Feeling overwhelmed about moving in together

[Zapbasket]

He sounds like he will ask you to marry him before long. Would you be ready for that?

 

Nooooo. I've thought about this. It's all too early and I'm not liking this feeling of being rushed all the time. It's circumstances, not just him. But one reason why I wanted to leave NYC even before he came into the picture is that I need a fresh start as a way to finally and utterly cleave myself from all the memories and attachments that related to my ex. I'm in a very transitional phase in my life and I forsee a tremendous amount of growth--career-wise and personal--in the next couple of years and I need to be in a situation that does not inhibit that in any way. I feel like the last two of the five years I was with my ex, as well as the year it took to overcome my feelings of shock and devastation over the breakup, were 'wasted' in that all the unpleasantness held me back. I do not wish to be held back; I feel I need this time to grow into a person who can attract healthy relationships.

 

I fear that this guy--I still have a hard time even typing "boyfriend"; that should tell me something--might hold me back because he's not going through such a transitional period. His life in CO is already established; I have to build mine from scratch. I want to spend more time building my life than adjusting to his, potentially making compromises, in my vulnerability, that really don't suit me...and wasting yet more time.

 

I think at the least I'm going to have to ask him to back off a bit. And I'm seriously rethinking moving in with him right away.

[Zapbasket]

Are you over your ex? Plus the age difference. What is it going to be like in a few more years when he's over 50 and you are still in your early 30s?

 

I think you two might be infactuated with each other right now, not in love. There's alot you don't know about him.. Both good and bad. He's only been to NYC once, and you been out to CO how many times? Sounds like you are the one making alot of sacrafices.

 

What about his past? Was he married, have children, etc?

 

The age difference doesn't bother me, except insofar as it might potentially inhibit our compatibility. His life is "established"; mine is temporarily a bit tumultuous right now, as I'm still sorting out my career, social life, etc.

 

He has never been married. He's had a lot of relationships with what seem to be lovely, intelligent, beautiful (I saw pictures) and accomplished women. His longest relationship lasted 3 years. He has no children. I do feel uneasy about the fact that all of his relationships failed and none resulted in marriage, but I tell myself that a relationship's success is only 1/2 within a person's control.

 

RE: my sacrifices, I know. I'm taking that in. That's why I fear moving in with him will require me to absorb his way of life before I even have a chance to branch out into my own way. I'm afraid of feeling stifled--or is that just fear of committment on my part?

 

Re: am I over my ex? I'm not sure what "over him" really means. He ended the relationship in a very abrupt and callous way that was very demeaning to me and what we had together. In the way he broke up with me, and his words, he killed past, present and future all in one; he utterly slammed the door. I still struggle with the horror of being so...annihilated. I didn't believe someone like him could ever be capable of that, and moreover, I didn't believe I was capable of attaching myself to someone who would choose to leave a 5-year-long relationship in that way. It left me with a lot of self-doubt and remorse and I do still struggle with it every day. So, no, the relationship is not entirely behind me.

 

It may be that I just need to make a move somewhere, and spend some time alone, just building up my life and friendships and career. I felt that way when I met this guy, but there was so much chemistry that I told myself I should just go for it. And now here I am, at this crossroads, where I just can't feel comfortable with the idea of moving in with him. And I can't tell if that's instinct kicking in, or some shortcoming on my part.

[sb129]

Greencove, I have been in your situation. Twice, in fact.

 

I wasn't really looking for a fresh start TBH, but it made more "sense" for me to move to where my BF at the time was because of his career.

 

I had a great job, and a great social life which I gave up to move in with him, and the whole time I had a nagging feeling.

 

It was really hard to make friends, (I did eventually) and he still wanted to retain his independence, so often left me at home alone to have "guy time".

I hated my job as well. The resentment grew until we split up.

Then on the rebound I ended up getting together with exMM so ended up staying in that town for another 2 years.

 

I moved from there to here to be with my fiance, and initially i was wary of moving again for someone, but I have lots of friends in London, and living with Wonderboy is easy. I wish I had done it sooner.

 

Not sure what the point of me posting is really- I can understand your doubts, but you will never know unless you try it.

 

Definitely definitely do some things that allow you to have time away from your BF when you move. It will help you meet people too.

[Tomcat33]

I am sorry and I certainly don't mean to be Debbie Downer but this seems like a bad idea all around.

