After 1.5 years, I got the call I always wanted...

[USKG]

Yeah man i hope everythings works out for you.. Youve played it the right way all the way through your letting her come back to you which is key..me and my gf broke up about a month ago and the same thing is happening to me she keeps callin for stupid crap just so i could talk to her so ive tried to stay NC for as long as possible between the times she cointacts me(btw she was the one who broke up with me said she needed to find herself and hang out with her friends more) and our families are pretty close and were goin on vacation in 2 weeks with them!! I still love her with all my heart and if she said she wanted the space and thats what im gonna give her.. Crazy...I hope everything works out and keep us posted on what happens!

[frd150]

the same thing is happening to me she keeps callin for stupid crap just so i could talk to her so ive tried to stay NC for as long as possible between the times she cointacts me(btw she was the one who broke up with me said she needed to find herself and hang out with her friends more)

 

Funny, for me this same thing has been going on for well over a year.

[vivrantflo]

If you two are meant to be, it will happen. I believe it will happen when she hits this maturity level and if she comes to you.

 

I agree with this wholeheartedly.. where my confusion and frustration lies, is that I feel she's reached that point with every attempt of contact she makes with me. Since the attempts are months apart, I always feel she's ready. And even though she burned me again.. Im sure I'd feel the same if she contacted me again in August crying, saying that she's ready and wants me back.

 

 

I believe everything has a reason for happening. None of us know what will happen in the future with you two. However you can take ahold and control what you can to make your life better. It's very encouraging that you want to go back to school and I recommend you do it asap. You can defer those school loans if you go back to school, and depending on the field you go into you might actually get it paid for. Taking what not only you learn but experience in life and use it to help others is the best thing you can get out of this.

 

That's what I always wanted to do. Counsel, and help adolescents make the right decisions in life. Children and teens are our future, and if I can help just one child get through a rough patch in his/her life, and aid them into becoming the best person they can be, I'd be 100% happy with my contribution.

 

 

 

Unfortunetly there is no magic pill to give to take away this pain. Honestly what you are going through now does help you grow and make you realize alot. Also in some senses it makes you almost too well aware of how much love can hurt. For some, it makes them jaded and too afraid to pursue it again. For others it makes them over-analyze things too much.

 

This whole experience has taught me a lot of about love, relationships, committment, and the human way of thinking. I have placed "being in a relationship" on the highest regard after all of this. I would love nothing more than to have a significant other that I can be best friends with, grow with, fall in love, and start a life with. And because I love my ex so much, and want to experience all that with her, it makes these experiences so much more painful. I feel my dreams and desires are just about to come true, and then they are pulled from underneath me.

 

 

 

As for her, I wouldn't necessarily go no contact, but I would put strict boundaries with her. Let her know that you are done pursuing that you have the confidence that you will find someone who will love you for you and that you will give all that love right back to this woman. Be calm, confident and let her know that you will no longer wait for her.

 

I will take this advice man. I won't initiate contact, cause just the other day, I told her that I dont want to hear from her again. But that wasnt the first time she's ever heard that from me.. So im sure I'll hear from her again. I'm not looking forward to it, but I know it has to be done. I'm leaving this situation to God, and I just hope this goes in my favour either way.

 

Thank you for your time, and your response

[vivrantflo]

And yes, we tend to over-analyze the things our exes say to us. But usually it's just our minds playing those stupid games. Usually they just want to be nice and see whether we are over the break up. Or then they just want to make us feel even worse (like in my case).

 

Its crazy, a few of my friends actually think that she is still in revenge mode, and is taking a lot of joy in ripping my heart out again and again. I would understand that for maybe the first few months... but after over a year and a half?? And with me not being the aggressor?? I mean, we were NC for 8 months, and she re-establishes contact, just to rip my heart out again?? If it's intentional ,(which I doubt) I would hope to find this out, and rid this woman of my soul asap. She knows I want her back, and has known this since day one of our break up. So who knows why she re-connects time after time over such a large amount of time.

