InvisibleGirl Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 He definetly loves controlling me and whenever I try to keep anything from him or not say who im doing something with he gets very annoyed. I told him over the weekend I had plans with someone and he asked me who and I said a friend and he kept nagging about who was it and how I know how to piss him off. I told him that he needs to learn that he needs to not know everything about me since he keeps plenty of his life to himself. I told him that Im sure that Im pretty disposeable to him when he comes down to it anyway so what does he care. Today we met someone for lunch together, he and I belong to the same club and were meeting this person for the first time together. He told me this afternoon that what I said to him about being disposeable really hurt him and that when he spoke to BW today he told her who he had lunch with, this other guy he just met and he told her he had it with me too (obviously not mentioning our relationship the last two years) so that he would be able to talk more freely about me at home. Apparently this was supposed to show me that I'm not someone he wants to throw away. He doesnt know if it was a good move or not but guess its a way for him to feel less guilty so he can occassionally metion me. He is definetly tangling the web even more... Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 He definetly loves controlling me and whenever I try to keep anything from him or not say who im doing something with he gets very annoyed. Why are you letting him control you? Why are you still with him if you think he sees you as disposable? This is an unhealthy way to think of yourself...Get out before he destroys who you are... Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 And good honest people don't get involve with MM or MW in the first place. If they find out their guy or gal is married' date=' good honest people show them the door and walk away.[/quote'] Wow, just wow... Life just isn't that simple... And sometimes it works out...And it's good, really good... And it doesn't mean that you're an evil person... It just means that you're human... Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 In June in will be two years since I met MM in person. I’ve always thought and always believed that he was different than many of the men I read about on here. I love him so much and would do anything for him. Well things began to get more and more serious between us the last few months with me having many breakdowns about how I felt about being used and not understanding what he needed me for. None of this scared him away or stopped him from wanting to see me every day just about or call or being in touch I have posted about my neighbor before, the 'consummate other woman', I like to call her. She got divorced because her H left for the OW and somehow she became the OW many times over. She once warned me to be careful about venting and ranting to my guy because he gets that enough at home and that's not what he needed me for; he needed me for a good time. She said 'be careful, or he'll get a third woman.' I could never believe this of my guy but she reassured me that she has been the OW to the OW. IOW, he needed her because the first two were a handful. Of course, all MM are different and I am not lumping them all into the same category. And I do wonder if he just couldn't handle your 'breakdowns'. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I just cant stand to think that he has been trying to manipulate me. I genuinely believed that our relationship was something that just happened because he fell in love with me. Now i start to wonder if I'm just one in a long string of women he has been involved with before. Like he just takes it to the point where he can until and OW starts demanding too much and then is on to the next one. I am very curious as to what he does for a living. Without giving us TMI, can you give us a hint? Link to post Share on other sites
Author InvisibleGirl Posted May 28, 2008 Author Share Posted May 28, 2008 haha what about what what I say about him makes you wonder what he does? He works in the financial field. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 haha what about what what I say about him makes you wonder what he does? He works in the financial field. LOL, just thought he might be in sales. That's all. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 If I was to answer that honestly' date=' I'd get an infraction.[/quote'] So you can't be honest, either? Guess that lumps you in the same category you've dumped us in, then - welcome :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 so that he would be able to talk more freely about me at home. Apparently this was supposed to show me that I'm not someone he wants to throw away. He doesnt know if it was a good move or not but guess its a way for him to feel less guilty so he can occassionally metion me. I can see how this benefits him, helping him to ease the tension between his two worlds, salving his conscience, etc. I can't see how this benefits you. Not remotely. If anything, he's making it more comfortable and easier to sustain keeping you exactly where you are - in your little box under his bed for him to haul out and play with when it suits him - rather than elevating you and acknowledging you for who and what you are (or should be) in his life. Mentioning your name around his W, so that she's got a heads-up and can set her spies to work is supposed to make you less disposable how? I don't think he's tangling the web, I think he's weaving it ever more tightly around his prey. IG this is not good for your self-esteem. This man is treating you badly and you are taking strain. If Rs cause breakdowns, something is wrong! They're supposed to make you feel better, not worse. What are you getting out of this, and is it remotely enough? Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I can see how this benefits him, helping him to ease the tension between his two worlds, salving his conscience, etc. I can't see how this benefits you. Not remotely. If anything, he's making it more comfortable and easier to sustain keeping you exactly where you are - in your little box under his bed for him to haul out and play with when it suits him - rather than elevating you and acknowledging you for who and what you are (or should be) in his life. I agree with this. Mentioning your name as if it's absolutely normal to be seeing you is simply going to make it easier for him to keep you exactly as you are: his (or one of his) OW. I don't see anything good for you in this at all. Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I have posted about my neighbor before, the 'consummate other woman', I like to call her. She got divorced because her H left for the OW and somehow she became the OW many times over. She once warned me to be careful about venting and ranting to my guy because he gets that enough at home and that's not what he needed me for; he needed me for a good time. She said 'be careful, or he'll get a third woman.' I could never believe this of my guy but she reassured me that she has been the OW to the OW. IOW, he needed her because the first two were a handful. Of course, all MM are different and I am not lumping them all into the same category. And I do wonder if he just couldn't handle your 'breakdowns'. WOW JUST WOW. So in other words be a good other woman. Don't complain about anything. Take whatever he says and does and do not have a backbone and stick up for yourself? That is just so sad. Sure any man would want a lap dog on the side to cater to his every whim. Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I have posted about my neighbor before, the 'consummate other woman', I like to call her. She got divorced because her H left for the OW and somehow she became the OW many times over. She once warned me to be careful about venting and ranting to my guy because he gets that enough at home and that's not what he needed me for; he needed me for a good time. She said 'be careful, or he'll get a third woman.' I could never believe this of my guy but she reassured me that she has been the OW to the OW. IOW, he needed her because the first two were a handful. Of course, all MM are different and I am not lumping them all into the same category. And I do wonder if he just couldn't handle your 'breakdowns'. WOW JUST WOW. So in other words be a good other woman. Don't complain about anything. Take whatever he says and does and do not have a backbone and stick up for yourself? That is just so sad. Sure any man would want a lap dog on the side to cater to his every whim. I think that's definitely the case with some men (not all, as WF said). But some men who want everything at their convenience. Also, as WF's neighbour is 'the consummate OW' (presumably that's all she does want), then evidently there are women out there who want to perform that role. I suppose it must work if you get two people who are on the same page about that..? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Sure any man would want a lap dog on the side to cater to his every whim. Frankly I couldn't think of anything worse! Maybe some people (men and women) enjoy that kind of relationship, but to me, that gets old pretty quickly. I've had my fill of MM who sit there on a leash just waiting for me to say and at this stage of my life, if it's not equal, I'm not up for it. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Frankly I couldn't think of anything worse! Maybe some people (men and women) enjoy that kind of relationship, but to me, that gets old pretty quickly. I've had my fill of MM who sit there on a leash just waiting for me to say and at this stage of my life, if it's not equal, I'm not up for it. Glad to know maturity can sometimes catch up with intellect! Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 So you can't be honest, either? Guess that lumps you in the same category you've dumped us in, then - welcome :lmao: I can be honest, but the mods wouldn't like it. Even if you asked a question directly and I answered using your very same words, I'd get that little notification in the private messages. So I am being honest when I say I can't answer your question directly. Pleading the 5th is perfectly acceptable and honest at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
neverendingsaga Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 As you indicated with human condition, we gravitate towards things or subject matters that best relate to our own unique and individual life experiences or ones that simply arouse our curiosity. That's just being human. I've browsed through the different departments on ls and threw in my own comments, much in the same way as you and I are doing at this very moment. Now, back to the original poster, I think you know what you're up against. Your MM has proven to you he has not committment to you, his wife and anyone else except to himself. Rev up the courage to walk away. Learn from this experience and walk away. ough to do but doable. Spend sometime alone and figure out what it is that you really want. Turn the table and make it into an "all about You moment" and not "all about him". Good luck. you are one smart lady & im glad your here no matter why it is. youve helped me alot & your advice is spot on. youve given me the courage to be strong, thanks!! dont listen to ppl who question why your here... maybe it is to help ppl! Link to post Share on other sites