 

For starters you are NOT over your ex, I can tell in what you write here that your heart has not fully healed yet. I think you are trying to close that door with the love this man is offering you and the promise of a "new start" sort of like running away from your past "out sight out of mind and I can finally move on".

 

Instead what you will find is that you are living in a new place with no independance and in the territory of the man you are not even sure you love. It doesn't sound like you are really in love with this man, furthermore moving with someone should not be to change scenery it should be because you are ready to take the relationship to the next step ie, prepare for marriage, and see if you can co-exist together. Are you really ready for that when you could barely tell this man you love him not that long ago?

 

I really hope you prove me wrong and I sincerely hope this works out for the best, but reading what you wrote here it seems like you are moving a HUGE mountain to try to erase your past. I just don't think this is the answer, and that might be the hesitation you feel deep down. You know the reasons why you are doing this whether you wish to acknowledge them or not deep down there is a doubt which sends out the alarm bells (your fear of doing this) and this may be the reason you are on this journey!

 

I fear that this guy--I still have a hard time even typing "boyfriend"

 

Listen to that, if you can't even utter the words what are doing moving in with him? You need to date him some more without moving with him and keeping your independance, can you do that from Colorado? Wait a bit find a job and get your own place instead?

[Tomcat33]

I've never questioned whether I've truly loved someone before. I either have, or haven't. So what could be happening here?

 

 

What could be happening here is that your relationship has been lived on the fringe, when you are in an LDR (which if I have not misunderstood) it is lived intensely in short spurts of time and a lot of communication back and forth happens via email/phone etc. so you FEEL like you are ready to move to the next step but you really need to see what it feels like to date on a regular basis, you know you like this man and you have a lot of chemistry you are not sure you are 100% in love with him and living with him might just kill that off because you leaving outa VERY important part or dating and that is the courship that happens before you move in together.

[Tomcat33]

Ok just rearead your post here is a question for you:

 

would you move in with someone in NY that you totally hit it off with if you had gone out with the on three dates? Essentially that is what you are doing, moving in with someone you have been on 3 dates with.

 

No wonder you are hessitant!

[mistieyed]

you will enjoy Colorado immensely - worst case scenario, you have to borrow money from friends and family to move back - NYC is not going anywhere and Colorado will be an experience for you. the fast paced lifestyle you are used to will come to a hault - i lived there myself for three years and for me, it was WAY too slow, but beautiful country and fun lifestyle. the one thing to keep in mind is if you are not near Denver or able to work in Denver, money/pay is very low and the cost of living is high - nothing close to NYC, but you will be able to find a great place and meet great people. so really, what do you have to loose? and what do you have to gain? just think of it that way. if you found out you were dying in a month, would you go for the experience and possible love of another?

[Tomcat33]

you will enjoy Colorado immensely - worst case scenario, you have to borrow money from friends and family to move back - NYC is not going anywhere and Colorado will be an experience for you. the fast paced lifestyle you are used to will come to a hault - i lived there myself for three years and for me, it was WAY too slow, but beautiful country and fun lifestyle. the one thing to keep in mind is if you are not near Denver or able to work in Denver, money/pay is very low and the cost of living is high - nothing close to NYC, but you will be able to find a great place and meet great people. so really, what do you have to loose? and what do you have to gain? just think of it that way. if you found out you were dying in a month, would you go for the experience and possible love of another?

 

 

She is not second guessing moving to Colorado she is second guessing moving in with a man she met in Jan.

[mistieyed]

She is not second guessing moving to Colorado she is second guessing moving in with a man she met in Jan.

 

thanks for the clarification, but i read her post and i stand by my thoughts on the matter. do i think it is too soon to KNOW the guy completely, yes. do i think she should take a chance, why not? it sounds to me she has already made up her mind and is trying to talk herself out of it because of her fear of having this man take care of her financially, BUT she is not willing to wait until the end of the year to save more money. this is not a yes or no answer - it is a take a risk or not situation. my response was to basically say, even if it doesn't work out, she could very much enjoy living and meeting new people in Colorado so all would not be lost.

[Zapbasket]

Something happened this week that made me more nervous about the whole thing. I'm not sure if my fear is causing me to overreact, or if this is another "red flag":

 

This is the time of year when my boyfriend must renew his health insurance through his company. Early last week, he told me that for an additional $15 per month, he could include me on his insurance. I thought it over and told him yes, and thank you, as I was grateful seeing as currently I have no health insurance, only a "catastrophic coverage" policy my mom took out on me in case of a major medical emergency, since she's my only family and after my finances were depleted would be the only one in line to pay the medical costs.

