Guys: would you date a girl with herpes

[MrsHellnoFire]

probably not.

[MrsHellnoFire]

By even ASKING this question, you're STILL comparing herpes to HIV/AIDS. That's like comparing apples to hammers, and equating people with herpes to terminally sick people.

 

 

 

It's a skin condition, Art. http://www.skincareguide.com/ That's the first of MANY sites when Googling this issue.

 

A disease is an "illness or sickness often characterized by typical patient problems (symptoms) and physical findings (signs)." (from MedicineNet.com)

 

The flu, by definition, is a disease. Acne is a disease, an illness/condition of the skin. Measles is a disease. Chicken pox is a disease. Pneumonia is a disease. Jock itch is even considered a disease. There are various different ways to come down with these diseases, yet none of them carry a stigma.

 

Herpes is a disease that just so happens to be more difficult to come down with than the above because it's sexually transmitted (or sometimes just from KISSING!). It's the sex part that adds the stigma. As far as it's symptoms, it's a SKIN CONDITION.

 

 

 

I'm amused that you say this to a civil litigator who actually knows the law. Funny. Maybe this is true in MI, but not in most states.

 

 

Herpes is a VIRUS, acne isn't. Comparing the two is very ignorant.

 

And showing a "skincareguide" as your resource is also pretty pitiful. It's about covering up the surface skin symptoms.. although it is completely different from acne. The "skin condition" is the SYMPTOM of a life-long virus. Also, most of the diseases you happened to mention can be completely killed of by the body and/or antibiotics.

 

Alcoholism is also considered a disease now of days, yet it is completely different from what you are referencing.

 

Not a very good argument. Nobody should be made to feel bad about PROTECTING THEIR BODY from something they have a CHOICE to prevent getting.

 

I know you feel like it's a personal attack on you, but it isn't. If most people have the disease like you say, then it shouldn't be hard finding another guy that has it and could care less.

So if a man you were dating told you he had another incurable STD, you wouldn't care much? You wouldn't mind the potential of two STDs weighing down on your immune system? That's your choice. I have mine.

 

"Herpes viruses enter the body and hide away in cells, often re-emerging later to cause illnesses such as shingles, genital herpes and cancer. "

 

I guess I dislike the possibility of developing cancer down the line as well. SORRY!

[MrsHellnoFire]

I also have to add that I take the opinions presented here by those infected with a grain of salt as most of them did not HAVE the choice to decide for themselves.. they did not know their partners were infected.

Oh and are you still with the men or women that gave it to you? If so, then I guess it was worth the risk.

[dreamergrl]

Herpes is a VIRUS, acne isn't. Comparing the two is very ignorant.

 

And showing a "skincareguide" as your resource is also pretty pitiful. It's about covering up the surface skin symptoms.. although it is completely different from acne. The "skin condition" is the SYMPTOM of a life-long virus. Also, most of the diseases you happened to mention can be completely killed of by the body and/or antibiotics.

 

Alcoholism is also considered a disease now of days, yet it is completely different from what you are referencing.

 

Not a very good argument. Nobody should be made to feel bad about PROTECTING THEIR BODY from something they have a CHOICE to prevent getting.

 

I know you feel like it's a personal attack on you, but it isn't. If most people have the disease like you say, then it shouldn't be hard finding another guy that has it and could care less.

So if a man you were dating told you he had another incurable STD, you wouldn't care much? You wouldn't mind the potential of two STDs weighing down on your immune system? That's your choice. I have mine.

 

"Herpes viruses enter the body and hide away in cells, often re-emerging later to cause illnesses such as shingles, genital herpes and cancer. "

 

I guess I dislike the possibility of developing cancer down the line as well. SORRY!

 

No one said it was wrong to make the choice to not date someone with the virus, however that does not mean that just because someone has the virus they should focus on finding someone with the same virus.

