Guys: would you date a girl with herpes

[Trialbyfire]

Imagine if people went and got themselves tested regularly and people didn't spread it knowingly or unknowingly. It could limit the spread so that people like pandagirl wouldn't have contracted it.

[Nutshell]

Imagine if people went and got themselves tested regularly and people didn't spread it knowingly or unknowingly. It could limit the spread so that people like pandagirl wouldn't have contracted it.

 

This is assuming that it's wrong to spread it if only one partner has it but both know about it. While I agree that most people contract it unknowingly, in some cases the uninfected partner is willing to take the risk. In those instances there's nothing wrong with spreading it knowingly.

[Trialbyfire]

This is assuming that it's wrong to spread it if only one partner has it but both know about it. While I agree that most people contract it unknowingly, in some cases the uninfected partner is willing to take the risk. In those instances there's nothing wrong with spreading it knowingly.

As long as both parties are responsible about it and ensure that any future partners are well aware, that's their choice.

 

If you were to take 100 people who have an STD, I wonder how many of them would wish they didn't?

[Untouchable_Fire]

1. Herpes is a very common condition. Some people know they have it, most don't.

2. Herpes is non-discriminatory! ANYONE can get it, not just promiscuous people!

3. It is a person's choice and decision whether to date someone with herpes; that being said, it is very difficult to know if the person you are having sex with has it.

4. Coldsores IS herpes.

5. Having herpes does not mean you are an unheathy person. I am extremely healthy, even though I have herpes. In fact, just had my annual doctor's check up today. He told me: "You are very healthy!"

6. Please become educated about herpes if you ever come across someone you really like who has it. You may find out that it isn't that big of a deal.

7. The stigma of herpes is much, much worse than the actual condition.

8. Herpes should absolutely not lower the "value" of a person.

 

 

1. Agree

2. Promiscuous people have an increased chance of having it. Life is often a numbers game.

3. We at least have the right to make a choice in regards to our exposure. Simply saying it's hard to know gives people a free pass when they are not as honest as you!

4. Location, Location, Location.

5. I very much agree.

6. I have, and I think it is. Primarily I do not like the stigma attached to it.

7. A matter of opinion.

8. Does only having only 1 leg lower the "value" of a person? Having Herpes simply limits your options... it doesn't lower your value.

[Nutshell]

As long as both parties are responsible about it and ensure that any future partners are well aware, that's their choice.

 

If you were to take 100 people who have an STD, I wonder how many of them would wish they didn't?

 

100. The same number as those who would wish they didn't have the flu, or have cancer, or have bronchitis.

[Trialbyfire]

100. The same number as those who would wish they didn't have the flu, or have cancer, or have bronchitis.

Then the 100 can hopefully understand why people choose not to contract.

 

8. Does only having only 1 leg lower the "value" of a person? Having Herpes simply limits your options... it doesn't lower your value.

Well said.

[Nutshell]

Then the 100 can hopefully understand why people choose not to contract.

 

I'm sure they can. Based on this thread the people with HSV seem to be more understanding in general.

[Krytie TV]

I'm just absolutely amused and blown away by this thread.

 

Look, I GET IT. Exposure may have happened... yep, got it. 350 more posts displaying statistics does not make me get it any more than I already get it. I get it. By the way, I get it. Have I mentioned I get it?

 

Nope. Still not likely to plunge into a situation where I know I can cotract it due to its confirmed presence.

 

I can understand why many of you are pounding these statistics and your viewpoints down our throats. You want us to know you aren't bad people. Again, I get it. I don't think you're bad people because you have this. But really, and as hard as you may try, trying to convince me that I've already been exposed is not working, and does not make the condition any less threatening. I don't think I'm better than you... I'm sure many of you are great people (I am speaking to a group simply because there have been more than one that spoke of having it).

