Author TrustInYourself Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 Dearest TIY I've taken the whole morning to read through your saga. Though its hard to believe, you and I are in the same bloody boat. At this very moment. I am also 27 going on 28. Married for nearly 3 years, known each other for almost 9. The only two differences are, no kids, and I am not 100% sure about a third party not being involved. Separated for the seventh week now (I'm from South Africa, not "legal" separation here - it's married or divorced). During the 5th week we had a wonderful time. All fell back in place and we were going to move back in together and fix this. by the end of the sixth week it all fell down hard. She's requested no communication to see if she can miss me. She doesn't love me anymore but feels affection. She knows she may be making the biggest mistake of her life. She wants a divorce, but, I need to wait a bit because I want to see a shrink / MC, she is considering it. She's had a hell of an awful life before we met. She does have serious issues. That's the really short version of it. We're on a 95% route to divorce. I don't want to. I have the faintest glimmer of hope and I still love her. But I am also capable of moving on. A bit in limbo now, I need to force patience on myself. I won't throw it away, but I will let go if it boils down to that. I have no answers, not guidelines, no advice. I am in the same situation as you are. I am confused, angry, depressed, lonely and I don't know what to do. Very early in the thread someone ended a post with saying that you / I can or are the best husbands ever, it is her loss. Not mine. Maybe true, maybe not. Al the very least I know now that I am not the one feeling the most horrible pain and confusion at this very instant. I will check back in here regularly to see where things are going and to gather help and strength. We are human beings, we feel as we live. We don't need to live in fear, as fear is the only real opposite of love. Hate is a product of fear (not quoting Star Wars there...). We need to conquer our fears, only then will love exist. I hope to hear from you frequently, I hope us both the best. Life is ours, we live it our way (now I am quoting). May we find ourselves, let go of our fears and live. Be it single, be it the hard work of putting things back together. My heart goes out to you over these thousands of cold oceanic miles. You're not alone, I know I am not. I miss my wife with a deep, aching loss. But things always work out as they should. Keep posting, you've got my support in any decision you make. We may at the end learn a lot from each other. Good luck! Let go of your fear. Maybe I can release mine too some day. H Hannibal, I'm sorry it took so long to respond. Thanks for your response. I agree with you. I feel what you feel. I can let go if that's what she wants. I can just ignore her forever if that is what she wants. The problem is I'm not so sure that is what she wants. Can you believe I sometimes wish she would treat me like complete worthlessness. I won't push. I'll be patient. I'll be loving, until the end of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Hannibal, I'm sorry it took so long to respond. Thanks for your response. I agree with you. I feel what you feel. I can let go if that's what she wants. I can just ignore her forever if that is what she wants. The problem is I'm not so sure that is what she wants. Can you believe I sometimes wish she would treat me like complete worthlessness. I won't push. I'll be patient. I'll be loving, until the end of my life. TIY, right now you are feeling all noble, and chivalrious. You are willing, maybe looking forward to martyring yourself at the alter of your undying love. It won't always be that way sport. In time, you will learn to smile and be hapy again. It's the way the world works. Try not to fight the feelings when they come. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrustInYourself Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 I'm not fighting it. I'm ready for it, perhaps even anticipating the decision I know can and most likely will come. I'm not holding on because of my emotions, strong as they are. I'm holding on because she hasn't given me a reason to stop holding on, except for the fact she wants space and time. I'll give her time and my patience. I'm no martyr, just a man in love trying to do the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Navin_R_Johnson Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I've got a nice quote: Nothing you can contemplate will ever be the same - every second is a new spark that sets the universe aflame ... your time will come." - Steve Harris / 1999. H Iron Maiden. Excellent! Link to post Share on other sites
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