 

Herpes also doesn't "re-emerge" to be the cause of other illnesses. Yes it lowers your immune system, but that doesn't make it a direct cause of something like cancer. Also after a year your body builds up anti bodies, and your immune system learns to fight it, so it's not as if you spend the rest of your life with all sorts of other illnesses due to herpes. Especially considering cold sores is actually HSV 1.

 

You don't get cancer from a low immune system.

 

I also have to add that I take the opinions presented here by those infected with a grain of salt as most of them did not HAVE the choice to decide for themselves.. they did not know their partners were infected.

 

Who said all the opinions that are okay with being with someone who has HSV actually have it?

[carhill]

As it can provide some topical relevance, at least at the relationship dynamic level, here's a link to a subsequent thread by the OP:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t153510/

 

Who said all the opinions that are okay with being with someone who has HSV actually have it?

 

I'm not sure the poster said that but perhaps inferred it. I didn't take the posting that way. For the record, to reiterate an earlier posting, I'd date a lady with genital HSV and I'm not infected. I've had unprotected sex with only one woman, that being my wife. Disease is part of the complex creatures humans are, and part of acceptance of one and loving one is dealing with such things. It's a choice. Everyone has their own perspective

[Untouchable_Fire]

I'm not sure the poster said that but perhaps inferred it. I didn't take the posting that way. For the record, to reiterate an earlier posting, I'd date a lady with genital HSV and I'm not infected. I've had unprotected sex with only one woman, that being my wife. Disease is part of the complex creatures humans are, and part of acceptance of one and loving one is dealing with such things. It's a choice. Everyone has their own perspective

 

Yeah... but if I had a choice... I'd pick the woman who was disease free!

 

So, I suppose if she is the best you can do, I would not fault you for it. But I know that I can do better.

[pandagirl]

So, if you have the choice between girl #1 who was amazing, beautiful, smart and kind but had herpes and girl #2 who was boring, kind of lame, and uninteresting, you'd like #2 over #1?

 

that's sad.

[Trialbyfire]

So, if you have the choice between girl #1 who was amazing, beautiful, smart and kind but had herpes and girl #2 who was boring, kind of lame, and uninteresting, you'd like #2 over #1?

 

that's sad.

Those are extreme examples. Not everyone who has herpes is amazing, beautiful, smart and kind, just like not everyone without herpes is boring, kind of lame and uninteresting.

 

Most people fall somewhere in between.

[Untouchable_Fire]

So, if you have the choice between girl #1 who was amazing, beautiful, smart and kind but had herpes and girl #2 who was boring, kind of lame, and uninteresting, you'd like #2 over #1?

that's sad.

 

Are you implying that all the women who are amazing, beautiful, smart, and kind have herpes? Ummm... not so much.

 

If your a guy who is a good catch.... you can skip the diseased ones and never miss out.

 

I know that sounds harsh... but just from watching what my friends go through... the girls with STD's are rarely worth the risk.

[Nemo]

Those are extreme examples. Not everyone who has herpes is amazing, beautiful, smart and kind, just like not everyone without herpes is boring, kind of lame and uninteresting.

 

Most people fall somewhere in between.

Great point! I am boring, kind of lame, and uninteresting... yet, I have all sort of viruses that would make your head spin. In fact, the viruses are threatening to make me interesting. At least to medical researchers, but it's a start.

[Trialbyfire]

Great point! I am boring, kind of lame, and uninteresting... yet, I have all sort of viruses that would make your head spin. In fact, the viruses are threatening to make me interesting. At least to medical researchers, but it's a start.

I'm waiting for the writeup about you in the New England Journal of Medicine and GQ. Most eligible and interesting viral vector.

[carhill]

Yeah... but if I had a choice... I'd pick the woman who was disease free!

 

So, I suppose if she is the best you can do, I would not fault you for it. But I know that I can do better.

I've never seen people as "good", "better", or "best" (or the reverse) and I don't measure my success in life by the people I "collect".

