am finishing school and probably happier than I have been in a long time. I want to keep it that way. I don't want to mess with him because he will just mess with me right back.

And let me tell you this: when it's all said and done, you will still have the dignity of knowing you kept your mouth shut. Don't sink down to his level. That is something he can NEVER take from you.

 

E..H

[mistresswchildren]

And let me tell you this: when it's all said and done, you will still have the dignity of knowing you kept your mouth shut. Don't sink down to his level. That is something he can NEVER take from you.

 

E..H

 

I also don't think that I need to do anything to him. The likelihood is that he will do this again with someone else. He will be caught at some point in time. I just don't want to be involved when it happens. He has lied to me so much, I wonder what type of lies he has told to the military. They would find it interesting I am sure.

[child_of_isis]

So, you want him to take responsibility but not if it effects you in a negative way?

 

Also, if he doesn't have a job he cannot pay child support or get the kids covered medically. Right now, I'm finishing school, so I don't really want that to happen. If he does kicked out, his career options are slim. Who wants to higher a guy that got dishonorably discharged?

 

.

[Lookingforward]

Luckily for me, I had my children in Australia where their medical needs weren't an issue that relied on child support etc. and my youngest was already 14 when I moved here.

 

It would be nice if other states followed the lead of MA where no child is left uncovered medically.

[TheRain]

My standards aren't low because I always have you Rain! You know how much I think of you!

 

You know you don't, because I am out of your league.

[mistresswchildren]

So, you want him to take responsibility but not if it effects you in a negative way?

 

I want him to take responsibility. I just think that when it comes down to his career, that is his choice. Either way, I would bring him to court and he would be responsible for the kids. That's not the issue. Messing with someone's career in the military is different.

 

How can I make him responsible for something like an A, when in the civilian world it wouldn't matter? Telling his boss at work, if he were a civilian, might make him look bad, but it wouldn't get him fired (or possibly sent to Leavenworth). I've looked at it from all angles, and I just don't think it is the smart thing to do.

 

Some of my reasons are selfish (if you want to call taking care of my kids selfish, which is fine, I'm really not offended), but some of it is really because I just don't think that it would benefit anyone. There are guys that depend on him over there. I don't think that getting him in trouble while he was in Iraq would increase morale. Before he went to Iraq, it was a viable option. He wasn't taking responsibility for the kids, but now that has changed. Why mess with something that you do not have to?

[mistresswchildren]

You know you don't, because I am out of your league.

 

I know and I cry about it every night. I just wish I were enough woman for you.

[Lookingforward]

I want him to take responsibility. I just think that when it comes down to his career, that is his choice. Either way, I would bring him to court and he would be responsible for the kids. That's not the issue. Messing with someone's career in the military is different.

 

How can I make him responsible for something like an A, when in the civilian world it wouldn't matter? Telling his boss at work, if he were a civilian, might make him look bad, but it wouldn't get him fired (or possibly sent to Leavenworth). I've looked at it from all angles, and I just don't think it is the smart thing to do.

 

Some of my reasons are selfish (if you want to call taking care of my kids selfish, which is fine, I'm really not offended), but some of it is really because I just don't think that it would benefit anyone. There are guys that depend on him over there. I don't think that getting him in trouble while he was in Iraq would increase morale. Before he went to Iraq, it was a viable option. He wasn't taking responsibility for the kids, but now that has changed. Why mess with something that you do not have to?

 

I guess it's because in the military you are held to a higher standard ?

[mistresswchildren]

I guess it's because in the military you are held to a higher standard ?

 

Not sure. If they were, then why would it be 75% more likely that those who are married in the military cheat. It's a little messed up. I feel that they should be held to a higher standard, but at the same time, they are people too. This is why so many of them come back with PTSD.

As far as he is concerned, he is not held to a very high standard. I think that dirt is held to a higher standard. LOL

[child_of_isis]

There are guys over there that depend on him...that is my whole point. He has already proven that when push comes to a shove, he will sacrifice others to save his own ass....how many times has he sacrificed you & the children?

 

Some of my reasons are selfish (if you want to call taking care of my kids selfish, which is fine, I'm really not offended), but some of it is really because I just don't think that it would benefit anyone. There are guys that depend on him over there. I don't think that getting him in trouble while he was in Iraq would increase morale. Before he went to Iraq, it was a viable option. He wasn't taking responsibility for the kids, but now that has changed. Why mess with something that you do not have to?

[Lookingforward]

I know and I cry about it every night. I just wish I were enough woman for you.

 

ROFL

 

Until Rain posts HIS story we have no idea how much of a man he really is, do we ?