 

 

 

If you would have cheated on me, I would have probably moved on but your attitudes would have shown me that you are serious and that you do regret that mistake you made.

 

Right, and you're getting that impression just by reading what I did. She experienced my love and regret this entire time, so she has to know. Maybe she just doesn't care. Or maybe because she knows this, she can afford to put me on the backburner and get at me whenever she wants, cause all she would have to do is call me, and say she wants me back.

 

 

p.s- props for not taking advantage of her that night you went out!

 

Thank you. It never crossed my mind.. both times.. the time we went dancing, and the time she was drugged. Even though she's treated me like fecal matter, I still love and care about her so much, I did everything I could to make her feel wanted, loved, and safe. It still wasn't enough.

[frd150]

Hey V,

 

Im still following and it looks like your getting some great advice. But what I want to ask you is what are you doing now ? What I mean is what are you involved in outside of this and work? Gym, sports,car club;),friends...

 

I know for me break ups usually entale me being consumed whith my ex at least for a few months then boom like a light switch Im back at my usual activities,heck I usually even pick up a few new ones (all legal of course). Its like i have something to prove esp. in this last break up. For example when I am in the gym I think of her not in a o my God I really miss you no, no I think "Ill prove you wrong! Ill make you regret this when you see me next" . Sounds wierd I know but it helps. In the end I do it for me. I walk out of the gym without a thought of her, I just think of how good I feel and when her best friend who im still it touch with makes comments about my apearance its only that much better.

 

Point being ,do not do what I do(usually), find some self improving activity and use you anger/dissapointment as a motivator to be the best you can be at it. Be better for the next or if fate brings you back together then you will be better for her.

[TrustInYourself]

Viv,

I forced a decision out of her as well. I was tired of feeling so lost without knowing what she wanted.

 

I demanded an answer knowing what she was going to give me since I was demanding it.

 

I'm getting a divorce. And she told me she's not sure that's what she wants. I told her to stop making this hard on me. I'm done with this game.

 

What hurts the most is hope. That hope and love that you think can overcome any obstacle. The problem is, she doesn't share that love with me anymore. I'm sick of begging, pleading, trying so hard for someone to love me.

 

Why does it have to be like that? I have to just give up and walk away. I have to. I had to force the decision. I had to force myself to give up everything I hoped for.

 

I hope to god I made the right decision for her and for myself and for my daughter. I'm scared and hurt. Please tell me I did the right thing.

[TrustInYourself]

I need some hot bitch to talk to me and make me feel better about myself. God damn it I'm a shallow flawed human male.

[vivrantflo]

Viv,

I forced a decision out of her as well. I was tired of feeling so lost without knowing what she wanted.

 

I demanded an answer knowing what she was going to give me since I was demanding it.

 

I'm getting a divorce. And she told me she's not sure that's what she wants. I told her to stop making this hard on me. I'm done with this game.

 

What hurts the most is hope. That hope and love that you think can overcome any obstacle. The problem is, she doesn't share that love with me anymore. I'm sick of begging, pleading, trying so hard for someone to love me.

 

Why does it have to be like that? I have to just give up and walk away. I have to. I had to force the decision. I had to force myself to give up everything I hoped for.

 

I hope to god I made the right decision for her and for myself and for my daughter. I'm scared and hurt. Please tell me I did the right thing.

 

 

I don't have experience in marriage, but one thing I know I would do, is fight as hard as you can for your marriage... but I at the same time.. I always see Jmargel advise people to "open the cage door" let then free, but make them understand that there's no coming back. YOU be the one to end it, giving you the upper hand. If she wants to walk, there's your answer as much as it hurts. It's just that you have your daughter there too... Im sorry man, I feel your pain, and I wish you the best. If she isnt putting the effort in the marriage, let her ass go.

