OpenBook Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 Damn! Caught out! (Must I replace the saddle now?) Only if it's a vibrating one. O-o-o-o-o-o-h-h-h b-a-a-a-a-b-y-y-y ... Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 I don't think most men are very loyal. If they don't physically cheat, they are cheating with porn or things like that. Which makes it really hard for me to trust men actually. I don't really believe men are every happy with what they have because I have seen so many examples of men in my life that turn to other things, other their their SO, for sex. And turning to porn, is something that means he is turning to someone else/something else for sex. Porn is just a tool for masturbation. There might be some men who form some kind of emotional attachment to the pictures they masturbate to, but I'm sure in most cases it's just a quick way of getting off. The main danger with sexual cheating is that it frequently engenders a degree of emotional attachment that threatens the existing relationship. Two people become rivals for one person's affections. Because of the high emotions involved, whether they wanted to or not, and whether they thought they were above that kind of thing or not...they become enemies. And anyone who has ever loved and also had an enemy knows that the worst kind of betrayal happens when the person you love sides against you with your enemy. Which is how cheating feels, and is why it affects people so much. Just look at what goes on in the OW section, and you'll see how it plays out. Some people manage to conduct their part in that ongoing conflict with a lot of grace and maturity....but that takes effort, discipline and great emotional control. The fact that they manage it doesn't mean they aren't hurting - and it doesn't mean that they don't, deep down and behind all the attempts to understand and relate to the "other side", regard the woman on the other side of the fence as being their enemy. Even when they really don't want to. Would you really compare what those people (regardless of which side of the fence they're on) are going through to the feelings you have about a boyfriend using porn? Men might flippantly use the word "love" in respect of their porn - but porn isn't human. It meets needs, but doesn't have needs itself that are going to conflict with yours and impinge on your relationship. It genuinely doesn't care whether your relationship works or doesn't work. It isn't your enemy. Where's the betrayal? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 So true. If everything is cheating, then nothing is cheating. Through overuse and inappropriate use the very term is debased and stripped of meaning. If I have a dream - subconscious, beyond my control - of sex with someone other than my partner, and it results in orgasm - is that cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 Cheater. :lmao: Based on your logic, since you can't touch, what's different about going to a dating site, finding someone who's 5000 miles away and having cyber sex/webcam or telephone sex with them; and interactive porn? In either situation, it includes live people on the other end, both include interactive communication but neither will ever get to the point of touching. Would you be okay with a partner doing this to you? Well a commited man visiting a porn site even to engage in a live webcam is very different than a man taking out a profile on a dating site, even if is to do the exact same thing as he would be doing on the porn site. One he is looking for dates another he is looking for fantasy. There IS a difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 If I have a dream - subconscious, beyond my control - of sex with someone other than my partner, and it results in orgasm - is that cheating? :lmao: Seriously!! I'm telling you some people are wound up so tight I am amazed they are still breathing!?! Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 Only if it's a vibrating one. O-o-o-o-o-o-h-h-h b-a-a-a-a-b-y-y-y ... Maybe I need better shock absorbers? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 :lmao: Seriously!! I'm telling you some people are wound up so tight I am amazed they are still breathing!?! Maybe they're trying for orgasms the Michael Hutchence way? Link to post Share on other sites
OldEurope Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 If my H were talking to "skanky strangers" on some phone-sex (?) line or watching "scantily clad" women on computer web cam (?) or having cyber sex (?) or watching a lot of porn etc etc etc I would not only consider him a cheater I would consider him seriously mentally unbalanced. The lonely, desperate voyeurism of modern society is one of the most depressing things around. xox OE. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 If you're a person who believes watching porn, looking at porn mags, talking dirty on the phone with strangers, webcamming with strangers etc etc, while married or in a committed relationship is cheating, fine. If you don't believe it is, fine. There will always be a debate about if its cheating or not. Also, since the topic was "are all men cheaters?" I would say, NO. Better to say, "are all PEOPLE cheaters?" The answer would still be, NO. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 Well a commited man visiting a porn site even to engage in a live webcam is very different than a man taking out a profile on a dating site, even if is to do the exact same thing as he would be doing on the porn site. One he is looking for dates another he is looking for fantasy. There IS a difference. What's the difference when he's not interested in anything beyond a little cyber/telephone sex on the side? His intent is identical to visiting an interactive porn site. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 If my H were talking to "skanky strangers" on some phone-sex (?) line or watching "scantily clad" women on computer web cam (?) or having cyber sex (?) or watching a lot of porn etc etc etc I would not only consider him a cheater I would consider him seriously mentally unbalanced. The lonely, desperate voyeurism of modern society is one of the most depressing things around. xox OE. But I understand it. It's a lot less painful and messy. Yes you're missing out on interacting with a "live" carbon-based:D human being. But you're also avoiding a lot of pain and heartache. Not to mention the exponential increase in efficiency. Lonely? Yes - but many of us who are always surrounded by people, including married's, are lonely. Desperate? I don't know... maybe just fastidious? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 If my H were talking to "skanky strangers" on some phone-sex (?) line or watching "scantily clad" women on computer web cam (?) or having cyber sex (?) or watching a lot of porn etc etc etc I would not only consider him a cheater I would consider him seriously mentally unbalanced. If my SO did that, I'd be relieved. It would mean his libido was at least equal to mine and I could jump his bones with impunity, not worrying that I was going to wear him out... :p :p Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 What's the difference when he's not interested in anything beyond a little cyber/telephone sex on the side? His intent is identical to visiting an interactive porn site. I thought a little ANYTHING "on the side" was what BSs objected to - hence the problem around EAs. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 If my SO did that, I'd be relieved. It would mean his libido was at least equal to mine and I could jump his bones with impunity, not worrying that I was going to wear him out... :p :p So it excites you that he is excited by another? Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 Maybe they're trying for orgasms the Michael Hutchence way? I had to Google him to find out what you meant. Whoa, that's some sick stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 The lonely, desperate voyeurism of modern society is one of the most depressing things around. xox OE. Voyeurism as a means for sexual titillation is not just a thing of today's society it's been prevalent all throughout history. What IS very much a thing of the present is the accesibility towards the different means of voyeurism. While I agree that I would absolutely hate it if my partner was off getting off every night with a different live stranger on the phone or on a cam site, if it happened once or twice I would not consider it cheating, where as if my spouse/partner went off and slept with a hooker I would 100% consider that cheating. Do people not even set perameters anymore? If screwing a hooker is the same as masturbating to the image of a woman on a camera he will NEVER meet then everyone in a commited relationship is sleeping with a cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 I thought a little ANYTHING "on the side" was what BSs objected to - hence the problem around EAs. Could you explain why there's any difference between interactive cyber/telephone porn and going to a dating site and doing the identical thing with someone who isn't getting paid? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 What's the difference when he's not interested in anything beyond a little cyber/telephone sex on the side? Sorry I have no experience in that at all I have never been rejected sexually or traded in for fantasy by a partner, or any man by that matter so I really can't tell you what the difference is. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 Could you explain why there's any difference between interactive cyber/telephone porn and going to a dating site and doing the identical thing with someone who isn't getting paid? I already explained it, one is fantasy the other is with the intent of dating, or at least that is what you are saying when you take out a profile on a dating site. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 Sorry I have no experience in that at all I have never been rejected sexually or traded in for fantasy by a partner, or any man by that matter so I really can't tell you what the difference is. You're avoiding explaining why you feel that there's a difference between interactive porn and a man doing the exact same thing going to a dating site with no plans to ever meet up with the women he interacts with. Does this mean that in either situation, it would be okay for your man do partake of these identical pleasures? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 I already explained it, one is fantasy the other is with the intent of dating, or at least that is what you are saying when you take out a profile on a dating site. I've already defined that with the dating site situation, he has no intent to ever get physical with the women. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 You're avoiding explaining why you feel that there's a difference between interactive porn and a man doing the exact same thing going to a dating site with no plans to ever meet up with the women he interacts with. Does this mean that in either situation, it would be okay for your man do partake of these identical pleasures? I know you posted and didn't give me time to correct I misunderstood what you meant I thought you meant what is the difference if they guy is not longer interested in anything with his partner and only wants cyber or phone porn. I explained it in my previous posts what I think the parameters are. I don't think I need to explain it further, that is my stance. If it's not clear feel free to ask away and I will clarify. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 You're avoiding explaining why you feel that there's a difference between interactive porn and a man doing the exact same thing going to a dating site with no plans to ever meet up with the women he interacts with. Well since you're the Drillmaster here, why don't YOU explain what the difference is? Would you have dumped your xH if you'd caught him viewing online porn vs. having sex with another warm body besides your own? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 I've already defined that with the dating site situation, he has no intent to ever get physical with the women. I don't care WHAT his intent is, a commited person has no place taking out a profile on a dating site period. END OF STORY. That I would consider the intent to cheat. Finding out he talked to some 1-976- chick is not cheating in my books. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 I know you posted and didn't give me time to correct I misunderstood what you meant I thought you meant what is the difference if they guy is not longer interested in anything with his partner and only wants cyber or phone porn. I explained it in my previous posts what I think the parameters are. I don't think I need to explain it further, that is my stance. If it's not clear feel free to ask away and I will clarify. Yes, do clarify. I don't care WHAT his intent is, a commited person has no place taking out a profile on a dating site period. END OF STORY. That I would consider the intent to cheat. Finding out he talked to some 1-976- chick is not cheating in my books. You've still not clarified what the difference is, when the intent is identical. Link to post Share on other sites
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