OWoman Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Anything I can do to bring more perspective to the boards;) So that's who you're channeling - De Chirico! Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 D'hup - there it is again!! So basically, any warm body who is THERE and paying attention to a troubled MM (or MW) - is the magic potion for big trouble. It doesn't matter what the OP looks like, who they are, or anything; their own personality is irrelevant, their raison d'etre is meaningless. The only thing that matters (to the MM/MW) is the fact that SOMEBODY (the OP could be a plastic blowup doll, for all they care) is paying them attention. It's not about the OP at all; the whole thing revolves around the MM/MW and their needs. Am I close?? For some, that is exactly right. For others, it is about getting that hot skinny chic. Still others think the large, voluptuous chick is hot. It takes all kinds. That's what makes the world go round. I know it's cliché, but very true. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 No thanks! I'll take the tortured artist. At least she produced beautiful art, ispired Roding to improve on his art, and was passionately in love. Ah jeez! Did I misspell Rodin?! Slap my wrist for that. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 For some, that is exactly right. For others, it is about getting that hot skinny chic. Still others think the large, voluptuous chick is hot. It takes all kinds. That's what makes the world go round. I know it's cliché, but very true. OK so I don't fit any of these scenarios. I'm not a spaniel. I don't do simpering and fawning. I'm far from skinny. But not voluptuous. Kinda, just average? Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Excellent post, D-Lish! I don't think that the person someone is having an affair with outside of the marriage is necessarily sexier by any means. I think it is more about the way that person makes them feel. I've seen many people have an affair with people that were not anywhere near as hot as the person they are married to. I think that it is an escape from the relationship problems that they are having with their spouse. And, if the past is the best predictor of the future behavior, it is probably likely that when the going gets tough in other relatioships, that person will do the same thing again - cheat. I worked with a girl that was having an affair with a man that was not very attractive. And, her husband was very handsome! She said that the affair was not about the sex; it was about the attention! She said in fact, the sex with her husband was much better. Great post, but I would like to add that sometimes it isn't about the going gets tough. My exMM was and still is in a pretty good marriage and I think that is why he can 'make himself believe he is happy' but he constantly questions himself as to why he married her. He knows there was attraction and lust when they met and married but he never knew how deeply a love could be felt until he met me. It blows him away. Too bad he cannot reconcile the idea of leaving and giving himself true love and allowing her to be left in order to find the same thing for herself. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 OK so I don't fit any of these scenarios. I'm not a spaniel. I don't do simpering and fawning. I'm far from skinny. But not voluptuous. Kinda, just average? Time to post a photograph and let me be the judge. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 O, wrm... http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/pha0046l.jpg Loved the joke! I think I know what Rodin had.... Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Great post, but I would like to add that sometimes it isn't about the going gets tough. Agreed. Most of the MMs I've been involved with were in perfectly happy Ms, certainly not looking for anything and not expecting to be "unfaithful". Until I happened to them. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Time to post a photograph and let me be the judge. How about a photograph of my feet - that seems to be the prevaling practice around here :lmao: :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Loved the joke! I think I know what Rodin had.... Camille? Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 How about a photograph of my feet - that seems to be the prevaling practice around here :lmao: :lmao: As long as you don't have cankles! Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Camille? Ah, you're too ladylike, OWoman;) I was going to say something else... Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 As long as you don't have cankles! :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Ah, you're too ladylike, OWoman;) I was going to say something else... I know. Anyone who can turn a cold block of stone into something as erotic as the Kiss, clearly has The Touch... Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Ah jeez! Did I misspell Rodin?! Slap my wrist for that. That's the Southern version. Rodin'. Rodin, Rodin, Rodin, keep them doggies rodin... You don't see yourself as a spaniel? Oh OB (((((hugs))))) I guess it's a life of knitting and cats for you, my dear! Knitting and cats is looking better and better. And no, I don't see myself as a spaniel. Although sometimes with my Morning Hair I LOOK like a spaniel. But what does a spaniel have to do with simpering and fawning? I love spaniels. Don't pick on spaniels. Great post, but I would like to add that sometimes it isn't about the going gets tough. My exMM was and still is in a pretty good marriage and I think that is why he can 'make himself believe he is happy' but he constantly questions himself as to why he married her. He knows there was attraction and lust when they met and married but he never knew how deeply a love could be felt until he met me. It blows him away. Too bad he cannot reconcile the idea of leaving and giving himself true love and allowing her to be left in order to find the same thing for herself. WF do you ever wonder if your MM is full of sh*t and he's just spinning all this stuff to you? Did he ever tell you that he was never leaving his W, or did he lead you to believe he would leave one day? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Knitting and cats is looking better and better. And no, I don't see myself as a spaniel. Although sometimes with my Morning Hair I LOOK like a spaniel. But what does a spaniel have to do with simpering and fawning? I love spaniels. Don't pick on spaniels. Hey come on OB, nothing can simper and fawn like a spaniel! And those eyes! They could melt stone! I love spaniels too. When they're dry. PS don't forget the rocking chair... Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 WF do you ever wonder if your MM is full of sh*t and he's just spinning all this stuff to you? Did he ever tell you that he was never leaving his W, or did he lead you to believe he would leave one day? Early on in the coffee and lunch stage he said something strange. He said, 'I've thought about it and I can't leave her because then she'd lose her insurance, her home, etc.' I thought, that's weird! We're not even a couple and he's telling me as if I was expecting a serious R to evolve. I hugged him goodbye and I really thought it was the last time I was going to see him because I thought that was a break-up line [to what was just a coffee meeting friend stage]. I got in the car and drove away. Ten minutes later he pulled over somewhere and called me. Confused, I asked, 'It sounded like you didn't get to finish what you wanted to say.' He said I was right and that he couldn't wait to see me again and with great ferver stated that he just wanted to take me places! It turned PA a few months later and this is where it gets even more confusing. Looking back, I think he was trying to tell me that no matter what he felt for me he didn't want to be the cheating kind, but if he did he was not ever going to leave. As it turned PA, both of us were surprised that we both could and would do that as well as how deeply both of us were in love. In that state, one feels that all bets, and all previous statements (I just could never leave her) are off because love and passion are supposed to redefine everything, right? As time went by and we got closer and closer I began to broach the subject often as to whether he still felt obligated to that very important statement and the answer was always the same: how could I do that to her, she relies on me so heavily, the kids would surely turn their backs on me, how could I hurt 8 people instead of just the two of us, etc. Conversely, sometimes I would remind him that he told me up front he would never leave and he would look confused and say that was never an intended guideline or ground rule. I think he slipped it in their subconciously or something. Or maybe not. I'll never know if it was intended to inform me upfront or if it was a Freudian slip that he forgot he said. I think he would like to believe this just happened and it was unexpected and that we just lost control and it went too far. Sometimes I do think he chased me and hoped I would put up with him never leaving his W. I did just that for a long time until I wanted more. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 Early on in the coffee and lunch stage he said something strange... Boy, he's good! You got ahold of a doozy there, WF. He got really lucky with you, and he did not deserve you. He just didn't know what he had. (Sigh.) Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 Boy, he's good! You got ahold of a doozy there, WF. He got really lucky with you, and he did not deserve you. He just didn't know what he had. (Sigh.) Yes indeed, if that was his intention from the start then he was certainly good at it. And thank you for the fine compliment. There were also some factors that told me he was new at this and that he was working on auto-pilot which convinced me there was a lot of innocence to him. And I admit I found that very charming. Then there were the times I vacillated between both and just shrugged my shoulders with the intention of trying not to care what his intention was, just enjoy it. And I really did. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 WF do you ever wonder if your MM is full of sh*t and he's just spinning all this stuff to you? Did he ever tell you that he was never leaving his W, or did he lead you to believe he would leave one day? I forgot to add that he tried leaving once a while back before he met me(just because he wasn't happy and I'm sure his W thought it was a mid-life crisis) and she called upon the troops to ostracize him and that patrolled him back in to the homestead. This gives validity to the fact that at least one of his kids would turn his/her back on him. Knowing he almost left her once gave me a false sense of hope (that he never promised me) that he could do it again, especially for love. Guess I was wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
porter218 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 I am noticing that alot of the OW are beleiving these complaints their MM are feeding them about their Ws all too often. From what I have witnessed in my life and people I am friends with, A good amount of these men are very happy with their wives they just know they have to seem unhappy to make the OW feel like it is OK. Lets take my marriage for example. I am very attractive, still go out on dates with my H once a week, still have wild sex 2 times a day, don't nag, and am very much in love with him. Yet he still cheated. And to make things more rediculous I found out from the main other woman that he told her we haven't had sex in months, and that I have gotten fat since our son was born..lol..I am a swim suit model 5'7" 115 lbs. He claimed he did't want to be with me anymore but he couldn't leave because I couldn't provide for our kids on my own..I make $75,000/yr he makes only $40,000. And a slew of other outlandish lies and when I found out I gave him the option to leave with no repricusions and he just begged for me to stay with a tearfull plea. It is all just game these men play. When they cheat neither the W or the OW should beleive a word these MM say about the other. but as to the topic of this thread sometimes BSs over focus on the OW simply because some OW go through great lengths to cover for the MM and it makes it hard to weave through truth and lies. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 I am noticing that alot of the OW are beleiving these complaints their MM are feeding them about their Ws all too often. From what I have witnessed in my life and people I am friends with, A good amount of these men are very happy with their wives they just know they have to seem unhappy to make the OW feel like it is OK. Lets take my marriage for example. I am very attractive, still go out on dates with my H once a week, still have wild sex 2 times a day, don't nag, and am very much in love with him. Yet he still cheated. And to make things more rediculous I found out from the main other woman that he told her we haven't had sex in months, and that I have gotten fat since our son was born..lol..I am a swim suit model 5'7" 115 lbs. He claimed he did't want to be with me anymore but he couldn't leave because I couldn't provide for our kids on my own..I make $75,000/yr he makes only $40,000. And a slew of other outlandish lies and when I found out I gave him the option to leave with no repricusions and he just begged for me to stay with a tearfull plea. It is all just game these men play. When they cheat neither the W or the OW should beleive a word these MM say about the other. but as to the topic of this thread sometimes BSs over focus on the OW simply because some OW go through great lengths to cover for the MM and it makes it hard to weave through truth and lies. The "main" OW?? He cheated multiple times? He lies like a rug? And you're still with this guy? It's mind-boggling. In cases like this it's even harder for me to understand why the focus would be on the OW. Is it some kind of coping mechanism to ignore, deny and bury the fact that your H is a class-A worm??!? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 I am noticing that alot of the OW are beleiving these complaints their MM are feeding them about their Ws all too often. From what I have witnessed in my life and people I am friends with, A good amount of these men are very happy with their wives they just know they have to seem unhappy to make the OW feel like it is OK. Lets take my marriage for example. I am very attractive, still go out on dates with my H once a week, still have wild sex 2 times a day, don't nag, and am very much in love with him. Yet he still cheated. And to make things more rediculous I found out from the main other woman that he told her we haven't had sex in months, and that I have gotten fat since our son was born..lol..I am a swim suit model 5'7" 115 lbs. He claimed he did't want to be with me anymore but he couldn't leave because I couldn't provide for our kids on my own..I make $75,000/yr he makes only $40,000. And a slew of other outlandish lies and when I found out I gave him the option to leave with no repricusions and he just begged for me to stay with a tearfull plea. It is all just game these men play. When they cheat neither the W or the OW should beleive a word these MM say about the other. but as to the topic of this thread sometimes BSs over focus on the OW simply because some OW go through great lengths to cover for the MM and it makes it hard to weave through truth and lies. Then if they have a trophy wife.. and they're having all the sex they want.. etc.. why would they cheat? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 The "main" OW?? He cheated multiple times? He lies like a rug? And you're still with this guy? It's mind-boggling. In cases like this it's even harder for me to understand why the focus would be on the OW. Is it some kind of coping mechanism to ignore, deny and bury the fact that your H is a class-A worm??!? Yeah.. that's kind of weird.. because if a W choose to stay with a man like that.. maybe that's why he's cheating ... she's too spineless or too naive.. and he doesn't like the fact that his W is not assertive enough or her lack of confidence.. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 Then if they have a trophy wife.. and they're having all the sex they want.. etc.. why would they cheat? Like I said before, it is not always about the trophy wife. It is how the OW makes him feel. Again, there are so many kinds of MM. Some REALLY need their ego to be stroked and it would appear that one woman is not enough to do that for this kind, unfortunately. Porter, have you come to a decision that you're OK with an open marriage? I kind of got that feeling from your post. Link to post Share on other sites
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