 

If it's acceptance you are looking for by trying to convince me that my thinking is misguided, don't bother. Acceptance already had. No arguing about my ill-informed, uneducated, ignorant, moronic, selfish, hypocritical, and whatever other adjective about my views you can throw my way will not make that acceptance any greater. In fact, it works the other way.

[Karyyk]

I don't know that I would. It just depends. If I was already truly in love with someone (not yet intimate sexually) and they found out after the fact that they had it and told me immediately, then yeah, I'd date them, stay with them, whatever the case, I'm not going to abandon them because of something they did before me.

 

Of course, if I was in an early dating phase and the person told me, "By the way, I have herpes," then I'm not so sure. Again, I'm not sure what I'd do. With matters of the heart it's kind of hard to say what you'd do. Right now I'm answering logically and rationally, but at that point, I'd be thinking with my heart, not my brain. Just how I am...

[Art_Critic]

I'm sure they can. Based on this thread the people with HSV seem to be more understanding in general.

 

The people posting on this thread who don't have herpes are just as understanding nutshell...

 

The people who have herpes don't have a choice anymore as to whether or not they would like to risk getting the virus from someone who says they have it.

The people who don't have it still have a choice to whether or not they would risk getting the virus from someone who says they have it.

 

Having a choice and exercising your choice doesn't make us less understanding..

[Replicant]

This is assuming that it's wrong to spread it if only one partner has it but both know about it. While I agree that most people contract it unknowingly, in some cases the uninfected partner is willing to take the risk. In those instances there's nothing wrong with spreading it knowingly.

 

There is no "right" in spreading disease. This "Right vs Wrong" a few are carrying on about is just a bunch of politically correct BS. First of all it's been studied and classified a disease. Depending on the type of disease, decides the containment protocol necessary. For instance, SARS got out of control here in 2003. The largest populated city in Canada, and no comparison to the poor health standards of the originating country. The reason it got out of control first was because it was downplayed as to it's seriousness which can be construed as human error by so called 'professionals'. Secondly trusting the masses to take certain precautions and obey quarantine procedures is putting a lot of faith and responsibility in the hands of the average person, where clearly many throw caution to the wind.

 

STD's are no different, method of transmittal is obvious. So why should the reaction towards a plague, an incurable STD or a cold virus be treated any different in terms of containment? If someone sneezes or coughs in your face, i don't think the majority would be impressed by such...Should i thank them or downplay that nonsense out of probabilities of not catching what they had out of political correctness?

 

A disease, is a disease, is a disease, it's not called that for nothing. The methods of exposure are not always fair i agree, but regardless at that point it becomes a responsibility not to infect others....The reason STD's are wildly out of control is no different than why SARS was. Gambling with other peoples lives/health....regardless of percentages.

[Nutshell]

Having a choice and exercising your choice doesn't make us less understanding..

 

Not at all.

 

What I mean is that having it is not as big a deal as some people--namely people who don't have it--seem to think it is. I don't think it's wrong for someone to not want to contract it. I wanted to contribute to the thread for anyone who may be reading this who was recently diagnosed with HSV or anyone in the situation of pandagirl's new potential partner. Perhaps this will help alleviate any fears they may have.

[Nutshell]

There is no "right" in spreading disease. This "Right vs Wrong" a few are carrying on about is just a bunch of politically correct BS. First of all it's been studied and classified a disease. Depending on the type of disease, decides the containment protocol necessary. For instance, SARS got out of control here in 2003. The largest populated city in Canada, and no comparison to the poor health standards of the originating country. The reason it got out of control first was because it was downplayed as to it's seriousness which can be construed as human error by so called 'professionals'. Secondly trusting the masses to take certain precautions and obey quarantine procedures is putting a lot of faith and responsibility in the hands of the average person, where clearly many throw caution to the wind.

 

STD's are no different, method of transmittal is obvious. So why should the reaction towards a plague, an incurable STD or a cold virus be treated any different in terms of containment? If someone sneezes or coughs in your face, i don't think the majority would be impressed by such...Should i thank them or downplay that nonsense out of probabilities of not catching what they had out of political correctness?

 

A disease, is a disease, is a disease, it's not called that for nothing. The methods of exposure are not always fair i agree, but regardless at that point it becomes a responsibility not to infect others....The reason STD's are wildly out of control is no different than why SARS was. Gambling with other peoples lives/health....regardless of percentages.

 

SARS is deadly. Herpes is not (with the exception of infants).

 

If a random person with a cold coughed in my face, yes I would be bothered. If it were my gf or wife who I knew had a cold, it wouldn't bother me.

 

I agree that people have a responsibility to inform their sexual partners of their condition, but by no means am I going to limit myself to only partners who are already infected. If a woman chooses not to date me for fear of infection, no problem. If she chooses to take the risk then it's her call and I feel no guilt for that.

[dreamergrl]

To expand on taking STDs seriously, pandagirl wouldn't be in this position if her cheating ex had taken the risk of STDs seriously. Same might be said for you macon, although I have no idea how you contracted it.

 

It's not just whorish people, or cheating bf/gf's that pass it on. People who take STD's seriously are just as probable of getting it and passing it without knowing it. There are people that have had it for decades and didn't know because they showed no symptoms. I hate the labels that come with this disease.

[Trialbyfire]

It's not just whorish people, or cheating bf/gf's that pass it on. People who take STD's seriously are just as probable of getting it and passing it without knowing it. There are people that have had it for decades and didn't know because they showed no symptoms. I hate the labels that come with this disease.

pandagirl was the example provided and the OP of this thread. Are you suggesting that she didn't get it from her cheating ex?

[dreamergrl]

pandagirl was the example provided and the OP of this thread. Are you suggesting that she didn't get it from her cheating ex?

 

No I'm implying that her ex may have got it unknowingly, or from someone who had it unknowingly.

[Trialbyfire]

No I'm implying that her ex may have got it unknowingly, or from someone who had it unknowingly.

From what she's posted in the past, it was my understanding that he got it while cheating and passed it on to her. I'm not going to question how she knows this.

[dreamergrl]

From what she's posted in the past, it was my understanding that he got it while cheating and passed it on to her. I'm not going to question how she knows this.

 

And I'm not saying that's not true. What I'm saying is it may have been unknowingly transfered to him.

[Untouchable_Fire]

No I'm implying that her ex may have got it unknowingly, or from someone who had it unknowingly.

 

In your opinion. Lets say you have HSV2, and you know. Do you tell your potential lover or not?

 

If you tell... Does he have the right to choose not to date you based on this?

 

If you don't tell... Do you feel he has any type of right to know?

[Trialbyfire]

And I'm not saying that's not true. What I'm saying is it may have been unknowingly transfered to him.

As far as I'm concerned, based on the information provided, he cheated, she ended up with an STD. Whether he knew about it or not, is irrelevant. What is relevant is that pandagirl didn't know about it so she wasn't given free choice to decide if she was willing to contract an incurable disease.

[pandagirl]

Yes, I got it from a cheating ex.

 

Listen, to each their own. I don't think anyone can really make a decision on what they would do in dealing with herpes unless they find themselves in the situation. And if any of you do, I would hope this thread has educated you a bit and made you think thoughtfully about this topic.

 

I have herpes. Big whoop. It was realy scary telling someone for the first time about it, but now that it's over, I have seen the support and understanding from my friends and the guy I am seeing. They're more than OK with it. In fact, when I told each of my friends about it, they were like: "OMG. DUDE. I thought you were going to tell me you got raped or something! Herpes isn't a big deal."

[Replicant]

SARS is deadly. Herpes is not (with the exception of infants).

 

If a random person with a cold coughed in my face, yes I would be bothered. If it were my gf or wife who I knew had a cold, it wouldn't bother me.

