Hubby's health and depression - mine

[HokeyReligions]

We haven't had a weekend like this in a long time. I'm hoping its just the come-down after all the activity of the last few months, where we were getting ready for a garage sale and seriously working on our house, but I don't know.

 

Hubby is turning 58 this year. His health has deteriorated over the last few years (had a heart attack last June) and my own health isn't so great either. It's gotten to the point where I just can't take care of the house like I used to - and just as we are getting things the way we want and are still planning future minor renovations.

 

I'm worried about his health and how long we will actually have each other. Our marriage is not typical in so many ways, but we do love and depend on each other. Our whole lives together have been lived 'looking forward' and seldom enjoying our time together. We devoted our lives to animals - mainly saving dogs and we have a kennel so we can't take vacations or anything anymore. Back in 1993 we had only two dogs and were able to find someone to stay at our apartment with them and that was our last vacation. We own a house now and have six special needs dogs who can't be kennelled or have anyone stay with them because of the issues with the dogs needs.

 

Now that I can't even take care of the house like I used to we are both really down. I want some time with him so that we can enjoy what little health we have left.

 

It seems like all weekend we've done nothing but talk about the next 15 years and how we are on a down-hill ride to the grave basically. We discussed getting the house ready to sell in 5 years and get a smaller place with only 2 or 3 dogs (most of the others will be gone in the next five years as they are getting old and having their own health problems). That made hubby say that now his heart isn't in doing anything to the house because it won't be for us and that statement brought me down.

 

I've been kicking myself because we just spend $2300 on a new mattress and I still get horrible backaches. I don't think there is a bed made that will help my back.

 

I haven't been this down in years. I was so down that I cut my hair. Normally its so long I sit on it. I don't know why I did that. I guess I just started feeling so old that I figured it was time for an old-lady hairdo or something.

 

Well, thanks for letting me whine and vent.

[Curmudgeon]

We devoted our lives to animals - mainly saving dogs and we have a kennel so we can't take vacations or anything anymore.

 

Assuming you're the same age or a few years younger than your husband, neither of you is old. You can't be because my wife and I are older and neither of us is old.

 

Do you think that maybe, just maybe, it's time you started to devote your lives to one another? While what you're doing for the animals is commendable my best guess is that when the first of you to go does so, the survivor isn't going to be thinking, "Darn! I wish I'd spent more time with animals and less with my spouse."

 

I'm retiring next year which is a bit earlier than planned because despite the financial hit we'll take, I want to spend more time with my wife rather than less.

 

My health isn't the best in town since I've worked in a couple of very physical occupations (military and law enforcement) and have run this body hard, abused and neglected it. Now I'm paying for it in aches, pains, lung damage, a congestive heart condition, etc. But I take care now and have every intention of being around another 15 to 20 years at least, if not more.

 

Now get yourself up, dust yourself off, go to the hairdresser for a very perky, short hairstyle, buy some new clothes and like Mark Twain wrote, "Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; live like it's heaven on earth.!"

[quankanne]

I hear you, Hoke ...

 

it seems like when we pay mind to those inevitable things like death (or Houston humidity), we end up making ourselves feel crappy. Especially when looking ahead to the time when our spouses aren't going to be with us. Only thing that might help is to tell yourself that while it's a valid worry, it's not one that needs to be dealt with right at the moment. And that you can find pleasure in simple things, like a shared sense of humor or wonder or adventure, as silly as it sounds. There's good stuff still in the works, ya just need to set aside the so-called "stinkin' thinkin'" and focus on it.

 

I remember you talking about having such long hair … do you think the haircut is a subconscious way of perking yourself up? Getting pedicures are my pick-me-up, though they are far and few in between. Still, there's something that makes me feel pretty because there's someone gifted enough to make my toes look good in a way I'll never be able to make them look good

[Mz. Pixie]

I liked C Lions suggestions.

 

I really have no words of advice- just wanted to say I'm sorry you're feeling down and that I hope you feel better soon.