Defending the OW with babies

[child_of_isis]

Maybe a lawyer could if she is harrassing you. After what she said about not being safe around the children, I'd be getting my ducks in a row.

 

Dumb ***k MM may one day take them around her just to piss you off.

This may sound like a stupid question, but can I even do that?

[GreenEyedLady]

How old are you, if you don't mind my asking?

 

OW:

 

Please do not answer questions like these...(Especially, look who is asking.)

 

Especially the follow-up, how old is he...

 

This is how OW get found out...Do not give TMI over the internet!

[MimiMe]

Nadiaj, my compassion and empathy are for people like her.

 

TheRain. Yes, this really happened to me this past Friday and as much as "over it" I think I am it, it was like the last drop. I just flipped out! I guess I try to void it out and overload myself with things to do so I really dont think about the fact that my stbxH walked out on me and his kids for some 2 cent tramp ( and I can call her that! the trash even knocked on my door before). I'm 30 yrs old, with an excellent career, businesses, healthy child and I once had a good H. One day i woke up and it was all gone. Now I am in the mix, in the single world... something that I was not into in my 20's. LOL! I was thrown out to the world. After having everything...

 

Whatever, long story. Never posted the entire thing but bits and pieces. I dont feel like talking about it anymore, espcially here... either they tell you to go some other place or they tell you that you were not good enough or perhaps you'll still have a marriage.

[TheRain]

OW:

 

Please do not answer questions like these...(Especially, look who is asking.)

 

Especially the follow-up, how old is he...

 

This is how OW get found out...Do not give TMI over the internet!

 

 

Um.....she has already been found out and her OM's wife is paying for her children's insurance.

[mistresswchildren]

Um.....she has already been found out and her OM's wife is paying for her children's insurance.

 

Yes, everything is out in the open. I give general descriptions anyway. By the way, can we get this straight once and for all? His W is not PAYING for the medical insurance. Her H is at war and she has power of attorney. He cannot sign papers while he is in a war zone (not to mention the fact risk his CO finding out). Because she has power of attorney, she has to take care of it. If she doesn't, she risks the State explaining the situation to the military. If he loses his job she will not be able to stay home. This is why it would be beneficial to her (because let's be honest she doesn't really like the kids as we all know) to get all of this done as soon as possible. SHE IS NOT PAYING FOR ANYTHING!

[jaweast]

Sorry mistresswchildren,

 

He doesn't risk anything regarding the state telling the military. If his wife doesn't enroll your children as her husband's dependents, you will have to persue this in court. I am prior military and I know for a fact that the state can tell all they want, he can't be forced to place them on his insurance unless it goes through the court. In which case, paternity will be established if not already legally done, child support and visitation will be established and the judge at that point can order him to add your children to his insurance. Which means, his wife will have access to your children as she is their Step Mother.

 

He won't lose his career if he and his wife both state that they were separated (whether they were living together or not) at the time you conceived both children. Adultery in the military is very hard to prosecute. One of the element of Adultery under the UCMJ is that the the conduct of the accused was to the prejudice of good order and discipline in the armed forces or was of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces. They look at the person rank, position, and marital status and then they look at whether or not you are in the military.

 

They also look at the impact, if any, of the adulterous relationship on the ability of the accused, you, or the spouse of either to perform their duties in support of the armed forces. Your children's father is able to carry out his duties as he is currently deployed. His wife is still obviously active duty and therefore is able to carry out her duties. You are not in the military and therefore their is no impact on either the wife or husband to forefill their military obligation.

 

There are more elements in the UCMJ that has to be met before he can be charged for adultery. He can pretty much have his wife state that they were separated and was on the verge of a divorce when you conceived both children and then they reconcile. The only thing they will say is you need to pay for your children if they are yours. They won't force him because they can't without an order from the court establishing paternity and ordering his medical insurance to cover your children.

 

Believe me there are many married military members who have children with other people while they are married and they do not get in trouble. It's not that simple.