 

I asked him to please the paperwork I needed to fill out when we see each other later on this week. A few days later he called me and told me that to have me on his policy raises the deductible from $2500 to $5000 and given he's in long-term treatment for a physical illness, he'd use up that $5000 in a heartbeat. So truly, having me on his policy would cost him an additional $2500. He suggested I pay him $200 per month to cover that amount, and said the deadline to submit the paperwork was two hours from the time he called me so I had to decide fast. I speed-read through the policy, weighed my options, and rushed to call him back to say, "Thanks, but no thanks."

 

He sounded a bit surprised, maybe hurt?--and we hung up so he could get the paperwork sent. When we spoke later that night neither of us mentioned the insurance.

 

I turned down the offer because it's highly unlikely I will accrue $2500 in a year in medical expenses and besides, once I have a job in CO I'll have coverage. Also, I'm not currently in a position financially, as I prepare for this move, etc., to commit myself to $200/month additional to my other bills.

 

The whole interchange made me uneasy. Certainly I never felt entitled to be included in his insurance policy; I hadn't even thought of it. But he offered it, and I accepted. And then he changed the stakes. I can understand if truth be told he can't afford the additional 2.5k, but he didn't come out and say that. All he's said to me is that he wants me to move in and he doesn't care if it takes me a year to find a job, he can support us both. This situation with the insurance makes me fear that in fact he WOULD care if I didn't find a job fairly quickly, and WILL care that I can't help contribute meaningfully to the sustaining of his lifestyle.

 

There have been many ways he's been very generous--taken me out to some lovely dinners, bought me nice presents, etc. But somehow this made me uneasy and I don't know why. I ran this by some of my friends, and they all don't like how he handled this. They think he should have paid the 2.5k. Somehow I feel the same.

[mistieyed]

Something happened this week that made me more nervous about the whole thing. I'm not sure if my fear is causing me to overreact, or if this is another "red flag":

 

This is the time of year when my boyfriend must renew his health insurance through his company. Early last week, he told me that for an additional $15 per month, he could include me on his insurance. I thought it over and told him yes, and thank you, as I was grateful seeing as currently I have no health insurance, only a "catastrophic coverage" policy my mom took out on me in case of a major medical emergency, since she's my only family and after my finances were depleted would be the only one in line to pay the medical costs.

 

I asked him to please the paperwork I needed to fill out when we see each other later on this week. A few days later he called me and told me that to have me on his policy raises the deductible from $2500 to $5000 and given he's in long-term treatment for a physical illness, he'd use up that $5000 in a heartbeat. So truly, having me on his policy would cost him an additional $2500. He suggested I pay him $200 per month to cover that amount, and said the deadline to submit the paperwork was two hours from the time he called me so I had to decide fast. I speed-read through the policy, weighed my options, and rushed to call him back to say, "Thanks, but no thanks."

 

He sounded a bit surprised, maybe hurt?--and we hung up so he could get the paperwork sent. When we spoke later that night neither of us mentioned the insurance.

 

I turned down the offer because it's highly unlikely I will accrue $2500 in a year in medical expenses and besides, once I have a job in CO I'll have coverage. Also, I'm not currently in a position financially, as I prepare for this move, etc., to commit myself to $200/month additional to my other bills.

 

The whole interchange made me uneasy. Certainly I never felt entitled to be included in his insurance policy; I hadn't even thought of it. But he offered it, and I accepted. And then he changed the stakes. I can understand if truth be told he can't afford the additional 2.5k, but he didn't come out and say that. All he's said to me is that he wants me to move in and he doesn't care if it takes me a year to find a job, he can support us both. This situation with the insurance makes me fear that in fact he WOULD care if I didn't find a job fairly quickly, and WILL care that I can't help contribute meaningfully to the sustaining of his lifestyle.

 

There have been many ways he's been very generous--taken me out to some lovely dinners, bought me nice presents, etc. But somehow this made me uneasy and I don't know why. I ran this by some of my friends, and they all don't like how he handled this. They think he should have paid the 2.5k. Somehow I feel the same.

 

this is truly something that would sway others thoughts in responding to you, especially myself. it is one thing to be nervous about moving in with someone not financially prepared, but you have not disclosed all of your reasonings here. i just read your post on another thread about red flags too - there is WAY more to this story. look, if this is true love, it will wait until December or whenever until you can financially be set to do this on your own, just in case it does not work out. and what is the physical illness he is dealing with? is this something that could prohibit him being able to financially support you temporarily?

