Was this sexual abuse?

[spookie]

Hi,

 

If I recall from many past posts, you cannot deny that you're anti-therapy.

 

It is not that I'm anti-anything. But it's the fact that nothing that I have heard from therapy has impressed me, but instead, has disappointed me.

 

On the other hand, I have noticed that therapy nowadays has become a commodity, kind of like fast food.

 

If you are hungry, go to the drive-thru, if you have a problem, go to see the therapist.

 

It has created a brain-dead people society that can't think on their own, but that instead hope that some therapist is going to solve their problems for them.

 

Kind of like going to see the wizard, the Wizard of Oz.

 

As you can see here:

 

Meh. I've never been to therapy, but I've talked about my problems to people who have had years of it, and I must say, I was impressed. Sometimes our brains are wired to go in loops that are hard to think outside of. Having the perspective of someone else, who will show you the flaws of your logic and help you rewire your brain so that it functions better for you, can be really helpful.

 

And if something helps someone lead a happier, healthier life, who is anyone else to criticize them? We're all here trying to make the best of our lives. I think everyone's entitled to all the resources they can get their hands on.

[Ariadne]

our brains are wired to go in loops that are hard to think outside of... if something helps someone lead a happier, healthier life, who is anyone else to criticize them?

 

Yeah.

 

It's kind of.. I bang my head against the wall every time I have a problem.

 

Well, don't bang against the wall, count to ten, have a cookie, play with the cat, find solutions.

 

Thank you counselor.

 

I went to see a counselor and now I'm a happier person.

[Trialbyfire]

It has created a brain-dead people society that can't think on their own, but that instead hope that some therapist is going to solve their problems for them.

Therapy will only help those who choose to help themselves, believing and understanding that their personal way, isn't the only way in the world.

 

Are you 100% certain that how you're wired and how you cope is the best way to proceed in life?

 

Myself, I'm not arrogant enough to believe I can't learn a better way.

[Ariadne]

Therapy will only help those who choose to help themselves, believing and understanding that their personal way, isn't the only way in the world.

 

Are you 100% certain that how you're wired and how you cope is the best way to proceed in life?

 

Myself, I'm not arrogant enough to believe I can't learn a better way.

 

Hmm... no.

 

I'm not in the business of having other people tell me what to do or how to think.

[Trialbyfire]

Hmm... no.

 

I'm not in the business of having other people tell me what to do or how to think.

Your analytics of therapy pretty much show your ignorance in what therapy is about. A good counsellor will help you develop your own tools to cope with whatever you're dealing with. It's up to you to use and consistently apply the tools to shortcut dysfunctional thought processes.

[Kamille]

Therapy wouldn't erase the Lilhu's experience, but would hopefully show her the impact it had on her life, on her thinking patterns and her coping skills.

 

I didn't know what to expect when I went into therapy, but I still appreciate the difference it is making in my life (even as I can't afford to go anymore). My therapist didn't do the thinking for me: he just opened a few doors that are helping me feel more secure and safer in the world. He helped me cope with some of my social anxieties.

 

And whether or not you go to therapy, people influence the way you think. Your parents, friends, school, have been teaching you different ways to think since the day you were born. Why not get a trained professional to make a few suggestions, especially when you are confused about a childhood experience, or when that experience might explain some negative patterns you see emerging in your adult life? If it isn't for you, then leave it. No one is going to tie you to the therapist's chair.

[Mz. Pixie]

It has created a brain-dead people society that can't think on their own, but that instead hope that some therapist is going to solve their problems for them.

 

Kind of like going to see the wizard, the Wizard of Oz.

 

As you can see here:

 

Well I'm certainly not brain dead and I've been to therapy.

 

We're on a relationship board where people who come here have problems, of course people are going to tell them that therapy will help them.

 

I don't think that therapy will solve all of my everyday problems only the larger ones.

[thisishowitis]

The abuse that went on was not your fault' date=' you were the victim of something awful, you should not blame yourself for what happened or feel ashamed of yourself or shamed of what happened. Many people have gone through the same thing. You could look online at other peoples stories which might make you see your not alone.[/quote']

 

Exactly, don't let his weakness affect you.

[silktricks]

I don't see how who did the touching is relevant in this situation.

 

He was the adult and therefore he was the one that had responsibility for the situation. Not the six year old child. She said the touching went on for a period of time before he told her mother. Whether she did the touching or he did the touching, it was up to him to react appropriately the first time it happened (by explaining to her that that kind of touching should only happen between two consenting adults or whatever) and not let it happen again.

 

And whether or not she considers it to be sexual abuse, it did obviously have a major impact on her (she felt shamed and she felt she had done something wrong). OP, I encourage you to seek therapy to deal with the impact those feelings had on your coping skills.

 

And you don't know - maybe that's exactly what HE did, time after time after time. That it kept going on and finally he talked to her mom and said that he simply couldn't get her to stop, and didn't want her to stay in the bed after her mom left anymore.

 

Almost everybody on this thread is assuming that she's been abused, and that she should go to counseling because of that. I do agree that she should see a counselor (sorry Ariadne, but I do - mostly to find out what is going on with herself), but I'm of the opinion that though she MAY have been abused she also may very well have NOT been abused.

 

Based on the information she actually provided, there is no more basis to believe in abuse than not to. Everything else here is supposition.

[Green]

Hi,

 

If I recall from many past posts, you cannot deny that you're anti-therapy.

 

It is not that I'm anti-anything. But it's the fact that nothing that I have heard from therapy has impressed me, but instead, has disappointed me.

 

On the other hand, I have noticed that therapy nowadays has become a commodity, kind of like fast food.

 

If you are hungry, go to the drive-thru, if you have a problem, go to see the therapist.

 

It has created a brain-dead people society that can't think on their own, but that instead hope that some therapist is going to solve their problems for them.

 

Kind of like going to see the wizard, the Wizard of Oz.

 

As you can see here:

 

I don't necesarily mean she speak to a therapist just some one who is good at helping people in her situation like a free counsler at her school or a suport group or what ever. You can't always solve all your problems on your own so getting advice on reframing a negative way of thinking of things is great.