 

As far as restraining order, unless you can provide current proof that she has threaten to harm your children or you, it will be really hard to get one.

 

If his wife don't enroll your children under her husband's medical insurance, then you will have to take it to court. Just remember, he is there father, she is now their stepmother and her child is their half sibling. She will be able to interact with your children but you won't be able to interact with hers. This is the situation you are in especially if they stay married. You will have to learn to deal with having your children visiting them without you. It will be hard but if it comes down to this, you will have to learn how to cope with the situation. You are in a sticky situation. I wish you the best.

Edited April 8, 2008 by jaweast

[mistresswchildren]

He is in more trouble than you know. An IG investigation has been launched. It is only because I have kept my mouth shut that they have not prosecuted him. I understand that you know the military, but you also know what an IG investigation means.

 

The adultery is proven. His wife cannot say that they were separated because their son was conceived within the same WEEK as my daughter. There is already a court order in place. If he does not make good on it, the State will be contacting the military to do whatever is necessary for the kids.

 

The military has not prosecuted him because they have lack of evidence right now. They do not have the papers that prove paternity in their possession. If they had that, I have been assured that he would be in a world of pain (this is coming directly from his CO).

 

This has impacted both his job and his wife's. She is not active military (I will not go into specifics). She has been unable to preform her duties to the military because she has been suffering from some kind of break down (which I cannot be entirely blamed for since some of these issues were there before the A).

 

I truly do not care at this point. I do not want him kicked out. I do not want him to even have consequences when it comes to the military. If he was a civilian, I would have just brought him to court. The only dilemma is that if he were a civilian, he would not be in Iraq and I would be able to bring him to court.

 

I think I am just tired of all of this and it is actually depressing me. I'm not sure that I can continue to talk about it all for a while. The more I realize that there is a chance that he will push for visitation solely because he (actually I'm sure it would come from his wife) wants some sort of sick revenge. You rest well at night when you have that idea stuck in your head. He uses the kids just to keep me around. Why he does it, I do not know. I think he is afraid to be alone, and if his M doesn't work out then he will have me (even though at this point, I don't want anything to do with him).

 

I know that the court will look at the fact that he never asked for visitation before, so why is it so important now? He didn't care about my son's first two years (when he was not deployed), why does he care now? He has never even met his daughter, and he had that chance before his deployment. If these children were so important to him, where on earth has he been all this time? Why didn't he try to take care of the paperwork when it was sent to him? Why does everything get "lost in the mail?"

 

I'm pretty sure that depression is taking over, and I am not sure that I want to talk about it anymore. All of you have been great. You really have opened my eyes. I think that right now it would probably be easier if I just step back and really think about all of this.

 

I realize I am the OW. As such, I rank just above dirt (just barely above because you can't have sex with dirt). All the sacrifices that I made were for no reason. All the times that I tried to do things for him were completely ignored. Nothing that I have done up to this point has meant anything to this man, including bearing two of his children. Now, I am off to raise two children on my own. It sucks, but I did it to myself. I cannot even say that I am a good person after all of this. He took that from me as well. I was a good person. I never thought I would do any of this. I just wish that I had never met him, but then again, I would never have had my babies.

 

I'll be back on here in a while, but for now, I think I'll take a break. I think sometimes every one needs one. I just think that I needed some support, and I got that. The only problem is that once I sign off, there is no one else that cares about what happens next. That is always the kicker. Keep posting, I'll talk with you guys later.

[lovernotafighter]

Nadiaj2727, admit it, my comments and opinions intrigue you. That’s why you pay close attention to my posts. Another reason is that I am one of the few here who is as educated and intelligent as you are. Deep down, you share virtually all of my values, but because what you have done, you’re denying your true value and thus my point of view.

 

I couldn't help but be totally dazzled by your narcissism myself.

 

Nadiaj, my compassion and empathy are for people like her.

 

I'm curious, is this your quasi polite way of saying "I have zero interest in your story mimi" ?

 

fascinating