Author Javelin Posted May 30, 2008 Author Posted May 30, 2008 Well I take it you were in the "like him alot" stage. So why did you keep dating other people? Like I said, neither of them were serious in the beginning. You cannot date other people and start falling head-over-heels for someone else. He slept with that girl because there was no communication and it's the same for Ivy's numerous dates. The main discrepancy was neither you set initial relationship boundaries and the consequences are showing up. I know I may sound harsh, but it's only truth. Ivy, your ego is hanging on by a thread right now, but you're going to have to pick up the pieces and decide what's best for your future.
twice_shy Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 Like I said, neither of them were serious in the beginning. I know that. And she does too. But if her argument is that he should have been head over heels for her enough to keep from sleeping with another girl, then she should have been head over heals enough to not date anyone else. I know we are talking dating vs. sex, but the principle is the same.
ivy777 Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Hi guys, thank you again. I have re-read the responses of yours that were saved here and they are really helpful. I have decided to try to move past this after weighing out all of the angles. I know that it's easy to say "we weren't exclusive," so technically it wasn't cheating, and that is true. It doesn't make it hurt less, though. That's what I'm now trying to sort out since the calculation is no longer, "should I stay or go," but "how can I move forward and not feel bad about it?" I find myself comparing myself to the other woman and no matter how many times my finace tells me that she was not nearly as attractive and, as Aalike said, it sucked and only served to reinforce his feelings for me, I am having a hard time with it. We are both 31 so we've both had previous relationships and hookups (me, more the former and him, more the latter) so this isn't coming from a place of not understanding sex versus love. It's truly a self esteem thing - I wonder how he could have acted on what he describes as a drunken and not awesome hookup when he had the opportunity to be with me. Does anyone have any thoughts on how I might be able to go forward without feeling so bad and questioning about myself and my attractiveness? thanks so much.
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