Defending the OW with babies

[TheRain]

Rain this is the first time I will thank you. Although you still have your attacking mannerisms, you did exactly what I was asking for. This is the point of this forum.

 

You're welcome. You're not as "loose" as most of these OW, but you did crossed a major line and way over that line by sleeping with a married man. You seem to have learned your lessons and now you will have to live with the consequences of your actions for the rest of your life. I just feel sorry for his three children due to his immoral actions.

 

By the way, how did you meet him? What do your parents and family members think of you and your situation now?

[TheRain]

Oh, and Rain being a guy is not a hundred percent, but it is the perception that I get. Long story. Rain and I have been back and forth quite a bit. He/she seems very interesting regardless of some of the rude comments.

 

Yes, I am a guy and that's 100%. And, please stop hitting on me.

[mistresswchildren]

You're welcome. You're not as "loose" as most of these OW, but you did crossed a major line and way over that line by sleeping with a married man. You seem to have learned your lessons and now you will have to live with the consequences of your actions for the rest of your life. I just feel sorry for his three children due to his immoral actions.

 

By the way, how did you meet him? What do your parents and family members think of you and your situation now?

 

I met him at work. We worked together for over a year. Then one day he told me he was in love with me. I made the schedule so I stopped scheduling the two of us together. We hung out in the same crowd (his wife was going to another school), so I stopped going out. I avoided him for the most part. Then, yes, it got carried away and I crossed a major line that I really shouldn't have.

 

My family thinks that I have messed up, but they do not blame me because they met him. He flat out lied to them while I was pregnant with my first child. He said that all that mattered was us and our new family. My family bought it the same way that I did. They thought he really would do what was "right." I tell you this just to drive home the fact that this man is a professional liar.

 

Now, my family thinks that I am making the best of a bad situation. They think his W is insane because she has threatened my children (and called my parents house to do so on the machine). They know that I am doing everything that I can for my kids. Believe it or not, they are proud of me. Were they proud of my actions? Of course not. I wasn't either. They also would not have it any other way. They love my kids and realize that if this man had not been a part of my life, I would never have had my two beautiful children. They were actually shocked that I was pregnant because they thought I would be the one of my four sisters that never had kids.

 

There really is a reason for everything. Although I regret that it was at the price that it was (for ALL involved), I would not change anything that I did today. I would never have what I have now, and I would never have been able to learn to be the person that I have found through all of this. It has taken away the naivete that I had. I grew up and realized that you cannot always trust the people that you want to. This is a lesson that people might not learn until much later in their lives. I am glad that I learned it now.

[TheRain]

It has taken away the naivete that I had. I grew up and realized that you cannot always trust the people that you want to. This is a lesson that people might not learn until much later in their lives. I am glad that I learned it now.

 

How old are you, if you don't mind my asking?

[mistresswchildren]

Yes, I am a guy and that's 100%. And, please stop hitting on me.

 

Wasn't hitting on you. Trust me you would know if I was. I just like to kill people with kindness. I know that you have no interest in immoral beings such as myself. I just figured that if you were going to attack, I would at least have fun with it. And, thus far, it worked. You responded instead of just attacking. I treated you as a human, and you realized that I might just have a human aspect somewhere in this "loose" body of mine.

 

No specifics but I'm in my mid twenties.

[somedayitllall]

reguardless of the situation i think the man should take responsibility in what he has done and no child asked to be here and it didn't come from just the mother. women are left w/everything all on their own and its not right while the man goes on with his life like nothing happened and if he is there somewhat he seems to get praise for being there. HELLO thats what hes suppose to be doing taking care of his child. But yet he's looked at as a good father and so on well i dont agree. well the mother does everything on her own yet she still get critisized.

 

So who cares what his situation is make him pay what he owes it's not for you its for your baby. (men seem to think there helping you out) its not easy raising a child and it takes alot more than money why should we as women be the only one who makes sacrifices.

[mistresswchildren]

reguardless of the situation i think the man should take responsibility in what he has done and no child asked to be here and it didn't come from just the mother. women are left w/everything all on their own and its not right while the man goes on with his life like nothing happened and if he is there somewhat he seems to get praise for being there. HELLO thats what hes suppose to be doing taking care of his child. But yet he's looked at as a good father and so on well i dont agree. well the mother does everything on her own yet she still get critisized.

 

So who cares what his situation is make him pay what he owes it's not for you its for your baby. (men seem to think there helping you out) its not easy raising a child and it takes alot more than money why should we as women be the only one who makes sacrifices.

