After 1.5 years, I got the call I always wanted...

[kizik]

Just yesterday she said it's totally possible for us to be together again, but she cant do it now.. she admits she's being selfish to me, and that im only sticking around cause of my love for her. So she's pretty much aware that she's not treating me the best.

 

Flo,

 

you give some amazing advice and I always love reading your posts. That said, many times we cannot see our own situation for what it is. So here it is:

 

If she wanted to be with you, she'd be with you NOW. Not down the road. NOW. You've talked about the "string": you're totally still on it. Doesn't it hurt to have her talk to you that way? Why are you allowing yourself to be a future prospect?

 

Maybe I don't know your sit. well enough, but there are no excuses for love. You're in or out, and if you're out: toodles!

[TrustInYourself]

Sounds difficult. I'm jaded atm, but here's my perspective.

 

Why would you want to be with someone who is willing to take you for granted?

 

Observe her actions. You can judge her feelings and intent by what she does when you are not around. She's admitted to being selfish.

 

Her hesitation is just going to cause you heartache and pain. If you want to remain in love with her, I'd do a nice light 180.

[backto1]

Vivrant,

 

If anyone deserves a happy ending to a story it's definitely you. If she could read all the PERFECT advice you give everyone, she'd see what a damn smart levelheaded sonofabitch you are.

 

Play your situation carefully but don't over analyze it. You know what to do - play it cool, stay confident and stay high-class. Good work so far.

[Chrome Barracuda]

The masses have it Vflo. a light 180.

 

The thing is your there, she knows this, but show her you wont wait.

 

She's trying to make up her mind or enoying the attention she's getting from both men.

 

Stick to your boundries.

[vivrantflo]

Flo,

 

you give some amazing advice and I always love reading your posts. That said, many times we cannot see our own situation for what it is.

 

Thank you for the compliment, and yes it's true. I can be a bully that means well on here, but when it comes to my situation.. I have NO idea how to handle it!

 

But my situation is complicated as hell tho lol

 

 

 

If she wanted to be with you, she'd be with you NOW. Not down the road. NOW. You've talked about the "string": you're totally still on it. Doesn't it hurt to have her talk to you that way? Why are you allowing yourself to be a future prospect?

 

Kizik, I enjoy your posts too.. keep posting. And thank you for this one.. cause it really hit me hard. I DO preach about the string theory a lot, and here I am, with one tied right around my salami.

 

It really is time to do the 180, cut that string, and let my meat free

[vivrantflo]

Her hesitation is just going to cause you heartache and pain. If you want to remain in love with her, I'd do a nice light 180.

 

Very good advice, thank you. I totally see what you're saying. It does hurt being on the string. It's just that I feel so close.. But you're right.. the light 180 is warranted.

 

 

Vivrant,

 

If anyone deserves a happy ending to a story it's definitely you. If she could read all the PERFECT advice you give everyone, she'd see what a damn smart levelheaded sonofabitch you are.

 

Play your situation carefully but don't over analyze it. You know what to do - play it cool, stay confident and stay high-class. Good work so far.

 

 

Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate it more than all you posters know. I joined Loveshack, cause I was the perpetrator for our breakup almost two years ago. If was explained earlier in this thread, but it's not gone due to the data loss thing that happend in May.

 

People here dont care much for my situation cause it was all my fault. But over time.. and with lots of work and prayer.. I've become a much, much better person, that im now proud of. And I hope my advice on this site shows a small portion of my change!

 

I do have a problem with analyzing.. huge.. I over think things.. and im a PRO at reading body language. So I think through things too much. Im going to continue to play it cool, and keep the confidence up.. thank you

[vivrantflo]

The masses have it Vflo. a light 180.

 

The thing is your there, she knows this, but show her you wont wait.

 

She's trying to make up her mind or enoying the attention she's getting from both men.

 

Stick to your boundries.

 

Chrome, you were right.. everyone is telling me what you did. I gotta change my stance and change it now. See you on msn lol

 

 

As for an update.. I was honestly thinking of cancelling the fireworks thing with her, cause looking at it, it appears too intimate of a meeting, and I really do want to backpedal, since she is..

