Please help again!!!

[Rose]

Well, you may have read my first message. If not, you might want to read it for the background. I sent my ex-boyfriend a pretty mean letter telling him everything I wanted to say. Being a bitch was my last resort. I tried being really sweet or horny in my emails to him, but he never wrote back. He responded with two words: ##### off. So I called him last night to talk to him. It turned into fullblown screaming. He told me that I needed to forget him and get myself a new boyfriend so I'll stop being so possessive. Then he said that he gets my serious emails where I pour my entire heart out and reads them to his friends at college and they all laugh. He was mean and rude, told me the whole relationship was just a joke to him, and laughed at everything I said. I don't even remember what else he said, but I didn't sleep at all last night because I was crying so hard. I loved him so much and now I feel like a fool for not seeing that he probably didn't reciprocate those feelings. My problem is this: in spite of how mean he was to me and how bad he treated me the whole time we were together, I can't get over him. Will someone PLEASE tell me how to get over someone and forget about them? I don't really want another relationship because I am afraid to trust any other guys. Please help!! Thanks.

[Katherine]

Well Rose, I have only been dumped twice, I really protect myself. My first breakup was the ugliest. He was my dance partner on our team and he wouldn't even talk to me and would literally drop me on hte floor during lifts and throws in our routine. I had to see him 6 days a week every morning and weekend competitions. He broke up with me over email, it was the ugliest email I have ever read in my life. It would've been nice if he had just told me to #### off. But anyway, it takes time don't expect it to happen overnight. People tell you to get rid of everythjing that reminds you about him but in my experience that held me longer cause i agognized over what I had thrown away burned etc... But it does help to just put those things away somewhere. the best thing I did for myself was get a new hobby that I could poor myself into, feel succesful at and meet new people. I also had lots of connversations with my journal cause my friends were so tried of hearing about him. The number one thing though is realizing that there are men out there that will treat you good and like you deserve and won't ever even in anger tell you to #### off. Also is this one of your first few boyfriends? I am not trying to offend you I have just noticed in my experience that women with few or little relationships tend to be a little more posessive. But its something that wears off with more and more realtionships. My first realtionship I am so embarrassed how I acted but that was so long ago. Please take care of yourself. It hurts so bad so let yourself cry, just be careful not to wallow. Try to find something that you honestly love about yourself and pamper it.

 

If you have to put a little message on your phone and computer reminding yourself not too weaken and contact someone who is an a**h***. Its helps promise!!! Take Care, Katherine

Well, you may have rea want to read it for the background. I sent my ex-boyfriend a pretty mean letter telling him everyto say. Being a bitch was my last resort. I tried being really sweet or horny in my emails to him, but he never wrote back. He responded with two words: ##### off. So I called him last night to talk to him. It turned into fullblown screaming. He told me that I needed to forget him and get myself a new boyfriend so I'll stop being so possessive. Then he said that he gets my serious emails where I pour my entire heart out and reads them to his friends at college and they all laugh. He was mean and rude, told me the whole relationship was just a joke to him, and laughed at everything I said. I don't even remember what else he said, but I didn't sleep at all last night because I was crying so hard. I loved him so much and now I feel like a fool for not seeing that he probably didn't reciprocate those feelings. My problem is this: in spite of how mean he was to me and how bad he treated me the whole time we were together, I can't get over him. Will someone PLEASE tell me how to get over someone and forget about them? I don't really want another relationship because I am afraid to trust any other guys. Please help!! Thanks.

[Ryan]

I like a lot of what Katherine is saying. Breakups are never easy and they don't patch up with just a Band-aid and a kiss. The first few real breakups in our lives can be the most striking, since it is a new and confusing feeling that easily puts us in emotional disarray. But you know what? The sun still rises tomorrow. This is a good time to lean on your friends a little for some support, that is what they are there for and usually are pretty good at it. It will lighten as the days go by, and you will realize that one man does not exemplify the rest of us. I think you will do just fine.

[JUSTAGUY]

Rose,

 

Your feelings and reactions are completely normal. You just need the world's most effective medicine for these situations, and that is: time. It may be slow acting, but it ALWAYS works.

 

Ryan and Katherine speak the truth! We've all been there. Sometimes we even ask for advice, but really just want confirmation that we should continue to dwell on our hurt. Try not to let that happen. The best advice in this situation is to substitute positive activities in place of idle time spent obsessing. Having a good, encouraging friend to open up to also helps a lot.

 

No matter how sad or unmotivated you feel, force yourself to get out. You will feel better and you WILL find another (nicer, more fulfilling) guy, but it all takes time. There WILL come a day when you can look back on this and it won't bother you one bit. Do something to reduce your hurting now though...get out and get active. Love will come, and it will be worth the wait.

 

Hang in there