 

I know that sounds harsh... but just from watching what my friends go through... the girls with STD's are rarely worth the risk.

So, if one moves beyond their function as a penile receptacle, their value becomes more perilous and uncertain? If yes, that's certainly a common perspective

 

pandagirl, I sincerely hope the discourse here does not discourage you and that any reservations you might currently have about your man's interest receive your utmost patience. Look at his overall behaviors as a guide, not any singular action. He'll make mistakes; so will you.

[pandagirl]

carhill! you are such a sweet and understanding man!

 

i am not discouraged. everyone is entitled to their opinion and i can only evalutate my situation on the actions of my guy and myself. ironically, the sexual progression of our relation is great; emotionally, not so much.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I've never seen people as "good", "better", or "best" (or the reverse) and I don't measure my success in life by the people I "collect".

 

It's easier to understand something if you qualify it. So, while you don't particularly see people in terms of good, better, best... you do have some kind of value system for people. It's therefore hypocritical to imply that I am wrong for having one myself!

 

Do you actually measure your success in life? I just know that I'm happy.

 

So, if one moves beyond their function as a penile receptacle, their value becomes more perilous and uncertain? If yes, that's certainly a common perspective

 

If you believe that is how I think... then your wrong. Sex is important to me, however, it's not the top of my list.

The plain fact is that there are enough quality women out there that don't have herpes, that I can automatically rule out the ones that do, and not suffer for it.

 

The way I see it, most relationships don't work out. If I catch it... I have to deal with it forever, and it WILL cause relationship limitations for me in the future. So, give me 1 solid reason I should take that risk when I don't have to?

 

pandagirl, I sincerely hope the discourse here does not discourage you and that any reservations you might currently have about your man's interest receive your utmost patience. Look at his overall behaviors as a guide, not any singular action. He'll make mistakes; so will you.

 

Good advice!

 

Look, if you have it. Some guys will care, some wont. Just get it out in the open as soon as appropriate and don't have expectations either way.

[carhill]

It's easier to understand something if you qualify it. So, while you don't particularly see people in terms of good, better, best... you do have some kind of value system for people. It's therefore hypocritical to imply that I am wrong for having one myself!

 

Do you actually measure your success in life? I just know that I'm happy.

Clever, implying I said something I didn't. I never talked about you at all. It's kinda against the rules here

 

Yes, I measure my success in life. Happiness is one component. Doing good for the world is another. Compassion and empathy contribute. Avarice and greed detract (amongst other flaws I have).

 

Since this is a support forum, I try to be supportive. Browbeating someone who is open and honest about something very personal is disingenuous to me. Of course, YMMV.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Clever, implying I said something I didn't. I never talked about you at all. It's kinda against the rules here

Yes, I measure my success in life. Happiness is one component. Doing good for the world is another. Compassion and empathy contribute. Avarice and greed detract (amongst other flaws I have).

Since this is a support forum, I try to be supportive. Browbeating someone who is open and honest about something very personal is disingenuous to me. Of course, YMMV.

 

Simply because the word "you" was not used... doesn't mean I was not the person you were speaking to or about. I'm not the only clever person here. If I am quoted... then the response is both directed to and about me and my previous statement.

 

Now, as to how helpful I was in my original post... I probably should have been more supportive. However, I was very honest, and my views are representative of a decent chunk of the population on this topic. I'm not browbeating... I'm just not blowing sunshine and rainbows, which would be disingenuous.

 

Personally, I've never met anyone who has been able to convince me they were worth the risk. I think it was quoted earlier that the transmission rate was 1%. I think that is each time... the math on that does not seem good.

 

YMMV? Either Your Mileage May Vary... or You Make Me Vomit... I've seen both used.

[D-Lish]

Yeah... but if I had a choice... I'd pick the woman who was disease free!

 

So, I suppose if she is the best you can do, I would not fault you for it. But I know that I can do better.