[mistresswchildren]

There are guys over there that depend on him...that is my whole point. He has already proven that when push comes to a shove, he will sacrifice others to save his own ass....how many times has he sacrificed you & the children?

 

I know. I go back and forth about that a lot. As of right now, however, the investigation would take the remaining time of his deployment and his soldiers do not need to think of him as someone that cannot take responsibility. I am not sure that he can take real responsibility, but he would still be in command regardless of my actions. If there is only one thing that can keep those guys over there going, then I don't want to take that away. They dote on him right now. They look to him in need.

 

Do I realize that he probably shouldn't be in command? Yes, but right now, as it stands, it would do more harm than good. He would still be that guy, but his soldiers view of him would be shaken. I'm not sure what the right move is, but I do not think that now is the time.

[mistresswchildren]

Just so you know, I am really not personally offended by anyone. I have thick skin (it comes from being lied to so much). I just feel that this is a place for people to grow and learn from their mistakes. I think the best way for that to happen is constructive criticism.

 

If people want to post and actually have their posts read, then they should say what they have to say in a respectful manner. That way, what they say will not be ignored. There are those who post here that probably have really good insight, but their comments are ignored because of the way that they phrase it.

 

I am not of the belief that we should sensor ourselves in order to keep people from being offended. Some of the best responses that I have received could have been construed as harsh or rough, but they were always respectful. I just feel that in order for this to help people (even if you believe it is only to show them the error of their ways), then you should respect them to at least a small degree.

 

If you are the wife or husband being cheated on, I want to hear from you. I know that what I have done is wrong. I know that there is no excuse for my actions. This does not however always change one's perspective. It took me until I came here to realize how screwed up all of this was. It was because of people that have been hurt that responded (that and the fact that the MM is a complete waste of space). It is hard to get over something without someone else criticizing the situation for its many flaws.

[TheRain]

Just think of it this way, how would you feel if the man you've dedicated your life to, was having sex with some "loose" woman and not only that, but because of their affair, it has caused you endless pain and suffering because now your world has turned upside down because this loose woman and your H were just trying to have fun? Now, all those precious holidays, anniversaries, family trips would mean less and maybe even meaningless.

 

How would you feel if you found out that your daddy is having an affair on your mommy with some "loose" woman and because of that it has created so much fight in the house that it effected your ability to sleep and to concentrate in schoold. Add to that, you've acted out and got into fight in school and is now being suspended for three days.

 

How would you feel if your dear daughter is calling you every night crying about her marriage because some loose woman hooked up with your son in law and not only that, now your grandkids' school work are slipping and they get into all kind of trouble in school.

 

How would you feel if the brother that you respected so much is having an affair and got involved with "some woman" and now it has just destroyed the respect you have for your role model. The list just go on and on.

 

Am I saying that the MM is not to blame here? Definitely not! The fact is, you were big part of it and you had sex with a married man who supposed to belong only to his wife.

 

How remorseful are you for your action, not only how it effected you, but also how it effected other people? Do you even care?

[Mino]

And second lesson is that it's a irrebuttable presumption that your standard is low if you get involved with someone who's already married.

Oh hell heren we go again.... Do you have anything better to do then preach this crap!!

[Mino]

ROFL

 

Until Rain posts HIS story we have no idea how much of a man he really is, do we ?

rain is a man?????

[Mino]

I know. I go back and forth about that a lot. As of right now, however, the investigation would take the remaining time of his deployment and his soldiers do not need to think of him as someone that cannot take responsibility. I am not sure that he can take real responsibility, but he would still be in command regardless of my actions. If there is only one thing that can keep those guys over there going, then I don't want to take that away. They dote on him right now. They look to him in need.

 

Do I realize that he probably shouldn't be in command? Yes, but right now, as it stands, it would do more harm than good. He would still be that guy, but his soldiers view of him would be shaken. I'm not sure what the right move is, but I do not think that now is the time.

Go to the JAG office, I am sure they will help you....

[Mino]

Just think of it this way, how would you feel if the man you've dedicated your life to, was having sex with some "loose" woman and not only that, but because of their affair, it has caused you endless pain and suffering because now your world has turned upside down because this loose woman and your H were just trying to have fun? Now, all those precious holidays, anniversaries, family trips would mean less and maybe even meaningless.

 

How would you feel if you found out that your daddy is having an affair on your mommy with some "loose" woman and because of that it has created so much fight in the house that it effected your ability to sleep and to concentrate in schoold. Add to that, you've acted out and got into fight in school and is now being suspended for three days.

 

How would you feel if your dear daughter is calling you every night crying about her marriage because some loose woman hooked up with your son in law and not only that, now your grandkids' school work are slipping and they get into all kind of trouble in school.