[Zapbasket]

Thanks for your input, mistieyed. I'm so glad to hear so many nice things about CO! I love the outdoors so I think I'll like being in the mountains, though I *am* a longtime city girl and love culture and diversity, so I do fear feeling a bit "understimulated," for lack of a better word ;-)

 

Re: the physical illness: it's psychotherapy. I just put physical illness in the post because I feared that for some, hearing it's long-term psychotherapy might unfairly bias LSers against him. His psychotherapy bills reach his current $2500 out-of-pocket cap after about 3 months, so he certainly would use up the whole $5000.

 

I guess it just left a bad taste in my mouth that this was our first shared financial scenario and it went down like this, with him offering something I'd never have dreamt of suggesting and then renegging on it. One male friend of mine said, "If he's gotten to age 49 with no kids to support and never had a wife, what on earth has he been doing with his finances that he couldn't afford to pay that additional 2.5k for his psychotherapy in order for you to be on his policy?" He said if he were in my boyfriend's shoes he'd have paid it and never said a word to me.

 

Do you think this scenario by itself is a red flag? I feel like the reason it's bothering me is not so much due to it in itself, but with other things I've picked up about him.

[mistieyed]

Thanks for your input, mistieyed. I'm so glad to hear so many nice things about CO! I love the outdoors so I think I'll like being in the mountains, though I *am* a longtime city girl and love culture and diversity, so I do fear feeling a bit "understimulated," for lack of a better word ;-)

 

Re: the physical illness: it's psychotherapy. I just put physical illness in the post because I feared that for some, hearing it's long-term psychotherapy might unfairly bias LSers against him. His psychotherapy bills reach his current $2500 out-of-pocket cap after about 3 months, so he certainly would use up the whole $5000.

 

I guess it just left a bad taste in my mouth that this was our first shared financial scenario and it went down like this, with him offering something I'd never have dreamt of suggesting and then renegging on it. One male friend of mine said, "If he's gotten to age 49 with no kids to support and never had a wife, what on earth has he been doing with his finances that he couldn't afford to pay that additional 2.5k for his psychotherapy in order for you to be on his policy?" He said if he were in my boyfriend's shoes he'd have paid it and never said a word to me.

 

Do you think this scenario by itself is a red flag? I feel like the reason it's bothering me is not so much due to it in itself, but with other things I've picked up about him.

 

i think the fact that you want to move in with a guy that you hardly know that is across the country in a place you do not know without having $$$ for backup is a red flag about you.

 

the fact that he is willing to allow it most definitely makes me wonder about him. that is about as honest as i can be. my initial thoughts were this was a budding, fun, fairly solid romance and that you wanted a change of scenery. in that instance, taking a risk is sometimes warranted if you feel safe - i have done it before out of "love" (on my own dime and being financially secure) and although it did not turn out that i ended up with the guy, the life experiences and personal growth, not to mention meeting wonderful people and seeing a new place was a blast for me, but i am really a flexible, go with the flow type. after reading your last few posts in this and the other thread, i would say stay in NY until you are financially secure and get to know this guy better.

[Zapbasket]

Whoa, hold on- -he's not "allowing" it; he instigated it, hje pushed for it, and if he had his way I'd be there right now. I'm feeling fear because this is most decidedly NOT my usual M.O. Initially I hooked up with this guy as a fling. But I quickly saw that there was more, and I wanted to explore it. I told him initially that I did not want a long distance relationship, not knowing that what started out as a fling, a fun ski trip in colorado, would blossom into more. I DON'T want a LDR and the timing of our liaison all coincided with my realization that I'm happiest when I'm in a vehicle pointed away from NYC, that I need to leave my job as the situation was becoming toxic, and also with the fact that my lease expires on June 1.

 

He's been going along 100mph on this and I've been as careful and deliberate as I can, while also being open to the possibility of taking a risk. It's ALL a risk fo rme as I have never been in a relationship with a man so much older than me and nor have I moved to be with someone. I'm prepared to take the risk, but maybe not where I move in with him right away. We don't know each other well enough yet, and I think this is why I'm seeing red flags everywhere...but also because I saw red flags from the get-go and I'm trying to determine whether I can resolve them in my mind, or not.

 

I really don't think this raises a red flag about me. I don't think you have the facts to make such a determination.