 

 

 

I need some hot bitch to talk to me and make me feel better about myself. God damn it I'm a shallow flawed human male.

 

Last thing you need is a damn woman. Take time for your daughter and yourself, and try and get through this tough situation. Women will always be there. Get through this, work out, improve yourself, and take it from there.

 

Blessings.

[vivrantflo]

Hey bro, I feel your pain.

I was just like you but man your torturing yourself.

 

Please let her go, Please bro, your not getting it back.

She's not coming back, she's going to come back to you as a last resort only.

She knows what you are about, she knows you love her, she knows your waiting on her, she has NO reason to come back to you.

 

Its not about maturity & reason, its not about admitting to themselves that she loves me, my cheating ex whore girl swore up & down she didn't love me, even fought herself not to, but when I cursed her out & told her it was over, she couldn't fight her feelings anymore, they were two strong and she came running. Females has the ability to to lie to themselves, they rationalize allot of things just so they move forward.

 

Please man, stop this man.

If she says your acting immature because you didn't get your way, tell her to **** OFF and eat ****. Tell her she is messing with your action. Your going to have to stand up to her man, tell her to **** OFF.

She's had you in limbo for 1.5 years, and she's still playiing with your heart.

Stand up to her, tell her to **** OFF and go die in a hole.

 

Move on with your life, you seem like you don't have any trouble finding a new girl, forget about this one. She is not coming back dude, i'm sorry she won't come back until she see's you don't care about her.

 

I know it sounds crazy, but please man stop this. Move on dude.

As far as the cheating goes, who cares, she doesn't even care about that anymore. She just doesn't want to be with you right now. Its cool. Forget about her and why should she have to be with you?

Your always there for her anyway

She can go **** & suck anyone she wants & your still going to be there.

She can try to kill herself but she knows your still going to be there.

She can do whatever she wants & she knows your going to be there.

 

Just treat her like a stranger, forget about her dude. She's playing with you.

Your the true winner her, I know you messed up & you said sorry & you spent 1.5 years waiting for her and if she just doens't realize how much you love her, then its her fault bro.

 

Forget about her. I know it hurts, we have all been there.

Find someone else, this one is lost.

 

 

I read this post like 3 times in a row, and printed it out. Thank you for kicking my ass, and letting me see this from a firm perspective. If I was to post on this situation by another poster, my response would be 100% identical to this. Thank you.

[TrustInYourself]

I don't have experience in marriage, but one thing I know I would do, is fight as hard as you can for your marriage... but I at the same time.. I always see Jmargel advise people to "open the cage door" let then free, but make them understand that there's no coming back. YOU be the one to end it, giving you the upper hand. If she wants to walk, there's your answer as much as it hurts. It's just that you have your daughter there too... Im sorry man, I feel your pain, and I wish you the best. If she isnt putting the effort in the marriage, let her ass go.

 

 

 

 

 

Last thing you need is a damn woman. Take time for your daughter and yourself, and try and get through this tough situation. Women will always be there. Get through this, work out, improve yourself, and take it from there.

 

Blessings.

 

I know the last thing I need is a woman. I just feel destroyed. I want company to ease the pain.

 

She had me come over last night. Her nose was nearly broken by our daughter playing/accident. I watched her until midnight. She asked me to stay the night if I wanted. She told me she wanted to wait until she goes to counseling before we do anything. All this after she said she was done.

 

It's like your situation. You know there's a chance she's going to contact you again and that love and hope in your heart won't let you let go. Also we have our daughter whose best interest is in both of our minds.

 

I didn't stay. I wanted to sleep in the same bed with her. I know she wanted me there. I left. I hope I'm doing the right thing.

[CaliGuy]

I know the last thing I need is a woman. I just feel destroyed. I want company to ease the pain.

 

She had me come over last night. Her nose was nearly broken by our daughter playing/accident. I watched her until midnight. She asked me to stay the night if I wanted. She told me she wanted to wait until she goes to counseling before we do anything. All this after she said she was done.