 

The phone rings maybe 30 mins ago, and it's her. She's at her work BBQ, and asks what Im up to. I say Im just about to head into the shower.. and she says "oh, you havent showered yet?" Right there, I knew she wanted to cancel.

 

So I replied, "hey, if you want to do your own thing tonight, go ahead, it's all good." And she goes, "are you sure? I dont really want break plans with you, I dont want you to be mad at me" I said, Im not mad, I'll just go out and do my own thing.. have fun tonight" She said I can come to the BBQ she's at now, and I declined.

 

She said I'll call you later tonight, and I said that she doesnt have to check up on me, im not mad..go and have fun. She insisted that she's calling me later. And it was left at that.

 

Im kinda glad I was given an out.. I wanted to start my 180 right away, so I dont have to think about this so much lol So, Im now taking a different stance. Cause I need her to start persuing me, instead of me giving her the constant security that Im here, and wanting her.

 

So with that being said.. what would a "light" 180 entail?? NFC?? Taking the focus off of her? Thats all I came up with.. anything else?

[backto1]

Perfectly played once again - that is exactly how I would have reacted in your position. You just pulled off a light 180 imo. To me a light 180 means being relaxed and personable on the phone when she calls but not initiating calls just to chat or make sure she's still alive.

[tommiw]

Chrome, you were right.. everyone is telling me what you did. I gotta change my stance and change it now. See you on msn lol

 

 

As for an update.. I was honestly thinking of cancelling the fireworks thing with her, cause looking at it, it appears too intimate of a meeting, and I really do want to backpedal, since she is..

 

The phone rings maybe 30 mins ago, and it's her. She's at her work BBQ, and asks what Im up to. I say Im just about to head into the shower.. and she says "oh, you havent showered yet?" Right there, I knew she wanted to cancel.

 

So I replied, "hey, if you want to do your own thing tonight, go ahead, it's all good." And she goes, "are you sure? I dont really want break plans with you, I dont want you to be mad at me" I said, Im not mad, I'll just go out and do my own thing.. have fun tonight" She said I can come to the BBQ she's at now, and I declined.

 

She said I'll call you later tonight, and I said that she doesnt have to check up on me, im not mad..go and have fun. She insisted that she's calling me later. And it was left at that.

 

Im kinda glad I was given an out.. I wanted to start my 180 right away, so I dont have to think about this so much lol So, Im now taking a different stance. Cause I need her to start persuing me, instead of me giving her the constant security that Im here, and wanting her.

 

So with that being said.. what would a "light" 180 entail?? NFC?? Taking the focus off of her? Thats all I came up with.. anything else?

 

Nice work! Like all the others, I would also recommend that light 180.

And to me it means NFC + even more coolness, just relax, do your own thing and go out by your own. Maybe she'll realise what a catch you are if some women were after you

 

Oh and I did read that story about her ex, what a messed up guy he is. I'm pretty sure if he can manipulate her back, he'll just hurt her even more.

[serendip]

So with that being said.. what would a "light" 180 entail?? NFC?? Taking the focus off of her? Thats all I came up with.. anything else?

 

V

 

Just be honest with her and be yourself.

 

Just tell her you made some mistakes in the past but you can't wait forever for her decision b/c you are in a holding pattern which is not fair to you.

 

Start dating other people and focus on yourself b/c as much as you love your ex...what if she doesn't come back the way you want her to.

 

Don't waste your time being the "available guy" and her emotional dumping site(since you guys aren't together)...she'll lose interest/respect

[vivrantflo]

Well, the last time I posted, (last week tuesday) she had cancelled on our plans to go look at the fireworks. She offered to call me when she got home from her work BBQ, she didn't.

 

The next day she texts me to apologize for the no call.. she got home late.. and currently she's at the wave pool with her manager and co-workers. I text back, that's great, have a good time.... I didn't hear from her for a week after that.

 

So before I left for work, I was talking to a friend of mine whom is a poster on here, and he told me that I should ask my ex where she stands.. cause the last time we spoke, she told me that she loves me, but needs time.. she's not ready.. So on my drive to work, I text her.."you have to let me know where you stand, I haven't heard from you, and I hope you're alright" She texts back right away..

 

"Justin, I think im done.."

 

That's it. Just like that. I pull over to a side road to collect myself, cause im just about to lose my mind. This is our convo via text.