 

Thank you. I agree entirely (but of course I'm biased). Did I place myself in this situation? Yes, but no more than a woman dating a single guy. It can happen then too. Same scenario. Kids are born, the guy takes off. It happens all the time.

 

I am also glad that you pointed out the fact that the money is for the kids. Although I realize that there are mothers out there that spend the money on themselves, that is not the case here. I do not remember the last time I purchased something specifically for myself. It is all about them. Diapers, clothes, food.... all of that costs a lot. Although I am responsible for it with or without him, he should be helping. I just wish people realized how fast kids outgrow clothes then they could understand why the budget for their clothing takes over half of the child support alone. This is why I do have a job, and this is why I will get a GREAT job after I finish school.

[TheRain]

Wasn't hitting on you.

 

After reading my posts, you should have known that I am smart to figure out that you're not and that my comments were not serioius.

 

 

I know that you have no interest in immoral beings such as myself.

 

There is no need to put yourself down like that (because that would be my job). If you continue to do that, even without any true intention to put yourself down, you might actually start believing that you don't deserve better.

 

I treated you as a human, and you realized that I might just have a human aspect somewhere in this "loose" body of mine.

 

You're a human being and I knew that all along. I also know that you have made terrible mistakes that many would considered have end up ruined your life. I disagree to a certain extent with those who thought so, because, like you've said, you're still young and can start over.

 

 

No specifics but I'm in my mid twenties.

 

What about him, how old is he?

[Lookingforward]

reguardless of the situation i think the man should take responsibility in what he has done and no child asked to be here and it didn't come from just the mother. women are left w/everything all on their own and its not right while the man goes on with his life like nothing happened and if he is there somewhat he seems to get praise for being there. HELLO thats what hes suppose to be doing taking care of his child. But yet he's looked at as a good father and so on well i dont agree. well the mother does everything on her own yet she still get critisized.

 

So who cares what his situation is make him pay what he owes it's not for you its for your baby. (men seem to think there helping you out) its not easy raising a child and it takes alot more than money why should we as women be the only one who makes sacrifices.

 

Someday....just accept that in these situations you are damned if you do and damned if you don't.... all you can do is make the right decision for yourself and your children if you choose to have them. For some, they make the decision not to and that's also a choice they have to live with.

[somedayitllall]

the children are whats important here and none of this is there fault so why should they have to suffer for there parents faults. but in my opinion men are worthless when it comes to being there for theres they have no idea what its really like to be a single parent and have to deal with the day to day life as women do. they think there the greatest just because they see them on the weekends or what ever and pay the little child support im sorry but that makes you what nothing because those are all things that your suppose to do when you have a child. and a whole lot more so they have no right to put us down or say anything about our lives because were doing what we have to do for the sake of our chilldren

[Lookingforward]

the children are whats important here and none of this is there fault so why should they have to suffer for there parents faults. but in my opinion men are worthless when it comes to being there for theres they have no idea what its really like to be a single parent and have to deal with the day to day life as women do. they think there the greatest just because they see them on the weekends or what ever and pay the little child support im sorry but that makes you what nothing because those are all things that your suppose to do when you have a child. and a whole lot more so they have no right to put us down or say anything about our lives because were doing what we have to do for the sake of our chilldren

 

There are men that do...the single dads out there have the same issues, but for some reason don't seem to cop the flak about HOW the children were conceived in the first place.

[somedayitllall]

were doing it because we love our children and were not looking for praise from anyone or complaining its just people dont see the whole picture and are quick to judge others when they may have no idea.

im a single mother of 3 girls and its tough doing it alone 2 of my girls are twins and they have a relationship with there father and im glad for that they love him but still they see what it really is all on their own. but my baby she on the other hand doesnt have a father there was a chance that it could also be his but still not for sure but im not thinking it is. but how is she gonna feel when she gets a little bigger and sees her sisters going w/there dad.

[Lookingforward]

but how is she gonna feel when she gets a little bigger and sees her sisters going w/there dad.

 

If he's any kind of man he would include her. My older son's father was not the father to my second, but he included both of them always, and basically accepted him as his own (everything but child support obviously) and provided for both boys in his will.

[somedayitllall]

well you are indeed lucky that is so sweet that he does that but i know my ex and how he is and that will not happen.

[Lookingforward]

well you are indeed lucky that is so sweet that he does that but i know my ex and how he is and that will not happen.