 

Considering that the 1 in 4 that do have genital herpes don't know they have it... it's a crap shoot isn't it?

 

Then you'd best start screening everyone you sleep with and demand to see their papers. They don't test for HSV on a standard std screening test.... so it's best to ask everyone you sleep with to see their bloodwork results. And considering an infected person may not manifest the anti-bodies in their blood for up to a year after infection.... how can you ever really know?

 

You just have to trust that if someone does know they have it- that they are up front with you like Panda has decided to be with her new guy.

 

1 in 4.... think about it.

The same people who say they wouldn't sleep with someone willingly if they knew the person was infected- may unwillingly be sleeping with someone who has it and doesn't realize it. Or worse- they know and decide not to disclose...

 

Cold sores (HSV1) are as infectious as HSV2- and most people carry that virus from childhood.

[Krytie TV]

Now... to your point. Are you trying to say I don't have a right to exclude people as potential mates based on the diseases they carry, whether that be HIV or HSV, or MRSA, or whatever?

Yes, some are still using the "what the hell, you've probably already done it unknowlingly so why not throw all your reservations out the window and just embrace sex with someone with HSV". It has been going on for multiple pages now. Many pages...

[Untouchable_Fire]

Yes, some are still using the "what the hell, you've probably already done it unknowlingly so why not throw all your reservations out the window and just embrace sex with someone with HSV". It has been going on for multiple pages now. Many pages...

 

That was pretty much what I was getting at.

 

I think Panda is doing the right thing. I think it will benefit her in the long run. I am also sure that having HSV will limit her dating pool, and she should be prepared for that. Just as many quality guys will walk away as will give her a shot.

[MaxManwell]

Would I date a girl with herpes !?!? The question should be would I date a girl without herpes !!!

 

The answers; no and yes.

[MaxManwell]

The appropriate response is yes, I would.

[dreamergrl]

If your a guy who is a good catch.... you can skip the diseased ones and never miss out.

 

1 out of 4 have HSV 2 and 90% of the population has HSV 1 (cold sores). I'd say chances are if you bypassed all those with HSV yeah, you'd be missing out, whether your a great catch or not.

 

Chances are you've been exposed and just didn't know it. That's what is so irritating about the "no I'd never sleep with someone who has a disease".

 

I don't find the spreading of this disease amusing, but I'd be very interested in those with this opinion to see how it would change if they end up with it.

[blind_otter]

Yeah....I still don't see what the big deal is about people not wanting to sleep with/date someone.

 

Whether it's because the person in question is blond, fat, mexican, or has herpes - we ALL get to decide who we want to date/sleep with based on random, arbitrary selection criteria that mean nothing to anyone but ourselves.

[Art_Critic]

Chances are you've been exposed and just didn't know it. That's what is so irritating about the "no I'd never sleep with someone who has a disease".

 

The more sex partners you have, the higher the risk of you getting, or having been in contact with genital herpes.. sure.. it doesn't take a scientist to figure out that one..

[Untouchable_Fire]

1 out of 4 have HSV 2 and 90% of the population has HSV 1 (cold sores). I'd say chances are if you bypassed all those with HSV yeah, you'd be missing out, whether your a great catch or not.

Chances are you've been exposed and just didn't know it. That's what is so irritating about the "no I'd never sleep with someone who has a disease".

I don't find the spreading of this disease amusing, but I'd be very interested in those with this opinion to see how it would change if they end up with it.

 

So your argument is that because I've probably been exposed unwillingly... I should just not care?

 

How would my opinion change? It would not change at all. Do you think I would expect women to not care that I have it?

 

Yeah....I still don't see what the big deal is about people not wanting to sleep with/date someone.Whether it's because the person in question is blond, fat, mexican, or has herpes - we ALL get to decide who we want to date/sleep with based on random, arbitrary selection criteria that mean nothing to anyone but ourselves.

 

Very wise and true!