 

Idiot(me)- "why didn't you tell me this before? I mean, you know I want you back."

 

Bitch(her)- "I didn't know how to tell you"

 

Me- "Oh I see, so you just thought by ignoring me, I'd just disappear and everything would be ok? I don't deserve this disrespect."

 

her-"Im not a bad person. I tried to love you like I could before, but I cant. Sorry."

 

Me-" You manipulated my feelings towards you, and used me. I guess you must have went back to your ex. Congrats. Never contact me again, and get your "#ucking mind right"

 

her"Im not back with him, I haven't talked to him at all, but I respect your decision."

 

That was that, and by that time I was 20mins late for work, over this stupid bitch.

 

I didn't ask for this $hit. I told her in Aug '07, to never contact me again, unless you want to work towards reconciliation. 8 months later of NC, April, she calls me to tell me that she still loves me, and wants me back. Hence the name of this stupid thread.

 

--I treat her like gold.

--Apologize to her mom and dad.

--She tells me im perfect.

--She tells me that she wants to try again, cause Ive changed for the better.

--I drive over to her house at 4am cause she was drugged in a club, and I nursed her back to health..

 

Just to tell me 3 months later that she doesn't love me anymore.

 

 

I can't even begin to describe the pain, rejection, anguish, anger.. that im feeling right now. I wasted almost 2 #ucking years of my life, trying to make things right, and at least get a second chance.

 

My self esteem is ruined. She dated this dude for 1.5 years, and they broke up 6 damn times... this guy got 6 chances. We dated for 3.5 years, and I never got a second chance..

 

Am I that bad of a person?? yes, I made a bad decision two years ago, but I've learned from it, and I felt I did everything I needed to do in order to earn a second chance, and it wasn't enough.

 

She took my sincerity and love, and just $hit all over it. And im destroyed.

 

The scary thing about all of this... this is nothing new at all. It's following the same pattern, so in the back of my mind, I STILL feel I'll hear from her again. Only because this has happend #ucking 7 times to me already.

 

I have no tears left. I give up. I really couldn't see myself without her, but it's starting to sink in, and I feel like it's Nov '06 all over again when we first broke up.

 

I did a bad thing two years ago, but I really don't feel I deserved this.. I meant well, and I did love her.

 

Im in so much pain right now, I dont even know what to do.

[serendip]

Well, the last time I posted, (last week tuesday) she had cancelled on our plans to go look at the fireworks. She offered to call me when she got home from her work BBQ, she didn't.

 

The next day she texts me to apologize for the no call.. she got home late.. and currently she's at the wave pool with her manager and co-workers. I text back, that's great, have a good time.... I didn't hear from her for a week after that.

 

So before I left for work, I was talking to a friend of mine whom is a poster on here, and he told me that I should ask my ex where she stands.. cause the last time we spoke, she told me that she loves me, but needs time.. she's not ready.. So on my drive to work, I text her.."you have to let me know where you stand, I haven't heard from you, and I hope you're alright" She texts back right away..

 

"Justin, I think im done.."

 

That's it. Just like that. I pull over to a side road to collect myself, cause im just about to lose my mind. This is our convo via text.

 

Idiot(me)- "why didn't you tell me this before? I mean, you know I want you back."

 

Bitch(her)- "I didn't know how to tell you"

 

Me- "Oh I see, so you just thought by ignoring me, I'd just disappear and everything would be ok? I don't deserve this disrespect."

 

her-"Im not a bad person. I tried to love you like I could before, but I cant. Sorry."

 

Me-" You manipulated my feelings towards you, and used me. I guess you must have went back to your ex. Congrats. Never contact me again, and get your "#ucking mind right"

 

her"Im not back with him, I haven't talked to him at all, but I respect your decision."

 

That was that, and by that time I was 20mins late for work, over this stupid bitch.

 

I didn't ask for this $hit. I told her in Aug '07, to never contact me again, unless you want to work towards reconciliation. 8 months later of NC, April, she calls me to tell me that she still loves me, and wants me back. Hence the name of this stupid thread.

 

--I treat her like gold.

--Apologize to her mom and dad.

--She tells me im perfect.

--She tells me that she wants to try again, cause Ive changed for the better.

--I drive over to her house at 4am cause she was drugged in a club, and I nursed her back to health..