[Zapbasket]

HE has been pushing ME to do this, NOT the other way around.

[Tomcat33]

If he wants you to move to where he is to be with him, then he would pay for you to do that. He's 49. He should be established in a career enough to be able to do this.

The fact that you have traveled to visit him 3 times and he's only visited you once concerns me.

I would rethink this. I think you can do better than a guy who is 49 who hasn't offered to pay for your move. I mean, is this guy really what you want? Is he going to want to marry and have kids with you fairly soon?

Think about it before you rearrange your life for this guy. Also, it doesn't sound like he has a lot of money if he's going to let you pay your way there. He sounds like a loser, to be honest. Sorry, just being blunt.

 

Ya think?

 

I agree it's bad ALL around.

[Zapbasket]

If he wants you to move to where he is to be with him, then he would pay for you to do that. He's 49. He should be established in a career enough to be able to do this.

The fact that you have traveled to visit him 3 times and he's only visited you once concerns me.

I would rethink this. I think you can do better than a guy who is 49 who hasn't offered to pay for your move. I mean, is this guy really what you want? Is he going to want to marry and have kids with you fairly soon?

Think about it before you rearrange your life for this guy. Also, it doesn't sound like he has a lot of money if he's going to let you pay your way there. He sounds like a loser, to be honest. Sorry, just being blunt.

 

He's a very well respected academic. I know academics don't make a lot of money, but his parents both died in the last decade and I know he must have inherited some money.

 

Is it really a given that he should pay all my moving expenses?

 

It's just too early for this, isn't it? Too many unknowns and uncertainties. If I move there, I really do need to find my own place and get a job before moving. This was my initial thought anyway, but he made such a good 'case' that I found myself abandoning my earlier position. Then the insurance thing made me question my change of mind. Not that I fully changed my mind, anyway--i have had doubts all along and I keep bringing them up to him but then he is so convincing that I waver.

[norajane]

Would you move to a new city with no job, no friends, no drivers license and no car, and no savings if there weren't a man at the other end promising to move you into his house and take care of you? Is that how you were thinking your move out of NY would happen?

 

If not, then don't change who you are and how you live your life for someone you've only known a short while and who is, most likely, a rebound relationship for you.

[mistieyed]

Whoa, hold on- -he's not "allowing" it; he instigated it, hje pushed for it, and if he had his way I'd be there right now. I'm feeling fear because this is most decidedly NOT my usual M.O. Initially I hooked up with this guy as a fling. But I quickly saw that there was more, and I wanted to explore it. I told him initially that I did not want a long distance relationship, not knowing that what started out as a fling, a fun ski trip in colorado, would blossom into more. I DON'T want a LDR and the timing of our liaison all coincided with my realization that I'm happiest when I'm in a vehicle pointed away from NYC, that I need to leave my job as the situation was becoming toxic, and also with the fact that my lease expires on June 1.

 

He's been going along 100mph on this and I've been as careful and deliberate as I can, while also being open to the possibility of taking a risk. It's ALL a risk fo rme as I have never been in a relationship with a man so much older than me and nor have I moved to be with someone. I'm prepared to take the risk, but maybe not where I move in with him right away. We don't know each other well enough yet, and I think this is why I'm seeing red flags everywhere...but also because I saw red flags from the get-go and I'm trying to determine whether I can resolve them in my mind, or not.

 

I really don't think this raises a red flag about me. I don't think you have the facts to make such a determination.

 

i know you are following your heart, but if you take yourself out of the picture and read your posts without being in the middle of it, i think you would have to question why you would actually make this move. if he is moving too fast for you, slow it down - don't cave because you don't care to have a LDR. can you not got month-to-month or sign a three month lease at your current place? just give yourself time to know you are doing the right thing. as i said before, you will love colorado no matter what, but the slow pace may be a bit much to take - it was way too slow for me.

[Tomcat33]

He's a very well respected academic. I know academics don't make a lot of money, but his parents both died in the last decade and I know he must have inherited some money.

 

Is it really a given that he should pay all my moving expenses?

 

It's just too early for this, isn't it? Too many unknowns and uncertainties. If I move there, I really do need to find my own place and get a job before moving. This was my initial thought anyway, but he made such a good 'case' that I found myself abandoning my earlier position. Then the insurance thing made me question my change of mind. Not that I fully changed my mind, anyway--i have had doubts all along and I keep bringing them up to him but then he is so convincing that I waver.

