GoldenWonder Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 I'm new to all of this. I would appreciate some advice if anyone would be prepared to give it to me. This is my situation: My partner was friends with a guy who forced himself on her last summer. I asked her not to see him because he is a jerk who just thinks via his penis. This summer my partner thought I was going to leave her and decided to get drunk. She then saw a male friend to get something he borrowed from her. He invited her in for a drink and they had sex. Two weeks later, after we had begun to sort things out, my partner felt I was going to leave her again and decided to get drunk. While out, she met this 'friend' again and drove him home. He invited her in for a drink and she accepted his offer. They had sex again. She told me about both these times but initially lied. I don't know what to do, I want her and I want to be with her but I just keep thinking about it all and its driving me crazy. Is it worth this pain?[font=times new roman][/font][color=black][/color] Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 nope. a cheater is a cheater. shes a strange cat, i must say Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 hm, let's see what you've got here: a woman who -- based on her unconfirmed notion that you were going to break up with her -- decides not once but twice to get even/lash out by sleeping with another guy. Not just any guy, but a guywho (supposedly) raped her. I say "supposedly" because this woman sounds a bit unbalanced and I think you ought to take anything she says with a few grains of salt. Telling you that she'd been raped might have served an immediate need she had for melodrama, or to elicit your sympathy (or who knows what else). But I don't know of too many women who would continue a friendship with their rapist and even sometimes hook up with him. Huh? Regardless of the veracity of her claim about the rape, you've got a woman who lashes out with very hurtful and unhealthy behavior when it suits her. A woman whose insecurities lead her to believe that she's in danger of being dumped every few weeks, and who can't bring herself to communicate her fears to her partner. A woman who doesn't seem to be capable of learning from her mistakes (she met up with him and got drunk a second time, remember!). And a woman who resorts to alcohol to deal with anxiety, doubt, etc. And you really want to be with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenWonder Posted July 17, 2003 Author Share Posted July 17, 2003 He didn't rape her, he kissed her and touched her without her consent. Sorry I should have clarified that. Link to post Share on other sites
Gray Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 Still her points the same, when the relationship is in trouble she runs out to hurt you by f'ng someone else. I couldn't stand for that. If it doesn't bother you, hey stick with her. She'll treat you like crap for the rest of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenWonder Posted July 17, 2003 Author Share Posted July 17, 2003 I don't want to stand for it and be walked over. But I can't be without her. I almost crashed my car today because the pain was too much Link to post Share on other sites
bryanp Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 Ask yourself why you would settle for so little. You have a girfriend who when she gets upset with you and thinks you may break up continues a pattern where she drinks and has unprotected sex with another man. You would have to be out of your mind to be involved with her. Are you going to wait for the next time she gets upset and screws someone else? You are putting your health at risk because of her behavior. The bottom line is that she has a broken moral compass and is far too immature for you to be seriously involved with. Clearly it will be a matter of time until she gets mad at you, gets drunk again and screws some other guy. Don't you think you deserve somebody a little bit better than this? I sure hope so for your sake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenWonder Posted July 17, 2003 Author Share Posted July 17, 2003 It wasn't unprotected sex. We've been together three years and it hasn't ever happened before. I'm not naive, because we have agreed to tell each other stuff like this. I know I sound like a doormat but when you've spent 3 years of your life with someone, its hard to just up and leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Gray Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 Yup its hard. No one said it was going to be easy. But we've all been through it. I know i have, I would bet a good number of people on here have too. If you're not looking for support to break up with her what were you expecting? Did you really think people would come here and say "No, you're not a doormat. you're a great person, and if you stick it out with her, she'll learn to love you eventually, and everything will be happy and fun! And we'll all join you in Candyland for your wedding!!!" Get real. You know what you have to do. You knew that when you posted here. You can do it. You can make it through it, I promise you you are strong enough. You just gotta take that step. Greive and heal, then you'll be set to find a good relationship, where she treats you right. Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 Originally posted by GoldenWonder I don't want to stand for it and be walked over. But I can't be without her. I almost crashed my car today because the pain was too much hey dude, chill out. if someone has such an affect over you, i think its an unhealthy attatchment. if you feel you cant live without the other person, recheck yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenWonder Posted July 17, 2003 Author Share Posted July 17, 2003 I can't just chill out. It wasn't an intentionally near crash. I have to deal with this now, 24/7, I can't escape it and I don't really want to get pissed and trek through conventional escapism routes like getting pissed, drugs or suicide. I want to deal with it in a sensible way, but the thing is, I don't want to deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 well, you can do 2 things. some men can just push things away and forget like they never happened. can you do that, then do it. cause you said you dont want to deal with it. or..... you can deal with this naturally. but i really think you are feeling what is normal. but.....shes bad for you if you are feeling THIS bad. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenWonder Posted July 17, 2003 Author Share Posted July 17, 2003 Some men might, but i'm not a man Link to post Share on other sites
Gray Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 You're making it out to be that you're the only one in the world who has lost someone. Go check out some of the other threads, where marriages of a few years are breaking up. Those, are hard stories. You're what 18 or 19? You still have your college years to get thru! Prime coital years! You should end things with her, so you can get on with your life and be treated nicely. Its not a matter of "can i chill out?" You do it. Then you get on with your life. You can't roll over and die. And let her beat you like that? Get up! Do something about it! Prove you're a better person than that! Tell the world to F OFF, CUZ I'M BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU F'ERS AND I'M GOING TO DO THIS BY MY MOTHERF'N SELF!!! errr... right then. jalexy : quit following me around here. Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 i think gray is right......and im thinking that i am doing no following hehe Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenWonder Posted July 17, 2003 Author Share Posted July 17, 2003 I'm not acting that way at all. I've never dealt with this before so I don't know how to cope. I'm not saying i'm not man enough, its just I am not male. Link to post Share on other sites
Gray Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 Well up in me... ya know I wondered why you kept saying partner, but never questioned. ANYWHO... my points still the same. You need to be tough and realize you deserve more than what she's giving you. Seriously, thats all I got. Good luck to ya. Link to post Share on other sites
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