Scoop88 Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 Try some community service. I've gone to habitat for humanity before and helped build houses. It is really simple and if you get to meet the families that are moving in it can be even better. You really get to see how you influence others and I think could at least open your mind a bit. If nothing happens, then at least you helped others and that always feels good Try it with a group of friends if you like. It can be fun surprisingly. Link to post Share on other sites
Karyyk Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 If it doesn't come naturally, chances are that there's nothing you can really *DO* to make yourself want to do it overnight. The fact is that if you acknowledge these facts, you're aware of them and you're aware of how your attitude affects your BF. If you don't want to be self-centered, then don't be. Even if what you feel/want disagrees with the actions you take, if you realize how you feel is the wrong way to be (at least in what's supposed to be a committed relationship), then do the right thing regardless of the feelings. While some people might be more given to sacrifice, the fact is that no one really LIKES (as in enjoys) doing it. Relationships are really impossible without it (I personally believe sacrifice to go hand-in-hand with love), and it needs to be reciprocal. Honestly, if this isn't something you can do, then it's really unfair to expect to be in a relationship. As wonderful as you think he may be, and as much as he may give you your way, he will burn out over time. I can attest to that from personal experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Wow you sound just like my ex. The only problem is she can't see how she is so she will never be able to change! Love yourself first' date=' then you can give love[/b']/ I agree.. I am in loooove with myself.. and I can give love to a loootttt of men.. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Try to find some form of charitable work that you believe in. Help a friend or family whenever possible. Also, helping a random person with something, like helping someone elderly with parcels or someone in the grocery store looking lost. Focusing on other peoples' needs might help you focus less on yourself. LS is a good place to start. Post in as many threads as possible where you feel comfortable providing advice/support. If you connect with one out of every hundred threads, that's one person who benefitted from what you had to offer, be it support or advice. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 It sounds to me that there may be a probable fix to all of this. Right now, does it appear to you that your bf is more into you than you are into him? I need you to think about and analyze 'what if' scenarios: If you knew your bf would dump you or there was another woman that was trying to steal you from him, what would you do, would you change your ways? If you met a guy that made you nervous, yet you liked him so much that you wanted to chase him (and in the process that you do) would you still be self-centered or a giver? Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 i don't think i am capable of loving and being in a relationship. i am too self-centered, self-absorbed, selfish and insensitive. I take more than i give. I don't make sacrifices for people. i don't exactly go out of my way to make people happy. when i don't get what i want, i whine until i get it. when i want something, i demand and whine until i get it. and all this while, i DON'T empathise and put myself in the other party's shoes because all i can think about is me and what i want. i feel so ashamed... because i want to be nice and caring and all. but almost all the time, i don't realize how unbecoming and selfish i am acting. it's not that i don't want to care for other people but care/ concern/ giving/ thoughtfulness doesn't come naturally to me. this is causing a strain in my relationship with my bf. i think this stems from me getting my way all the time (since i was young). i always have people pandering to my demands. i never knew i was this way until i met my current beau. i really need advice on how to correct these abominable character flaws of mine. If you really mean everything you just said, then let me be the first guy to thank you for posting your picture! Link to post Share on other sites
thisishowitis Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 i don't think i am capable of loving and being in a relationship. i am too self-centered, self-absorbed, selfish and insensitive. I take more than i give. I don't make sacrifices for people. i don't exactly go out of my way to make people happy. when i don't get what i want, i whine until i get it. when i want something, i demand and whine until i get it. and all this while, i DON'T empathise and put myself in the other party's shoes because all i can think about is me and what i want. i feel so ashamed... because i want to be nice and caring and all. but almost all the time, i don't realize how unbecoming and selfish i am acting. it's not that i don't want to care for other people but care/ concern/ giving/ thoughtfulness doesn't come naturally to me. this is causing a strain in my relationship with my bf. i think this stems from me getting my way all the time (since i was young). i always have people pandering to my demands. i never knew i was this way until i met my current beau. i really need advice on how to correct these abominable character flaws of mine. Are you happy? Link to post Share on other sites
ahah2322 Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 yes, i am very happy in life and with life. im never unhappy. im just learning to be more giving because i should. If you knew your bf would dump you or there was another woman that was trying to steal you from him, what would you do, would you change your ways? with any bf, i wouldn't let this affect me. if he falls in love with someone else, then i will wish them all the best. If you met a guy that made you nervous, yet you liked him so much that you wanted to chase him (and in the process that you do) would you still be self-centered or a giver? i've never liked a guy that much to chase him. if guys don't chase me, i won't be the one making initiatives either. If you really mean everything you just said, then let me be the first guy to thank you for posting your picture! yeah, run away from me. i wouldn't want a princess for a gf either. Honestly, if this isn't something you can do, then it's really unfair to expect to be in a relationship. As wonderful as you think he may be, and as much as he may give you your way, he will burn out over time. I can attest to that from personal experience. yeah, it's just really unfair to him because he's giving and he sacrifices for me. thanks TBF, i really like your advice. need to be more sensitive and giving!!! Link to post Share on other sites
thisishowitis Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 yes, i am very happy in life and with life. im never unhappy. im just learning to be more giving because i should. If you're already very happy then why change? Obviously what you're doing is working for you. Who says you should be more giving? You're boyfriend? You're parents? Screw that. Stay the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Great thread. I'm a selfish, hedonistic, narcissistic c*nt...and I enjoy every minute of my existence. Link to post Share on other sites
ahah2322 Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 well, i'm very happy with life. but i should learn to be more sensitive and caring with regards to people around me. because i unknowingly hurt them at times with my self-centeredness and insensitivity. can't continue living life this way. i know i have to learn and i will thanks everybody! Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 i don't think i am capable of loving and being in a relationship. i am too self-centered, self-absorbed, selfish and insensitive. I take more than i give. I don't make sacrifices for people. i don't exactly go out of my way to make people happy. when i don't get what i want, i whine until i get it. when i want something, i demand and whine until i get it. and all this while, i DON'T empathise and put myself in the other party's shoes because all i can think about is me and what i want. i feel so ashamed... because i want to be nice and caring and all. but almost all the time, i don't realize how unbecoming and selfish i am acting. it's not that i don't want to care for other people but care/ concern/ giving/ thoughtfulness doesn't come naturally to me. this is causing a strain in my relationship with my bf. i think this stems from me getting my way all the time (since i was young). i always have people pandering to my demands. i never knew i was this way until i met my current beau. i really need advice on how to correct these abominable character flaws of mine. You mentioned that you feel these flaws stem from your childhood. Have you ever thought talking with a Therapist? AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 yeah, run away from me. i wouldn't want a princess for a gf either. *choke* *cough* BWAHAHAHAHA...*eyes watering*...oh my. LOL.:lmao::lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
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