Am I being selfish?

[Tomcat33]

As for asking his dad (or me) to carry him, I think he is testing his limits somehow. He wants to see how much control he has over a situation (or his dad) and so he feels he NEEDS to get his way to assert that he is in control of the situation. Thats why when he doesn't get his way, he acts up and throws a fit. He seems to get disapointed very easily when he doesn't get his way but if you just tell him no or ignore him he will get over it quickly.

 

 

Firstly I just wanted to say I am really sorry about your father I can imagine how stressful all this must be and overwhelming, becoming a mom overnight is not easy.

 

Now in response to what I just quoted from you:

 

Wouldn't you test the waters to see how much you can get if you were a 9 yr old child who's mother abandonded him a few times and who's father was sharing of himself/time and devotion with another adult when it should be him? Children don't understand things the way adults do, and this kid is in the prime of his development this is when he needs to feel the most stable and most secure around the people he looks up to for safety, his parents. But his parenst are split up and he is bounced around back and forth trying to make sense of it all which is more than likely why he does all these things for attention and ultimately to test if you do love him.

 

I totally agree with what Storyrider said in their post, and in fact I just posted on your other thread before reading this one and quite frankly I second those sentiments, the more I read about your situation the less faith I have you are anywhere near ready to start a marriage with this man. You love him and want to get married but I just don't think you are truly looking at the big picture. He is a man with a child, and a child that right now demands a lot of his time and you will inherit this for yourself unless you can communicate to your partner the idea that you will have to set some boundaries, but seeing as you don't even trust your partner this situation just seems to be more and more adverse, the more you disclose on it....getting married is not a "fix" it can actually prove to be a huge aggressor in the wrong setting.