Untouchable_Fire Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 I've been married almost 10 yrs (no kids)' date=' and things have been rocky for a while. My husband has some great personality qualities that I absolutely love, he is a good guy and he adores me - these are the reasons I married him. [/quote'] If you have low self esteem, this can also be the same reason you don't feel that spark. So, who is a better partner... you or your husband? Recently' date=' I met someone who I developed a wicked hot crush on. Not just a little mini-crush - I've had those now and then. But this guy, every time I see him all I can think about is that I want to shag him. [/quote'] Wicked Hot? Spend much time in Boston? How did you meet this guy... how often do you spend time with him... and in what settings? I don't want to cheat' date=' as tempting as it may be. But this has made me think that maybe my marriage is a lost cause. Even with all the counseling in the world, I don't think I can ever "get" those feelings for my husband. I feel like either they are there or they aren't - and it's a chemistry thing not a logical thing. I love my husband in every other way and I wish there was a way he would turn me on like my crush. We have talked extensively about our problems in the bedroom, but nothing ever changes.[/quote'] You make chemistry, sometimes it's harder than others... but you make it... you control it! Blaming the universe for your lack of attraction to the man you married is unacceptable. If your too lazy to put some effort into it, then leave him and let him find someone better! I would bet money that if you found out that other women were interested in your Husband... suddenly he would look a lot better to you! I feel like the only answer is to end my marriage and try to find a new partner who I have the right chemistry with. Am I crazy? If that's what it takes... do it! If you keep doing what your doing now... you make life suck for everyone... and you get to be a crappy person to boot! Link to post Share on other sites
ShyGirl31 Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 Thanks so much to everyone for replying and helping me see reality more clearly... I had a serious heart to heart with my husband. This made me realize that the issues are much deeper than the crush. I think there is a reason I have been feeling this way - because there are some serious voids in my marriage. We are trying to work on it. For now I am trying to avoid contact with my crush. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted May 30, 2008 Author Share Posted May 30, 2008 Thanks so much to everyone for replying and helping me see reality more clearly... I had a serious heart to heart with my husband. This made me realize that the issues are much deeper than the crush. I think there is a reason I have been feeling this way - because there are some serious voids in my marriage. We are trying to work on it. For now I am trying to avoid contact with my crush. Your doing the right thing by trying to work on it first. If you have issues and need to hear from people in similar situations, this is the place. Best of Luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Bright Shadow Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 I had a serious heart to heart with my husband. This made me realize that the issues are much deeper than the crush. I think there is a reason I have been feeling this way - because there are some serious voids in my marriage. I suspected as much. You have the courage to talk to your husband. Excellent. The next step is: have you worked out what the problems are? Why are you losing attraction to your husband? Link to post Share on other sites
theobserver Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Thanks so much to everyone for replying and helping me see reality more clearly... I had a serious heart to heart with my husband. This made me realize that the issues are much deeper than the crush. I think there is a reason I have been feeling this way - because there are some serious voids in my marriage. We are trying to work on it. For now I am trying to avoid contact with my crush. I don't think I'm the only one who's very happy you told your husband how your feeling well done. It's a shame it never happened sooner but better now eh? It's great your deciding to both work on it, just remember in a few months time if you still feel the same have the talk with him again and proceed with a divorce. Just to put something out there to think about from what I read your husband truely loves you (can only tell so much) While of course I don't want ANYONE to live the rest of their lives with a person they don't want as their partner anymore wasting their life to save face etc I do want you to consider you may never have this devotion and understanding again keep it in mind. IF again things don't work out with the husband remember the spark with a new partner will also die. Make sure there are qualities you love about him other then pure attraction. Never plan a long relationship with someone because they're dead sexy and f*uck like a stallion look at the soul behind that pleasing exterior. I wonder what the world would be like if we all were swingers? Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Your husband needs to learn how to be a sexy, play-dominant, spark-generating man. Does he want to be that? Do you think it's possible for him to change enough for that or is it too late? What do your discussions consist of? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts