ivystar928 Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 my boyfriend and i live together, and this has been a common problem over the last year or so... let me just say right off the bat that i understand guys' thing with porn, and i'm okay with it as long as it isn't something he tries to hide and sneak around with. we've talked about it before and decided porn's okay if i'm not around, but when i'm here i expect him to come to me if he wants to do something. we've had his little brother stay with us before, and in the middle of the night his little brother got up and looked at porn on our computer. the next day, my boyfriend questions me about looking at porn while he was sleeping. no matter how many times i told him it wasn't me, he continued questioning and being angry. so obviously, if i were to look at porn while he was sleeping (even though i RARELY look at it ever), he would shoot off the roof. now that you have the background... i've asked him the past day or two to wake me up a little and tell me if he's gonna go downstairs (because i have these terrible dreams and when i wake up and he's not there, it scares me a little). so this morning, and for the past few days, he's been sneaking downstairs in the morning while i was sleeping to look at porn. now i understand that it's the morning, and he's ready to go most of the time, but we usually wake up within 10 minutes of each other, and he's woken me up before for that... sorry... i guess i've been ranting and raving a bit... my whole point is, it makes me feel so unattractive and unloved when he purposely passes up ME, the real thing, for PORN! I don't know what to do either. if anyone thinks of anything, my ears..er..eyes are open. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ivystar928 Posted July 17, 2003 Author Share Posted July 17, 2003 i was just reading through all these other replies, and just wanted to mention that i've tried EVERYTHING! i've gone to the sex store with him, rented porn videos with him, put on sexy clothes, tried something somewhere we've never done it before, told him to wake me up if he wanted to do anything, i mean... i can't think of anything else. i tell him, i'd rather you come to me when you're horny, even if i'm not. i've tried telling him, whenever he wants it he can have it, and if i'm not horny i'll take care of him another way... just so he won't look at porn. i'm all out of ideas. i've tried everything, even things that made me feel disgusting and things i really didn't want to do, just because i'd rather feel those things than feel unloved or unwanted. and even though i went through all that, he is STILL sneaking out while im sleeping to look at porn. <<sniff sniff>> Link to post Share on other sites
Arcane Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 I will NEVER understand people's rationale behind this way of thinking. What's the big deal if he (or you for that matter) looks at porn? They're just pictures. Porn has been around for centuries in one form or another and is perfectly normal. Try not worrying about it and see if that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Gray Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 Its really not a substitute for you. I honestly don't think he's unattracted to you so he looks at porn. They're different animals. You told him you want him to come to you when he's in the mood. But then what if you're not, or if you are then you gotta warm up to it, and some foreplay and then just finding the right position, and I'm not saying that isn't fun. But as I guy I know sometimes I just wanna look at a picture, take care of myself as quickly as i want, and then go back downstairs, wham-bam 5 minutes outta my day. That being said... if it really is bothering you this much, you just gotta keep talking to him. Tell him you know he's sneaking out of bed, tell him you don't like the whole sneaky/lying thing. I mean he should never lie to his girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 The reason we love people is because of the way they make us feel about ourselves. If your guy is making you feel unattractive and unloved, it won't be long before you fall totally out of love with him and your problem will be solved. You can just move on. Meanwhile, I'd be really pissed that he feels it's OK for him to look at the crap but it isn't for you. You can tell him I said to kiss my butt!!! Link to post Share on other sites
wideawake Posted July 18, 2003 Share Posted July 18, 2003 If you're doing stuff that hurts your partner it's not cool in my book. If I watch porn it's with my girl...that seems to work really well for us. Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted July 18, 2003 Share Posted July 18, 2003 Even with all you've done to try to accomodate your boyfriend, he still looks at porn, huh? You've obviously gone above and beyond your call of duty by doing things that disgust you just to please him. He obviously has an addiction to porn. His obsession with porn has NOTHING to do with you at all! He doesn't look at it because he is unsatisfied with you or prefers pictures as opposed to the "real thing". It is a sickness that afflicts many people. He has underlying issues, maybe stemming back from his childhood, which causes the behavior he exhibits today. Now don't get mislead here. Not all porn viewing by men is an addiction. There IS a normal, healthy way of viewing porn but when your boyfriend cannot stop after all you have sacrificed of yourself and he is lying/sneaking around with it, that poses more of a problem. An addiction exists and he needs to get to the root of his own issues. Do a search on any search engine on sex addiction and you'll come up with many, many results. Hopefully it will give you a better understanding of the nature of this beast. Hang in there. It's has nothing to do with you personally. Link to post Share on other sites
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