 

Just to tell me 3 months later that she doesn't love me anymore.

 

 

I can't even begin to describe the pain, rejection, anguish, anger.. that im feeling right now. I wasted almost 2 #ucking years of my life, trying to make things right, and at least get a second chance.

 

My self esteem is ruined. She dated this dude for 1.5 years, and they broke up 6 damn times... this guy got 6 chances. We dated for 3.5 years, and I never got a second chance..

 

Am I that bad of a person?? yes, I made a bad decision two years ago, but I've learned from it, and I felt I did everything I needed to do in order to earn a second chance, and it wasn't enough.

 

She took my sincerity and love, and just $hit all over it. And im destroyed.

 

The scary thing about all of this... this is nothing new at all. It's following the same pattern, so in the back of my mind, I STILL feel I'll hear from her again. Only because this has happend #ucking 7 times to me already.

 

I have no tears left. I give up. I really couldn't see myself without her, but it's starting to sink in, and I feel like it's Nov '06 all over again when we first broke up.

 

I did a bad thing two years ago, but I really don't feel I deserved this.. I meant well, and I did love her.

 

Im in so much pain right now, I dont even know what to do.

 

Viv

 

I'm sorry to hear this dude...I know how hard it can be...you tried your best and it seems like you were the best person towards her. There's nothing else you can do. Try to find some solace...in that you really grew up to be a good person after you made a mistake.

 

Best to do the NC route...completely shut her out until you heal. It's gonna take some time...but you know you will heal in time...you went through this before.

 

Make sure to take care of yourself...dude

[mousse]

Vivrantflo,

 

I was following your thread and I was truly hoping you'd get back with her:(. I hope you'll feel better soon and eventually find someone that truly deserves you.

[frd150]

Hey Man,

 

Im sorry.Let me tell ya you are about as sincere as they come, a straight shooter. If she cant see that then her loss , let her deal with the onslaught of D-Bags she will encounter down the road.

 

You know we all make mistakes V and its how we own up to those mistakes that shows the true character of a person. Dude, youve spent two years owning up. Maybe its time to let it go.

 

Your so good with advice here so Im sure once your head clears youll figure out a way to get throught this.

 

Again , Im sorry. You can P.M. me anytime.

[audrey_1]

V,

 

Just read this entire post. Wanted to say that you sound like a genuine, decent human being, and I'm sorry that you loved someone who didn't reciprocate. I don't think you cheated on her, if you guys were on a break, and two years after the fact, it should have been resolved one way or another regardless.

 

Perhaps her age has something to do with it. I'm much different at 33 than I was at 21, but I still don't think I could toy with someone's emotions like that at any age.

 

Hang in there. I'm rooting for you.

[TrustInYourself]

She doesn't know what she's giving up. I would say that I'm sorry, but I'm not. You deserve better.

 

Advice? You probably have a better idea of what to do now than I do. Best wishes and keep in touch.

[vivrantflo]

hey flo.. just got your PM.. i'll write more tonight, just wanted to let ya know i'm here.

 

keep your head up and don't put your self-worth into this situation.

 

I look forward to your full response man. You've been there since the start, and im so lost now.. my eyes just burn, I cant even cry... im totally messed up..

 

 

Viv

 

I'm sorry to hear this dude...I know how hard it can be...you tried your best and it seems like you were the best person towards her. There's nothing else you can do. Try to find some solace...in that you really grew up to be a good person after you made a mistake.

 

Best to do the NC route...completely shut her out until you heal. It's gonna take some time...but you know you will heal in time...you went through this before.

 

Make sure to take care of yourself...dude

 

Thank you very much. I know I have become a better person, but I wanted her to reap the fruits of that. I wanted her to feel my love and committment, but she just threw it back in my face, and I feel really worthless right now.

 

 

Vivrantflo,

 

I was following your thread and I was truly hoping you'd get back with her:(. I hope you'll feel better soon and eventually find someone that truly deserves you.

 

Thank you for being an active poster on my thread. I was hoping for a second chance as well. Just a second chance. It's not like I messed up, and said that I changed two weeks later to impress her. I went through almost two years of getting my mind right, and putting my heart and emotions in the right place.. and I still get rejected.

