Husband is still, you know, but other things. . .

[Kenyth]

Graveyard shift does strange things to people. IMHO it causes long-term low-level sleep deprivation. My brother both had to work nights for a long time and it made them different people. Always tired, slightly depressed, etc. Not only that, people have a tendancy to not understand the schedule of night workers. Your sleep is less than optimal because you have to deal with daylight shining in the windows, phone calls from telemarketers, family, school, girl scout cookie sales, etc. All kinds of chores need to be done during the day, like driving kids around, doctors/dentists appointments, etc.

 

Imagine if everything was closed and everyone sleeping while you were at work and everything was open and people were out and about in the middle of the night while you were trying to sleep. Now add a light shining through your bedroom window and the constant drone of activity in the background.

[Rainbow Gem]

Yes, I know graveyard does funny things to your mind and makes it challenging to interact with people. I used to work it. I constantly questioned what day it was but I enjoyed having free time during the day. I am very sympathetic to the fact that he works off shift. I make sure that the kids are quiet and have darkened our bedroom just so he can sleep during the day.

 

My H made the choice to go to graveyard. And I know that it is not good for his depression to stay on that shift. But he does it anyway. He makes excuses as to why he won't take job opportunities at work when they are available. I have tried to encourage him to go back to school to pursue something that he is interested in and leave that company but he shoots that one down as well.

 

And Mr. Lucky, communication is a two-way street. My H has shown repeatedly that he doesn't even know what or where it is. And I would say that he hasn't shown a serious commitment to supporting the family until these last couple of years. Before that I had to scrounge up jobs on the side, part-time gigs, home based opportunities and money from relatives just to compensate for him missing work or not going to work. And I dragged him to a church where I picked up free food just to show him that what I went through when he wasn't working.

 

He needs help and he refuses to acknowledge it and frankly I don't think he has a right to complain. I have put up with him stealing money from my purse or checking accounts and he refuses to grow up and be accountable.

 

So, until he decides to make amends and change his attitude and ways, there won't be an improvement. I cannot do it for him. And that is more than an issue of communication.