 

How would you feel if the brother that you respected so much is having an affair and got involved with "some woman" and now it has just destroyed the respect you have for your role model. The list just go on and on.

 

Am I saying that the MM is not to blame here? Definitely not! The fact is, you were big part of it and you had sex with a married man who supposed to belong only to his wife.

 

How remorseful are you for your action, not only how it effected you, but also how it effected other people? Do you even care?

Hi Rain, now you show your true colors, you are a total bitter BS, looking to get even with every ow because your Husbank F*** up. My , damn all those "loose woman" Your best bet is get yourself into some serious serious counceling because you are turning into a very bitter person, not good for you or ur children. And then maybe you can look at yourself too, on why your Hubby had a need to cheat ,lie and decieve you and your marriage. But battering ow is really uncalled for,

[TheRain]

Hi Rain, now you show your true colors, you are a total bitter BS, looking to get even with every ow because your Husbank F*** up. My , damn all those "loose woman" Your best bet is get yourself into some serious serious counceling because you are turning into a very bitter person, not good for you or ur children. And then maybe you can look at yourself too, on why your Hubby had a need to cheat ,lie and decieve you and your marriage. But battering ow is really uncalled for,

 

If the above was written for me, I would have to say that none of it made sense. Mistresswchildren will tell you why.

 

The reason I used "loose woman" is because I am not allow to use certain words her because it's offensive, but at the same time, I want to be honest and tell the truth.

[Mino]

If the above was written for me, I would have to say that none of it made sense. Mistresswchildren will tell you why.

 

The reason I used "loose woman" is because I am not allow to use certain words her because it's offensive, but at the same time, I want to be honest and tell the truth.

No actually your reaqd right... I have read some of your post, You write nothing on yourself you are slaming people left and right like your Ann Landers. You have loose screw maybe? like I called it bitter, bitter bitter...

[Mino]

If the above was written for me, I would have to say that none of it made sense. Mistresswchildren will tell you why.

 

The reason I used "loose woman" is because I am not allow to use certain words her because it's offensive, but at the same time, I want to be honest and tell the truth.

So lets be honest, let tell some things about ourselves should we. I start, Hi I am mino.... the ow....now your turn..

[TheRain]

So lets be honest, let tell some things about ourselves should we. I start, Hi I am mino.... the ow....now your turn..

 

Hi, I am TheRain, I am not the OW/OM, because I don't allow myself to be that low. I have standards and I will respect myself to not be involved with anyone who's married to someone else.

[mistresswchildren]

Okay, never thought this would happen, but I will actually defend Rain. HE has said to me that he has no skeleton's in his closet. He has said that he lives a good and moral life. He has said that these moral dilemmas just make him angry.

 

That aside, I think that Rain actually understood my point. What he wrote was somewhat offensive, but he explained himself enough to get his point across. What he calls "loose" women is not necessarily correct though. I have slept with two men in my life. One of which was my high school boyfriend whom I dated for six and half years. The other is the MM. If that is "loose" then I believe that many people around here are "loose."

 

Also I would not place all the blame on these "loose" women. There is much more responsibility on the MM's part. He took vows. He is the one that made the choice. I actually tried to stop my MM three times, but then I thought I was in love.

 

Another issue in which I feel Rain is wrong is the idea that no OW cares about the W or the family. My MM did not have children while we had our A. His wife was impregnated during our A (approximately one week after my daughter was conceived). Also, this man lied about EVERYTHING. He lied so well that you almost could not help but believe him. Towards the end of our relationship, I truly thought that he was in process of a divorce. I had told him that if there were no D papers, then it was over. I did this because I did feel for his W. She was going through the same thing I was only worse because she had actually taken vows with this man.

 

As far as what their child will think, it bothers me all of the time. He will never look at his father in the same way once he is old enough to realize that his mommy and daddy were married when his older brother and sister were brought into this world. My daughter is only a week older than him. How would that make him feel? I wonder that all the time. I am certain that it won't be a good feeling, but I did not make his father's choices. I really do hate the fact that all of this happened, but hindsight is 20/20. I cannot change it.

 

You also have to take into context the situation. I cannot feel as bad for his W as I would like to because she cheated on her husband as well (I heard this from her own mouth not her lying husband's). This makes me feel that the two of them are actually perfect for each other. Everything is out in the open though. She knows everything and he knows everything. They choose to stay together, and I am now choosing to stay as far away as I can.

 

Rain this is the first time I will thank you. Although you still have your attacking mannerisms, you did exactly what I was asking for. This is the point of this forum.

[mistresswchildren]

Oh, and Rain being a guy is not a hundred percent, but it is the perception that I get. Long story. Rain and I have been back and forth quite a bit. He/she seems very interesting regardless of some of the rude comments.