 

It's like your situation. You know there's a chance she's going to contact you again and that love and hope in your heart won't let you let go. Also we have our daughter whose best interest is in both of our minds.

 

I didn't stay. I wanted to sleep in the same bed with her. I know she wanted me there. I left. I hope I'm doing the right thing.

 

 

I think you did the right thing. She wants you there for emotional support, not because she wants YOU.

 

Sometimes the best thing we can do is give them the gift…of missing you.

[madgun68]

I think you did the right thing. She wants you there for emotional support, not because she wants YOU.

 

Sometimes the best thing we can do is give them the gift…of missing you.

Or..

 

Sometimes the best thing we can do is give ourselves the gift.. of their absence.

 

That is one thing women do that is completely unfair. Under normal circumstances, they don't want us.. Then something happens and they want us to be there to provide that emotional support. As soon as they receive it, they back away again.

 

Men see a glimmer of hope in this but their feelings haven't changed a bit.

[vivrantflo]

That is one thing women do that is completely unfair. Under normal circumstances, they don't want us.. Then something happens and they want us to be there to provide that emotional support. As soon as they receive it, they back away again.

 

Men see a glimmer of hope in this but their feelings haven't changed a bit.

 

 

I couldn't agree more with this statement right here. 100% correct.

 

It's selfish, and it has now turned me into a very bitter person right now. My ex hasn't contacted me since that last exchange, but the saddest thing about it all, is that she has NO idea that she has lost my love, support, and respect permanently.

 

I'm totally convinced that this chick never loved me, and im going to have to accept that.

[TrustInYourself]

I couldn't agree more with this statement right here. 100% correct.

 

It's selfish, and it has now turned me into a very bitter person right now. My ex hasn't contacted me since that last exchange, but the saddest thing about it all, is that she has NO idea that she has lost my love, support, and respect permanently.

 

I'm totally convinced that this chick never loved me, and im going to have to accept that.

 

Unbelievable. We were married and in love. We have a daughter together. Yet she doesn't feel any different no matter what happens? That's what is bugging me. That's why I'm like **** this I'm out. That's why I even bring up divorce. I know this, yet I still hurt.

 

Btw, I'm tripping out over your avatar there. LOL.

[mousse]

Hey Vivrantflo,

 

How are you ?

 

 

I'm totally convinced that this chick never loved me, and im going to have to accept that.

[sIZE=2]

I dont think she didn’t love you and I totally agree with Jmargel when he says that it’s a question of maturity. She’s not ready for a relationship with anyone. The problem is not the relationship with you or her feelings for you : the problem is in herself.

 

There’s an important information about her that’s been deleted in the loss of posts that loveshack experienced in june. If I remember well, when you apologized to her parents for cheating on her, her mother said to you that she had been really down on life, feeling that it’s not worth living. I find this information to be crucial to understand her weird behavior with you. If she's suffering right now, there's no way she could be able to be happy with someone else. And like many unhappy people she turns that unhappiness outwards and hurts others because she's feeling bad herself. If she’s unhappy, it also means she’ll mistreat other guys and break other hearts.

 

I’m telling you this, because it helped me when I was going through my break up last year to truly and deeply understand why my ex acted the way he did, and went from being very caring with me to being a manipulative jerk : the true reason was that he was suffering. It also allowed me to let go of the hope to be with him again, because I saw there was an important reason why the relationship couldn’t work : he was not ready for and very scared of a close relationship. And this type of fear is not resolved easily. Having a true concrete reason behind the break up truly helped me to move on and also to forgive the person for acting the way they did, which is, I think, an important aspect of moving on.

 

I hope this helps and I wish you a very good summer

[/sIZE]

[vivrantflo]

I've been alright.. We haven't been in communication since our last exchange, so ive been feeling better. Still parts of me that hurt very much, cause we went from hanging out everyday, to nothing at all.

