TrustInYourself Posted May 27, 2008 Share Posted May 27, 2008 If you want to end your pessism, then end it. Be optimistic. It's all a matter of perspective. If you want to be there for him as a friend, then it's obvious that can happen from what you provided. As far as romantically involved with this guy, I'd stay away. You know he's not over his wife. Give him time and space. You can't provide happiness for someone. They have to do that for themselves. What are you going to do? Talk him into happiness? Reason with him that he's better off with you. Be patient. As far as my opinion on how long to wait. It's too soon if he's still thinking about her. I'd wait until he says I'm ready to be with you. The less you try the more he will be interested in you. Men work magically like that. Link to post Share on other sites
silverfox Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 My current bf who is also a long distance bf has been my friend for a long time... 17 years! We just recently became "exclusive" When you say "exclusive" you must mean you, him & the baggage from the "X"? He may never get over her. Sounds like he uses you as a companion and someone to talk about his X with. Life is short. Long range relationships, over time, have a tendency to fade. Is it love or is it need? While you and he are being "exclusive" there is some great guy and a solid relationship that you're missing out on. Stay friends with your long time friend and start dating. best to you, Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Honey, you've got more flags flying than the United Nations. He's still hung up on his ex which means he is not fully available to you. Listen, I speak from (bitter) experience: I dated a man separated from his wife. He truly seemed over her and ready for a new relationship - he didn't talk about her excessively, he was never outwardly angry/bitter, he introduced me to his entire family and talked about moving in together. But in the end, I was some kind of transitional relationship for him. He left me for someone else. So what I'm saying is that I had a more optimistic scenario than you do and it still ended badly. I would really recommend that you step back and give him some space. It's a bad sign that you are more invested in the relationship than he is at this point. I, unwittingly, found myself in the same situation: I simply cared more than he did... he had unfinished emotional business from his ex and wasn't anywhere near prepared for a new long-term relationship leading to marriage. At least not one with me. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 There's no real time table and each person is different.. But a couple rules of thumb do seem to apply to most people particulaly when they're the ones dumped. About 2 years from separation... At very least a year from the actual divorce to even start dating. I'm 16 months post separation... still have some things to work through. Link to post Share on other sites
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