End the Relationship? Dump the Shrink? Both?

[curiousnycgirl]

Hi I'm back - not much has changed since the last discussion of my relationship at this link http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t146138/ - except the following:

 

1. since we had the discussion I figured let's give it a bit more time, see if he changes his modus operandi in time for my birthday which was one week before we leave to visit his son in CA (so if he did propose we could get married while with said son).

 

2. my/our therapist told me last week that the three of us needed to speak, because my b/f had issues with some of my principles.

 

So #1 was a total bust. I got a grill pan for my b-day. To be fair it was one that I had said I had wanted - btw the ONLY other thing I told him I wanted other than to get married. The overall b-day weekend was predominantly a bust - I worked my tail off to clean the house and cook dinner for a dinner party we were having for two other couples Saturday night. B/f watched TV and took a nap on the couch (again to be fair - he's been ill). I was exhausted both nights, didn't even get a nice deep kiss!

 

So one would think I was miffed/angry etc - but that thing the therapist said (#2) was really bothering me - it didn't make sense he would even date me if he didn't agree with my principles - so I held off all discussions til after I spoke with the therapist today. Therapist clarified that he had meant my b/f had 1 issue that we had resolved. When I told him how that was not what he said - he started screaming at me basically to get over it.

 

So my plan is to attend our therapy appointment tomorrow - tell my b/f that upon our return from CA we need to go our separate waysw because clearly we are not in the same place/going the same direction and I have begun to resent him over the fact thta he won't give me the one thing I want. I will further say (somehow) that I had really hoped he would realize my sincerity all this time - and he even may have, however I have recognized his inability to meet the need, and that I did not want him to do anything that he did not truly feel he wanted enthusiastially and wholeheartedly.

 

Then I plan on telling my therapist that tomorrow will be my last session with him. Frankly I don't need his crap anymore.

 

I also plan to spend a lot of time over the next few months crying my eyes out - and being astoundingly sad. Only potential bright spot is hey maybe I'll lose my appetite - although that is unlikely as my history is to eat massive amounts of chocolate/brownies and ice cream.

 

So my friends I will need your shoulders, your insites, and overall your support. In fact I need it now - cuz I don't know if I'll be able to go through with it folks!

[OpenBook]

From the gist of your post, I'm getting the distinct sense that you're trying to FORCE things to happen -- with your BF, with your T... They're not behaving the way you would like, and so you're giving them ultimatums, trying to MAKE them bend to your will. And they've both got their backs up. They're balking. Typical human reaction.

 

If the situation isn't what you want, then walk away. Trying to pigeonhole people into fitting into your mold, and trying to force things to happen with them, never works. Ever. And your BF should be begging YOU for a commitment, not the other way around.

 

I apologize in advance if I have read you totally wrong.