 

It's past tense now unfortunately, he died on his 35th birthday - both boys were devestated, and both lost a father, but that was quite a few years ago now. Their grandmother (his mother) only just passed recently at 93, so at least they had his parents for a good long time.

[GPFan]

Gawd, these are the saddest stories of all.

[noforgiveness]

mistress you and your family know how badly he lied to you. He left you stranded at a base and you had to go to the mp.

 

Why are you still in a relationship with this man? He is still lying to his wife that you are nobody but the mother of his kids. Why are you allowing yourself to still be used by this man to still let him have his side entertainment? You should be collecting support checks and NOTHING more. Kick his butt to the curb. Hopefully his wife will wake up one day and do the same.

[mistresswchildren]

mistress you and your family know how badly he lied to you. He left you stranded at a base and you had to go to the mp.

 

Why are you still in a relationship with this man? He is still lying to his wife that you are nobody but the mother of his kids. Why are you allowing yourself to still be used by this man to still let him have his side entertainment? You should be collecting support checks and NOTHING more. Kick his butt to the curb. Hopefully his wife will wake up one day and do the same.

 

Oh, I have. Just recently I did just that. I started by telling myself there would be NC. The issue was, I messed up on that. I got a call on my cell and I didn't know the number. Because the military has been calling me due to my daughter needing medical coverage through her father, I thought it was them. When I actually spoke to him, I told him that I thought it would be better if we didn't speak any longer. I told him that if we needed to talk about the kids it could be through an attorney. He was p***ed. He started threatening me, telling me that he wanted joint custody (which he never wanted before this point). He is still e-mailing me, but the e-mails are starting to taper off. Instead of getting four a day, it's down to two.

 

His wife knows the situation, but she has chosen to stay with him (as he has chosen to stay with her after her infidelity even though he tries to keep me on the side). It is a choice that we all have to make. I feel sorry for her, but I have given her all of the evidence. She has all the information. She can make a truly informed decision. She has chosen to stay with her marriage. I think it is commendable, but stupid. I have been just as stupid, so I cannot say much, but if I had had vows with this guy, it would have been over a long time ago. Instead, I held on because I felt "He doesn't have anything to honor with me" (warped I know). It is this exact thinking that should have made me leave earlier, but again hindsight is 20/20.

 

To answer Rain's question, he is in his late twenties.

[noforgiveness]

Good for you. Stick with it.

 

I thought his wife had your childrens medical insurance.

[child_of_isis]

Most of them are. Not men in general, just those who engage in A's.

 

Usually when OW's first come into LS their heads are so full of MM's lies, it takes 2 by 4's to knock the truth into them.

 

I lived with a professional liar for 13 years. When we split, I I found myself in the middle of a crashing false reality.

 

When it was all said and done, everything was his fault. I was the victim. But I came to recognize the role that I played in all of it. And took responsibility.

 

Then my healing began.

 

I tell you this just to drive home the fact that this man is a professional liar.

 

.

[child_of_isis]

I think the same can be said for you.

 

The guy did some ****ty things to you & your children. Yet when you came into LS you were eagerly waiting & planning for the day when he could take his pass without W being aware.

 

You still had hope. You had the information & evidence also.

 

His wife knows the situation, but she has chosen to stay with him (as he has chosen to stay with her after her infidelity even though he tries to keep me on the side). It is a choice that we all have to make. I feel sorry for her, but I have given her all of the evidence. She has all the information. She can make a truly informed decision. She has chosen to stay with her marriage. I think it is commendable, but stupid. I have been just as stupid, so I cannot say much, but if I had had vows with this guy, it would have been over a long time ago. Instead, I held on because I felt "He doesn't have anything to honor with me" (warped I know). It is this exact thinking that should have made me leave earlier, but again hindsight is 20/20.

 

To answer Rain's question, he is in his late twenties.

[child_of_isis]

Also, do you think he didn't combat the evidence that you gave W with lies?

 

Yet she is responsible but you aren't? See the double standard?

 

Oh, I have. Just recently I did just that. I started by telling myself there would be NC. The issue was, I messed up on that. I got a call on my cell and I didn't know the number. Because the military has been calling me due to my daughter needing medical coverage through her father, I thought it was them. When I actually spoke to him, I told him that I thought it would be better if we didn't speak any longer. I told him that if we needed to talk about the kids it could be through an attorney. He was p***ed. He started threatening me, telling me that he wanted joint custody (which he never wanted before this point). He is still e-mailing me, but the e-mails are starting to taper off. Instead of getting four a day, it's down to two.

