BentSpine Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 And you'll feel better in the end knowing that you did everything to try to save your marriage. In the end, if things don't work out then at least you can say you tried your best.This is a judgement that the Original Poster hasn't already tried his best and that he cannot yet walk away with a clear conscience. This type of argument can be extended over and over again: "Before you did X & Y but it didn't work. Now, if you try doing X, Y & Z, THEN you may have a clear conscience if it still doesn't work." Regarding weight loss, 90 - 95 percent of those who have lost a substantial amount of weight are unable to keep the weight from packing back on. Add a kid or two and it's gets even more scary. Do you think your partner won't harbour resentment against you when you tell her about your need for a partner who isn't overweight? Because I advice you to tell her of your need. Regardless of who you will partner in the future, you will do better than at present, if you are good at voicing the things that bother you as soon as you become aware of them (which may take another woman to make you aware). Link to post Share on other sites
Sum1'sGot2RepThe530 Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 I think your situation is the closest to my own in reguards to my wife and I. I have no OW in the picture though. I'd end my marriage first before chasing anybody else and I think you should too, if you decide your wife isn't for you anymore. Any updates? Link to post Share on other sites
LostInCosmos Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 Wow. Thank EVERYONE for your input. You guys offered a lot of different and useful perspectives. As an update, I did have a very candid conversations with the W this last weekend. Most of my issues came up. She was receptive (after the initial fight) and to be fair she accurately called out some of my imperfections. It actually went fairly well, but we had some major issues in the bedroom later that night. Haven't really tried since. Her weight definitely gets to me, but we have other issues as well (typical LTR stuff - always by the numbers, no spontaneity, same tricks). My lack of passion is really bothering me. I guess I should admit I'll be traveling on business to a conference that my friend will also be at. I realize this is a dangerous setting. Someone tell me not to be dumb. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 I guess I should admit I'll be traveling on business to a conference that my friend will also be at. I realize this is a dangerous setting. Someone tell me not to be dumb. Wear a condom! Link to post Share on other sites
ShyGirl31 Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 Tough situation... I too came from a conservative Christian background and was pressured or "guilted" into marrying young, and am now facing similar problems. It is very hard to give up on a relationship when you love someone (even if you are not "in love" with them anymore) and you have a strong history together. I chose to talk to my husband and tell him exactly how I felt (well, I did gloss over some things so as not to hurt his feelings too much). I think he was just getting too comfortable in the relationship, and me talking to him gave him a wake-up call about what he needed to bring to the table to make the relationship work. He was shocked to learn that I was tempted to cheat, and suddenly he was willing to make all sorts of changes that he had resisted before. I don't know if this is possible with your wife. It sounds like she is very emotionally fragile. If you don't have open communication and aren't able to talk to eachother openly, maybe a marriage counselor could help. A trial separation might be a good option so you can sort your feelings out. Link to post Share on other sites
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