 

While there are women on this site that got cheated on, the guy moves on, and they want this guy back. My self esteem is destroyed.

 

 

Hey Man,

 

Im sorry.Let me tell ya you are about as sincere as they come, a straight shooter. If she cant see that then her loss , let her deal with the onslaught of D-Bags she will encounter down the road.

 

You know we all make mistakes V and its how we own up to those mistakes that shows the true character of a person. Dude, youve spent two years owning up. Maybe its time to let it go.

 

Your so good with advice here so Im sure once your head clears youll figure out a way to get throught this.

 

Again , Im sorry. You can P.M. me anytime.

 

Thank you dude, you've been there from day 1 as well. I appreciate it. Letting go is the hardest thing ever, cause I dont think I ever did since our initial break up.

 

 

V,

 

Just read this entire post. Wanted to say that you sound like a genuine, decent human being, and I'm sorry that you loved someone who didn't reciprocate. I don't think you cheated on her, if you guys were on a break, and two years after the fact, it should have been resolved one way or another regardless.

 

Perhaps her age has something to do with it. I'm much different at 33 than I was at 21, but I still don't think I could toy with someone's emotions like that at any age.

 

Hang in there. I'm rooting for you.

 

Maybe she wants me to suffer as much as she did. If that's the case then she wins, cause Im totally defeated.

 

 

 

She doesn't know what she's giving up. I would say that I'm sorry, but I'm not. You deserve better.

 

Advice? You probably have a better idea of what to do now than I do. Best wishes and keep in touch.

 

Scary thing is, I dont know what to do. Im going NC, but the back of my head keeps saying she'll be back.. cause it's been a pattern.

 

Part of me says that I rushed a decision out of her, cause she DID tell me she wasnt ready just a week ago. I dont know.. my head is spinning and I didn't think I'd ever feel like this again.

 

I'm heartbroken.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Well, the last time I posted, (last week tuesday) she had cancelled on our plans to go look at the fireworks. She offered to call me when she got home from her work BBQ, she didn't.

 

The next day she texts me to apologize for the no call.. she got home late.. and currently she's at the wave pool with her manager and co-workers. I text back, that's great, have a good time.... I didn't hear from her for a week after that.

 

So before I left for work, I was talking to a friend of mine whom is a poster on here, and he told me that I should ask my ex where she stands.. cause the last time we spoke, she told me that she loves me, but needs time.. she's not ready.. So on my drive to work, I text her.."you have to let me know where you stand, I haven't heard from you, and I hope you're alright" She texts back right away..

 

"Justin, I think im done.."

 

That's it. Just like that. I pull over to a side road to collect myself, cause im just about to lose my mind. This is our convo via text.

 

Idiot(me)- "why didn't you tell me this before? I mean, you know I want you back."

 

Bitch(her)- "I didn't know how to tell you"

 

Me- "Oh I see, so you just thought by ignoring me, I'd just disappear and everything would be ok? I don't deserve this disrespect."

 

her-"Im not a bad person. I tried to love you like I could before, but I cant. Sorry."

 

Me-" You manipulated my feelings towards you, and used me. I guess you must have went back to your ex. Congrats. Never contact me again, and get your "#ucking mind right"

 

her"Im not back with him, I haven't talked to him at all, but I respect your decision."

 

That was that, and by that time I was 20mins late for work, over this stupid bitch.

 

 

So now you have your answer Vflo. Now you have your answer. Remember when we was talking about it and I gave you two options. I told you either she'll straighten up and she'll move back towards you, or she'll leave.

 

I was not wrong. It's the story I hear everyday.

 

It's time to move on. Youve wasted too much of your time dealing with this poor excuse of a girl. She cant decide what she wants and she just doesnt want to be in a relationship right now. That kind of woman you dont want and you deserve better.

 

You know what you do, you continue talking to the black girl. Go out on dates, not romantic dates just dates where you have fun and start to forget about the ex. The moment ytou hit that switch in your head the better off you'll be. You need to focus on your life and your future.

 

It's time to let go.

[TrustInYourself]

Hah, does it really matter about the timing? Perhaps you did rush the decision. You got an answer though. Now it's time to start asking yourself some questions.