neverendingsaga Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I have posted about my neighbor before, the 'consummate other woman', I like to call her. She got divorced because her H left for the OW and somehow she became the OW many times over. She once warned me to be careful about venting and ranting to my guy because he gets that enough at home and that's not what he needed me for; he needed me for a good time. She said 'be careful, or he'll get a third woman.' I could never believe this of my guy but she reassured me that she has been the OW to the OW. IOW, he needed her because the first two were a handful. Of course, all MM are different and I am not lumping them all into the same category. And I do wonder if he just couldn't handle your 'breakdowns'. well she needs someone who can 'handle' her & love her the way she is. so do all of us. i hate these selfish MM, who get other women when there women become too much of a handful. i wish theyd all grow up! Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Glad to know maturity can sometimes catch up with intellect! Please explain? Link to post Share on other sites
81West Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 And good honest people don't get involve with MM or MW in the first place. If they find out their guy or gal is married' date=' good honest people show them the door and walk away.[/quote'] I'm a good honest person, so how do you explain that? In fact for a number of reasons I think being good and honest is probably one of the risk factors for becoming an OM/OW... Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Sure any man would want a lap dog on the side to cater to his every whim. I don't think most men want a lap dog; they want a partner. Someone who is there to point out the good, not just the bad... Someone who wants to share their company and their bed...And not nag all the time or not even notice the sacrifices they make... Sometimes I wonder, what would M be like if the MP's actually BOTH appreciated what each one brought to the table? Childrearing, working OT, housework, house and car upkeep...I mean the thing that seems to get inbetween the spouses is this huge ego about who is appreciated more and who's the "silent" victim... I see the solution as both appreciating what the other does...Instead of saying. "Well, he never appreciates that I'm with the kids all day or that I cooked dinner etc." Why is it that when people get married, they just feel entitled to all this "stuff" and they don't think they have to try and impress their partner anymore? Isn't the reason we choose our partner because we love and appreciate them? What is it about M that makes us suddenly in a competition with our partner? Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Please explain? I've read a number of your posts and noticed you ascribed to a policy of dating married men exclusively as single men were too needy and possessive. Up until the post I replied to I assumed that you never experienced a downside to this strategy. I'm only commenting on the inescapable truth that whether married or single, men come in many packages and most don't fit your bill. You've arrived to a relationship that seems to satisfy your current needs, however, you still had to deal with all the pitfalls and issues women dating single men endure... you learned your way to where you are through trial and error one man at a time! Thus, your maturity, gained through time and experience in the dating world, has caught up with your recent revelations of what you like and dislike in married men and thus, men in general. No bashing intended... just my observation based on your previous comments about single men. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 WOW JUST WOW. So in other words be a good other woman. Don't complain about anything. Take whatever he says and does and do not have a backbone and stick up for yourself? That is just so sad. Sure any man would want a lap dog on the side to cater to his every whim. I know! It's crazy! Some MM really just want a fling and when the fling isn't fun anymore they move on like a boy in Jr. High school. I also believe my neighbor really enjoys her role as the OW. She is done cooking and cleaning for men. When they call, if she feels like it, she goes out for a nice dinner, maybe dancing, then to a nice hotel. They never come to her house. She is almost like Lizzie in that regard. It works for her. I told her I couldn't just sit there and take it. I did that for too long in my M and I was'nt going to let MM or any other man ignore my feelings. He can deal with my feelings or leave. OP, (original poster), it would hurt to end it but if you keep taking it the way you are you'll just hurt more and for longer. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I don't think most men want a lap dog; they want a partner. Isn't the reason we choose our partner because we love and appreciate them? What is it about M that makes us suddenly in a competition with our partner? Competition kills marriages. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 just my observation based on your previous comments about single men. Ya know there's alot of hoopla about the "single guy" on here... In my experience, when a woman reaches a certain age (and I'm early 30's) there's usually a reason that they're single... And none of them are good reasons...(I'm not a hermit either.) Sorry... *Disclaimer: I never made it a habit to pursue MM. It just sort of happened* Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 I don't think most men want a lap dog A lap dancer, maybe? :p Link to post Share on other sites
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