 

I hurt because her and this guy went out for a year and a half.. broke up like 5 times and got back together 5 times. Her and I went out for 3.5 years, and I never got a second chance. It's like she feels that this guy is so much better than I am. I don't know if they are in communication now, and im trying not to care. Im keeping busy, but she still enters my thoughts more often than I'd like her to.

 

Whether she's immature or not, Ive backed off.. She doesnt care that im not in her life, so im trying not to care that she's not in mine...

 

Thank you for your words... I want to move on, so the only way to do it, is to seriously admit that this is done, and to just forgive her immature display which has caused me a great deal of pain. I still have the "what if" question going in my head, and the inactive anticipation of her calling me again... but for the most part, I'll be alright.

 

NC works wonders. I plan to continue with it.

 

Thank you for the well wishes

[mousse]

I hurt because her and this guy went out for a year and a half.. broke up like 5 times and got back together 5 times. Her and I went out for 3.5 years, and I never got a second chance. It's like she feels that this guy is so much better than I am. I don't know if they are in communication now, and im trying not to care. Im keeping busy, but she still enters my thoughts more often than I'd like her to.

 

 

Or this guy is not "dangerous" at all for her : she knows they'll never build a solid relationship together and so she's not scared of getting back together with him because she's never going to have to take the risk to truly open up. With you, this risk is higher...

 

When I was reading your old posts, I got the feeling that your ex had a low self esteem and that part of her not wanting to get back together and playing with your mind is that she was scared to be rejected and to be hurt by a deep relationship. It sounds weird, but I thought she probably was scared that you two date again and you end up not loving her as much as you used to and leave her...So she'd rather choose a guy that she knows is not so good for her like this there's no risks.

[vivrantflo]

Or this guy is not "dangerous" at all for her : she knows they'll never build a solid relationship together and so she's not scared of getting back together with him because she's never going to have to take the risk to truly open up. With you, this risk is higher...

 

Well, she did say that she was emotionally abused by him, and wants nothing to do with him.. Hence changing her number. She made it clear to me that she needs to be single right now, but i never believe those words coming from a woman.. it lasts usually 2 weeks, and then they'll start seeing someone else. As of now, I dont know what she's up to, and it's better that way.

 

 

 

When I was reading your old posts, I got the feeling that your ex had a low self esteem and that part of her not wanting to get back together and playing with your mind is that she was scared to be rejected and to be hurt by a deep relationship. It sounds weird, but I thought she probably was scared that you two date again and you end up not loving her as much as you used to and leave her...So she'd rather choose a guy that she knows is not so good for her like this there's no risks.

 

Yeah, her self-esteem is really low.. she's told me that many many times.. no matter how much I compliment her, she always feels like she's not worth anything. And just felt bad that I Was treating her good, but she wasnt able to reciprocate.

 

She knows I love her, and want her back, so I dont know why she feels/felt the need to keep coming back and getting my hopes up. She knows I wont reject her, I want to marry her. I do know she has some deep rooted issues, and she's not a bad person at all. I just wish I could help, cause I actually do care about her. She asked for this treatment from me, if it was up to me, we'd be together.

 

 

I was out at a lounge last night with my buddies, and at the lounge I ran into my ex's best friend. She came up to me and had small talk. Said how much she's missed me and my company. Her best friends in the purest sense always loved me, and to this day dont hold resentment towards me. I was friendly last night, probably cause I was on my 4th MGD.. what threw me off was that she asked if I Was seeing anyone. I was honest and said no.. my ex was supposed to be at that same lounge last night, but at the last minute she declined.

 

The whole meeting didn't shake me up at all, but it was sad. All these memories of all of us as a group going out, all came rushing back, and just made me miss her.

 

Anyway, I've been a lot better in general. I still get sad from time to time, but im trying to move forward, and not anticipate a possible attempt at contact in the near future.

 

I wish I could just take a magic pill that would allow me to get over her instantly!