 

I'd ask myself, what do I want? Do I want to continue with this woman? Other than my own personal feelings, what ties me to this woman. Based on her behaviors, is it worth it for me to invest time and effort into loving this person?

 

Right now, you're emotionally tied into this woman. She's got a pattern of opening your heart a fraction, getting inside, and then ripping it out and stomping it into a meaty pulp. Do you want some more of that action?

 

You know she's going to call. Do you subject yourself to more of her indecisiveness and lack of respect for your feelings? Do you bend over so she can come with her strap on dildo to take every ounce of manhood from you proverbially?

 

That's up to you.

 

Everyone on LS knows you have the inner strength and resolve to move forward with your life. It's up to you to take what you preach here and apply it to your own life. If you can do that, you'll be just fine.

 

I trust in your ability to do what's right for yourself. Trust in yourself! lol

[backto1]

Take care Viv, I really feel for ya man. I don't think you need to second guess yourself. You've played this whole situation like a class act.

[vivrantflo]

It's time to move on. Youve wasted too much of your time dealing with this poor excuse of a girl. She cant decide what she wants and she just doesnt want to be in a relationship right now. That kind of woman you dont want and you deserve better.

 

It's time to let go.

 

Even after her treating me like garbage, it's going to be hard to let go. I know I have to Chrome, but it's gonna be so hard.. It's like I have to fight against my own heart, and thats not easy. I know I'll get a call, a few weeks from now.. what if she says she really wants to try? How do I say no, knowing that my heart still yearns for her? It's sick, it feels like im trapped, and im not even in a relationship.

 

 

 

 

Right now, you're emotionally tied into this woman. She's got a pattern of opening your heart a fraction, getting inside, and then ripping it out and stomping it into a meaty pulp. Do you want some more of that action?

 

Everyone on LS knows you have the inner strength and resolve to move forward with your life. It's up to you to take what you preach here and apply it to your own life. If you can do that, you'll be just fine.

 

The pattern sucks man. Every time she makes contact, I always ask myself "is THIS the time Im getting my second chance? Is she finally ready?" And it's hard to shake that train of thought. Really hard. But I don't want to feel like this again. The pain and bitterness is unbearable.

 

Im glad for the support I've received on LS, it's helped so much. I love to help people, and give advice, but when you're in the situation, it's so hard to see whats really going on. I'm gonna need a lot of strength, cause im really broken right now.

 

 

 

Take care Viv, I really feel for ya man. I don't think you need to second guess yourself. You've played this whole situation like a class act.

 

Thank you. I really tried to make things right, by being honest, owning up to my actions, and changing for the better.. and it still wasn't enough to give me the happiness I wanted. It's discouraging, and im scarred pretty bad.

[oregonbigc]

I am going thru a very similar situation. You can check my posts. I am devastated right now as well, sleeping, eating, every thought running back to her, my life is F&$#$% right now. I heard the whole, i just need some space to be with friends and think about things. Come to find out a couple days ago there is someone else. We had a perfect relationship too, except for me having some doubts about a month ago. Anyway i am on day 2 of NC and I am going out of my mind.

WHat I can recommend that has kind of helped, at least passed some time is reading the book THe Mastery of Love, by Don Miguel Ruiz. I never read these books, but a gf recommended it. It kind of helps you think about things in a little different way.

Advise I would give you, but somehow cant swallow myself, is that.

1) you are a great guy, caring, and loving

2) She doesnt appreciate that right now and there is nothing you can do about that, maybe someday she will (probably), but as much as you want to hold on to her, by the time that happens will you want her? She will be damaged goods and you will probably resent her forever.

3)There is another out there even better for you. They are hard to find, but guaranteed it is out there.

4) You are no ones 2nd choice. You have all of the qualites that some woman would give anything to have.

5) The sooner you can let go of your feelings the sooner you can meet someone more special than her.

Its tough and I cant let go of my break up 3 weeks ago and i know she is hanging out with some guy and wants to date around. I don't know how to do it. Usually just hooking up helps, but I don't even feel like doing that. Pretty sad. Time i guess and NC. I wish you the best.

[vivrantflo]

Oregonbigc, thank you for your kind words, and well wishes.. I appreciate them.

 

 

Though she was still saying how she didn't want a relationship she still led you on. I can guarantee that she will eventually call you back, however like what just happened now, there is a good chance it will happen again if you let it.