 

It's just too early for that? But it's not too early for you to up and leave your whole life behind to go and live with this man IN HIS HOUSE, when you have only seen him three times in three months?

 

I think you should read your thoughts.

 

 

You have doubts because this is not how you truly envisioned having your next relationship, I think you really are trying to escape your past with all the bells and whistles this new move might present and change of scenery but at what price?

 

PS I don't necessarily believe that the money thing is an issue, money shouldn't dictate if you should love a man or not, he seems like a respectable man with a good job that's not the issue here. Otherwise you would not have fallen for him.

[sunshinegirl]

He's a very well respected academic. I know academics don't make a lot of money, but his parents both died in the last decade and I know he must have inherited some money.

 

Is it really a given that he should pay all my moving expenses?

 

It's just too early for this, isn't it? Too many unknowns and uncertainties. If I move there, I really do need to find my own place and get a job before moving. This was my initial thought anyway, but he made such a good 'case' that I found myself abandoning my earlier position. Then the insurance thing made me question my change of mind. Not that I fully changed my mind, anyway--i have had doubts all along and I keep bringing them up to him but then he is so convincing that I waver.

 

Hi GC. I didn't see this thread until today.

 

To be honest, the bolded parts above concern me more than anything else. He does not appear to truly respect your concerns - from your descriptions he is intent on getting you to agree to his agenda. This gives off a whiff of "controlling" to me. How will you feel if/when you are beholden to him, living in his house, being taken care of, etc and he objects to things you want to do (create an independent life, etc)?

 

How much do you know about how his previous relationships started? Were they intense like this, with declarations of love after two months and major life decisions being made quickly? (and if so, WHO was making the sacrifices then? the woman he was dating?) If you don't know this history, I think it would be very very important to learn it. He may have friends who love and respect him, but they didn't date him and likely don't have a window into how those relationships progressed.

 

I, for example, desperately wish I had paid more attention to how my ex's former marriage went down. If I had, I might have been able to recognize the same patterns emerging with me, and I might have extracted myself sooner.

 

I have to admit, I am concerned for you on this, GC. I want you to be happy, but I am not 100% convinced that this one is going to turn out well.

[tinke]

well hello G.C., been wondering about you.

 

8 mo. ago, would you ever dream you'd be considering moving away, plus going to someone?

i'm sure this past year has been quite challenging. (mine too).

 

after skimming the texts, there seems to be conflicting feelings....you state adamantly that you want your freedom/independance and "fear" (my word) a sudden marriage proposal.

why then, did it put you off that he requested you pay YOUR portion of the premiums. for me, i guess i would see that as a sigh of relief, that we will still be two individuals at this point, not suddenly merged. quite honestly, i would feel relieved that he is not anticipating me to totally rely on him...that would feel very uncomfortable.

 

geez G.C., you know i want the very best for you...i was very in favor of the initial visit, explore. but now......if you have to ask if it's the right thing to do....is it?

 

what does your gut instinct tell you?

may i ask...is there some reason, other than your lease and the ldr blahs that you feel you MUST make the move now? is it possible to continue the dating and ldr until you feel more confident in your decision one way or the other?

 

i know there are no guarantees with anything, but to make a big move, isn't it important to WANT to? i do understand the ldr hurt, resentment, anguish, etc. and from hearing you, i am sure you've weighed this out, but then, why question it?

 

do you believe you know him well enough? what is stopping you?

 

you posed the question of anyone else being in this situation. well for me, i found it very difficult that i would be the one making all the changes to meet his chosen lifestyle...i grew to resent that he did not understand the effects on me.

 

G.C., don't drive yourself mad, i am very confident that you have thought this over very carefully....go with what feels right. trust YOU!

 

bunnies to you!

[HYS]

Moving across the country to an unfamiliar area to be with someone whom you haven't known for a long time is scary! From your post it sounds like your fear not so much about the relationship but more about your lost of independence. In my opinion, the relationship is new and if it doens't work out it's not going to be the biggest loss of your life as compared to a long serious relationship. I can relate to your independence and the fear of the unknown. It will take time to make friends (it took me 3 years in this town) and to establish a social circle. As hard as it may be, you will need to rely on your BF for a short while....you might even like it.

[sb129]

For what its worth, I would have done exactly the same thing as you re: the health insurance.

[Trialbyfire]

Greencove, if you really need to follow your heart, why not find a decent job in CO, previous to moving? This way, you can keep a separate residence and not become dependent on someone who might or might not be who he portrays himself to be.