 

I agree that people have a responsibility to inform their sexual partners of their condition, but by no means am I going to limit myself to only partners who are already infected. If a woman chooses not to date me for fear of infection, no problem. If she chooses to take the risk then it's her call and I feel no guilt for that.

 

The fact that baby's can be born with HSV and have a mortality rate, means the disease is deadly at some level.

 

Why these exceptions? I would suspect because it's known a cold will eventually go away within a few days to a week normally, and is treatable by most over the counter products. That is beneficial to you while the cold runs it's course, but none of these things prevent the spread of it. You choose your exposure because of who it is and what it is, but what if it was SARS or Ebola would you place yourself at deaths doorstep with a risk based on percentages of contraction? Or on the flip side she place you in such a position on her own free will. Just because someone makes a simple choice based on emotion, confidence, belief or whatever it may be... in this example you provided is it right to continually infect people? Because eventually it is going to break out of that little circle and go wild...

 

As for the people who try to rationalize as to who was wrong in the OP's case, why bother debating it? One or multiple people down the HSV line were knowingly or unknowingly spreading disease to an unknown quantity of people. The spreading of the disease was not 'right' i do not dispute that BUT i believe at one point she eluded to the fact her boyfriend was a rather shady individual/morals. So this was a gamble that she took, regardless of her boyfriends knowing or not knowing.

[dreamergrl]

In your opinion. Lets say you have HSV2, and you know. Do you tell your potential lover or not?

 

If you tell... Does he have the right to choose not to date you based on this?

 

If you don't tell... Do you feel he has any type of right to know?

 

Yes he does have that right, but I'd hope he'd become educated on the matter, instead of some of the biased opinions on here. I would NEVER not disclose that info, and I wouldn't feel insulted if the choice was made not to date me, but I would find it rash to rush to opinions based on what society has branded people with that disease.

 

As far as I'm concerned, based on the information provided, he cheated, she ended up with an STD. Whether he knew about it or not, is irrelevant. What is relevant is that pandagirl didn't know about it so she wasn't given free choice to decide if she was willing to contract an incurable disease.

 

It actually is relevant. I'm not saying cheating is okay, however, it's one thing to knowingly pass on the disease, then to pass it on not knowing you have it.

 

Yes, I got it from a cheating ex.

 

Listen, to each their own. I don't think anyone can really make a decision on what they would do in dealing with herpes unless they find themselves in the situation. And if any of you do, I would hope this thread has educated you a bit and made you think thoughtfully about this topic.

 

I have herpes. Big whoop. It was realy scary telling someone for the first time about it, but now that it's over, I have seen the support and understanding from my friends and the guy I am seeing. They're more than OK with it. In fact, when I told each of my friends about it, they were like: "OMG. DUDE. I thought you were going to tell me you got raped or something! Herpes isn't a big deal."

 

I like this post, and think it's great you don't feel less of a person based on some reactions, and more so I think it's awesome you're surrounded by people who are supportive!

[Billy Bob]

Because you are not understanding that you have ALREADY been exposed to one statistically.

 

The stats are 1 in 4 (1 in 3 last I heard actually).

 

If a guy has slept with 20 people. How many times has he ALREADY been exposed to it anyways? Do the math....

 

Hmmm... I think the stats are a little screwed up.. 33% or even 25% of the general population does not get HSV2 outbreaks. I think I read somewhere that 1 in 4 sexually active people have been exposed to the virus, but people actually getting HSV2 genetal outbreaks, I bet it's no more than 1 in 20. Those are the people you will catch it from.

 

I would steer clear of dating someone that had HSV2 outbreaks and definitely knew they had HSV2. Just as I wouldn't date someone with one of the nasty obvious strains of HPV or HIV.

[Art_Critic]

Because you are not understanding that you have ALREADY been exposed to one statistically.

 

With my past drinking career I've also died in a car accident statistically... but in reality I haven't..

 

Statistics are crap.. reality is truth...