 

The reason im frightened, is that I always believed we would get married.. and always believed she was the one for me, she believed the same vice versa... so mentally it's next to impossible to completely let go.. as she hasn't been able to as well apparently.

 

I always think whenever she comes back "Is this it?? Is she ready? IS this my chance to have this second chance and make this work?" I believe I'll have that one day, so it messes me up when she makes contact. I always feel THIS is the time.

 

 

What you need to realize is that although you are upset, don't feel like a rejection because you are not the reason why she isn't with you. It's because she has alot of growing up to do.

 

In all honesty, I've been told this by many people, so many times. And where my "obsession" lies, is that I want to be there when she is grown and ready. I can't describe how much I really do love this woman. And because I was the perpetrator, I've convinced myself that I need to go through this treatment in order to get a second chance. I have always felt that it would be worth all this pain, if I do end up marrying her... she's that special to me.

 

 

 

If she is going to continue to hold over your head what happened years ago then honestly you would always be walking on eggshells with her.

 

In all honesty, since we re-connected.. the incident has NEVER been brought up. Most of our fights disagreements where stemmed from us getting back together, and her not being ready. Not about me cheating again. She already claimed it's not even about trust. She admits to me im a different person.. and for the better.

 

 

 

So, what are you going to do now? What are your goals? What do you want to accomplish within your own life in the next year?

 

In terms of her, I have no choice but to go NC. The thing is im going to appear immature if she starts calling, and I ignore them, because I "didn't get my way" I dont know. I really dont know how to handle her right now. I just know im not reaching out to her.

 

In terms of personal goals.. I'd love to return to school. I have always had a love for children, and I love counselling.. so I want to get into that. Im working extra hours at my night job so I can save up the coin to go to school. Im tired of my dead end job, and I'd rather contribute to my community by helping children and teens through their problems, and helping them to be better people. I have a love for youth, and I want to be active in their lives.. I want to make a difference.

 

It's easier said than done, cause I do live on my own, so you know how it is, with bills and debt (old school loans). I also hellp my mother whom lives an hour away with the mortgage. My life is good, but it's stressful, just like anyone else's is. And this whole thing with my ex, lowers my morale and places my head in a damn rain cloud.

 

So basically, im working on myself, trying to place myself in a better position, emotionally, spiritually, and financially.

 

Wow, I didn't mean to ramble, but this is where im at right now.

 

Thank you for inquiring.

[tommiw]

 

 

 

 

The reason im frightened, is that I always believed we would get married.. and always believed she was the one for me, she believed the same vice versa... so mentally it's next to impossible to completely let go.. as she hasn't been able to as well apparently.

 

I always think whenever she comes back "Is this it?? Is she ready? IS this my chance to have this second chance and make this work?" I believe I'll have that one day, so it messes me up when she makes contact. I always feel THIS is the time.

 

 

 

 

Sorry for lateness of my response too. I feel really bad for you, because I've held you as a great and caring guy since the day I read your post the first time. It's been really hard for me too, because like you, I also thought that we would get married some day and thought that she was the one.

Then it all happened really quickly, like a sudden rush, and suddenly it was all taken away from me.

 

And yes, we tend to over-analyze the things our exes say to us. But usually it's just our minds playing those stupid games. Usually they just want to be nice and see whether we are over the break up. Or then they just want to make us feel even worse (like in my case).

[mariposa89]

Truth be told.. she was never like this before. But when you boil down to it, it was my actions that caused all this. I understand her wanting to hurt me maybe after the first six months of the incident..but after a year and a half?? Either give me that second chance, or leave me alone..she can't seem to do either.

 

 

hey I dont know much about your story but what I have beening seeing is that you have really matured and grown but that she is acting childish for still playing games with you after a year and half. If you would have cheated on me, I would have probably moved on but your attitudes would have shown me that you are serious and that you do regret that mistake you made. you need to tell her that she has to choose and that you cant keep waiting around for her because its not fair to you, you're trying to make it work but she's acting like Ms. Confused and resentment towards people is never healthy or fulfilling. It's time for her to make up her mind about you, because everyones time is precious and you could be missing out on someones eles love.

 

p.s- props for not taking advantage of her that night you went out!