 

His wife knows the situation, but she has chosen to stay with him (as he has chosen to stay with her after her infidelity even though he tries to keep me on the side). It is a choice that we all have to make. I feel sorry for her, but I have given her all of the evidence. She has all the information. She can make a truly informed decision. She has chosen to stay with her marriage. I think it is commendable, but stupid. I have been just as stupid, so I cannot say much, but if I had had vows with this guy, it would have been over a long time ago. Instead, I held on because I felt "He doesn't have anything to honor with me" (warped I know). It is this exact thinking that should have made me leave earlier, but again hindsight is 20/20.

 

To answer Rain's question, he is in his late twenties.

[mistresswchildren]

I think the same can be said for you.

 

The guy did some ****ty things to you & your children. Yet when you came into LS you were eagerly waiting & planning for the day when he could take his pass without W being aware.

 

You still had hope. You had the information & evidence also.

 

Oh, I realize that, but this forum has actually been really good for me in that respect. I came to the realization that even if he did show up, what would that prove? Only that he wanted to have sex for the first time in a long time for him. It would not prove that he really made an effort because he wanted us to be together. Nothing would have changed. The same things that held true about him hold true about him now.

 

His W trusts him implicitly now though. For some reason, once he had to fess up to the situation, he gained back her trust. Don't ask me why because he only fessed up after I told her about his son. I, however, have not trusted him for a long time. This is why when I came here, I realized, why on earth would I want a relationship without trust?

 

Part of me will always still want him, but that is the addiction talking and not me as a person. I know that part of me, even now, wants him to show up. I will not let that happen though because if it does, I will be in the same situation all over again. I will go back to "using" again, even though I am almost through "withdrawal." I have not done all of this for no reason. I am being strong now, and I will continue to do so for my kids as well as myself.

[child_of_isis]

Exactly! And it was the forum that helped you.

 

Along with it's tough love & "harsh" comments.

 

So, you saw the truth through the techniques of LS. Yet you want that withheld from other OW's? Because you don't agree with it?

 

Okay...go back to my post to you about W's "informed decision" to stay.....can you see your "it's okay for me, but not for others" mentality you have going on?

 

It's okay, that you trusted MM & believed his lies, yet when W does it, that's a different story.

It's okay when you come to LS and get some sense knocked into you, but when it happens to others, that's a different story.

 

Can you see what I see?

 

Oh, I realize that, but this forum has actually been really good for me in that respect. I came to the realization that even if he did show up, what would that prove? Only that he wanted to have sex for the first time in a long time for him. It would not prove that he really made an effort because he wanted us to be together. Nothing would have changed. The same things that held true about him hold true about him now.

 

.

[mistresswchildren]

Exactly! And it was the forum that helped you.

 

Along with it's tough love & "harsh" comments.

 

So, you saw the truth through the techniques of LS. Yet you want that withheld from other OW's? Because you don't agree with it?

 

Okay...go back to my post to you about W's "informed decision" to stay.....can you see your "it's okay for me, but not for others" mentality you have going on?

 

It's okay, that you trusted MM & believed his lies, yet when W does it, that's a different story.

It's okay when you come to LS and get some sense knocked into you, but when it happens to others, that's a different story.

 

Can you see what I see?

 

I never said it was okay that I believed him. It isn't. It never was. I did it, that's all I can say. It was incredibly stupid. I am working on that now. That is all I can say about it.

 

"It's okay for me, but not for others," does not apply. It is not okay for me. I just wish that for her sake, and for their new son's sake that she would realize that no matter what she thinks she has, he will always lie. It is a hope that I have for her. I just get frustrated sometimes when she sends me e-mails blaming only me for her husbands lying and cheating. I have tried to tell her that he made choices, just as I did. She has told me that I lured him. She blames me for all of it. I know she has a right to blame me for a lot of her issues, but if she refuses to blame him, she will never be able "fix" their relationship (or fix herself for that matter). I obviously do not think it is okay for me to believe him considering I compare it to a drug addiction.

 

As far as the actual reason for this post, read it. I never said that people saying "harsh" things wasn't beneficial. I was simply making the point that "attacks" do not work. Even Rain (who I am sure you have heard from before), finally understood that his comments were not getting anywhere because when people feel that they are being attacked they do not care about what you have to say. I realize that "harsh" love here on LS actually challenges peoples thinking.